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 TheFlyingKitten
06:50:02 Petri Dish/Sorceress
Real quick, can someone confirm that Prudence is/was a name people have or used to frequently have?
 Transcendence
06:45:42 anti gen ai
Pvp anyonee
 TheFlyingKitten
06:41:34 Petri Dish/Sorceress
Does anyone else like to pat their pets' butts when they're happy? Kinda like you're playing a bongo. I do it when I'm happy to my cat and she seems to either like it or tolerate it enough for me to do it as often as I do.
 Magnus Bane
06:32:12 Mag/Maggy
Swamp is probably the best place to get mush right now
 Nesta
06:30:57 Nes/Spider
Mag
Yeah I've been doing that but I like saving as much as I can
 TheFlyingKitten
06:30:27 Petri Dish/Sorceress
I have a song stuck in my head, but only one specific portion. Why do my earworms do that? XD
 Magnus Bane
06:30:19 Mag/Maggy
Nesta
You can buy Chinese pottery from bidoo also
 Nesta
06:28:43 Nes/Spider
Mag
I currently have 138 mush from exploring
Plus the mush I've saved
 Magnus Bane
06:28:02 Mag/Maggy
That sounds like a goal
 Nesta
06:26:41 Nes/Spider
Mag
Or get a couple hundred mush
 Nesta
06:25:59 Nes/Spider
Mag
Maybe to get to mountain or tundra but I'm only at Forest 5
 Magnus Bane
06:24:59 Mag/Maggy
Nesta
Any goal?
 Nesta
06:24:34 Nes/Spider
Mag
I honestly want to explore more but I'm just tired T^T
 Magnus Bane
06:23:07 Mag/Maggy
Nesta
I'm offended XD

Dogg
That's sounds fun!
 Ninjago Realm
06:22:38 Waterfall,Zane,Nya
has anyone see any of my wp family?
 Nesta
06:22:09 Nes/Spider
*how*
 DoggPuk3
06:21:36 Dogg/Pukester
Im good! Im feeling proud because I finished the YCH and posted the auction that I was talking about yesterday :>
Hru?
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06:21:19 Nes/Spider
Mag
I'm pretty good just finishing some exploring. Ho about you?
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06:20:47 Mag/Maggy
How are yall:)
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06:20:40 Waterfall,Zane,Pixal
im bored

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Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 01:25 AM


Lost Memories

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Realizing that my Narin story may take longer than I thought, so here's a song for now, lmao
-

Song; to my siblings by Tessa Blasko

(With some adjustments to the lyrics to better fit the characters in some spots)

Characters; Narin. Calypso, Amara, and Tirion mentioned

Context; This takes place at about the same time as the story I'm working on (called Kill The Pain, I've decided :D), which is about a suicide attempt Narin made at 21. Narin very much thinks about his sisters in everything he does however, which is actually what ends up saving his life in the end (you'll get more context on that in the story), but this song kind of encapsulates his thoughts during the attempt, thinking of them even then. I also recommend you give the song a listen, it's even more heartbreaking, lol

TWs: Self-harm and suicide attempt.

---

Narin, with a newly emptied bottle of pills in his hand, crying as he thinks back on memories with his sisters, truely just hoping they don't blame themselves and can remember the good times as fondly as he does: "I hope you don't forget the way I curled up next to you, watched the airplanes fly across the canvas painted blue... I hope you don't forget the times I told you: I love you! I hope you don't forget about me..."

Narin, grabbing the bottle of whiskey he brought with him to the roof, downing some of it quickly before smashing it and grabbing the sharpest shard, shivering as his sisters' faces continue to cling to his mind despite the alcohol and pain: "I hope you don't forget the days we'd climb the backyard tree, or when we'd see who could go further out at the old beach... I hope you don't forget the song I'd sing to help you sleep! I hope you don't forget about me..."

Narin, staring at his newly slit wrist, vision hazy as his mind provides him with images of his sisters' growing up, reminding him of how they always clung to him: "Every day gone by, I hope the mеmories stay as strong. The years go passing by and suddеnly it's been too long..."

