He hurt, she heard the groan he tried to muffle as she hugged him... Immediately guilt tugged at her, that she didn't check him for wounds or try to gauge his condition before tackling him in her selfish excitement to see him... Because he wasn't okay, not in the least bit. He didn't even react... He looked so tired and weak, she almost went to find Lebuin but to be honest she was a bit scared to leave him.

He said he was alright, struggling with the few words he softly spoke as he reached slowly out to touch her cheek... And she'd be a fool to believe him, when he was in this state, unable to even speak properly...

"You're not okay..." She looked him over again, not convinced that she hadn't missed a serious wound with the amount of blood staining his clothes and skin... Was some of it from him? She didn't have enough time to fully register that he seemed to be fading, he didn't hear her anymore... Though she did reach out to grab his hand, repeating his name as she tried to keep his attention, moments before he slumped forward.

"Aladar!"

Her immediate instinct was to catch him, as well as she could from the awkward angle, and probably not the best idea considering he would have fallen onto the bed anyways, but she tried nonetheless. At least it seemed that she managed to keep him from hitting his head on the wooden block at the top of the cot... For a moment, she was silent, an indescribable expression on her face as she stared at him.

"Aladar?"

"Wake up..."

"Please, wake up!"

With each of her pleas, her voice grew more desperate, shaking him... Nothing, no response, no reaction. She had to check to make sure he was still breathing...

And she just kept talking to him, begging him to wake up as she cradled his head in her lap. Nothing worked...

She went to find Lebuin soon enough, though she was terrified to leave him alone in that state...

The healer, however, seemed to be remarkably undisturbed by Aladar's condition when he checked, with Ali hovering anxiously nearby. Magic coma? From overuse of his powers? She asked how long he would be out, but Lebuin couldn't give an exact answer, just that he would wake up... Which, while somewhat reassuring, was also not entirely reassuring at the same time.

She stayed by his side for the entire two days he was unconscious. Checking on him every few minutes... Talking to him, though she was pretty sure he couldn't hear her... Just in case. And it made her feel better.

She slept by his side, originally trying to make the most of the chair though she didn't particularly like waking up with the stiffness that comes from sleeping upright... She ended up choosing to sleep on the floor next to his cot, having brought her sleeping bag... Not that she slept much that night, anyways. She was far too worried about him to sleep.

When he finally woke up, she was sitting at the table, her back turned to him and her body slightly angled to the right as she focused rather intently on the drawing she was attempting. The moment she heard his voice, though, she smiled as she looked over at him, discreetly crumbling up the failed sketch she was working on and tossing it into the wastebasket.

"You're awake," she said with a grin, dragging her chair with her as she moved to sit next to his bed again.

Instead of immediately hugging him like she wanted to, she settled into the chair, reaching out to grab his hand.

"Don't do that again," she said softly. "You scared me... Lebuin said you just tried to do too much. So don't do it again."

The exhaustion still sat in his eyes, but the brown orbs were now alert as he smiled at the woman who came over. “That I am.” He was unaware of how long he had slept for, just that he had and he was feeling better then when he had first arrived. Not great, but not like death either, and that was a huge improvement in his book. Not to mention he had the woman he loved right here with him and he still had many things he wanted to tell her.

His hand wrapped around hers affectionately, giving a warm chuckle at her instructions. “I can’t exactly decide to simply not fall unconscious I am afraid. And I am sure this will not be the first time. But come over here.” He patted the spot beside him, waiting for her to be in reaching distance for him to bend forward and capture her in his arms, pulling her to the bed so she could sit down beside him, though he held her for a moment longer.

Releasing her, he bent forward some for a more comfortable position before glancing at her. “The battle could have gone much worse. We were lucky, though we still lose a few men.” He related the details of it all as best as he could manage, only remembering the main facts and bits and pieces here and there. He had yet to realize she had probably heard all this already, simply taking the moment to relax some as his mind was beginning to switch into Captain mode, determining what he needed to get done.

The moment he realized what he was doing, he shut it down immediately, determined to have his conversation and time with Ali. He would not push her away, he would work her into his mindset, which was what he had wanted to tell her before he left. Now, sitting here, he reached up to gently push some of her growing hair back behind her ear as he gazed at her for a few moments, just taking her in.

“I told you I wanted to talk to you when I came back, remember?” His mind flashed back to that moment they had shared right before his departure and the tender kiss she had fluttered over his lips before releasing him to his duties. The affection danced through his eyes warmly as he took her hand in his, lacing their fingers as he offered hers a gentle squeeze.

