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    Whispers Cost | Discussion January 14, 2022 03:59 PM

Lost Memories
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Posts: 6317
#2690920
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Hi, I'm bored, so instead of doing something productive like homework, I'm going to give you angsty facts about my characters that are true but are also not spoilers. Enjoy, and please stop me- :)
Also, I'll add more later
Ambrose

It's not uncommon for Ambrose to freak out or have panic attacks when he's traveling and there's a chance of bad weather. He's terrified of loud noises, especially thunder, and it makes it hard for him to travel for long periods of time without guaranteed shelter.

Ambrose loves to perform but he has severe social anxiety, so he avoids any contact with people, including compliments or ordering food, even if it means losing money or food. The only time he's comfortable around people he doesn't know is when he's singing.

Ambrose refuses to kill unless he has to, even if it means risking his life. Typically he gets away with this because his power allows him to have control, but it can still get him into risky situations sometimes.

Ambrose hates all forms of conflict and it isn't uncommon for him to just zone out or physically leave when an argument is going on.

Yelling is a major trigger for Ambrose's anxiety.

Ambrose would do anything for those he loved, simple and straightforward.

Ambrose is very aware of the others around him, maybe not as much as Esta, but close. Still, he's unaware of his own emotion much of the time.

It's common for Ambrose to mix up reality and dreams or even stories. His derealization is consistently getting worse and there are times when he fully believes his mother is still alive or something happened that actually didn't, at the moment it only comes in episodes, especially when his anxiety is heightened, but it will probably become a regular thing eventually.

Ambrose only partially understands sarcasm. Not really an angst fact, but still-

Ambrose's fear of being trapped stimulated from childhood trauma, it's the worst when he physically cannot move.

Karma

Karma often regrets pushing others away, but they don't understand how to communicate their emotions properly and they feel that apologizing would make things worse.

When Kostas died Karma took his jacket, that's why they always have it with them.

One of Karma's biggest PTSD triggers is being touched, so they'll freak out if someone so much as taps their shoulder without warning. Along with this, their main love language is physical touch-

Another major trigger for Karma is swallowing pills, I won't get specific on this, but when they have to take a pill of any sort they kinda flip out.

Karma hates anything but the straightforward truth, no sugar-coating. This is due to the fact that, though a lot of their past, they weren't really lied to, but rather often given half-truths, or the dumbed-down version of things and it cost them the thing they cared most about- Kostas.

Karma's favorite flowers are purple irises because they were Kostas's favorite. They actually still have a dried one that Kostas gave them inside the cover of their journal.

Karma actually kind of admires Illon, but they refuse to say anything because they understand the need for no expectation and Illon probably wouldn't want to hear that anyway-

Karma has no plan for 'getting back to the city,' they wouldn't have anywhere to go, and frankly, they weren't planning on being able to go back anyway.

Agnar

Agnar is actually extremely insecure about how people see him personality-wise. He's constantly worried about disappointing everyone, and if he makes a mistake he'll beat himself up about it even long after everyone else has forgotten.

Agnar's depression is actually rather severe, he's just really good at repressing everything and smiling through the pain.

One of Agnar's biggest fears is letting Eni down or losing them, they're the only family he's ever known and he can't bear the idea of disappointing or losing them.

Agnar is actually kind of similar to Leroy in the fact that he seeks out and helps the underdog. He sees those that are struggling and does all he can to help out because he's been in that position and doesn't want anyone else to be hurt.

Of all my characters, Agnar is the one who's most likely to change sides or betray the group. Not because he dislikes them or has a big change of heart or anything, but because his ideals are extremely important to him and he's stubborn. If he thought that someone was going against something he cared about he'd switch sides for it, though his goal is never to kill. He'd also be likely to switch sides if he started to feel ignored or uncared for, he does all he can to avoid negative feelings, so if he's put in a negative environment he's going to leave if possible.

Although he may sway due to ideals, Agnar isn't disloyal or a traitor. When he makes a decision he takes everything and everyone into account, if worse came to worst he'd still fight for those he cared about. Arguments and physical fights are different. In arguments, it's often that Agni will put ideals first, in a physical fight, family and friends are all that matter.

Agnar's on thin ice mentally, his support is mainly Eni and maybe also Isabella. Just saying, one wrong step and there's more than enough water to drown in.

Agnar genuinely wants everyone to be happy because he knows he can't be himself.

Major people pleaser.

Isabella


Edited at January 14, 2022 10:33 PM by Lost Memories
    Whispers Cost | Discussion January 16, 2022 08:29 PM

Lost Memories
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#2691899
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Enjoy some new hints at Agni's past! :D

Agnar

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

Eh, he doesn't mind it, he's more self-conscious about how people see him personality-wise.

How is your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

Agnar doesn't mind talking to strangers, he's pretty social. A lot of the time he'll kind of work to impress them without even realizing it, and he likes joking around. With friends, Agni can be more laid-back but still fun to be around, talkative, and happy to help out.

Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

Stoic for negative, better at positive... Well, most of the positive are false and forced, but eh

When was the last time they cried?

A while ago... maybe last week?

Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

More extroverted than introverted, but still moderately drained after hanging out with people for so long.

What is their outlook on life like?

It's full of disappointments and failures, but sometimes there are little victories, focus on those until the next comes along.

Do they have a life philosophy?

What, besides, 'fake it 'till you make it'? Not so far, maybe in the future he'll think something up.

What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Chaotic good

Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

Not really a phrase, but he says 'Man,' 'Bro,' and 'Dude' a lot, as slang, not gender.

How do they handle stress?

Repress and progress! Minus the progress part. Yeah. Just repress.

Maybe it should repress and depress!

Where do they like to go to unwind?

Read a book, go somewhere quiet, hang out with some close friend, or sleep.

How adaptable are they to new situations?

Agnar's very adaptable. He would probably be okay if he was thrown in the middle of the ocean somewhere-

When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

Squirrel.

Depends, what was the lie? He dislikes liers like Amel who do things simply for their own benefit but sometimes lying might be okay, if it was to protect or help someone.

Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Occasionally Agnar will make a promise, but he's not running around handing them out. And no, he only makes promises he can keep.

What annoying or bad habits do they have?

He talks way too much and he overworks himself to the point of breaking a lot.

Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

Nah, he'd prefer to know who he's hating on.

What's their sense of humor like?

Stupid jokes and slight flirting.

What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

Being alone is the biggest thing that makes him upset, but a lot of others things negatively affect him too. He hates seeing others hurt.

What gets on their nerves?

People who try to control everything and don't give others a say, Amel, Karma, people who don't understand what humor is, bullies

What things do they like or obsess over?

His abilities and being perfect

What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

Physical: A dog would be great, or a cat!

Abstract: The main thing Agnar wants more than anything is to be loved and cared about for who he is, and for others to be happy with that, and just happiness in general.

When was their first kiss?

Fun story, okay, so there was this guy Agni was friends with in, like, the first grade or something, and the guy was pretty badly bullied. Agnar protected him, obviously, 'cause that's what friends do! Well, the dude started like Agnar as more than a friend, which was completely unexpected on Agni's part, and he just kinda kissed Agnar without warning one day when they were walking home. They cleared it up later and everything was fine, the guy has a partner now, but hey! First kisses, am I right?

How did their first relationship end?

He hasn't had a relationship yet.

Have they ever been in love?

Nope

Have they ever had their heart broken?

Not really, he hasn't had anyone close enough to him to break it

How do they flirt?

Cheesy pick-up lines and gift-giving

How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

Agnar's big on giving gifts, he loves finding or making things and handing them out to friends and family, he'll also start to be more open about emotions with close friends and family, and he'll get more protective.

Do they get jealous?

Yeah, sometimes. Everyone does, but Agnar's not bad about it.

How do they react to rejection?

He'll brush it off, tell the other person it's fine and he's happy if they are, make a few jokes, and then completely break down when he's alone.

How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

He'll let them down as easily as possible and do his best to maintain a friendship with them, or even create one, but if they keep pushing him he'll probably push back and avoid them if possible.

How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

Meh, he acts confident, but he's really not. He worries a lot about expectation and image.

Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

Agni definitely holds grudges, but he's not always open about it. If the other person makes it up to him then he'll happily accept an apology. He kina a 'forgive but don't forget' type of guy.

Do they believe in redemption?

Sometimes, sure.