Narin, as the drugs he took start kicking in, shakily allowing himself to lay down on the concrete roof, letting go of the glass shard in favor of reaching for his phone, which he mostly just holds for a long while, slowly starting to question if this decision was the correct one: "If you don't remember, then just sing our song..."

Narin, only hanging on to consciousness by the images of Calypso and Amara, which refuse to let him let go: "I hope you don't forget about the time we played piano, making songs up as we went, the special code we used to keep our secrets from our friends. The time we had the same dream and thought that it was meant to be... I hope you don't forget about me..."

Narin, in a sudden burst of desperation to at least make sure his siblings aren't the ones who find him, pulling his phone up and dialing the most used number, thinking back on everything he's done and how he's held on for so long just for his sisters' the entire time: "I hope I don't forget the games we played at 2am, or lose the drawings from the book, I've kept them ever since! As I let go, and you're still here, I pray that nothing ends..."

Narin, shaking violently, fully aware he's about to die as the person picks up the phone, sobbing as he starts to beg for Amara and Calypso to be protected, even if he can't be saved: "I hope I don't forget about you..."

Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 02:35 AM


Overthink101

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That song lyric thing was incredibly sad and angsty and I absolutely loved it. Very good, very great
Very excited for the short story, yes
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 04:42 PM


Lost Memories

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Glad you liked it!
Yeah, the short story is so very angsty, feeling slightly bad for doing this to my boy, but oh well XD
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 04:45 PM


Overthink101

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Haha totally fair, totally fair
-
Oh, fun fact, the Akira snippet is done now
I'll be getting it up within the next hour
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 04:55 PM


Lost Memories

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Ooo, very excited! :D
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 05:06 PM


Overthink101

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And here are the first three snippets of River Pactolus! Enjoy!
-

River Pactolus

Part 1 - The News

Characters; Garvin (and others), the rest of GRAIN, and the dogs. Kids mentioned.

Word Count; 1970.

TWs; Swearing, varying levels of dissociation, varying levels of self-esteem issues, varying levels of self-worth issues, heavy denial, drug trafficking mentioned, human trafficking mentioned, nausea, panic/anxiety attacks, ‘mild’ flashbacks, vaguely implied conditioning/grooming/programming, and messy writing/ending. Maybe more? Hard to really say.

Notes; Yeah, uh. Here’s the first part. The part names are just what they’re titled in my google docs to make sure I remember what the snippet’s about. Anyways, uh. Prepare yourself.

*~*~*~*

With a hand reaching out to search for the nightstand to help push himself up, Garvin blinked past sleep to find an empty bed. Which, as much as he had been sleeping in lately, he’d still expected at least Aki to be in bed still. It was the weekend, after all. He was fairly sure it was the weekend, at least. So he let himself stare at the empty spaces for a moment before huffing and shifting his gaze to the nightstand. Even if it wasn’t common, it wasn’t unheard of for them to get up earlier. Maybe they had some sort of practice going on and he’d forgotten about it. It wouldn’t have been the first time that had happened.

-

He shifted around so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore the urge to just lay back down. He hadn’t really done much the past few days, or even really the past week. His legs still felt like they weren’t going to hold him up as well as they were supposed to. So he breathed a sigh, grabbing his glasses off the nightstand before reaching for the cane hooked on the bedpost. He took a moment to reorient himself, making sure his cane was firm against the ground, before pushing himself up and off the bed with one hand.

-

He took a second to notice that Lin wasn’t in the room with him, which wasn’t too odd. The dane had probably just gone with Rove to get breakfast when Polaris or Lacerta had woken up. Though, usually, he was back in the bedroom by the time Garvin woke up. Unless something was happening outside of the room that he was dealing with. He hoped whatever it was wasn’t something too serious, at least. Sleeping through something like that wasn’t something he wanted to do. Maybe that was why Aquila hadn’t been in bed still though. Except, well… There really wasn’t any reason to wake Amber up and not him.

-

Not unless whatever it was had something to do with him. Maybe they were talking about him. Maybe this was it. They’d seen enough of him. Dealt with enough of him. They were just trying to decide how to kick him out, what they’d tell anyone that asked. If anyone asked.

