Wolf Play : I need opinions/tips on my writing
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 Zaroufthous
10:40:25 Zyra_the_wolf
Zera

Mermaid tails are hard to swim in, it's alot of work, but I took to it like I'd had a tail my entire life lol.
 Gothamm.
10:39:58 Batman.He/Him
Dont*

Its*
 Gothamm.
10:39:38 Batman.He/Him
Coy

You donÂ’t know what JROTC is? ItÂ’s pretty much junior military. On the other hand for candences is something you march in beat with.
 Plague Doctor
10:39:22 Aster (he/him)
goodnight chat
 Zaroufthous
10:37:58 Zyra_the_wolf
Zera

Ack! I LOVE swimming >w<
I got to swim in a mermaid tail once!

And by playing hazbin music I mean just repeatedly going "it's not fair, Sera!"
 Destinations End
10:37:49 Desti, Coy, Coydog
@Batman
I don't really know what or who that is.. I'm sorry
 Plague Doctor
10:37:37 Aster (he/him)
I think I may go to sleep soon
 Gothamm.
10:36:56 Batman.He/Him
Coy

JROTC Cadence, still have it in my head till this day.
 Destinations End
10:35:58 Desti, Coy, Coydog
@Batman
The what?
 Zeraphia
10:35:04 Vah is bad influence
Zyra

Oh I want a mermaid tail, lol. 10/10 would get.

But I don't think I recognize the reference either XD
 Gothamm.
10:34:50 Batman.He/Him
Please tell me someone else knows the candence called Boo-.
 Zeraphia
10:31:24 Vah is bad influence
Zyra

Doing well! Just got back from swimming.

But yeah. XD I've never seen Hazbin Hotel, probably won't since it's not my type of vibe.
 Zaroufthous
10:30:27 Zyra_the_wolf
Zeraphia

I'm good! How are you?

Also my tablet keeps autocorrecting your name to seraphim and everytime it does my brain starts playing Hazbin hotel music >-<
 Zaroufthous
10:27:36 Zyra_the_wolf
Desti

Hi kind of bored
I'm Zyra
 Zeraphia
10:27:18 Vah is bad influence
Zyra! How are you?
 Destinations End
10:26:40 Desti, Coy, Coydog
Hello Willow
 Gothamm.
10:25:37 Batman.He/Him
Gosh I have a JROTC Cadence stuck in my head-.
 Willow Tribe
10:25:27 Willow
Hi Desti
 Destinations End
10:25:06 Desti, Coy, Coydog
Bleh...
I'm kind of bored
 Zaroufthous
10:24:02 Zyra_the_wolf
Revelation gets stuck under a low branch.


Mood: Sheepish

Lol dumbass
Love him though :p

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Forums > Socialize
  1

I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 22, 2022 08:42 PM

Firefox
Darkseeker
 
Posts: 3137
#2780784
Give Award
I crave validation, nah XD just kidding, although that is partly true. I am mostly looking for contrsuctive criticism on my writing, I see something wrong with it, I aim to get better.
So with that let me just link some examples and I would like it if y'all could comment some tips/criticism. (Compliments are okay also)
~~
Examples.
1. Raina's Story Wrote this today in my spare time-
3. took me four hours I need someone to proofread or something- help me out Raven's Story
~~
Let me know if The links don't work so I can fix them-
And note to the mods, I had no idea where to put this, if it's in the wrong sub forum please move for me, thank you.

Edited at June 23, 2022 01:19 AM by Firefox
I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 23, 2022 06:49 PM

Yuketa
Neutral
 
Posts: 1525
#2781080
Give Award
You could practice writing similes and integrating idioms into some places, if preferred.
There was an exercise we used to do in Creative Writing where the teacher would put up a picture on the projector screen of a location, like a cabin in the woods, or a marketplace, and we would write out a scene while incorporating the five senses into it.
"The woods were a little musty, and Aril observed particles of dust as they floated down the citrine sunbeams, like little boats cascading in slow motion down a titanic waterfall. It was just cold enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and dull whatever he could smell of the place, but there was still that faint scent of an unnatural... thing. Something ancient and rotting, and not quite chemical although he almost tasted ammonia in the assaulting concoction. It was a substance hidden within the magical pretense of the abandoned cottage. He felt the coin in his pocket, his good luck charm; it had been with him through the ages, and its faces were worn smooth by his fiddlings. With a couple circles of his thumb over its edge, he hoped it would see him through to the end of this situation, too."
I'd write more but I just woke up and am headed for work lol.
One other piece of advice I guess is, read literature that you like and would want to emulate in your own writing, dissect it, even. What makes this scene powerful/emotional/feel hazardous? Are the protag's goals being realistically hindered by this or that, and are the stakes high enough? Etcetera.
Good luck!

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