Song: Oh No! by MARINA.
(With some slight adjustments to the lyrics to avoid as much repeating and make it more accurate to characters in certain places)(something you need to understand is that some of the repeating in songs I can use with Irfam because it allows me to just show a passage of time and how constant certain thoughts are, haha)
Characters:
Irfam, Promachus, and Mother.
Context:
So… Irfam has always had issues with himself. Things that he’d changed if given the chance. Overall, self-identity is something Irfam never really got the hang of. Especially when it comes to positive self-identity. Though honestly- Just self-identity in general was hard. His self-image had always been unstable, put simply.
This follows Irfam through childhood and adult life, the switching just as unstable as his self-image as he goes through life. Does it all relate to self-image? Not directly. Like I said, this one’s angst is less direct just in general.
This one will have a lot more switching around than the last one, if you can believe that. So I’ll be sure to include approximate ages, haha. Again, exaggeration and downplaying in certain places is to be expected when doing song thingys with anyone but especially Irfam.
--
*So, like I mentioned- Promachus and Irfam had known each other due to going to the same school before, though they had never really been close. At this moment though, Irfam was trying to rekindle the slight friendship they kind of had after having worked on himself quite a bit, which was a big reason why their friendship hadn’t really been that good before. Of course, Promachus is Promachus.*
Promachus (16), to Irfam (18): “Don’t do love, don’t do friends. I’m only after success.”
*Slight shift in the timeline. Irfam had always been closer to his mother than his father. Unfortunately, given the nature of his mother and, well, his own nature… They didn’t always see eye to eye. More than that, Taliba’s advice never really worked for Irfam either.*
Taliba (40), to Irfam (18), trying to give advice: “Don’t need a relationship. Can’t ever soften our grip.”
*Slight shift in the timeline, Irfam tries different tactics to try and figure out his self-identity/self-image on his own, mixing up amalgamations of other people and different ideas. This kind of just leads to even less of an understanding of who he is though, since he can’t ever seem to just figure himself out.*
Irfam (18): “Don’t want cash, don’t want card… Want it fast, want it hard.? Don’t need money, don’t need fame… I just want to make a change..”
*Shift the timeline! It’s after The Collapse and Irfam has lost some of the things that he was certain about. He isn’t doing well, at all.*
Irfam (20), sitting at his desk, fiddling with the still present bandages: “I just wanna change, I just wanna change.”
*Timeline shifting as his mindset continues to get worse, and he’s struggling to do just about anything, medication and self-image both down the drain.*
Irfam (21), sitting hunched over his desk, hands in hair: “I just wanna change, I just wanna change.”
*Switching the timeline as he just keeps getting worse. At this point though, he receives a message from an unknown number prompting him to start inventing again. This time, both deadly and dangerous inventions, and stuff like cybernetics. This spirals into the ideas that we know from Irfam, explosives and cybernetic ‘upgrades’.*
Irfam (22), sitting with head on the desk, as he gets the notification he looks up, and then the idea begins to form: “I just wanna… Change.”
*Switch the timeline up slightly as Irfam begins to spiral into his new idea (that’s also quickly turning into a mild delusion).*
Irfam (22), definitely grinning like a madman, drafting blueprints for different explosives and cybernetic ‘upgrades’: “I know exactly what I want and who I want to be!”
Irfam (22), still grinning like a madman, going through with the cybernetic ‘upgrades’: “I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine!”
Irfam (22), getting ready to ‘test’ an explosive: “I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy—”
*Switching the timeline slightly to after he’s survived his first near death experience since The Collapse and his new idea has solidified into a mild delusion.*
Irfam (22), grinning as the idea plants its roots: “Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh!”
*Switching up the timeline a bit. In the wake of Irfam’s latest explosion, Promachus begins to reach out to Irfam seeing as he’s pretty sure he’s the only one that was ever kind-of friends with Irfam that’s also capable of reaching out to him. Surprisingly, they begin to both be able to confide in one another. Slowly, and with tons of strain and secrets kept from each other.*
Irfam (22) and Promachus (20), bonding over shared issues: “One track mind, one track heart.”
Promachus(20), confiding to Irfam: “If I fail, I’ll fall apart.”
Irfam (22), multitasking comforting Promachus (20) and falling deeper into a spiral: “Maybe it is all test?”
*Switch up the timeline slightly to him continuing down his spiral. His thoughts had a funny game of returning to random stuff at random intervals. Bathroom spirals were extremely common though.*
Irfam (22), somewhat laughing, leaning against his bathroom sink in front of a covered mirror: “‘Cause, I feel like I’m the worst, so I always act like I’m the best!”
*Switching the timeline a bit again- Irfam didn’t really ever reach out, on purpose. Did he have moments where he frantically called someone due to an episode? Yes. Plenty of times. At first, in these early spirals, that someone tended to either be Raphael or his mother, Taliba. Usually, it ended up being Taliba in a subconscious hope that due to her own struggles with mental health, she’d have some sort of advice. Unfortunately, her way of dealing with her mental health isn’t anywhere near what Irfam needs, so the advice ends up being unhelpful at best.*
Taliba (44), trying her best to give Irfam advice from over a phone call, hoping that what she does works did him too: “If you are not very careful, your possessions will possess you.”
Irfam (22), mumbling to himself in grief, ending the call as he realizes that his mother won’t be of any help, and slowly allowing another idea to begin to form: “Alvis taught me how to feel, now my life has no appeal.”