-

Garvin took a breath, leaned his head against the master bedroom door, and mumbled aloud to himself. To whoever was actually worried about that still. “They ain’t doin’ that.” All he got in return was about what he expected, the vague sense of disbelief that almost made him want to stay in the room and wait. So he huffed, took a moment to shake his head, and grabbed the door’s handle with his free hand.

-

He stepped out of the master bedroom softly, deciding against closing the door behind him. He started down the hallway, keeping an eye and ear out for… Anyone, really. He heard the sounds of the TV first, and paused. It sounded like a news channel. Which was a little weird, given that none of them really watched the news. Sometimes Specs did though. The volume seemed too loud for a Saturday morning, especially given that he didn’t hear any of the kids up and they were all trying not to give them any of their terrible sleeping schedules.

-

He kept walking down the hall, only to pause again a few steps after to the sounds of his partners talking. He couldn’t make anything out. The conversation didn’t sound good though, like it was a happy, laidback weekend one. He grimaced, and focused on ignoring the climbing worry from whoever was still worried about getting kicked out. Maybe the same one? Garvin was just about tired of communication being as hard as it was. He set his jaw, and kept walking. He hoped his partners wouldn’t wake any of the kids up with their conversation.

-

The sounds from the TV stopped before he’d gotten close enough to know what it was saying, apparently either having been turned off or paused. The conversation seemed to wilt and wane too, and he hoped that he hadn’t missed all of it. There was a lump in his throat that he didn’t think had any reason to be there, and the hallway seemed just a little off kilter. He blinked, and made sure he was still walking.

-

Lyra’s voice stopped him for a second, slightly strained and far too soft. “What do we… Should we tell Vin?

-

He blinked again, furrowing his brows. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and kept walking, careful to keep his steps quiet. It wasn’t too out of the norm for them to consider keeping things from him, as much as he hated it. It’d been more common years ago though. They hadn’t done it anytime recently. He didn’t think they had. Maybe they’d just gotten better at it. Maybe he was getting worse at reading them. Maybe he was getting worse at everything he’d been good at in the past.

-

He blinked a few more times at the muffled sound of Aquila’s voice, like he was underwater or he had cotton stuffed in his ears. He gritted his teeth, blinked some more, trying to get himself to focus, to get back to the moment, and ran his free hand over the wall as he kept walking. When he had reached the living room where his partners were, he didn’t think he had missed too much.

-

Lin looked up and over at him, and before his partners could follow suit, he forced his voice to work, eyes looking around the room, anywhere but his partners, as he did. “An’ uh, wha’ am I…” He trailed for a moment as his eyes caught the screen of the TV, paused on what he assumed was the news channel. “…bein’ told ‘bout?

-

There were faces on the screen. He recognized Fin’s. The others… Felt familiar. He’d seen plenty of faces in his life though, he’d seen plenty of faces in that city. Maybe the police there were finally trying to crackdown on the shithole. Maybe his partners were just worried he’d go down to help out Spark. That didn’t seem right though. He squinted at the TV from behind his glasses, trying to read the bit of information under the faces, barely noticing as Specs stood up and started walking towards him. No one spoke.

-

The faces were people that hadn’t been caught and arrested yet, apparently. Wanted for… A word stuck out from the list that made him pause. That made his throat tighten and stomach sink. Fin was wanted for trafficking. Among other fucking reasons but— He wouldn’t. Spark wasn’t a— A fucking trafficker. He bit at his tongue, clenched his jaw, and forced out, “Unpause it.

-

Lacerta was the first to speak, his voice careful, “I don’t think you—

-

He took a breath, looked over at Mer sitting next to Apus and Pavo, and didn’t let Rev get through with telling him it wasn’t a good idea. He didn’t care if it was a good idea or not. “Lin, remote?” The dane looked between him and the screen for a moment before getting up.

-

Vans looked about done with him at that. And… Yeah, okay. That seemed fair. Using Mer was basically a cheat. But he just— It didn’t say what kind of trafficking. Maybe it just meant drug trafficking. The gang had done that. Lin stopped in front of him, holding the remote carefully in his mouth. As he reached for it, Akeri spoke, their voice a strained warning. “Hun, ya sure ‘bout this?

