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Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 8, 2022 12:15 PM

Roaw
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Posts: 712
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"Maybe one day but not now."

Niké couldn't help but frown slightly at that comment but he stayed quiet about it. He wasn't sure what Theo wanted to say with it exactly and he kind of did make it sound like the grey-haired man had only been after one thing. He hadn't, he didn't know what he was after or what he wanted from this but it wasn't like that.

He found Theo hot, he knew that much. The man was also kind, caring and extremely smart. It felt easy to talk to him, he didn't seem to be one to judge. The leader was also a great kisser to add on things.

But everything was against them. Niké’s job and his past, the lies, and then Theo’s feelings for his ex as well as the leader’s gang, among other things. It wouldn't work out, it wasn't meant to. He couldn't help but to wish it could though.

The grey-haired man closed his eyes as Theo pulled him closer. As his hands started growing cold without the warmth from the leader’s skin, he put them in the pocket of the hoodie he was wearing. He missed the warmth of the other man but he wouldn't make an attempt to reach for his hands.

For the first time in very long, he wanted to sleep. Mainly just to avoid the awkwardness he felt in this moment. Normally he wouldn't mind sitting in silence with someone but now he did. His mind was a mess. It felt like there were a million thoughts running through his head and at the same time, it felt blank. He couldn't make sense of things and it was frustrating.

It had felt so right. Everything had felt so incredibly right just a moment ago. But now he didn't know what to feel. It had been wrong, he knew that. He was here to do a job and while he was meant to get close to the leader and infiltrate the gang, he doubted this was the type of close his superiors had meant.

Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 8, 2022 12:41 PM

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And then silence filled the air. Theo wasn't sure what to say, he didn't want Nike to think that the kissing meant nothing to him..it was just too soon. He needed time to think through all of this. To process through his emotions. To figure all of this out.

One could argue that there wasn't much to figure out. Nike was interested in him and he was interested in Nike. However, there was complications. His whole entire life he had been doing nothing but driving those close to him away and to their breaking point. His father claimed that it was his fault his mother died. His father became a dead-beat dad because it was his fault. He provided the money to keep the place running because it was his fault...until he ran away. He met Flynn but it was also his fault that she got pregnant. Now he was devoting his life to making things better. He was trying to do things that she would approve of and find pride in. Would she approve of this?

He had never once did something that made him happy. He had been too busy for happiness. Kissing Nike made him happy. Even now, holding him against his body made him happy. But like all good things, happiness never lasted. He learned that with his many years with Flynn. Something always destroyed his happiness. So what was he still doing here? What was he doing with Nike?

He sighed, his breath blowing some of the strands of Nike's hair. He wanted to do nothing more than bury his face into the man's hair and forget about everything. Forget about his past, his struggles, and his ex...he wanted to move on. He just didn't know how so he didn't. Instead, he directed his gaze up and took the opportunity to stargaze outside the comfort of his own window.

"You know...sometimes I like to just watch the stars from my window and try to find shapes in them," He whispered after the silence drove on for quite a long time.

The stars appeared different now that he was outside. They seemed brighter and smaller. Somehow it was easier to depict shapes from them.

"Like that one," He pointed to a group of stars away from each other,"That one looks like the eiffel tower."

"I used to have a dream of going there with my..." He trailed off, swallowing back some of the pain. He was going to say family but he didn't have one of those anymore,"I was just a kid with a stupid dream though. I needed a reality check."

Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 9, 2022 01:11 AM

Roaw
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Posts: 712
#2837819
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The man stayed quiet against the leader’s side, listening to the sounds of the forest around them. The sound of branches creaking, leaves rustling and the occasional sound of a bird chirping filled the otherwise quiet and peaceful forest.

Suddenly the peaceful silence was broken by Theo’s voice. Just a low whisper and one he definitely didn't mind, Theo’s voice was nice and soothing.

"Like that one. That one looks like the eiffel tower."

Niké forced one eye open to look at the stars Theo was talking about. It was rather adorable that the leader seemed to enjoy stargazing so much and he could stay here, watching the stars and listening to the forest with Theo forever.

"I was just a kid with a stupid dream though. I needed a reality check."

Shutting his eye again, the grey-haired man drew in a deep breath while trying to think of what to say. He couldn't just stay quiet now, even if he wasn't thrilled that he seemed to be thinking about the life he’d had with his ex. Who could blame him though, Flynn had apparently been quite a big part of the leader’s live and he didn't want to take that away from him, but who wanted the person they’d just kissed to think of their ex?