*Switching up the timeline slightly as he starts yet another spiral. Which is something that Irfam is actually pretty prone to, especially since he’s off his medication and has been for, well, quite a while now.*
Irfam (22), hands on the sides of his sink, staring where the mirror would be if it wasn’t covered: “It has no appeal, it has no appeal.”
*Switching up the timeline as his mental health just continues to decline, depression being a little bitch to him. He’s not doing too well at all.*
Irfam (23), leaning over the sink, hands on the sides, staring towards the drain: “It has no appeal, it has no appeal.”
*Switching up the timeline again to probably one of Irfam’s lowest times since The Collapse where he’s just spiraling near constantly at this point, trying not to even acknowledge that fact.*
Irfam (24), forcing himself to leave the bathroom: “It has no appeal…”
*Switching the timeline a bit as he tries to ignore his spiraling by continuing with his inventions of weapons, explosives, and cybernetics. Unfortunately, he’s still spiraling at the same time too, just absolutely in denial since that’s the tactic he’s trying out at the moment.*
Irfam (24), working on the weapons and explosives, lingering probably a bit too long on things that could potentially kill him: “I know exactly what I want and who I want to be!”
Irfam (24), working on cybernetics and his own ‘upgrades’, definitely starting to take the ‘upgrades’ a bit farther than he should be as he continues to spiral: “I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine!”
Irfam (24), falling fully into the spiral on accident, testing out yet again, a dangerous explosive: “I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy—”
*Switching up the timeline slightly to after he’s survived, yet again, and the mild delusion has definitely solidified at this point. Something that isn’t completely loved by a spiraling Irfam.*
Irfam (24), sitting at and leaning over his desk after getting back, hands lost in hair: “Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh!”
*Switching up the timeline as a spiraling Irfam decides to take a more direct approach due to the mild delusion while still trying to use his dangerous inventions and ‘upgrades’ to ‘cope’. Haha.*
Irfam (25), his inventions actually start to take a turn into even more dangerous territory, if you can believe that: “I know exactly what I want and who I want to be!”
Irfam (25), his ‘upgrades’ are definitely getting a bit out of hand as he continues to spiral a lot, given how he even starts the prototype of the ‘turn off pain’ chip: “I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine!”
Irfam (25), having spiraled to probably one of the lowest points (basically at the end of his last song thing): “I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy—”
*Switching up the timeline slightly to after Promachus stopped Irfam’s latest attempt, Irfam not understanding why.*
Irfam (25), finally being able to get away from an overprotective Promachus, struggling with the fact that he was still there: “Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh!”
*Time to switch backwards in the timeline quite a bit to a time where Irfam’s doing his best. The whiplash in the song hit me hard here and therefore it shall have that same energy here haha.*
Irfam (19), being super optimistic about his life: “I’m gonna live, I’m gonna fly.”
*Switch in the timeline to right before The Collapse as Irfam, due to his ability, realizes what’s going to happen with just enough time for himself to survive (Unexpected Success doesn’t come up with a plan that would keep others safe in life or death situations too, just Irfam is important to the ability in those situations. If the ability had been on a bit sooner, then it might’ve had enough time, but with how little time it had, it focused on the host. Even then, The Collapse was a challenge for it to come up with something for Irfam too even, so its chance of working was way lower than usual).*
Irfam (20), freezing in a brief moment of realization: “I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna die…”
*Switch it back up for the emotional whiplash as one does.*
Irfam (19), optimistic of his life and career with Alvis (22): “I’m gonna live, I’m gonna fly.”
*Switching up the timeline to where it’s after The Collapse to a point where Irfam is struggling with spiraling, grief, extreme nightmares, and extremely unstable self-identity/self-image but still trying to get back to work on AI Child.*
Irfam (21), sitting and staring at what will eventually be AI Child dejectedly: “I’m gonna fail.”
*So this part of the song always comes off as echoey to me, so this is two different parts of the timeline but both of the same scene. Waking up from an extremely vivid nightmare of The Collapse and reality continuing to warp for a moment.*
Irfam (21 & 28): “Gonna die, die, die, die.”
*Switching up the timeline to where Irfam’s still spiraling, and his rekindled friendship with Promachus is continuously more and more strained.*
Irfam (26), continuing his spiral into even more dangerous inventions: “I know exactly what I want and who I want to be!”
Irfam (26), continuing his spiral of ‘upgrades’ through cybernetic parts: “I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine!”
Irfam (26), overall just continuing to spiral, grinning like a madman behind his mask: “I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy—”
*Switching the timeline to after he’s survived the latest explosion of his, the mild delusion completely secured in place as truth.*
Irfam (26), on the verge of laughter: “Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh!”
*Switch up the timeline to show him spiraling even more. Because he is. There is no doubt there. Raph and Promachus are seriously concerned/worried.*
Irfam (27), slipping into even more dangerous inventions, probably grinning like a madman and laughing like one too: “I know exactly what I want and who I want to be!”
Irfam (27), is he taking cybernetic ‘upgrades’ way too far? Yes, yes he is, there is no doubt about that as he tears himself apart to add even more while grinning like an idiot without any pain due to a chip that he implanted in his brain(which is years old at this point): “I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine!”
Irfam (27), somehow spiraling even further, somewhat getting a bit desperate at this point for several different reasons and for several different things: “I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy—”
*Switch the timeline a bit to a bit before the RP would start, Irfam still spiraling and still just as confusedly self-aware but also not at all as per usual for Irfam. He’s not doing too well, at all.*
Irfam (28), sitting at and hunched over his desk, hands lost in hair, head resting on the desk, probably laughing (or crying) and grinning: “Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no, oh!”
Winter 
Night 