-

He took the remote from Lin with his free hand, decided that was probably enough of an answer, and reached up to rub the bottom of the remote against the top of Lent’s head for a moment. “Good job, Mer.” He paused, looking at the remote before turning his head towards Gall. “I’ll, uh. Clean it off later fer ya.

-

Crescent looked worried. Everyone looked worried. He was tired of not being told shit. For his own good or not, he was tired of it. He wasn’t about to leave and go help Spark just because he’d finally gotten busted for drug trafficking, it’d been bound to happen eventually. He didn’t need to get into any trouble with the law at the moment. He hadn’t needed to for years. So he unpaused the TV and watched as the image switched and the newscaster’s voice started again.

-

He watched as the hope of it just being drug trafficking cracked and crumbled. He watched as his hands tightened, as he leaned more on his cane. As he was told that Fin had been involved in human trafficking, been one of the damn ringleaders of it.

-

An image of a black vine with a gold outline showing up on the screen made him blink, tightening his hand around his cane as his vision seemed to stall for a moment. Someone was stepping closer by the time it came back, and he held the remote tighter in his hand. He stared towards the TV, at the picture that was near fucking identical to the tattoos he’d gotten with— He felt sick. Nauseous. Everything felt shaky. He tried to take a breath, to steady himself.

-

The familiar weight of Mer pressed against him in time with the newscaster starting to say something about golden spider bite piercings. He didn’t get much else, not with the way his hearing gave out with his sight. He blinked, trying to get himself back, and found Lin’s back with the hand that was still gripping the remote when he couldn’t. His sight came back a moment later, blurry and dizzying and dark at the edges, with nausea trying to fight its way up and out. His throat closed on him before it could though, and he couldn’t move his eyes away from the screen. His hearing came back long enough for him to hear the sound of his own heavy breathing, shaky and interrupted.

-

He squeezed his eyes shut, just for a moment, just to try and get rid of the headache starting to show up. Just to try and not feel as dizzy as he did. As gross as he did. He felt more than heard the choked, muffled sound in the back of his throat and bit his tongue. He opened his eyes, and snapped them back closed at the feeling of hands on him. He couldn’t— He tightened his grip on the remote, because the hands had to be his partners and he wasn’t about to let them take the remote. He could handle… There were worse things. Right? He couldn’t remember fucking anything apparently but there had to be—

-

Maybe Spark had been framed for it. Maybe the tattoo and piercing was supposed to— Fuck, he didn’t know. Maybe it was supposed to say he wasn’t— Fin wouldn’t have done that. He wouldn’t have. Not after— They were friends. They’d been friends.

-

Something, some sort of fucking noise, passed his ear, he couldn’t tell what. He couldn’t tell if something actually had or not. There were still hands on him. He couldn’t—

-

He blinked, and found himself mostly alone on the couch, Lent’s head resting on his lap the only thing keeping him company. The remote was in his hand, which seemed a little odd, especially given that the TV was off. He couldn’t remember sitting down, but Merry probably had something to do with it. So he stayed where he was, curling into the corner of the couch, trying not to feel too confused by the tightness in his throat and the feeling in his chest. Really, he just felt like shit. He was tired.

*~*~*~*

River Pactolus

Part 2 - Midas

Characters; Garvin (and others), Nico, and Merlin. Kids and the rest of GRAIN are mentioned.

Word Count; 1190.

TWs; Swearing, varying levels of dissociation, self-esteem issues, self-worth issues, depression, self-hatred, human trafficking implied/mentioned, nausea, ‘mild’ flashbacks, vaguely implied conditioning/grooming/programming, and messy writing/ending. Maybe more? Hard to really say.

Notes; Enjoy the snippet with Nico and Midas! It’s sad but it’s not as bad as some of this shit will be, haha. Enjoy Midas being more of a protector too.