What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

Different in different places. At school, in foster homes, in boys' homes, and in different friend circles. Agnar moved around a lot as a kid, so he met a lot of different people and never got particularly close with anyone, though he did make temporary friends easily. In schools, he was often seen as the clown, but it was also obvious everywhere he went that he wasn't afraid to stand up to bullies. A lot of people liked him for this. His teachers and foster parents/caretakers usually saw him as loud and a little troublesome but a good student when it came to intellect. With the one or two close friends that Agni did make, he was seen as kind, helpful, and funny.

Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

He thinks on his feet most of the time, but he's quick and usually accurate with it.

Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

Sometimes, but usually only with people like Amel and Karma, who piss him off a lot.

Do they have any nervous ticks?

Not really

What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Hard-working

Negative: Too hard-working

Prominent: Probably also hard-working. Or maybe talkative.

Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

Yeah, he has a few. The one he feels most guilty about is probably having to leave one of the little boys, Lee, behind in the boys' house he stayed in for a while.

What achievement are they most proud of?

Any time he made Eni proud

What is their first memory?

Fire

Their fondest memory?

Playing in the yard of the boys' house with Lee

Their worst memory?

Let's just say that not all the foster homes Agnar went to were too nice...

What smells remind them of the past?

Smoke, lemon soap, the smell of crayons, and old book smells

What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

One foster home Agnar was in the woods, and there was this really, really tall tree in the front. One day, Agni climbed all the way to the top just as the sun was setting and he swore he could see the whole forest as it glowed in the setting sunlight.

What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Physically: Squirrels (jk, lmao), in reality, probably needles.

Abstract: Losing people he loves... especially Eni

What are their goals or ambitions?

Make the others proud

Do they have a fatal weakness?

Pushing himself too far

How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

To praise, Agnar reacts with pride and gratefulness, to criticism and judgments? I can promise that Agnar is far harder on himself than anyone else ever could be.

Are they competitive? How so?

In a sense, yes. Agni doesn't like to lose, but he's also happy to learn from those who are better than him. He's healthily competitive.

Has anyone ever saved their life?

Esta has once or twice, from physical wounds and such. Not much though.

What things are they very opinionated about?

A lot of things, too many. The main are probably equality and basic human rights, though.

How do they respond to threats and conflict?

Calmly and quickly, Agnar assesses the situation as quickly as possible to figure out a good solution, he keeps a clear head in bad situations and collapses and panics when the adrenaline dies down.

Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

He's skeptical of strangers, but not necessarily mistrusting, he keeps his space until he figures them out and decides where to go from there. With close friends, most definitely. He knows that he would do anything for them and hopes that they'd be willing to help when he needs it in return.

How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

Agnar is skilled with many weapons, though a bow and arrow are his weapons of choice. Second in line, he like knives, particularly throwing knives. He's less skilled in hand-to-hand combat, but he could hold his own for a while if necessary.

Do they have any special skills or training?

Nope, all self-taught.

What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Anyone he cares about, and many things he cares about.

How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

He treats everyone with the respect they deserve, for example, he treats Amel with very little respect because he sees him as a stuck up bitch who rules with fear, he treats Isabella and Eni with extreme respect because they obviously know what they're talking about and care about other people, and he treats people like Illon and Esta with respect because they obviously look down on themselves despite being careing and trustworthy in general. He doesn't rank people by how they look or how others see them on the social scale, he judges them based on how they act.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Probably his depression

Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

Agnar has no biological family, but he considers Eni his parent. Their relationship is mostly stable... for now, and Agnar adores and looks up to Eni a lot.

How do they treat their friends?

With respect, he's always willing to help out a friend in need and listen to them when they need it. He likes joking around with them while also being protective of them.

Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

No nemesis, and really no enemies. Him and Karma do have a consistent rivalry though.

What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

Agni gets along with pretty much anyone, though he tends to avoid people who bring the mood down and make him or his friends upset.

What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Not the worst childhood, not the best. He bounced around foster homes constantly and never really felt a family bond. A lot of his friends were fake to, so, ya' know.

What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

To someone he loved? Left. To an enemy? Killed.

What's their personal moral code?

Treat everyone with respect until they prove they don't deserve it, always stick yourself, and always help those in need.

Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

Yep, he's been bullied. Never too badly though, he was usually the one helping the people that were being bullied.

If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

Maybe leaving Lee, or maybe he'd even go far enough back to stop the fire... Who knows.

What would they ask a fortune-teller?

"Will I ever be good enough for the others, and is everyone happy as they are?"

What advice would they give their younger self?

"Life's shit, but you have to keep going. You'll meet people that care, and that makes everything worth it, just keep your head up, stay strong, and keep going. You still need to find that family of yours, even if it's not what you expect."

What do they love to hate?

Homophodia, transphobia, racism, sexism, a bunch of other stuff that I'm not going to name. Basically anything that deems people unequal.

Where do they go when they’re angry?

Somewhere alone and quiet or with a friend or two. If he finds them, with his significant others.

What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

Never had a job

What are some of their past jobs?

Still never had a job

Do they have a talent?

Yep, lots of it. With weapons, on his feet, and with inellect.

What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

Agnar is actually quite far above average intelligence, most people just don't realize it because they only ever see him joking around and he never stayed in one place long enough to actually test this.

What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

Anywhere where everyone gets along and is happy.

What possessions do they use daily?

Just the normal hygein stuff, really.

What possessions do they value?

He doesn't really have anything of sentimental value at the moment, maybe his bow.

Do they believe in the afterlife?

Not really, he's not sure what to think. Everything sounds too much like a movie to him.

What are their religious views?

He's not religious

How would they like to die?

Quick if possible, if not, anyway that involved saving those he loves.

What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Zodiac: Aries (April 16th)

Enneagram: Three (Performer/Achiever)

What are their eating habits?

Normal, and mostly healthy.

What's their living space like?

It varies depending on where he is at the moment, but he always likes organization and color.

Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

Yes! He's careful around people, but he's always down for a dance party!

Ale or wine (or water)?

If he had to chose, ale, but only on special occasion. Usually water, alcohol can mess with your head.


Edited at January 17, 2022 03:23 PM by Lost Memories
    Whispers Cost | Discussion January 17, 2022 04:27 PM

Lost Memories
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Posts: 6317
#2692383
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Karma

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

They like to stay covered up, but only because of their scars. If it weren't for their scars, Karma wouldn't care about anything really, they don't like or dislike their body.

How is your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

Karma tends to scare people away, if they try to get close to them or talk to them, Karma will typically snap at them. They tend to put up a wall so no one can get close. With people that do, somehow (Usually through a lot of patience), manage to get close to Karma, they're still awkward, but they're more willing to open up and talk about things they care about.

Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

Most people would say that Karma is very emotional, but that's not actually true. Karma is very good at hiding their true emotions behind a wall of anger. They lash out, but they don't ever show weakness or even happiness. Too much open emotion can just get you hurt.

When was the last time they cried?

A long time ago probably... They're too numb to cry most of the time, and usually, when they do, it's because Ambrose's power has affected them.

Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

Introverted, very introverted.

What is their outlook on life like?

It sucks. People walk all over you, they hate you, and the few that do like you die. It's shit, and, in general, not worth it.

Do they have a life philosophy?

Nope, not really, they don't care enough to make up something sentimental or shit.

What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Chaotic Neutral

Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

"Fuck off," is probably the most common-

How do they handle stress?

They don't really know what it's like to live without stress, so at this point, it just doesn't really affect them anymore.

Where do they like to go to unwind?

Unwind? Not possible.

They like quiet places though, out in nature alone.

How adaptable are they to new situations?

Eh, always expect the unexpected, right? And if someone or something kills you, who cares!

When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

They don't really lie... They're just very blunt. If someone asks a question, they're going to tell the truth, even if it hurts. They kind of wish others would do the same, but they don't expect them to.

Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Yes and no. They've only ever made one promise. Never broken one. Not worth it.

What annoying or bad habits do they have?

They fidget... A lot. All the time.

Also just snapping at people who try to talk to them.

Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

No, they just kinda hate everyone until they prove them wrong.

What's their sense of humor like?

...No...humor...

Too sad.

What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

The past. Literally everything about the past.

What gets on their nerves?

Loud people, sugar-coating, and being repressed are the main things.

What things do they like or obsess over?

Their jacket.

What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

Physically, Karma is always happy to get some more journals or books, and abstract, probably just Kostas. They want Kostas back

When was their first kiss?

They haven't had it yet.

How did their first relationship end?

Again, haven't had it yet.

Have they ever been in love?

Yes... it's complicated

Have they ever had their heart broken?

Yep

How do they flirt?