“It's not bad to have dreams though, especially not when they are totally doable, they help you stay driven,” Niké started, pausing briefly to think. “I have no idea what you’ve been through exactly and I won't tell you to just move on because it's not that easy, I know. But you also can't use all the bad things that's happened to you as an excuse to not allow yourself happiness, it's easier said than done, I’m aware of that and I'm not the best at it myself but yeah…” The man trailed off. He wasn't sure what to say exactly, he wanted to somehow assure the man that things would be fine even if he did what he wanted to instead of what was best for everyone else.

Comforting others was something he hated though, he felt so bad at it. He never knew what the right thing to say was and sometimes he felt as if he was too harsh. People didn't always want to hear the truth but instead they wanted some spun version of it, one that was more of a sweet and comforting lie than the actual truth.

“It's never good to just forget about the past but it shouldn't be allowed to control you either and I guess that's the hard part, it's easier to ignore and push things away until they fade…” with each sentence the man's voice would grow lower and lower, now only being an barely audible whisper. Now he was just repeating things that others had told him, things he didn't follow himself, even if he should. Niké if anyone was letting his past control him, denying himself sleep only to escape it.

Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 9, 2022 09:50 AM

Ashes of Night
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The dream about the eiffel tower had been with his parents. That was a long dream. It had been ruined almost as quick as it appeared though. It seemed like everything he had ever had that was good somehow turned bad. It was repeated throughout his life and in a sense, he was just waiting for it to happen again.

"It's not bad to have dreams though, especially not when they are totally doable, they help you stay driven."

The dream about the eiffel tower, that was completely un-doable. His mother gone, his father basically dead to him... He didn't have money or a job, all his money was being used to pay for water and heat in the house. Money was also difficult to make when you are homeless. His money was still good money, earned right through being a singer, dancer, magician...anything that could be a form of entertainment on the streets he had done.

"I have no idea what you’ve been through exactly and I won't tell you to just move on because it's not that easy, I know. But you also can't use all the bad things that's happened to you as an excuse to not allow yourself happiness, it's easier said than done, I’m aware of that and I'm not the best at it myself but yeah…”

Theo pulled away just a little to look at Nike with his eyebrow raised. He hadn't allowed himself to have much happiness. Each time he did, somebody got hurt He was happy with his family but that ended, he found happiness with Flynn but that ended It was better off to not allow himself happiness. If he didn't let himself be happy, no one could get hurt.

"It's never good to just forget about the past but it shouldn't be allowed to control you either and I guess that's the hard part, it's easier to ignore and push things away until they fade…”

Now that line seemed like something he was trying to tell himself. He could recognize the signs of somebody not wanting to sleep from anywhere, he himself was still going through those. He couldn't sleep most nights, his dreams were always haunting him. He might be able to ignore most of his past throughout the day...but the night? It seemed to chase him down.

"Hey, I'm here with you," He told him, reaching out his hand and tilting his chin up to look at him,"That's got to mean something right?"

"Look, I've been through a lot. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that I have. But I'm fine," That was a little bit of a lie. He distracted himself from his past by working and taking care of the gang,"Well I'm managing."

He leaned to press a kiss against Nike's cheek. He was here with the other man. He was kissing the other man. That was progress. One step at a time.

"Look I know I'm the last person to be lecturing you on this but I know what it looks like when somebody is avoiding their dreams," He sighed, pulling back and brushing his thumb against Nike's cheek,"I really think you should get some rest."


Edited at December 9, 2022 09:52 AM by Ashes of Night
Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 15, 2022 03:36 PM

Roaw
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The young man had with tired eyes stared up at the dark night sky while talking, until he’d felt the leader’s hand underneath his chin, tilting Niké’s head to look up at his own. Hearing the other’s words, the man couldn't help but to start blushing.

God, how would he be able to exist around the leader and not reveal his feelings for the man immediately? The rest of the gang, Alleya, would be able to read him like an open book if he couldn't control his blushing, it was ridiculous how just a few soft words and the feeling of Theo’s skin against his own would turn his cheeks red.

"Look, I've been through a lot. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that I have. But I'm fine… Well I'm managing."

A kiss on the grey-haired man’s cheeks certainly did not make his situation better, his blushing worsened and he turned his gaze away shyly.

He wished he could say the same for himself as Theo could. Niké wanted to at least be managing but he’d be lying to himself if he said he was. In truth he was haunted by his past to the point where he wouldn't allow himself to sleep just so he wouldn't have to experience it over and over again. He was lying to himself when it came to so many things, refusing to admit the truth, scared that he wouldn't be able to live with it. He already lived with so much regret but there was one thing that he knew the truth to deep down, he just refused to admit it.