*~*~*~*

The rest of Saturday had passed in a blur, as did the next few days, as though he were half asleep, as though he was in some sort of shitty autopilot. He couldn’t remember getting off the couch, but he assumed he must have at some point. Whether to eat or take medication or use the bathroom or… Just to do something, he doubted his partners wouldn’t have dragged him off the couch at some point. They always at least tried to during July, after all. He couldn’t remember talking to any of them though, he could barely remember even seeing any of them. He knew he must have, he could barely ever avoid them when he actually wanted to. The days were a blur though, and anytime he did manage to focus back in, he found himself lying on the couch. Curled up, staring at the cushions, and stuck in the weird in between of being asleep and far too awake.

-

He wasn’t… Sure what had even happened to cause it this time. It didn’t make any sense to him. He’d been fine, he’d been doing so well. He’d been taking his medication, he’d been using the gloves and the glasses and just… All of the fucking aids that he was supposed to be using– He was clean. His last relapse had been years ago. Things had been going well, everything had been getting better. But, well, apparently he just… Didn’t have the energy to keep that progress up like he should have been doing. Like he had been doing before… Whatever the fuck had happened.

-

He almost startled out of his half present state of the day when something pushed against his back. He blinked, bleary, and turned his head away from the couch cushions he’d been staring at to see Lin’s face. He blinked again, his throat feeling tighter, and went to go back to staring at the cushions. Before he could though, Mer nudged him again.

-

So he stared at the dog instead, trying to work through the mud trying to pull and keep him down. He took a breath, it seemed heavier than it should’ve been. Lent rested his head on the cushion. He tried to roll his eyes, he couldn’t tell if he had or not, and forced a shaking hand to rest on top of Merry’s head. He swallowed past a lump in his throat, and blinked…

-

To find himself in the kitchen. Which. Seemed almost like an improvement. If not for the fact that he couldn’t remember getting up and walking to the kitchen. If not for the fact that he was half leaning against the counter and half leaning against Mer, no cane in sight. He bit his tongue, trying to get any sort of focus back. The world seemed blurry, but he wasn’t sure if that was because he wasn’t wearing his glasses or because of how far away he felt… It didn’t really matter, either way Lin was probably just trying to make sure that he ate.

-

He blinked away from where he’d been staring at the kitchen counter when Lent looked towards the entrance. He found Lyra staring at him. Or maybe they’d said something. He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t read the look on her face at the moment. It didn’t look real, if he were being honest. He wasn’t even sure if he was. He lifted his hand that wasn’t holding onto Merry and grabbed onto the kitchen counter, trying to will himself into focusing. Trying to will himself into believing that he was.

-

Coco sighed, face twisting. He’d probably missed something being said. He’d probably messed something up. He wasn’t sure what he could’ve messed up this time. It seemed likely enough to him though. Pavo took a step forwards, into the kitchen and toward him. It took him a moment to process what they were saying, and most likely repeating. “Hey lovely, how are you feeling today?

-

He half felt himself grimace, half felt his stomach churn, and half felt the lump forming in his throat again. He saw Lyra’s wince more than anything he half felt though, and just about cussed himself out. He managed not to though, and tried to get his voice to work for him. As much as he didn’t want to say… Anything. His hands were too shaky to even think about trying to sign instead. So he pressed himself against the counter, and cleared his throat. His voice still seemed too distant, too far away to his ears. “‘M fine, uh…” He felt himself shaking his head, trying to clear his thoughts, trying to manage keeping his thoughts. Trying to keep the slight focus he had from drifting. “‘M jus’ tired, I think.

-

Starry’s face shifted again. He still couldn’t read it. It still seemed off though. He should’ve stayed on the couch. Her lips pressed into a line, and they nodded. Slow and hesitant and disbelieving. “Right, okay.. Let me know if you need anything though, okay?” He paused, eyes searching for… Something. “If you… Want to talk about it at all…

-

She continued. He could see their lips moving but he couldn’t… He bit his tongue, throat tight and his head pounding behind his eyes. He held the counter tighter, and squeezed his eyes shut. Just for a moment. Just to get rid of the pressure. He shouldn’t have gotten up. He should’ve stayed lying down on the couch, going back and forth between sleeping and staring at the cushions. Bringing down everyone’s mood and setting just a shitty fucking example for—

-

For the kids. Something got lodged in his throat again and for a second, he couldn’t breathe. A hand rested in the small of his back, and he stiffened. It shifted, making its way up his spine and to the nape of his neck. He swallowed the lump in the back of his throat, and blinked.

