Hehe, I did something (Jesus, this took forever, lmao)
This is the whole script from an old DanPlan video, "By the way, Are You a Sociopath?" but with some Gorōta, Irfam, Sol, and Briar. (slightly altered to better suit characters) Enjoy! :)
--
Nico: "Today we're going to be playing, 'Are You a Sociopath?'"
Irfam, confused: "Wait, we did this one before!?"
Nico: "That was a psychopath."
Sol: "What- what's the difference again?"
Nico: "Uh... I don't know. Look, none of what we do is scientific, this is just for fun. Honestly, you could probably call this Psychopath Part 2, we're just calling it a sociopath 'cuz everybody likes talking about sociopaths nowadays... It's just for fun! Today we have a special guest! Our OG of OG in the rebellion (shush, I know this isn't accurate, lol), Garvin! Say hi, Garvin!"
Garvin: "Hello!"
Sol: "It's been a while, Garvin."
Garvin: "Yeah, it actually has been, yeah. It's been a very long time."
Sol: "How're you?"
Garvin: "Oh... I can't really answer that question in a happy tone..."
Nico, laughing: "Oh my God-"
*All laughing*
Garvin: *Laughter turns into fake sobbing*
Nico: "Alright, okay, Garvin. Stop- stop it. You can cry after the game."
-
Nico, monologuing: "I was thinking to myself, "Who could contest in a sociopathic test with Irfam?" And I could only come up with one person..."
Irfam, interfering: "A second Irfam!"
*Chuckling*
Nico: "That was Garvin."
Irfam: "Oh, okay."
Nico: "Whoever wins gets bragging rights and a mental disorder!"
Garvin, laughing: "Alright."
Sol: "Okay"
Irfam: "Wow..."
Nico: "Ready? Question number 1: A serial killer was chasing you down, but suddenly stops and makes a phone call to you. Why did he make a phone call?"
Garvin: ""Stop running.""
*All laugh*
Sol: "Actually, yeah, it would- it would make me slow down!"
Garvin: "'Cause you're hiding and they wanted to find you."
Irfam, monotone: "I have no clue why they would call someone. I just thought-"
Nico, worriedly: "What's with the monotone, Irfam?"
Irfam, still monotone: "I do not know why the sociopath decided to do this, and I do not want to comment further."
Sol: "Are- are you feeling okay, Irfam?"
Irfam, serious and monotone: "I am feeling great, there is no one behind me!"
Sol: "If I'm running away and I'm hiding... I'm bound to either slow down or the serial killer can essentially just pinpoint my location."
Nico: "So, the answer is: To listen to the sound of a bell ringing so he can locate the victim. Congratulations, Sol and Garvin. You guys get one point!"
Sol & Garvin: "Yay!"
Irfam, still monotone: "Good job, you two."
Sol: "I- I'm actually worried about Irfam..."
Nico, shrugging it off: "It's alright, he'll die probably."
Garvin: *laughs*
-
Nico: "Question number 2: A man wants to kill his own boss. He rushes into the store and sees a $5 knife and a $50 knife. He buys the $5 knife and rushes out. Why did he pick the $5 knife?"
Garvin: "Okay, I have an answer. Because with the $50 knife..."
Sol: "Yes?"
Garvin: "$50, right?"
Sol: "Yeah?"
Garvin: "Do you have $50 in your wallet right now?"
Sol: "Yeah, no. I don't- I don't have any cash."
Garvin: "You're gonna have to use a debit card or a credit card. For you to not have an alibi, you need to buy a cheap knife that you can pay with the cash."
Irfam, still monotone: "Yes, I agree with Sol. Everything he said is right, but I actually think it's because he wants to make some food afterwards with the same knife. Get rid of the evidence."
Sol: "N-no, if you want to make food, then wouldn't you just buy the $50 one?"
Garvin: "Do you guys really want to cook food with the knife that you just used to kill people?"
Sol: "Hey, he's a sociopath, what he-"
Irfam, monotone: "Hydrogen peroxide takes off the blood, Sol. I don't know how you don't know this."
Garvin: "Right..."
Sol: "If I want to kill someone, for the reason being I hate that person, my number one instinct is to make it as miserable as possible."
Nico & Garvin: "Oh my God..."
Sol: "If I'm going to actually murder someone out of pure hatred, I might as well make it as well make it living hell for the other person, right? Am I the only one thinking that way?"
Nico: "Uh..."
Nico, Garvin, & Irfam: "Yes."
Sol: "I don't know!"
Nico: "Okay, so, the answer is: To kill the boss more painfully with the dull knife."
Sol: "Oh! See? I told you, you wanna make it miserable!"
Nico: "I dunno if I wanna give you the point."