They don't

How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

If you manage to gain Karma's trust and affection, they show it by being protective and open. They'll talk to you and give you a part of themself to you that they will not show otherwise.

Do they get jealous?

No, but they might get angry if they see someone hitting on the person or people that they're already in a relationship

How do they react to rejection?

Meh. They're too used to it to even react at this point.

How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

No one has before, so they probably would just kinda nod along and then start acting out to get the other person away

How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

Zero confidence, but you wouldn't know it

Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

Karma definitely holds grudges. If you hurt them it's gonna take a lot for them to ever trust you again.

Do they believe in redemption?

Not really

What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

Their reputation is that they're a bitch who doesn't know how to keep their mouth shut for most people. For people like Esta, they're probably just seen as mentally unstable, and for people who actually know them, like Kostas, they're probably seen as trustworthy, anxious, distrusting, protective, and altogether just in pain.

Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

They just go with whatever comes up. More chance of something going wrong that way, sure, but they don't have the energy to plan.

Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

Yep. They are very impulsive with what they say and do.

Do they have any nervous ticks?

Karma starts to fidget more than normal when they're anxious

What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Protective and passionate

Negative: Mitrusting

Prominent: Rude

Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

Yes, the main is letting Kostas die.

What achievement are they most proud of?

None, as far as they're concerned they've never done anything noteworthy or good.

What is their first memory?

No comment

Their fondest memory?

Walking by the creek and talking with Kostas

Their worst memory?

Again, no comment

What smells remind them of the past?

Blood, smoke, alcohol, dust, sweat, gunpowder, and books

What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

Kostas

What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Physical: Any sort of physical contact and pills

Abstract: Losing someone they care about

What are their goals or ambitions?

They don't have any. They didn't expect to live this long anyway

Do they have a fatal weakness?

That they just don't care what happens to them

How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

For praise, Karma just believes it to be a lie. For the other two, Karma may get defensive, but they don't really care. There's no point in caring if it just gets you hurt.

Are they competitive? How so?

Nope. No point-

Has anyone ever saved their life?

Yes, Kostas. Multiple times.

What things are they very opinionated about?

Anything regarding nature, mental health, and abuse

How do they respond to threats and conflict?

'Come and get me'

Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

No, they don't trust anyone. They've only ever trusted one person. He's dead.

How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

Their power mainly, they also have some knife skills, and they know how to use a gun, but they hate guns, soooo

Do they have any special skills or training?

Not really

What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Anything. Literally anything. For... other reasons than caring.

How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

All the same, blunt, straight-forward, and mostly emotionless

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Losing Kostas? Does that even count?

Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

Yes, they have a family. We won't talk about them though. Not yet :)

How do they treat their friends?

If you've managed to become their close friend, they'll protect you with everything and open up to you.

Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

Their parents? Talking.

What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

No one.

Literally everyone.

What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Bad. Very bad. Very, very bad.

They've become depressed, anxious, and lonely.

What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

Let them die.

Killed them.

What's their personal moral code?

They don't have one. Fuck morals.

Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

Yes, they were bullied. It just made things worse.

If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

Kostas dying.

What would they ask a fortune-teller?

"When the fuck do I get to die?"

What advice would they give their younger self?

"Stop Kos from dying, or die before you meet him. The rest isn't worth it."

What do they love to hate?

Anyone too loud, alcohol, smoking, abuse, guns, and anything that goes against them.

Where do they go when they’re angry?

Lash out or hide.

What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

They don't have a job

What are some of their past jobs?

They've never had a job

Do they have a talent?

They don't think so

What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

They were only in school for short periods of time because of issues at home, but they're actually of average intelligence, maybe even a little above.

What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

Someplace where pain wasn't present and they could just be in peace with Kostas. Somewhere with lots of nature and animals and they might even have a good family, somewhere they could just be themself and be open, where they wouldn't have to worry about who they could or couldn't trust and they could just be free.

What possessions do they value?

Their jacket

Do they believe in the afterlife?

They want to. They really, really do. They want to believe that they're going to meet Kostas again in some magical place where everything is perfect and peaceful and quiet.

What are their religious views?

Well, they don't really have a specific religion, they have a mix of a few ideals, but it's more philosophy than a religion.

How would they like to die?

Any way. It would be nice if it was quick though. The only thing they ask is that it's not done with a gun.

What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Zodiac: Libra (September 25th)

Enneagram: Probably a five? (Investigator/Thinker)

What are their eating habits?

They often forget to eat because of their ADHD, and sometimes they just chose not to eat, but other than that they're okay.

What's their living space like?

Cluttered and dark, scary.

Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

No.

Ale or wine (or water)?

Water. No alcohol. Ever. Not for them and not around them. Just water.

    Whispers Cost | Discussion January 18, 2022 09:40 AM

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This will be my angst block eventually now

Illon

Illon has absolutely no social skills. Like, take your character that has the least amount of social skills and then times that by infinity and then you finally have a fraction of how little social skills Illon has. They have none. They have negative social skills.


Illon is inclined to self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviors whenever they believe that nothing they do will matter in the end for them. Which is always. What’s the worst that could happen?


When it comes to triggers? Illon has many. Partly because they were already screwed in so many different ways, even before the torture and all, but also because of, well… The torture.


One such trigger that doesn’t have anything to do with the torture is uh- Sudden or abrupt change! Also expectations. Those two can go hand in hand in the most dangerous of ways with them.


Insecurity must be Illon’s middle name, what with how much of it they have! You couldn’t convince this person that you aren’t going to leave as soon as they let their guard down if you tried.


Illon sometimes gets little urges to do extremely self-destructive and/or self-sabotaging things that they refuse to tell anyone about. Such as an urge to smash their head in there, or rip out hair here, or stab themselves here, or shoot themself there, or starve there, or binge here, or- You get the point. Usually though, Illon can remember that, oh yeah! There’s people nearby that would probably not want to see all that! Plus Esta!


Illon is basically always one step away from throwing themselves into a giant volcano that is self-loathing and death. Consequences don’t really matter if you're dead.


Illon can’t stand being alone, it makes them more likely to spiral into a never ending cycle of pain and self-hate and anxiety. Just being alone triggers more of their panic attacks than anything else. Other than change, that is. Being alone in the face of change? Even worse.


While most of the group at least knows that Illon’s mental state is exactly pretty- Just how disfigured it is is something that Illon tries to keep to themself. No reason to ruin things by having a worthless mind that won’t listen, you know?

Amel

Eni

Salen

Blair

    Whispers Cost | Discussion January 18, 2022 07:05 PM

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And finally- Here is our (probably deranged) inventor

|~| Illon |~|

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

Even before the torture Illon hated how they looked- Which was honestly terrible because of how little they ate and uh, everything. Now that everything’s happened though? They feel even worse about it, so… Not exactly a good thing.


How does your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

Very silent and awkward and uncomfortable around strangers, or very rambling and awkward and uncomfortable. Either one. With friends? Slightly less of either of those, more normal- Not by much though, that’s for sure.


Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

See, this is a hard one- Anyone else would say that Illon is good at expressing their emotions but they know better! They have to show some emotion so that everyone thinks this, but letting people see everything is not in their top priorities or wishes. So uh, they’re stoic at a certain point.


When was the last time they cried?

Very recently, unfortunately. Illon tries not to cry too much, since it’s almost always loud and annoying but uh… They sort of fail a lot.


Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

On both sides of the scale, at the same time, all the time. They’re an extrovert that sort of got the social skills of an introvert so introverted they probably don’t even count as an introvert anymore either, plus self-esteem and literally everything to match. Basically.


What is their outlook on life like?

Illon isn’t even sure at this point, it’s all just a big mess- Like their living place in the city.


Do they have a life philosophy?

Not really- They’re just kind of vibing along to some terrible music about how worthless they are while throwing themself to danger like a moth to flame. Try, and if you don’t succeed, try again? That would probably work for one. Or, don’t be annoying because everyone hates annoying.


What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Chaotic Good. Very chaotic good. There is no stopping them.


Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

In the past, when they were nervous they had a really bad habit of saying things randomly and repeatedly. Nowadays, not so much. They don’t really have any catchphrases either.


How do they handle stress?

Terribly. They shut down and give up and lose focus and everything sucks for everyone.


Where do they like to go to unwind?

Just somewhere quiet and not too stimulating, in all honesty. Preferably with someone they’re comfortable with- If only because being alone usually isn’t a good idea. Especially when they’re trying to unwind.


How adaptable are they to new situations?

Haha. Nope. Not unless it's one that has an obvious routine in it for them. Otherwise good luck seeing them adapt fast, if at all.