-

Nico looked worried. It was just about the first thing Midas noticed. He took a breath, and tried not to feel too bad. “There’s nothing to talk about, Nico.” He paused, watching the way that Nico shifted, a slight confusion clear on her face. They always looked so caught off guard when he didn’t use any nicknames for any of them. Midas continued. “Just— Inside’s a mess right now. There’s a lot of shit going on. He doesn’t remember…” His throat closed for a moment. He took a breath, and hoped that Nico would understand without him having to say it.

-

He let go of the counter and waved a still shaky hand in a gesture as he continued, “Well, you know. And, at least for now, I’m trying to keep it that way. He can’t— No one’s taking it well, right now. I need time to… Figure this out. Okay? I just…” Midas trailed off, eyes glued to the counter. He took another breath, and tried not to sound as uncertain as he felt. “Everything’ll be fine. But for now, I’ll eat something and… I don’t know, change or use the bathroom… Or something, alright?

*~*~*~*

River Pactolus

Part 3 - Akira

Characters; Garvin (and others), Akira, and Merlin. Kids and the rest of GRAIN are mentioned in varying degrees.

Word Count; 2070.

TWs; Swearing, varying levels of dissociation, self-esteem issues, self-worth issues, depression, self-hatred, relatively mild internalized ableism, relatively mild suicidal ideation, and messy writing/ending. Maybe more? Hard to really say.

Notes; Enjoy the snippet with Akira! Garvin’s still in his rut, by a lot. But it’s getting to that point where one thinks they’re getting out of it, even though they’re actually just getting worse. Oops.

*~*~*~*

He stared at the shelves of hair dye in the aisle, one hand holding the balance handle on Lin’s harness and his other in one of his pockets. It was… Almost odd, being out of the house again, he wasn’t even sure how long it’d been, given how shit his memory seemed to be again at the moment. He was wearing his gloves again too, for the first time in who knew how long, though mostly only because Aquila had been damn adamant about him wearing them before they left the house. He blinked, slower than he thought he needed to, and then blinked a few more times. To even it out. Or just to try and keep himself from yawning. Either way, the two of them had been planning to dye their hair together a while ago, before… Whatever had happened. Which… He still wasn’t sure why Aki hadn’t just dyed their hair without him, but they hadn’t. So their roots were growing out and the color had faded more than they had ever let it get before, or at least more than he’d ever seen them let it get before… All because of a fucking episode that he still wasn’t all the way out of yet.

-

…At least he was out of it enough to do it now? Merry nudged him with his nose, and he looked over, blinking. He took a moment before sighing and looking at the shelves again. Kira had gone off to grab the same one they always did and… He was still just staring at the shelves, not even trying to figure out what color to do. At the rate he was going, Akeri would get back with their hair dye before he even knew what color to get, let alone which damn box for it. He shifted his feet, trying to get his focus back enough to actually pay attention to the boxes of hair dye in front of him, and rubbed at his temple with his free hand. He huffed, and managed a small half smile when Lent copied it.

-

He looked down at the dane for a moment again, taking a breath and mumbling, “Well… Whaddaya think, Mer? Wha’ color shoulda do, bud?” He didn’t get an answer beyond Lin tilting his head at him, which seemed fair enough. So he sighed, and let his free hand go back to the pocket it’d been in before.