Garvin: *laughs*
-
Nico: "A man who owns a business goes bankrupt, so he started to work somewhere else. The man hides this fact from his wife. One day, she finds out, but she acts as if she doesn't know for his own sake. Soon, the husband finds out, and, once he does, he locks her in the house and burns the house down. Why?"
Irfam: "Typical reaction."
Sol: *Losing it*
Garvin: "Okay, so he doesn't have that much money anymore and so he was working really, really hard, and she pretended to not know, and when the husband found out why she essentially didn't help in the financial difficulty, out of pure spite, I would burn someone."
Nico: "Wait, why did it turn from "husband" to "I" would?"
Garvin: "Uh... uh..."
Sol & Irfam: *Cackling*
Garvin, trying to save it: "The husband... would have the... incentive..."
Nico: "What about you, Irfam?"
Irfam: "Why not? It's fun!"
Garvin: "I can agree with that. It is!"
Irfam: "It's just delightful knowing that you have some power over someone in your life."
Nico: "Okay, alright. Sol?"
Sol: "I was thinking maybe for insurance or maybe, like, the new job was an illegal job?"
Nico: "Thank you for the normal answer. Appreciate that."
Irfam and Garvin: *Laughing*
Nico: "The answer is, basically: A woman who's okay with not being a CEO's wife is not worth keeping."
Irfam: "Oh..."
Garvin: "That was the answer?"
Sol: "What?!"
Nico: "Both of you have proven that maybe that's not the worst answer? No, no one gets a point."
Irfam: "Okay, your face."
Nico, to Irfam and Garvin: "But both of you need help."
Irfam: "Wait, me?!"
Nico: "Sol, get over here! Get away from those people!"
Irfam: "Why me?!"
-
Nico: "Alright, this one is a bit gross, hear me out. A paralyzed woman was found dead, in pieces. The killer was suspected to be her little sister who nursed the woman. When they pieced the woman's body together, 20% of it was missing. It turns out that the little sister ate the woman a little bit every day. Why did she eat her?"
Garvin: "Okay, my initial gut instinct is just telling me straight up. She just wanted the older sister to be a part of her."
Sol: "That's so morphed!"
Irfam: "Okay, why would you ever eat someone other than being delicious? A-Am-Am I the weird on here? Why am I getting so many blank stares?"
Nico: "I don't know who you're going for?"
Irfam: "Hey, you're the one who asked the NSFW question!"
Nico: "Sol, what's your answer?"
Sol: "So she ate her, and we know this for sure... Why the heck would anyone eat someone, what?!"
Irfam: "Vitamin deficiency!"
Garvin: "Oh! There's another reason! There we go!"
Nico: "Stop! Agreeing with him!!"
Garvin: "See, I like you Irfam!"
Irfam: "I like you too!"
Nico: "Ugh! Okay, so the actual answer is: To keep a little bit with her every day."
Garvin: "Oh, so it was the yandere route."
Nico: "Okay, so, Irfam, you did get it right. I just didn't like the fact that you got it right in two seconds."
Sol: "Mhm.."
*All laugh*
Nico: "Garvin, listen, uh... Thanks for coming on board, I think this is where we have to say goodbye."
Irfam: "I don't know, I like Garvin, he kinda thinks like me!"
Nico: "Kinda?! Kinda?!?!"
-
Nico: "A family-- mom, dad, and son-- were extremely close. The neighborhood knew them as a close-knit family who loved each other. As the son grew, he started to go to elementary school, but he got bullied because his parents still brought him to school every day. Soon, his parents started killing children from the school every couple of months."
Garvin: "Good!"
Nico: "Why?"
Garvin: "What do you mean 'why?' Bullying children get killed and I agree with that justice!"
Nico: "... Sol, why?"
Sol: "But they're children!"
Garvin, sarcastically: "Oh no!"
Sol: "My initial thought was they came to the school with they child so that they can recognize who the bullies are, and that's why they killed the bullies, right? Yeah... That- that's it! Like, there's no more!"
Nico: "Wow, what a normal, what a basic answer."
Irfam: *laughs*
Garvin: "There's Irfam and me, and then there's Sol."
Irfam: "Have you never bullied someone, Sol? You don't bully them with their parents there, or any authority figure!"
Garvin: "No, the child can still tattletale who they are."
Irfam: "No, I'm pretty sure the kid is killing them!"
Garvin: "Oh, the kid is killing them...?"
Sol: "Oh, so the kid is killing them!"
Irfam: "Yeah."
Sol: "And the parents were kinda taking the blame for it!"
Irfam: "Yeah!"
Nico: "Ooo, interesting, what do you think, Irfam?"
Garvin: "If I wanna think about the long-term process here, rather than the short-term just killing off competition, if I had a kid who was getting bullied and the bullying reason was because "Oh, look, you're here with your mom and dad." Imagine you are a parent of a child and there's a serial killer going around, would you or would you not just let your kid go off on their own?"