When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

Illon tells lies all the time, without even meaning too sometimes. It’s bad. As for their opinion on liars? They don’t mind lying too much, as long as it’s for a good reason.


Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Nowadays they only make promises with Salen, so that they can make sure to keep them. But also sometimes Esta, because it’s Esta. Illon has definitely broken quite a few of their share of promises. Unfortunately.


What annoying or bad habits do they have?

Rambling, stopping sentences randomly, and literally all of their self-destructive/sabotaging habits that tend to show up way more than they should.


Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

I mean- Vipers? Those guys suck, usually. As in all of them. Illon can’t stand the sight of the tattoo either. Oh, but also themself- They’re definitely prejudiced against themself.


What's their sense of humor like?

They don’t have one? Kind of? Probably a bit more morbid than it should be, considering.


What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

Everything? Or at least a lot of things. It’s easy for Illon to get caught up in that emotion, along with stress, anxiety, and self-loathing.


What gets on their nerves?

If you mean what makes them upset then uh- Not much, actually. Just a few things that don’t even always make them mad, only sometimes. But their flaws always work, yeah.


What things do they like or obsess over?

Illon can obsess over literally anything, but they do like a few things. Like inventing, engineering- just making and building things in general, to be honest.


What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

Physical? For someone to stay. Abstract? To be proven wrong, to have no expectations, etc.


When was their first kiss?

Ah, within one memory that they’d rather forget.


How did their first relationship end?

They’ve never been in a relationship. So technically it’s never ended nor started. Though perhaps it had started, right as it ended.


Have they ever been in love?

But what is love? For Illon refuses to admit to anything that makes things worse than they already are for them.


Have they ever had their heart broken?

Unfortunately, yes.


How do they flirt?

You really think Illon flirts? At all? Ha! Illon doesn’t have any redeeming qualities that could possibly help with flirting. So they just don’t flirt.


How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

Giving gifts, helping out however they can, just trying to be there for them- That’s how Illon shows that they care about someone. Subtly, in order not to make them uncomfortable and awkward and all.


Do they get jealous?

Yes and no, so- Kind of. They get the disappointed kind of jealousy, where they know that they don’t really deserve to be jealous in the first place.


How do they react to rejection?

They don’t react well? Obviously? This is a given?


How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

Awkwardly, confused, doubtful, and very much ‘please leave me alone’ energy.


How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

Haha- No. Their confidence is blown to bits by now.


Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

They’re forgiving, to everyone but themself. Which kind of sucks for, you know, them.


Do they believe in redemption?

Yeah, they’d like to believe that everyone can change for the better. Except for themself, of course.


What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

They have no idea what their reputation is like anywhere. So they don’t know. Honestly, why did you expect them to know?


Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

On their feet! Who needs to wants a plan of all things?


Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

Oh most definitely, Illon is very impulsive in a lot of terrible ways. Mostly ones that only hurt them.


Do they have any nervous ticks?

At what point in time? But yes. They used to be actual tics that just got worse under stress and nerves. Nowadays? Those still show up sometimes, but it’s not as often and they aren’t ever as bad. But they still have other things that technically count, like any of their self-destructive behaviors.


What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Intelligence.

Negative: Self-Destructive/Self-Sabotaging.

Prominent: Their social skills.


Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

So many regrets, so many guilts. Picking one they feel most guilty about is way harder than it should. There’s so much to choose from! Their first shut down? Giving Ben reason to leave? Letting people down over and over again? There’s a lot more than that too, but- Maybe one of those.


What achievement are they most proud of?

Somehow being able to drive everyone they’ve ever trusted out of their life? Somehow still be alive after everything? In the bitterly, self-loathing kind of proud. Obviously.


What is their first memory?

Their mother and father splitting up. Great start to life, you know?


Their fondest memory?

When they went and saw a musical with Ben. They don’t remember what musical it was anymore, but it was great.


Their worst memory?

Surprisingly, not the time of torture. Don’t get them wrong, that time is closely second but… The day Ben left. The day… Wow, didn’t have to go and shoot Illon’s heart into ten bajillion tiny pieces. You know? But yeah, the torture basically ties with it.


What smells remind them of the past?

Blood, smoke, fire, electricity, vomit, books, sweat, rust, gunpowder, flesh.


What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

Uhhh. That one musical that they saw with Ben! Whatever it was! It was hilarious and so well put together!


What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Physical? Being alone, you know? Being alone is just- It’s terrible. Abstract? Sudden change. Change in general. Change is scary. Change isn’t secure. Change is very, very insecure and unsafe.


What are their goals or ambitions?

Ha, no? Illon honestly doesn’t have any, they don’t see why they need any. Goals and ambitions only set them up for failure.


Do they have a fatal weakness?

Multiple. Like how little social skills they have, their anxiety, their self-destructive/self-sabotaging behaviors, their lack of care for their own well-being, and the likes.


How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

Terribly. To all of that. They take criticism to heart no matter how it’s meant and what kind it is, and praise is doubted and pushed away and expectations and twists their heart even worse than criticism, and then with any other kind of judgment? Some weird mix between the two.


Are they competitive? How so?

Uh- Kind of? In the way that someone’s competitive with themself about how not competitive they are. Like, in rejecting competition completely.


Has anyone ever saved their life?

Before or after the mission? Before or after Ben left? Before or after their first ever shut down? Regardless, the answer is always yes.


What things are they very opinionated about?

Absolutely nothing. They’re a bit too much of an all over the place personality to truly have strong opinions on much. Maybe how much they suck, which is a lot in their opinion.


How do they respond to threats and conflict?

Either with self-destructive/sabotaging behaviors or with panic/anxiety. Or both.


Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

Ha, no and no. Everyone they have trusted has eventually left. Except for Esta! Esta’s great. But they don’t really expect that friendship to last, and they also don’t expect an invitation to her wedding eventually.


How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

Uhh, they usually don’t use a singular weapon? They can use the environment fine, thank you. But uh, explosives are nice.


Do they have any special skills or training?

Not really? Technically? Except for, maybe, inventing? Or being annoying?


What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Literally anything. Someone could tell them that saving puppies is a good thing to die for and that they need to do so because a bad organization is experimenting on said puppies. Yeah, life laid down easily. Replace puppies with like, a singular goldfish snack and it still works. To be honest, they’ll risk their life for literally no reason too.


How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

With absolutely no understanding of how such roles work, they’re obviously at the bottom though, and uh- Yeah.


If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Awww, they can’t just change everything? Darn. Uh. Probably how annoying they are. Most people, not Esta she too pure, tend to find them annoying. So whatever causes them to be annoying. Yeah. Because whatever it is causes people to leave, and Illon is sick of people leaving.


Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

Ah, yes, they have very differing relationships with their parents. When it comes to their mom? Their a bit more distant, a bit more apologetic, a bit softer, a bit more quiet, a bit more shameful. With their dad? Still quiet, still shameful… But a bit more comfortable, open. All in all though? Illon loves their parents and would hate to see either of them hurt.


How do they treat their friends?

Illon is clingy. There’s no other way to put it. They have to know that their friends aren’t going to leave immediately and even when said friends try to convince them that they won’t- Illon doesn’t believe them! But Illon treats them like they’re the whole world. Plus some light teasing and rambling, depending on how comfortable they are.


Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

No nemesis, at least- Illon doesn’t think so. In the past? By either existing, existing and joining with certain people, or a mix of both of those plus unlikely timing.


What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

Naturally? Anyone who doesn’t immediately find them annoying. As for unlikely allies? Literally everyone but Esta. Esta’s too pure for this world. The two are besties, maybe. Kind of. Esta’s still better than Illon could ever be but, you know- Even great heroes tend to have subpar sidekicks at best and completely incompetent sidekicks at worse. So- Illon can fit the bill. Totally. Maybe. Hopefully. Maybe they’re worse than the incompetent sidekicks though? So… They don’t know.


What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Haha, nope, you don’t get thissss. As for the sweet, sweet personality information? Absolutely no social skills, whatsoever. Like, throw them out the window bad. Like, set them on fire and then throw them out into space bad. Like, bury underground and with a bomb only to explode them to the Earth’s core, then out and to the moon and sun and venus and pluto, and back bad. Their social skills are completely obliterated. There is no hope for those. At all. Same for their self-esteem, openness to change, adaptability, and any chance they had at not being alone forever!


What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

Loved one? Shut down for way too long. An enemy though? Technically, they tie Agnar for highest kill count. But also technically not giving the enemy the information they want is bad too.