-

He forced his eyes back to the shelf in front of him, trying not to wince at the sudden pop of color from the pictures on the boxes of hair dye. They were sorted by color instead of brand, at least. He took a deeper breath, and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, tapping a foot against the floor. He didn’t have the energy for this. As much as he wanted to dye his hair with Aquila… Lying down seemed like a better idea to him. Waiting to get back to the house seemed like too long though. Waiting for Aki to get back with their hair dye, for them to buy it, for them to walk back home… Open the door, unlock it if it’s locked, walk inside, close the door, walk to the couch… He’d have to get the harness off of Lin too…

-

He switched his hand from the balance handle to the pull strap and lowered himself to the ground to sit down in the aisle where he was, Lent shifting into sitting down next to him as he did so. Just until Thistle got back. He’d get back up then, when they got back with their hair dye. He just… He just needed a second. To catch his breath or rest his eyes or get off his feet or… Something. He didn’t really know. He didn’t think it really mattered all that much. He probably should’ve just told Kira to dye their hair without him. That he’d dye his hair on his own later. Eventually. He didn’t really want to buy any hair dye either. It just… Seemed like a waste of money to him. The dye would fade, roots would grow out, the water used would influence the water bill, and any money spent on him… Well, that was a waste all by itself.

-

He leaned his head against the danes’ shoulder, letting his eyes close and at least trying to get rid of the tension that always seemed to be… Just about everywhere, really.

-

—Claddagh?

-

He blinked his eyes open to the sound of Aquila’s voice and the feeling of Merry’s wet nose on his forehead, squinting behind his glasses and trying to figure out how much he’d missed. How much time had passed. How long Aki had been there for. He was still on the ground, in the aisle, sitting in front of shelves of hair dye, leaned against Lin. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been doing that for. He moved his head to look at Amber and the box of hair dye in one of their hands, trying not to close his eyes and drift into the weird spot between sleep and awake again. Instead, he pushed his voice into working, not quite ready to stand again yet. “Mm… Yeah, ‘quila?

-

They made a face, and he took a breath, trying to figure out if it was one he was supposed to know. If it was one he’d been able to read before. He wasn’t sure, but even if it was, he couldn’t read it at the moment, right then and there. So he shifted, trying to convince himself to stand up, to stop being so fucking pathetic as to be drifting on the floor of a store aisle. Akeri started walking over to him, eyes searching. Probably for if he had a box of hair dye picked out too or not. He looked away, back towards the shelves of hair dye as he stood, helped up by Lent more than he had ever liked to admit.

-

D’ya… Know which ya wanna do?” Plum was just about to him by the time he’d managed to stand and switch his hand back to the balance handle on Mer’s harness. Their voice was just a little softer than what he thought was really necessary.

-

He didn’t look at them. Instead, he stared at the boxes of hair dye in front of him and swallowed past the dry feeling in his throat. He shrugged, trying to figure out how he could tell them that getting hair dye for him seemed like a waste. That it seemed just as worthless as he was. That wasn’t anything that Aquila would want to hear though, and even if they’d let him get away with it, which didn’t even seem all that likely… There’d be someone at the house that wouldn’t. And, yeah, he was doing better than he had been recently but he wasn’t ready to start going back to appointments. Not if this outing was anything to go off of.

-

So he took a breath, took his free hand out of his pocket, and rolled his wrist in some odd gesture. “I dunno if…” He trailed off, trying to find a reason that he could actually give them. Trying to find words that would work. He bit his tongue for a moment, and continued with a light sigh. “...If I ‘ave the, uh, y’know, the…” He trailed again, rolling his wrist as if that could tell them the word that he couldn’t. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, trying to ignore the frustration that always came with not being able to find a word, before giving up with a small huff and restarting his excuse. “‘M jus’ tired. Tha’s all.

-

He couldn’t tell if Aki believed him or not, but it wasn’t like he was even looking at them to try and figure it out either. The silence between them wasn’t helping him feel like they did though. So he fixed his gaze on the box of hair dye in front of him, a dark blue color that would probably end up being a shade of blue-green for him. Maybe even aqua. If it not a huge fucking waste of money, it’d probably be funny. He bit his tongue, and tried not to tap his foot. Lent nudged him, and Kira finally spoke.

-

Well, we can still getcha one fer when ya ain’t.