"Look I know I'm the last person to be lecturing you on this but I know what it looks like when somebody is avoiding their dreams. I really think you should get some rest."

Niké leaned his head against the leader's touch a bit. Having managed to calm his blushing just slightly, he allowed himself to meet the man’s emerald gaze once more before shaking his head softly.

“Theo, I'm fine, I’ve managed to go weeks with barely any sleep, this is nothing,” he told the man, forcing a smile to try and convince the leader, “There's more important stuff that needs to be dealt with, I can't just spend hours sleeping. Aren't you moving the whole gang for example?”

Yes, he was attempting to change the subject and get the leader less concerned about Niké’s sleeping schedule and more concerned about absolutely anything else.

“Have you decided on a place yet? I know Taurus probably dragged the hotel completely through the mud but it's really not that bad. Everyone would have their own room, that's something, there's a big fireplace, also nice. Sure it's rather obvious but some would argue that that could be an advantage somehow…” The man drifted off as he turned his head slightly and kissed Theo’s hand before putting his head back on the man’s shoulder, “Taurus place isn't that bad, it would work well, if the gang was about half its size. It's in a good spot, I won't lie, but it’s going to be cramped, and with how just Alleya and him were arguing, I doubt others would stay peaceful if you crammed them all in there.”

The grey-haired man fell quiet for a few moments before giving a soft chuckle, “There's also the water-filled cellar with a cracked-out old man if you're interested? Couldn't really tell if he was angry or thrilled by our company though, we didn't stick around to find that out.”

Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 15, 2022 06:10 PM

Ashes of Night
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Theo used to spend hours of the night awake just trying to escape his past. He had the worse sleep schedule known to man during that time, getting maybe an hour of sleep every two weeks. He had been stressed and worried about becoming a good gang leader since obviously he hadn't been a very good boyfriend. He had been worried about becoming his father so at night, nightmares of him repeating what his father did to him to different members of the gang kept him up. Of course, he wouldn't ever tell anybody about those dreams. Mentioning those dreams would just lead to him saying what happened to him as a kid. Nobody needed to know that, it was too personal. So it's best to ignore it.

Nobody had questioned his sleeping habits, it was the only reason why he had his own room. He could stay up all night looking out the window and at the stars. In fact, that's what he did until Alleya came to the gang. She was the only one that would hang out with him, talk to him, and treat him like a friend and not a gang leader. She, of course, started to notice his sleeping habits. She began forcing him to sleep at night. It started off with an hour of sleep every night and then two hours every night. His sleeping still wasn't perfect and he still couldn't sleep without Alleya in his room but he could sleep four hours a night now.

He thought about forcing Nike to sleep but thought better of it. He still remembered the torture and the many times he woke up screaming and crying during the first hour of sleep weeks. It did get easier with time but until the three week mark...it was mental torture. Of course, Alleya had always been right there to assure him that the nightmares would pass but it still didn't take away the pain. He didn't want anybody else to go through what he did. And besides, Nike did get some sleep. Three hours which was almost where the gang leader was at as well.

So when Nike changed the topic, Theo let him and decided not to push it. He wouldn't push it unless if the lack of sleep effected the newbie's performance in his gang.

"Have you decided on a place yet? I know Taurus probably dragged the hotel completely through the mud but it's really not that bad. Everyone would have their own room, that's something, there's a big fireplace, also nice. Sure it's rather obvious but some would argue that that could be an advantage somehow…”

He smiled and blushed at the hand kiss, his hand slipping away from the other man's face as his head went back to his shoulder. He did rather enjoy being close to him. It also didn't help that he was a rather attractive looking man, it was easy to be drawn into him like a magnet.

"Taurus place isn't that bad, it would work well, if the gang was about half its size. It's in a good spot, I won't lie, but it’s going to be cramped, and with how just Alleya and him were arguing, I doubt others would stay peaceful if you crammed them all in there.”

Theo just let Nike talk more in depth about these places. Taurus had come back pissed and barely mentioned anything about a hotel. He had to order the blond twin to stay in his room and give him a report. It hadn't been a good one whatsoever. Just that Nike and Alleya were coming back later and that Taurus picked out the best place to stay but they were jealous of his leadership abilities and couldn't argue with him. However, what Nike was describing was rather different from what was reported. The hotel sounded great. An abandoned hotel would be a step up from their current living, however, it would probably be more expensive to get water up and running. Not to mention heat. Taurus' place on the other hand sounded like it wouldn't work.

And then there was a cellar with a doped up man? Now that didn't sound fitting. He gave a small chuckle, shaking his head.