What's their personal moral code?

Don’t annoy anyone willing to get close? Don’t talk more than necessary? That’s a hard one, sometimes, Illon’s a rambler. Don’t betray anyone you trust? Should be a given, in all honesty.


Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

Haha… Yeah… They’ve gotten bullied before. It certainly didn’t help anything.


If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

Illon’s pretty sure that there aren’t any events that they could alter… Maybe do a bit better job at making sure that what they’re doing will actually kill them. With any of the times they’ve almost died at their own hands.


What would they ask a fortune-teller?

So… Uh… Is fortune telling real? No, wait- Is this a one question thing, where I can only ask one thing? If so, don’t count either of those! I have a different question- Uh- Is anyone going to be affected when I inevitably die somehow?


What advice would they give their younger self?

Uhhh… I’m the worst person to be giving you advice, tiny me. So uh… Just do you? I guess? Things are going to suck for a bit in life, then they get better, and then you move out. It’ll be kind of steady for a bit then… And then it’ll get great, before crashing all the way down on you. And then you’ll be stuck in a rut for the rest of your life. So enjoy this good part while you can. Yeah. That’s about all I got. You got this.


What do they love to hate?

Absolutely nothing. Illon hates nothing too. Yeah. Totally.


Where do they go when they’re angry?

Illon doesn’t get angry very easily, in fact- They’re more likely to get into a fit of self-loathing than get angry at someone. If they do manage to get angry though? Somewhere alone, and dark. That usually deters people from them, at least.


What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

They don’t really have a job at the moment, though they’re technically still an inventor.


What are some of their past jobs?

Inventor, engineer, the likes.


Do they have a talent?

Being annoying? Getting into danger? Almost dying? Being a burden to everyone around them? Failing everyone? Maybe inventing… Though their golden days for that have definitely passed.


What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

Haha… Their education background is a mess, and honestly one cause of some of the problems they have. But yeah, whether they’d like to admit it or not… Academically? They’re intelligence is far above average. There’s a reason they’re the ‘Prodigy of Luxor’. Much to their discomfort.


What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

One where absolutely nothing ever changes and everyday is just a routine that’s rinsed and repeated. One that’s secure and easy and safe. They also know though, that they wouldn’t be able to live happily in it for long. Screw their contradictory self.


What possessions do they use daily?

Most definitely their mask! But other than that? Clothing, usually some of their stuff for inventing and tinkering and all.


What possessions do they value?

Their mask, and uh… Yeah, that’s about it.


Do they believe in the afterlife?

They don’t know. In some ways, they hope there isn’t one.


What are their religious views?

Illon doesn’t really follow a religion, doesn’t see the point in that.


How would they like to die?

Honestly? At this point, Illon doesn’t really care how they die. As long as they die, it doesn’t matter, right?… They’d prefer without blood, if only for whoever finds them’s sake.


What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Zodiac: Cancer-Leo Cusp.

Enneagram: 6 (The Loyalist/Guardian).


What are their eating habits?

Well, now? Better than they used to be! Still not good though. Yeah, still not good one bit. Instead of going weeks without eating for fear of social interaction(basically), Illon is now eating depending on how painful it is and if people are within sight.


What's their living space like?

A gigantic mess. There’s half finished projects strewn about everywhere, a few different appliances still need fixing, some lights still don’t work, and there’s a whole other list of things to change and fix and replace and restock. There’s also a ton of dust everywhere, and the walls and floors have some charred places.


Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

No, not really. Way too many people and all.


Ale or wine (or water)?

Ha. Water. With everything they actually know about themself, yeah… Water’s probably for the better.

    Whispers Cost | Discussion January 19, 2022 10:54 PM

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Prompt: Write how your character would react to their best friend (within the group) dying.
Side note: I'm considering the girls a relationship rather than close friends and Agnar and Eni as parent and child because they are and it makes things easier-
Have fun seeing a new side of Esta :D

Esta- Best friend: Illon

Panic, anger, and guilt

Esta made her way back to her tent after having conversed with Isabella and Salen for most of the evening, of course, she stopped by Illon's first. She always had to make sure her bestie was alright!

"Hey, El! I was just coming to-" The healer's voice trailed off as she stepped into the tent, realizing with horror that there was blood... everywhere. "Illon?"

Her voice was more of a squeak now and she stepped in further, seeing very clearly now that the inventor was indeed in the source of the crimson liquid.

Normally in a bad situation with a patient, Esta kept a level head, she figured things out, but now was different. It was obvious to her that the amount of blood coating the tent floor was a fatal amount to lose, and it was her best friends.

"No. Nonononononononono..." Rushing forward, Esta immediately placed her hand on her friend's neck, pulling down their blood-soaked mask as she did so. She found no pulse, and when she attempted to use her power she found nothing but a cold wall. Realizing there was nothing more to be done, the red-headed girl found herself screaming as loudly as she could, tears running furiously down her cheeks as she laid her forehead against their chest and held onto them as though that would make things better.

Esta wasn't how long it was before she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, trying to pull her away from Illon, but she reacted immediately with a kind of anger that was very unexpected from the normally gentle, compassionate healer. She shoved the person away and swung around, eyes dark with grief and rage.

"Star, love, you need to calm down." Bella's voice was soft and sad, but Esta had no tolerance at the moment.

"You can NOT tell me to CALM DOWN! They're fucking dead! Illon's dead! Someone fucking killed them, so don't you dare try to tell me to calm down, you bastard!"

Isabella stumbled back, caught by surprise as her girlfriend, covered in blood with wild eyes, stood and glared her down. The others, who had all come to see what the commotion was about (save for Karma and Eni who were out for some reason or another) also reacted in various ways of surprise. Even Amel looked slightly shocked for a moment.

"Who did it?" Esta's voice changed from unnaturally loud to unnaturally quiet.

"What?" Salen asked softly, tone worried and compassionate with a hint of fear.

"Who did it? Who killed them?"

Amel sighed rather dramatically and rolled his eyes stepping forward. "Yeah, yeah, Illon was great and we all mourn their loss, or whatever, but really, this was just a matter of time. They were going to kill themself at one point or another."

The rage in Esta's eyes flared and both Agnar and Isabella opened their mouths to protest, anger sparking in their eyes as well.

"I'm sorry, say that again?"

Esta's tone shut the other two up, it was almost sweet, and yet it sounded extraordinarily deadly.

"I'm sorry, Esta, but it's true. Illon didn't have any use to us anyway, unfortunately, so it shouldn't matter all that much. We can keep going."

The healer stepped forward so that she was looking Amel directly in the eyes, hands clenched tightly at her sides, still dripping with Illon's blood.

"If I hear another word from you talking bad about my best friend, you can bet your stupid, goddamn ass that none of my food will be safe for your consumption, and I won't raise a finger to help your pitiful little face ever again. Illon deserved more than you ever did, I chose to believe you made a mistake, but it's obvious that you are, in fact, simply a huge bitch."

Amel clenched his jaw and fists, looking red and angry, but he said nothing. If it were any other circumstance, Agnar and Isabella both would have burst out laughing, but now they too stood completely silent and watched Esta with a worried and mildly anxious gaze.

"If I ever find out who did this, I'll kill them." The healer stated softly, and then her lip began to quiver and she sank to the ground once again, shaking with grief. "I should have been here. I should have stopped it." She whimpered, looking much more like a sad version of herself now. "I'm sorry!"

Isabella and Salen both hurried forward, wrapping their arms around her and holding her as she cried. There were no words to comfort something like this, the only thing that might heal it was time. Over Esta's shoulders, Bella glared down Amel who rolled his eyes and marched away, snapping at Ambrose to do something as he walked past, which caused the traveler to wince and hurry away with another empathetic look towards Esta and her girlfriends.

After a long moment, Agnar, too, walked away, eyes on the ground, leaving the three girls alone.

---

Agnar- Best friend: Isabella

Denial, more denial, and depression

Agnar slipped stealthily through the shadows, jumping from place to place until he spotted the figure he was searching for. Isabella was leaning against a tree near the training spot she and Agni had agreed upon. She looked slumped over, and Agnar assumed she must be reading something.

Grinning, he lept out of his spot in the bushes and waved. "Didn't hear me that time, did you? I'm getting better!" He waited for Bella's normal sarcastic response and frowned when it never came. "You good, Bella? Something happening?"

He approached his friend and trainer cautiously, surly this was just a training exercise, right? A prank?

