Okay, sooo, you know that grief quote that I gave you a while back and how I mentioned a short story to go along with it?

Welp, here it is! Major angst time! Yay! :D

Enjoy!

-

The Weight of Worlds

Characters;

Nico, Akira, Revan, Ingall, Aries, and Briar. Raphael, Gorōta, Everett, Simon, and Sol mentioned.

TWs; Implied character death, hinted self-harm/suicidal ideation, and overall heavy angst.

Notes; Right, so, uh- This is my interpretation of an alternate timeline where... Well, where the Andi arc ends differently. From Nico's perspective. Have fun!

---

The morning came slowly, just as every morning had for the past week. Nico sat up in the bed that shouldn't belong to them and rubbed the gravel out of his eyes, then she stared at the wall and waited for everything to settle, looked around the room, and noted that Akira wasn't in bed. This meant that they'd stayed up all night again and were probably hiding in the bathroom until Nico left.

The best thing to do was leave and then come back later then, and pray that Aki didn't do something else stupid.

So Nico sighed and pushed herself up, grabbed the oversized, torn-up gray trench coat and draped it over his shoulders, ignored the fact that everything about herself was a mess, and started out the door to make her usual rounds.

Revan's room was first, and Nico threw on their so obviously fake smile, the best he could possibly manage under such circumstances. Just in case her boyfriend decided today was the day he'd finally open the door for the first time since his and Kira's argument after the... incident.

Nico knocked. No response.

So they knocked again. And again. And again.

Until a final, half-angry, half-broken response snapped back weakly.

"Fuck off, Nico!"

They sighed.

Revan wasn't dead then, good.

"Love you, Rev!"

Silence.

Nico turned and continued her new pattern.

Ingall, unlike Revan, answered immediately. The door swinging open quickly to reveal frizzled hair, dark circled, and hands severely dry and chapped from too much washing and cleaning. He looked at Nico who smiled in a way she hoped was encouraging.

"Good morning, Angel!"

"Good... Morning, Nico."

He was hesitant, as hesitant as he had been when they first met, and Nico's heart twisted.

"Can I help you with anything today?"

A pause.

"No, thank you. I think I just want to be alone, if that's okay? Sorry."

Always the same response.

"Of course it's okay! No need to apologize! Just remember to put some lotion on your hands, yeah?"

"Sure."

"Thanks! Love you!"

"Love you too..."

Nico nodded and turned away, hearing the door click closed softly behind him. Which meant it was time to head to the infirmary.

When he arrived, they made sure to knock lightly on the door before entering, noting immediatly that the chair positioned by Briar's bed was empty and Aries, who had almost certainly been sitting in it moments before, was now standing back against one wall and watching her with hesitant eyes.

Yet again, Nico smiled.

"Good morning, Aries!"

"Good morning."

His reply was quick, almost too quick, and Nico didn't miss the slightly wince when they first spoke or the way Aries' eye dropped to the ground. The poor guy was always so on edge, even more so in the infirmary, it seemed, and, yet, he never left Briar's side. Even as the doctors came and went periodically.

And Nico was glad for it, even though she felt bad. Because Aries being around meant that Briar wasn't alone when they had to take care of the others.

"Nico...?"

Quickly, Nico turned to look at Briar, eyes widening when she realized that his friend was conscious.

"Queenie!" They were careful to keep his voice low as she approached Briar's bedside and gently took one of their hands. "Hey, good morning!"

"I... I'm so... God... I'm so sorry, Niki... I... I couldn't... I-"

Briar's eyes welled and Nico's heart clenched, he forced a smile.

"No, no. Hey, don't be sorry about anything. Everything's alright, I promise. You're alright."

"But, I-"

"Don't, nuh-uh, we're not playing the guilt game, hm? I'm just glad you're alive."

Briar's eyes widened slightly and their body started to shake as their tears began to fall. "But-"

Nico shook their head and reached out to brush some of the tears away. "If you really wanna do me a favor, rest. Get better. We'll work from there, okay, B?"