Sol: "Oh, I see..."
Garvin: "Right?"
Nico: "Oh my God-"
Garvin: "If everybody is now having their parents drop off, why would he get bullied anymore?"
Sol: "That creeped me out..."
Nico: "Ding, ding, ding..."
Sol: "That gave me the chills."
Nico: "That's the answer."
Sol: "Oh my God..."
Nico: "To make it so that taking kids to school becomes the norm."
Garvin: "Yay! I got it right!"
Nico: "Um, Garvin..."
Garvin: "Hi, Nico!"
Nico: "Buddy..."
Garvin: "I know where you live."
*All laugh*
Nico: "O-okay!"
Garvin: "Mind if I visit?"
Irfam: "They don't mind, go!"
Nico: "Don't, I do! Basically, what Garvin just said was that the parents killed a couple of kids so that no parent would let their children walk people to school, so taking people to school becomes the norm and, therefore, their kid won't be bullied anymore. That's... such a creepy answer and... I... Congratulations, Garvin, another point! Gr-great job."
*All laugh*
-
Nico: "Last question! You, a serial killer, was released from prison."
Garvin: "Oh, yay!"
Irfam: "Thank God."
Nico: "You get yourself a job, a house, and, you know what? You got a stable life now. You then paint the floor of your house black. Why?"
Irfam: "Well, because it gets cold in the winter and black absorbers light better!"
Garvin: "That is such a scientific answer."
Nico, sarcastic: "Clearly, yeah, that's the answer."
Irfam: "Yeah, that's it!"
Nico: "Remember when we were playing "Are You A Sociopath?""
Irfam: "No! Well, I-"
Nico: "You remember?"
Garvin, mockingly: ""Are You A Scientist?""
Irfam: "Yeah, "Are You A Scientist?" So..."
Nico: "Sol?"
Sol: "My initial thought was... maybe he missed prison? I really don't..."
*All laugh*
Garvin: "Okay, Sol?"
Sol, nervously: "Yeah?"
Nico: "He's so cute-"
Garvin: "I want you to keep your innocence."
Sol: "Thanks?"
Garvin: "Like, the level of innocence that you have..."
Irfam: "Unacceptable, Garvin. They have to be corrupted, just like me."
Sol: "What about you, Garvin? What do you think the answer is?"
Irfam: "Yeah, Garvin! Give us those answers!"
Garvin: "Okay, so if I'm a serial killer,"
Sol: "Okay..."
Nico: "Here he goes again..."
Garvin: "Once you're a serial killer, how- what do you think the percentage of serial killers actually reform and not be a serial killer?"
Irfam: "All of them. Let all the serial killers out of jail, they don't deserve it!"
Garvin: "Right?! I can't think of a pure reason why you would paint the floor black, but I can only assume that it's used to prep the room for more killing."
Sol: "Okay, since this game is "Are You A Sociopath?", like, there should be a more... complicated reason behind it? I don't think it's just..."
Irfam: "I think it's because black is the new color of the season, so, by painting the floor black- "
Garvin: *Laughs*
Irfam: "Hey, shhhhhut up, shut up, shut up! So, I think that, because painting the floor black will invite more guests into the house, more guests means more bodies to stab! Ehehe!"
Nico: "Um..."
Irfam: "Look, I think, I think my logic is infallible, Nico."
Nico, sarcastically: "Clearly it is... The answer is: Because dried-up blood is less visible in black, so it's kind of a scientific answer!"
Garvin: "Yeah, it is!"
-
Nico: "Okay, well, uh, Garvin, I guess you win. Congratulations, I hope you're happy..."
Garvin: "I am happy! Oh, very happy!"
Nico: "Alright, Irfam, give me the throne."
Irfam: "Oh, okay- I shall pass it to you, but I shall remain behind it."
Garvin: "Oh, don't worry, I'll gladly take on the challenge."
Irfam: *Laughs*
Irfam: "Nico, I thought the moral of the story was sociopaths don't want to be revealed as sociopaths, so they would get everything wrong on a test to lure people into a false sense of security..."
Garvin: *Laughs*
Nico: "Yeah, or they could just be too stupid to get the answer, right?"
Irfam: "Wowww, is that massive shade? Oh, hey Nico, sit on the throne for a sec before Garvin does."
*All laugh*
Nico: "Aw, okay!"
-
Nico: "Sol?"
Sol: "Yes?"
Nico: "Come on, you wanna get a... Grub? Let those two just chill here for a second?"
Sol: "I'm kinda afraid of what would happen if we leave those two alone."
Garvin: "Hey, only good things! Why are you doubting us?"
Sol: "I don't know, you guys might plot something. I have no clue..."
Garvin: "We wouldn't do anything, right Irfam?"
Irfam: "Of course!"
Garvin: "You have our word!"