"Haha, nice one, Bell! You got me! You can get up now!" Still nothing. A feeling of anxiety started rising in Agnar's gut and he took another step forward, knelt, and shook Isabella's shoulder. "Hey, prank's over! You can get up now! Let's train! Please?" And then he saw the blood. There wasn't much, at least, not visible, but Agnar knew what an arrow wound looked like, and this was it. "Oh, shit! Okay, hey, it's gonna be fine! It'll be okay, I'll get you to Esta. Yeah, let's go to Esta!"

Agni threw Isabella's arm over his shoulder, and, with a lot of effort and struggling, he stood and started to half-drag, half-carry the second in command back to camp. The whole way he kept rambling, telling his friend, and himself, that everything was fine, it was all going to be okay.

When he reached the entrance of camp, Eni spotted him immediately.

"Esta!" They called, hurrying over to aid their son. "Agni, you need to put her down, here." They carefully pulled Isabella away from Agnar and lay her gently on the ground where Esta knelt and shook her head desperately, starting to sob. Salen was there too, also crying with her arms around Star's shoulders.

Agnar simply watched in confusion. "Why isn't Esta doing anything, what's going on? Eni, that's not right." He stated, voice quavering slightly.

"Agni, she's dead," Eni said, voice soft and gentle as they tried to consul their son, hugging him close. "No one can do anything anymore, I'm so sorry."

"No, she's not!" Agnar protested, pushing away from his parent as tears filled his eyes. "She's fine! She's okay! She's going to get up, she's alive and she's going to get up soon!"

"Agni..."

"No, it's Isabella! Isabella doesn't die! She has to show me how to get better, she has to be awesome and help lead! She can't be dead!"

"Agni, please-"

"She's not dead, Eni! I can't believe that! She can't be gone!"

"Agnar! Please, you have to accept the truth, you can't bring her back. It's not your fault."

Agnar stared at Eni for a long time and then swayed slightly, tears rising in his eyes. "But I need her. I still need her, Eni." He stated, his voice soft and shaky. "She's part of my family. I can't lose my family. Not again. Please."

Eni stepped forward and engulfed their son in a hug with their wings and arms surrounding him. "I'm sorry." They whispered, attempting to hold back their own tears.

The young ranger collapsed into their parent's arms, clinging to them and sobbing. The same question on repeat in his head; why?

    Whispers Cost | Discussion February 2, 2022 09:43 PM

Lost Memories
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Ambrose- Best Friend: Salen

Panic, derealization, and partial acceptance

"Where'd Salen go? She's usually back in time for dinner." Isabella said, looking up from where she was helping Esta with her tent again. Eni was making food, Agnar was (kind of) helping, and Karma, Illon, and Amel had retired to their tents. Ambrose sat next to the fire, watching Eni work, smiling slightly when Eni swatted at Agnar's hand to keep him from throwing another handful of sticks into the fire.

"I can go look for her." The traveler offered softly, switching his gaze to Isabella and Esta.

"That'd be great." Isa agreed, biting the inside of her cheek as she worked with a stubborn stake. "Thanks."

"No problem."

Ambrose stood, carefully setting his guitar to the side, and walked into the woods where he knew Salen had disappeared. It took about fifteen minutes for the traveler to reach a small clearing in the middle of the woods, he paused, eyebrows pulling together. There was a figure in this clearing, laying on the grass, and, it was obvious to Ambrose immediately that this figure was his friend, even from afar. It was odd, though, this wasn't... normal. Something felt off.

"Salen? Dinner's ready, if you'd like to come back now?"

When he got no response, Ambrose walked over and knelt, tapping Salen's shoulder. She must be asleep, he thought, it was a nice day.

"Salen?" Still getting no response, Ambrose carefully reached over and turned Salen on her back, his breath speeding up when he saw that her neck was slit and bleeding, her eyes blank and unseeing. "Oh god."

Ambrose's immediate response was panic, his friend was dead and someone had to have killed her. When she was alone. In these woods. "Oh god, oh god!" Frantically, Ambrose grabbed Salen's shoulders and pulled his body towards him, eyes flickering around the clearing, half expecting someone to jump out.

He didn't cry, he couldn't, he could only feel the nagging fear and disbelief in his gut. This wasn't right. Salen shouldn't be dead. She wasn't supposed to die.

It took another five minutes for Ambrose to get his bearings, gently pulling Salen's eyes shut and picking up her body, holding her close and stumbling, half-blind, back to camp. There were several times when he almost fell, but never once did he come even close to dropping Salen's limp body. Even after death, she was his first priority.

Back at camp, Ambrose sank to his knees, carefully setting Salen on the ground. His heart was pounding, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. He was only partially aware of Isabella screaming and Esta sobbing as the rest of the group gathered around Salen's body, and he only half recognized that Isabella grabbed his shoulders, shaking him and demanding to know what happened. The traveler just shook his head helplessly, unable to even speak, until someone, probably Eni, gently pulled Isabella off.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before he managed to get to his feet and stumble dumbly to his tent. He could hear, even after what he was sure were hours, the sounds of sobbing and softly spoken words of condolence, yet, there were none for him.

Alone, Ambrose pulled his knees to his chest and finally cried.

---

Ambrose woke in a sort of daze, he had a headache and his throat was stinging. He blinked and sat up, confusion clouding his mind. He wasn't sure why he felt like this, though there was a weight of grief on his chest, probably a nightmare, he thought. He had those often, so it made sense.

Stretching, the traveler stood and walked out into the early-morning air. The majority of camp was still quiet, though Agnar was awake, probably having taken guard duty last night, and Eni and Amel were up as well, talking quietly. It was an odd sight, Ambrose thought, seeing Amel having a calm conversation with someone.

Sighing, he scanned the edges of camp. Karma was up too, it seemed, sitting against a tree and watching him with their dark blue eyes, Ambrose smiled slightly at them and Karma looked away in response. On the other side of camp, Ambrose's eyes fell on Salen, sitting cross-legged in the grass, nose in a book. He wasn't sure why this made him uneasy, it shouldn't. This was normal.

"Hey, Ambrose, how are ya man?" Ambrose looked over, surprised to see Agnar by his side, smiling rather worriedly at him. Eni was watching him now too.

"I'm fine, why ask?" He questioned, confused by this behavior.

Agnar's eyebrows drew together in a more confused, worried expression, and he glanced towards his parent. Eni, too, looked concerned.

"Is something wrong?" Ambrose asked cautiously, and Amel let out a kind of disbelieving snort. "Sorry, am I missing something?"

"Do you remember anything from last night, Ambrose?" Eni asked, standing up and walking over to join their son.

"Um..." Ambrose tried hard to think, but it made his head hurt. There was a feeling of anxiety building in his gut, but that was it. The only things he could think of came in blurred flashes that made no sense. "I went on a walk?"

Eni and Agnar exchanged a concerned look and, out of the corner of his eye, Ambrose saw Karma shift uncomfortably, standing and fixing their dark gaze on Ambrose once again. Salen, too, looked up, but when Ambrose looked over to meet her gaze, she simply smiled knowingly and gave a small wave. Odd.

"Sorry, my head hurts."

"What are you looking at?" Eni asked, examining Ambrose with a more thoughtful, but still worried, gaze.

"Uh... Salen?"

Agnar blinked in surprise, eyes widening, Eni sucked in a breath, and Karma actually stepped forward, expression shifting from critical to mildly anxious. Even Amel looked a bit disturbed.

"Ambrose," Eni said, voice holding a slight edge that may have been anxiety, "Salen is dead. You found her body last night."

Ambrose stared at Eni blankly. "No," He contradicted, "She's right there." He pointed and Eni shook their head, eyes changing once again, turning sad.

"No one's there, Ambrose."

"But... I see her?" His voice was strained now, questioning. His vision started to blur and his head started to pound.

"I think you're hallucinating," Agnar said, voice very quiet and shaking a little.

"It... No..." Ambrose squeezed his eyes shut and put a hand to his temple. "It doesn't make sense."

"Ambrose-"

"Don't touch him." This voice was new, and it belonged to Karma. "Trauma response. Give him a minute."

"I saw her. I saw her." Ambrose insisted, starting to panic as he opened his eyes, finding Salen gone and Karma standing close, steady for once. Eni and Agnar still looked very concerned.

"I know," Karma said, watching Ambrose, not with disbelief, pity, or even concern, just pure, solid understanding. "But she's not real."

"How?" This came out as a kind of gasp.

"Your body's trying to protect itself. You're seeing what you have to so you don't have to feel pain. It's common if you've had past trauma, and it's common with anxiety. Don't ignore it, but know it's fake."