"Thank you for exploring all these places but we aren't going anywhere yet. It's always best to have option B," Theo stated. He didn't want to concern anyone so he kept it simple. The gang was going to stay as long as they could. He just didn't trust the Rebels not to pull something where his gang would lose their home.


Edited at December 15, 2022 06:12 PM by Ashes of Night
Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 16, 2022 04:25 PM

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"Thank you for exploring all these places but we aren't going anywhere yet. It's always best to have option B."

That was true, even if he was slightly disappointed by it, he wouldn't let it show, but he was. He was hoping that Theo would move the gang to the hotel, it would be easier for him. Everyone would have their own rooms, Niké would be able to sleep at least a bit better if he knew he was alone and could lock the doors around him, he would also be able to slip out the window when necessary, it would just be easier.

“No problem, just don't ever put me alone with those two again, please… They were driving me insane, and quite honestly, Taurus is a shit leader,” Niké said with an exhausted sigh. One of them he could handle but then both, bickering and fighting over the smallest of things, it drove him crazy. It had been like watching after two kids most of the time.

“I miss Iris though, even if she caused even more problems because apparently Taurus hates cats,” Niké rolled his eyes slightly before he closed them, “What type of person hates cats?” He muttered as he nuzzled his face against the leader’s shoulder a bit, mostly unconsciously. He took in the scent of the leader, blushing softly as he realized what he was doing.

The grey-haired man enjoyed the company of the leader, and too much. He was making a fool of himself and he was just happy there was no one around to see him.

Hopefully these feelings would pass, hopefully it was just the moment that was causing it, making him feel this way about Theo. In another life things could possibly have worked out for them but not in this one, there was too much against them.

Maybe some sleep would be nice? But then again no. He was already making too much of a fool of himself. He didn't need to have another one of his nightmares and scream like some lunatic, not in front of Theo.

“We should probably get going… We can't just sit here all night, people are gonna start missing their leader, and just wait until Alleya wakes up and can't find either of us, you know what she’s like,” Niké told the man as he opened his eyes and unwillingly moved his head off the leader’s shoulder.

The grey-haired man definitely didn't want to go, he could have stayed there with Theo forever but it was a bad idea, the longer he was next to the leader, the scent of the man filling his nose, the man’s warm touch, the kisses and the way he spoke, just about everything about the leader made Niké’s face flush red and his thoughts to run wild, he couldn't keep his cool around the leader and if he was going to have any chance of clearing his head and getting his feelings in check, he needed to stop what was happening currently, no matter how much he didn't want to.

Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 16, 2022 05:50 PM

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Theo was growing rather tired now, especially with the warmth of Nike's body against his. He just knew he couldn't sleep here, not without Alleya and certainly not in the woods. He also didn't want to fall to sleep with Nike right there. The man would never trust his word again if he saw just how well the gang leader was managing,

"No problem, just don't ever put me alone with those two again, please… They were driving me insane, and quite honestly, Taurus is a shit leader."

He chuckled a little with a small shake of his head. Honestly he chose Alleya and Taurus in hopes that Nike would learn some gang skills off of them. Taurus was an excellent, thoughtful member of the gang that would have leaned toward exploring things that didn't look like an obvious gang home. He did also know the city like the back of his hand. Taurus and his twin had been outcasted to the city most of their lives. That's why he had been named leader. Alleya always had a positive way of looking at things. He had figured she would have given the boys energy to keep up the chase. She was also excellent at keeping an eye on surroundings, scavangiing, and fighting. It didn't seem like Nike learned anything from them and the trip had been a disaster.

"I would like to see these options sometime. I want somebody who is going to be level-headed and neutral about all the places to show me," He gave a small yawn and unconsciously leaned more against the other man. He was growing tired, figuratively speaking he hadn't slept for as long as Alleya had been gone. Well, except for that one day where he accidentally took way too much Tylenol,"Maybe you and I can check it out sometime?"

His offer was left in the air as the other man began to mumble something about Iris. He looked a little confused until the part about Iris being a cat popped up. The cat was probably something Alleya found, she was good at finding creatures after all. If he didn't know better, he would say animals were drawn to her.

Theo felt him nuzzle his shoulder and smiled again. His arm tightened ever so slightly around the other man in response. His head leaning back against the tree and his eyes closing. He would be lying if he said he wasn't savoring every touch this man brought to him.

He just sat there in silence, soaking in everything and every moment. He was going to remember this for centuries to come. He had never felt as happy or content as he did now. He started to drift off into sleep...that is until he heard Nike's voice and forced himself awake again.

