Troy: What should I do?
Aries: *holds out hand* May I suggest dinner with a friend?
Troy: Well, none of my friends are available, so I guess I'll have to go with you.
Aries: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.
Troy: Thank god.
Jakob: Hey, you want a tarot reading?
Aries: Those are Pokemon cards.
Jakob: You got a magikarp.
Jakob: It means 'fuck you'.
Aries: Troy, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?
Troy, naked in Aries's bed: No, I absolutely do not.
Aries, already taking off their clothes: Fuck... Me neither.
Aries: Pardon the intrusion, but-
Smith: On this moment or just my life in general?
Aries: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.
Quincy: Marry me.
Aries: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Every Toxic Bro Ever: It was me...
Aries: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.
Quincy: *sees someone doing something stupid*
Quincy: What an idiot.
Quincy: *realizes it's Aries*
Quincy: Wait, that's MY idiot!
Aries: What are you doing here?
Troy: I could ask you the same question.
Aries: I live here. This is my house.
Troy: I should probably ask you a different question.
Aries: What goes up but never comes down?
Smith: The amount of stress you're bringing to this family.
Quincy: Wow, great work on the Halloween decorations. Where did you get the fake skeletons?
Aries: I have a new hoodie.
Troy: We have a new hoodie.
Aries: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born.
Jakob: Aw... that's not true.
Jakob: It'd be exactly the same.
Jakob: You're not important.
Aries: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?
Derrick: Your life?
Aries: I- well yes, but-
Aries: My head hurts.
Derrick: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
Aries: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.
Smith: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.
Aries: How stupid do you think I am?!
Derrick: You really want an honest answer to that?
Smith: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.
Smith: Vroom vroom, come out already.
Aries: Oh no, 'Aries' in B flat.
Aries: You're disappointed.
Aries: So I have made the decision to trust you.
Every Toxic Bro Ever: A horrible decision, really.
Aries: Come on Derrick, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...
Derrick: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.
Every Toxic Bro Ever: I am in charge of this disaster!
Aries: I have a name, you know.
Aries: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Quincy: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Aries: Absolutely not.
Aries: Are we fighting or flirting?
Jakob: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Aries: Your point?
*Aries is crying after a breakup*
Troy: There there, Aries.
Aries, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?
Troy: Great question—
Derrick: Relationships should be 50/50. Aries cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.
Derrick: I love you.
Aries, not paying attention: What was that?
Derrick: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-
Jakob: As top in this relationship, I think we should-
Aries: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.
Aries: I trusted you!
Every Toxic Bro Ever: Why?
Quincy: *running towards Aries with open arms*
Aries: *moves out of the way*
Quincy: Hey, why'd you move?!
Aries: I thought you were going to attack me.
Quincy: I was going to hug you!
Aries: Why would you hug me?
Quincy: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?
Aries: My life is a mess.
Jakob: Aries relax, go get a beer.
Aries: I don’t want a beer.
Jakob: Who said it was for you?
Aries: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.
Aries: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?
Derrick: *makes Aries a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Aries: *sips tea*
Aries: *finishes tea*
Derrick: Didn't it taste bad?
Aries: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Derrick, tearing up: Oh, okay.