"I... can't."

"You can. You have to acknowledge the situation and accept it. Easer said than done, sure, but it's doable. I don't have realization, but someone I was close to once, did. Calm yourself and focus on your surrounding."

Struggling, Ambrose managed to catch his breath as directed, and closed his eyes again, trying to focus on what he could hear and feel. The grief made sense now, and the panic response. It made sense now. All the emotion made sense.

"I'm sorry." He breathed, feeling tears run down his cheeks. But that was okay because he was grieving, and the grief made sense. "I couldn't save her."

"She was already gone," Karma responded, their voice uncharacteristically gentle. "No one could have saved her."

    Whispers Cost | Discussion February 2, 2022 10:16 PM

Overthink101
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Salen - Bestie; Joliqun

After having returned to the polls with Joliqun, Salen had assumed that everything would go back to how it had been before she’d left with everyone, just with two amazing girlfriends added in. Joliqun had accepted the two with ease, anyone that Salen loved couldn’t be too bad in his mind. So things were good.

--

That is, until one of the people helping Joliqun and her run came in. She had to console them for a good ten minutes before they even told her why they were here. Crying.

--

Joliqun was found dead due to some kind of accident. The world slowed around her, and Salen simply patted their back. Her partner at the polls was dead… How was she supposed to feel? Sad? Mad? Fine? Definitely not mad, that wouldn’t help anyone. But Joliqun- They’d promised they would run together someday, so many years ago. They said that they would make sure Salen won, one way or another. The two were supposed to be a team here.

--

She managed to get them out of the office for that day, though not before they called Esta and Isabella to tell them too. Salen knew that that was probably smart, at least for publicity, but she still wasn’t sure how to react. It wasn’t as though she had really known Joliqun, he was just her partner at the polls. She could continue, and given that the promise had hung solely on Salen winning- She could continue, Joliqun would probably want her to continue. She could use his death for publicity, for the polls. He would’ve loved the idea, would’ve felt as though his death had meant something if she did it.

--

She could honor him the way only politicians could honor another, by using his death for her numbers. She’d have to start on it soon, so that it would be clear that she was still in the race. So that her opponents that didn’t even know him didn’t try to do the same for themselves. She’d have to find someone else to run with her- Who was loveable? Who was smart enough? Who could she promote with it making enough sense to count? To be true? Who could replace Joliqun?

--

She’d have to find someone soon, of course. But she could start honoring him first, so that it had more effect. And then she could start looking for a replacement. Joli would’ve wanted her to do all this, Salen knew that. Knew that better than she was willing to admit, because she had known him better than she was willing to admit.

    Whispers Cost | Discussion February 7, 2022 08:31 PM

Lost Memories
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Karma- Best Friend: Illon (Yes, they're close with Ambrose... he'll get there eventually, but I think Illon would earn respect and the faintest bit of trust before anyone else.)

Anguish, extreme guilt, and regret

Amongst the chaos, Karma struggled to keep hold of their power, fighting, not really for their own life, but for the lives of the others in the group. They weren't sure how long the battle had been going on, they estimated hours. Whatever it was, it finally seemed to be coming to an end, finally slowing down.

As someone rushed them, Karma lifted them with their power and threw them, causing the person to fall limp when they hit the ground. It was at this moment, that they saw, just out of the corner of their eye, someone else coming at them from the side, and Karma realized, at that moment, that they wouldn't be able to shield themselves from this attack. This was where they died.

Then, immediately after, they realized that Illon, in all their glorious stupidity, was jumping in front of Karma, protecting them from what would have been a fatal blow and killing the attacker at the same time.

Everything seemed to slow down as Karma watched, wide-eyed as Illon fell to the ground, feeling their blood splash against their cheek, and hearing the thud of their body hitting the ground.

For a moment, Illon's body was replaced by Kostas's, the two figures looking identical in the eyes of the broken onlooker who had now watched two people they adored die to protect them.

A feeling of immense pain and sorrow rose in Karma's chest, emotions that they had been so accustomed to at one point that they hadn't even been bothered by it, and that, recently, they had been completely void of. So much so, that they were immensely overwhelmed by them now.

Without really realizing it, they had fallen to their knees and started to scream. A sound that came from deep within their heart and gut and would make even those with the coldest of hearts shudder. It was a sound of years of not simple pain, but agony, of loss and regret, and hatred, and fear, and it filled the battlefield (which was mostly empty now except for the dead bodies and the small group that was finishing off the remaining maybe ten enemies).

Upon hearing the sound, Karma's friends believed that they were hurt, and Esta hurried over, kneeling, and only then realizing that her best friend's body lay limply before them. Karma had fallen silent now, tears streaming down their face as they held onto Illon's body tightly, refusing to let go. If they let go, that made it real.

After a while, they became faintly aware of the fact that Esta had been led away by her girlfriends, and Agnar, of all people, was in front of them, trying to gently pry their hand away from Illon. Karma wasn't sure how much time had passed, but by the pained and slightly annoyed expression of the young traveler's face, they guessed it had been a while.

"Come on, man," Agni said softly, meeting Karma's now half-conscious gaze. "You gotta let them go, I know it hurts, but you've been holding them for ages, Eni couldn't get you away either, please. I understand-"

"Don't say you understand." Karma hissed, a hint of anger sparking in their chest, they renewed their grip on Illon and were rewarded with a pained grimace from Agnar when their nail accidentally scratched his flesh. "You don't understand."

"Karma-"

"You don't."

"I know you loved them." Agnar breathed, finally slumping back, giving up on trying to pull Illon away. "And I'm sorry, but, Karma, the longer you hold on the harder things are going to get."

"How can you say that? How could you possibly know?"

"Shit, dude, you think I've never lost anyone before? I've lost everyone! Literally! This-" Agnar gestured around. "This group, this is the first family I've ever had." His voice caught a little and he swallowed hard. "Look, alright, maybe you're right. Maybe I don't understand what you've been through, but I do understand how hard it is to lose someone you care about, okay? And trust me, the sooner you let go, the sooner you can get back up again. The sooner you can get a little better."

"I don't want to get better," Karma answered softly, tearing their eyes away from Agnar. "I just don't want to lose them." They took a shaky breath. "It should have been me."

Agnar's eyes widened. "Karma..."

"It's fine. I know."

The traveler looked away, sorrow evident in his dark eyes. "I'll get Ambrose, he said he wanted to see you when you were able."

Karma said nothing as Agnar got up and left, but when he was gone, the skeptic's grip on Illon did not loosen, and they only looked up again when Ambrose sat down across from them silently.

"What?" Karma snapped, voice wounded. Ambrose looked almost hauntingly calm, eyes slightly clouded, expression still and holding an expression that Karma couldn't quite identify. It was almost grief, but not exactly, and it held a kind of weight to it that the skeptic simply couldn't understand.

"I just thought I should see you."

"Now you have." Karma looked away again, glaring at their bloodied hand on Illon's still chest. "Congrats."

There was a moment of silence before Ambrose spoke again, and at first, Karma thought he might just leave. "It's not your fault."

"Sure."

"Illon was the one who jumped. It wasn't you."

"They did it for me."

"Yes," Ambrose said, tone still quiet and sad, but now thoughtful as well. "And you are still alive."

"But I shouldn't be."

"I don't believe that. Neither did Illon, evidently."

Karma squeezed their eyes shut for a moment, they'd heard this before. "That doesn't change anything, I should still be dead. Illon should still be alive."

"Yet, if it was you, me and Illon would be having this same conversation together, would we not?" Karma hesitated a moment. This was new. "I wish Illon was still alive, Karma. You are not alone in that matter, but I am not sad that you are still here now. What happened could have been changed slightly, but in the end, the outcome would have been the same no matter what. One of you would be dead and the other would blame themselves, and I would be here offering a speech that likely doesn't matter. I can't change what happened, I can't change how you feel, I can't make the pain go away. I know that, but I loved you both, and I still love you both now. As a friend, and perhaps as more. Loss is always hard to deal with, nothing can ever change or fix that, but, from experience, it is hardest when you are alone. I don't want to be alone right now, Karma, and I don't want you to be either. We both lost someone we care about today. I beg of you, let's not lose each other too."

And something happened that Karma didn't even think was possible, Ambrose's voice, always perfect, always beautiful, never wavering, broke. When Karma looked up, the travelers pretty eyes were filled with tears that he did not bother to brush away or hide. It was open grief. Open vulnerability.