Briar sucked in a shakey breath and nodded, wincing a little at the movement. They were obviously still in a lot of pain.

Even so, their eyes seemed to grow heavy and, as Nico watched, they slipped away once again.

She sighed quietly and had to, once again, force his lips up into a smile as they turned back to Aries.

"Hey, Aries? Can you watch them? And, um, let me or someone else know if they wake up again, yeah?"

A swift nod from the taller and Nico dipped her head in return.

"Thank you, I really, really appreciate you."

With that, now slightly behind schedule, Nico walked to the cafeteria and grabbed a single plate to pile high with food. As every day for the past week, he was well aware of the sympathetic glances and whispers around them as others moved to let her through.

Nico simply rolled back his shoulders and moved through the crowd with a grin full of lies, walking back to the room she'd woken up in.

Upon entering, she found that Akira was sitting on the ground against their bed, looking like a complete wreck. Battle wounds from the night before were on full display, their face was streaked with tears, dried and new, and their hair, usally so well taken care of, was a mess with black roots.

Before everything started, they had a hair day planned with Revan, but everything fell apart too quickly for that.

Nico approached and placed the plate of food down next to Akira before kneeling in front of them.

"Hey, love. I brought you food. They had your favorites today!"

"Not hungry."

Kira's voice was raspy and their response was dull, void of emotion. Nico tried not to let their smile falter.

"Okay, well, Everett's going to stop by here in a few hours, alright? He has a key now, so you don't have to do anything."

"'Kay."

She nooded slightly and stood again, leaving the plate by Akira's side, probably so it could stay untouched until Everett got there. As much as Nico wanted to help, they simply couldn't figure out how. Nothing he did could make this situation any better.

So they'd let Everett handle Akira.

Because Everett knew how to help Akira at their worst better than Nico ever could.

Because to Akira, Everett was more family than she ever could be.

So, they left and started toward his final destination.

---

Nico walked for about twenty minutes before arriving.

A clearing at the top of a hill with a single tree and a gravestone made of white marble. One that Revan had used quite a bit of money to purchase. One that had been carefully placed to have a clear view of the night sky.

The words on the stone were simple and clear, not too showy, but, in all honesty, no one had really known what else to say. It hurt too much to speak and anything more would have been either strained or ingenuine. Something no one wanted.

'Our Beloved Garvin.

Partner, friend, and family.'

As Nico approached, their smile finally fell and his shoulders dropped as she let a hand fall gently onto the stone, eyes tracing the words for what must have been the millionth time.

"Morning, Vinny. Sorry, I'm late today, Briar finally woke up. Which is good, obviously, I'm glad! I just..." Their eyes welled and her head slumped against the stone. "I'm so fucking tired, Vin. And I really don't know how to help anyone when they all push me away! I mean, God, I have to half breakdown Rev's door every morning just so he'll answer me and I know he's alive! Akira's basically dead already, and Ingall's... Well, he's on autopilot! Fuck, I don't even know what I'm doing! You'd think I would have figured out how to navigate loss by now."

He let out a shaky breath and leaned more heavily on the stone, closing her eyes briefly. "I just... I wish you were here. I wish I could-"

Suddenly, they paused, a jolt running through his spine.

Then they were scrambling for their phone and pulling up a number that Ingall had supplied him ages ago. One that she'd honestly thought he'd never use.

Two rings. Three. Then, "Hello?"

Nico's chest tightened and she was smiling. Differently this time.

Almost manic.

"Sol? This is Nico. I need a favor."

"Uh- Nico? Do I know a Nico? Do I know you? You should talk to Simon. Simon knows better. Here, I'll get Simon."

A pause and then a new voice echoed on the other end.

"Who's this?"

"Nico. Nico Cosmos. I need a favor."

Silence. Nico gritted their teeth, eyes trailing back to the letters on the grave.

"I'll do anything."

Another moment of silence. Then, in a smooth, steady tone, an answer.

"I'm sure we can come to an arrangement."