"We should probably get going… We can't just sit here all night, people are gonna start missing their leader, and just wait until Alleya wakes up and can't find either of us, you know what she’s like."

"Wouldn't it be nice to stay here though?" He whispered, more to himself than Nike. He felt the man's head lift off of his shoulder, frowning just slightly. He knew that he was right but it didn't make it easier. He didn't want this moment to be over, not quite yet.

"You're right," He sighed, admitting defeat. He got up slowly, wincing at the immense amount of pain the action brought him. He had to grip on to the tree to steady himself and catch his breath. The pain had caught him off gaurd as the last dosage of Tylenol was wearing off and being in this cold wasn't helping his body.


Edited at December 16, 2022 05:53 PM by Ashes of Night
Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 21, 2022 04:03 PM

Roaw
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Niké looked worriedly at Theo as he got up. He didn't say anything, figuring that the man would just claim to be alright even when he clearly wasn't. Since the man had been mostly fine walking here but now wasn't, he could only assume that the man was taking painkillers and based on his wounds and overall condition, it was probably a lot.

They had gone out in order for the grey-haired man to get cigarettes but he would not be pushing the leader to follow him into the city. He would just have to ask Alleya tomorrow or something, he would have to manage without any until then, it would be cruel of him to force the other man to walk all that way and the moment they'd just shared had been better than any cigarette would ever be.

Niké took a step closer and grabbed the others’ hand gently, partly to give the man some support but also because he himself wanted to, it was a way for him to hold onto these feelings just a little long, just until they got back, then he would ignore them and push them to the side, just a little longer then never again, that's what he told himself.

“I think we both need to rest once we get back, yeah?” The young man said with a soft smile. He knew how much the gang leader hated to appear weak, it was probably one of the first things he’d noticed about the man and that's why he didn't mention his injuries.

Once the man seemed to have steadied himself and caught his breath, Niké started walking with him back towards the gang’s house. As he walked in silence, he realized he hadn't given an answer to showing Theo the places he had explored with the others.

“We can go in a few days or so and I’ll show you the places,” he paused briefly, Theo needed to rest before they could go anywhere much further than this from the rest of the gang but he couldn't say that. “I need to rest before going into the city like that again, I’ve had enough of all that for some time now,” he told him as he squeezed the hand of the other man lightly.

If he could stay in this moment he would but he couldn't, he was well aware of it, this was just a one time thing, a secret between the two of them, something they’d done without thought. It couldn't happen again. He already felt guilty enough about it and he hated the feeling of guilt.

Ashes of Night x RoawDecember 21, 2022 04:29 PM

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Theo would never admit that his wounds hurt, if he wasn't well-trained to deal with medicine he wouldn't even medicate. Admitting that his wounds hurt was a way to worry the gang. So he just took Tylenol in the shadows and told his gang he was fine. If it wasn't for the Tylenol, he highly doubted he would be able to walk.

When Nike took his hand, he almost pulled away. Almost. If it had been anybody else, he would have but he wasn't ready to let go of the moment they shared by this tree. Not quite yet. So he hung on, interlacing his fingers with the man's. It always surprised him how the gray-haired man's hands could feel soft but yet rough at the same time. Hearing his question, he felt a spark of joy. Perhaps Nike would decide to rest and maybe he could coax the man into having just another hour of sleep. One step at a time.

Theo made sure he was steady and prepared to walk back, knowing now just how much pain was going to ripple through his body. He wanted to take more Tylenol and shove down how bad he was injured but he knew better. Last dosage was all he could take until tomorrow.

He began walking alongside Nike, letting the new gang member lead the way. He was putting in most of his energy to mask the pain he was in and not stop. The quicker they got back, the quicker he could settle down and finally sleep. Well hopefully he would be able to. Sleep included his own bed and Alleya. He was too ashamed to admit it but without her, he couldn't sleep. He was afraid to.

"We can go in a few days or so and I’ll show you the places. I need to rest before going into the city like that again, I’ve had enough of all that for some time now."

"That sounds great, thanks," His answer was short and simple, it was the best he could manage. As they continued to walk, he drifted closer and closer to Nike's side, squeezing and holding the man's hand rather tightly. He was looking forward to being back home. However, he didn't want to leave behind the memories of him and Nike or the feelings that came with it.

"Promise me you'll try to rest when we get back?" He leaned closer, pausing to manage a whisper,"Please?"

He had to try to get Nike to sleep He was worried about the man's sleeping habits He might not pry to figure out what was wrong but he would insist for him to sleep It wasn't healthy to only sleep three hours after a long exhausting trip.


Edited at December 21, 2022 04:29 PM by Ashes of Night

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