"I don't want to lose you too." Ambrose whispered, voice shaking.

Karma, for the second time that day, broke. They carefully let go of Illon, gently placing their body back on the ground again, and crawled over to Ambrose, wrapping their arms around him and holding him tightly as he cried. They understood now. Ambrose was like them, he was breaking too.

Placing their chin lightly on Ambrose's head, Karma closed their eyes and started to cry. There was pain coursing through their body, and sorrow weighed heavy on their heart, but, deep down, Karma felt a hint of relief. Finally, after years, a lifetime, of being nothing, they finally had a purpose again. Something that was actually worth living for.

"Thank you, Illon. Thank you."

    Whispers Cost | Discussion February 12, 2022 10:26 PM

Lost Memories
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Esta

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

She hates it, she's been put down for it before, and she believes every word.

How is your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

Esta can be a little awkward at first, but for the most part, she handles social interactions really well. She really likes people and is quick to trust. Typically, people like her for this reason as well, though some may also take advantage because of it.

With friends Esta is very open and helpful, she loves to express her affection for those she cares about.

Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

When it comes to negative emotions, Esta is pretty stoic, she doesn't like bothering others.

When was the last time they cried?

Honestly, probably today.

Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

Right in the middle, she loves people, but she also enjoys a little time alone.

What is their outlook on life like?

There are ups and downs to it, but it can always be improved with a little effort and some help!

Do they have a life philosophy?

Focus on what's to come rather than what was, if you can. If you can't, find someone who can to help you.

What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Neutral Good

Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

Not anything specific

How do they handle stress?

By either ignoring it and helping others to avoid her own stress, or completely breaking down

Where do they like to go to unwind?

Go outside and read a book or hang out with some close friends (or her girlfriends)

How adaptable are they to new situations?

Esta's somewhat adaptable, she's very good when it comes to natural environments because she understands plants and knows what's safe to eat and what can be used as medicine. However, when it comes to combat and things like that, Esta is probably the worst at that-

When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

Esta doesn't really lie, but she does sugarcoat things a lot. Yes, Esta does have a rather negative view regarding liars, she doesn't believe lying can be a good thing. If someone lies to her, it feels like a betrayal of trust. Of course, she's quick to forgive, so, as long as an apology is, given, you're likely fine with her.

Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Yes, Esta will make promises, and, yes, she has broken some. She never means to break a promise, but on occasion, she will make one that she simply can't keep.

What annoying or bad habits do they have?

Um, not eating, thinking badly of herself, putting herself down in order to help others... Stuff like that

Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

Nope! Everyone deserves to be loved and everyone deserves a chance!

What's their sense of humor like?

Mildly sarcastic and playful

What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

People putting her down and being treated negativly.

What gets on their nerves?

People hurting her friends

What things do they like or obsess over?

Her body and being perfect

What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

Physical: honestly, probably a perfect body

Abstract: To be loved for who she is

When was their first kiss?

Let's see, that would have been... tenth grade?

How did their first relationship end?

A broken promise involving alcohol.

Have they ever been in love?

Yes

Have they ever had their heartbroken?

Yep

How do they flirt?

Uh, she mostly gets flustered, but she'll give some gifts

How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

Gift giving and words of affirmation, oh, and lots of quality time.

With romantic interests, cuddling is the best.

Do they get jealous?

Yes, but she doesn't show it.

How do they react to rejection?

She's used to it, so she just accepts it with a smile and pretends to be okay as usual.

How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

See, now this might cause a problem. Esta hates letting other people down, so it's possible that she might accept them even if she doesn't like them. However, if she's already in a relationship, she'll apologize sincerely and try to make it up to the other person somehow, even though it wasn't her fault in the slightest.

How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

Not confident at all, and very self-conscious.

Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

Very forgiving! Everyone deserves a second chance, and maybe a third-

Do they believe in redemption?

Sure!

What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

To most people, Esta is seen as a very open, trusting, and a fun young lady who loves people. To those who are closer to her, Esta's still open and trusting, but more self-conscious and worried about what others think about her.

Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

Esta always likes to plan ahead.

Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

Not at all

Do they have any nervous ticks?

Not really

What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Kind

Negative: Self-deprecating

Prominent: Either kind or outgoing

Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

Yes, a lot, the worst is probably not being able to help her previous girlfriend

What achievement are they most proud of?

Honestly, probably getting her doctoral degree so early

What is their first memory?

Fire

Their fondest memory?

Uhhh, probably going to a concert with Felicia.

Their worst memory?

Either breaking up with Felicia or her grandmother reacting so negatively to her coming out.

What smells remind them of the past?

Smoke, fresh spring air, rain, apple pie

What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

Her girlfriends, obviously

What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Mmmm, being alone and feeling lonely?

What are their goals or ambitions?

To help as many people as possible!

Do they have a fatal weakness?

How she sees herself, probably

How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

To praise, Esta reacts with gratefulness and joy, to criticism, worry, and questioning on how to fix it, and to judgments, with self-consciousness and false joking about it

Are they competitive? How so?

Nope! A board game is fun every once in a while, but in the end it doesn't matter who wins!

Has anyone ever saved their life?

Yeah, once.

What things are they very opinionated about?

How patients should be treated, LGBTQ+ rights, and other things, mainly regarding equality

How do they respond to threats and conflict?

She's very good at keeping a calm, thoughtful composure in conflict, actually. Even though she isn't very good with fighting, she'll do what she can to help as many people as possible, and she sometimes even takes charge if no one else can.

Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

Esta's trusting of everyone! Surly no one has purely evil intentions... right?

How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

Poison?

Do they have any special skills or training?

Not really, she's very skilled in all things regarding medicine and poison though, but she didn't have more training than anyone else in her career.

What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Anyone that needs it!

How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

Everyone should be treated with equal respect and kindness!

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Her body

Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

The only family she really knows is her grandmother, and their relationship is... complicated. Esta loves her grandma very much, and she knows she loves her too, but when it comes to support, Mrs. Prim Rose Haron is not the greatest. She is very religious and is very against Esta's sexuality, often leading to arguments and talks about how this is 'just a phase.' Stuff like that.

How do they treat their friends?

With love and respect! Friends are the best!

Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

No, and she doesn't make enemies. The closest she's come is maybe Felicia, and that shouldn't even count as an 'enemy' knowing the situation.

What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

Everyone! People love her (most of the time), she loves them back!

Literally no one, not even Amel.

What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Complicated... We'll leave it there for now.

What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

Loved: Left

Enemy: Nothing?

What's their personal moral code?

The golden rule!

Also,

'If you trust others, it makes it easier for them to trust you.'

Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

Yes, she's been bullied. An extreme amount.

If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

Depends, maybe coming out to her grandma, or maybe leaving Felicia, or maybe stoping the fire that killed her parents. One of those.

What would they ask a fortune-teller?

"How is everyone in the future? Is Illon doing better, and Karma, and am I still with Isa and Sal? Sorry, too many questions? Sorry!'

What advice would they give their younger self?

"Keep going! I know it's hard, maybe it'll get harder still, but in the end, there's bound to be something amazing! You'll see!"

What do they love to hate?

Nothing and no one!

Where do they go when they’re angry?

Somewhere to read... or maybe cry. She'll decide when she gets there.

What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

Doctor, and yes, she loves it!

What are some of their past jobs?

She used to work for a little bookstore with her friend, William, she really enjoyed it!

Do they have a talent?

Anything involving medicine.

What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

Esta went to normal schooling, and then actually graduated early with a master's degree in medicine. She's pretty far above average when it comes to academics.

What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

Someplace where everyone is happy together and no one is ever hurt.

What possessions do they use daily?

Really just the normal stuff

What possessions do they value?

Old pictures of her and Felicia

Do they believe in the afterlife?

Well, that's how she was brought up, and, though she isn't very religious, she can't help but believe it a little bit.

What are their religious views?

She was raised Christian, but after being told her sexuality was wrong because of Christian beliefs, Esta kind of drew away from the religion. She's still not sure what she believes.

How would they like to die?

Either helping someone else or someplace quiet and peaceful

What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Zodiac: Gemini (June 14th)

Enneagram: Two (Helper/Caretaker)

What are their eating habits?

Very bad... Esta doesn't eat often, and when she does, she often throws it up.

What's their living space like?

Neat and tidy but a little small.

Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

Sure, if some friends come along!

Ale or wine (or water)?

Wine, though she's not a huge fan of alcohol. Just on special occations.


Edited at February 12, 2022 10:27 PM by Lost Memories

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