-

He couldn’t tell if their voice was softer or not, if they sounded more worried or more casual. He couldn’t tell. It was annoying. It was stupid. He dug a canine into his tongue, and tried not to feel too much like he was being backed into a corner. He couldn’t really argue against that reasoning, and it was too late to change his excuse to something else. But he also couldn’t tell them something that he knew would only end up making them more worried. And more worried about him, to boot. Which was fucking stupid, it was a waste of time, a waste of effort. But going along with their idea meant they’d end up wasting money, and then they’d still end up wasting time and effort too. He half felt the way his face twisted at the thought, and he spoke before he’d even come up with what to say. “I don’ wan’cha ta hafta waste yer–

-

He caught himself and bit down on his tongue, trying to hope that somehow Aquila didn’t put it together. That somehow, it’d be the one time they couldn’t read into shit like that. They were always the best at figuring that shit out though. They’d be worried. They’d tell the others. They’d tell someone, even if they didn’t tell all of the others. Whoever they told would be worried. About him. For no fucking reason beyond him not knowing how to shut his damn mouth, for no reason beyond him knowing how little he was worth. How much of a waste it was to spend anything on him. He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. “…S’rry. I didn’t, uh…

-

He trailed again, eyes searching along the shelves, trying to find something to say, tense and almost waiting for… He wasn’t even sure what. He bit his tongue. Aki spoke before he’d figured out anything to say. “‘M not gonna be wastin’ anythin’ by gettin’ ya hair dye. If yer too tired ta do it today, we’ll jus’ do it some other time. An’ if ya ain’t wantin’ ta do it ‘cause ya feel like shit, we can still jus’ do it some other time. Either way, havin’ it already means we don’t gotta come back fer it later.

-

He shifted to biting at his inner lip, trying to ignore how tight his throat felt. He didn’t want to go back and forth with Kira. Not when he’d never been able to convince them of what he knew was true before. He was tired and, honestly, he was probably overreacting. It was just some hair dye, after all, nothing his throat should be closing up because of. So he forced himself to give a small nod, not quite trusting his voice to work, and trailed his eyes along the shelves again. The whole thing seemed fucking pathetic to him. He didn’t think he was supposed to be in the store, let alone the damn aisle. Not with how out of place he felt.

-

His eyes landed on the box of blue hair dye he’d been staring at moments ago. He didn’t really want to go through the process of picking one out. He honestly was tired at this point, and besides that— Actually picking one out would waste even more time than he already had. He chewed at his lip, stopped when his tooth hit the metal of his gold spider bites, and started fidgeting with it instead.

-

He reached out his free hand and grabbed the box of blue hair dye. It’d work fine. He didn’t think he’d end up using it anytime soon. Maybe they’d let someone else use it if he didn’t dye his hair with it quick enough. He didn’t really care. He hoped they did though, just so it wouldn’t be too much of a waste. His throat still felt tight. He just wanted to lay down again. Lay down and not have to get back up.

Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 05:48 PM


Lost Memories

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That was incredible!
So angsty and so beautifully written
I love it so, so much
Genuinely amazing!
And poor orphan boy, I feel so bad for him :(
Of course Fintan is still causing pain after so long, he's just filled up another 3 kill books >:(
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 05:53 PM


Overthink101

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Glad you liked the first three snippets!
Haha, yeahhh- Garvin goes back so many steps in River Pactolus.
Hopefully everyone is written well!
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 06:00 PM


Lost Memories

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Noooo, my boyyyyy! :(
Everyone is written wonderfully! Very accurate on all fronts :D
-
Also, just over 1200 words in Kill The Pain and I've just done the first POV switch from Tirion to Narin, so two more sections to go and then I should be done!
If I'm lucky, I can probably get it done sometime tonight, but we'll see, lmao
Whispers Cost | DiscussionNovember 2, 2024 06:17 PM


Overthink101

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Glad everyone is written well!
And, uh, yeah, sorry. Garvin's continuously is going to not be doing too well.
Ingall and hair dyeing is next, so we'll see how long that one takes.
And then I have to do the incredibly long one that is Revan's snippet with him. Where Garvin finally remembers the news. That one's going to be a doozy. And, technically, had originally been going to be two separate snippets before I decided I could probably just do them together.
-
Oooo, fun, fun- Very excited tor it and all its angst!

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