“I wanted to apologize first and tell you that I am sorry I have been ignoring you lately. I am so sorry that when you needed my reassurance most, I wasn’t there. I like to flatter myself and believe I know how to handle every situation, but I am afraid I don’t. And sometimes, I end up leaving you out and I do not mean to do that. I plan to make strides and make sure I don’t do it again, because I will always, from this point forward, I want you to tell me when I am doing it.”

His smile had slowly grown wider by the moment as he spoke to her, evidence that he meant to go through with it. “I have duties I must attend to, even now I’m sure I have a desk load of paperwork. Perhaps when I actually get up, you would care to help me. A start towards a compromise. Unless you would rather just keep me company then, in which case I will gladly take that as well.” He gave her hand another squeeze.

She huffed softly, expressing how much she disliked the idea when he told her that he couldn't control it and it would probably happen again. True, now that she knew what was going on, maybe it wouldn't be so frightening next time... But the fact remained that she didn't like the idea, and something about the whole ordeal felt so wrong... Why would he push himself so hard? Why couldn't he just... stop before it came to this? But she kept her questions to herself... He didn't need to hear it.

When he told her to sit beside him on the cot, she moved to do as he said, rising stiffly to her feet and settling next to him before he wrapped his strong arms around her. She smiled as she looked over at him, leaning her head against his in the only way she could return his affection at the moment because her arms were pinned against her. He released her a moment later, and she slipped one arm around him, her head resting lightly on his shoulder as she looked up at him with adoration in her eyes and a soft smile on her face.

Then he started talking about the battle, about who had been lost, about what he needed to do... Her smile didn't falter, but she looked away for a moment, Tendral's advice and explanation coming to mind from over a week prior. Be patient with him, she reminded herself, nodding slightly as he explained the news that she'd already gotten from Lebuin and from talking with Tendral the day before.

But it wasn't long that she endured his duty-oriented talk, his focus soon returning to her as he brushed her hair behind her ear, her smile softening again as she leaned into his touch. As it should be. She wanted to talk to him... To Aladar. Not to the captain.

"Yeah?" she responded softly with a nod when he mentioned their conversation before he'd left. She remembered it well, but she'd been so worried and anxious to see him again that the promised conversation had slipped from her mind. She wasn't sure, though, what to expect him to say, and to be honest she was a bit nervous about it... There were things she wasn't ready to tell him yet, and if he asked, she wasn't sure what she'd say. But the affection in his expression banished her worries for now as she returned his smile, as he began to speak, to apologize, to promise...

She was silent, listening, holding his gaze. Slightly nodding... When he finished, she was quiet for another moment, her gaze flicking away briefly before returning to his.

"I will," she promised softly with another nod and a smile, banishing the small, nagging voice to the back of her mind where it belonged. "Promise."

Her smile faltered again when he mentioned the paperwork he had to do, and when he offered for her to help. No... No, she wouldn't be particularly helpful with paperwork, not that he really knew that. There was a lot about her he didn't know.

"You know, paperwork isn't really my thing, but I shall make it my duty to annoy you the entire time," she offered with a bright smile.

The pain in Aladar’s joints had been fluctuating throughout the nest two weeks since he had woken up. Some days it was worse than others, though he quietly did his best to suffer through the worst of days. It was easing ever so slowly, but it had reached a point where Aladar found himself calling Lebuin into his tent to get a grip on what was going on. He was no stranger to the grating that came in his knees, hips, and shoulder, an unfortunate effect of his ten years of service. But it had always lasted no more than two days and only after a lack of rest and extensive activity.

Not that the weeks had been a bad one by any means. There had been many good things that he had focused on and very much enjoyed, and most of them revolved around Ali. The man was staying true to his word to try and give her more of his time and balance her in with his military and biblical life. He invited her to be with him while he worked on paperwork, carrying casual conversation. And then there was an incident that happened a little less than a week before.

It had been a rather humorous incident, though neither of them found it funny, of one of the soldiers spiking Ali’s drink at dinner. To say the antics that followed were embarrassing would be an understatement, considering once she had consumed enough, the Captain found a woman in his lap, shoving her hands up his shirt and shrouding him in kisses. In front of two-hundred men. The result had been dragging her out of the tent and passing her off to Tendral while he suffered through a night.

but his favorite part had been a few days ago when he had finally sat down with her to read the bible passage he wanted to share. Ephesians 5: 25-29 were his chosen verses, speaking of how a husband was to treat his wife. It was by no means a confession that he intended to marry her yet, but his way of trying to tell Ali that he wanted to start cherishing her now and give himself for her. That he wanted to be like Christ was to the church in his effort to be a loving man to her. Which meant a little explanation of what that meant, but he was thrilled to share. The verses before that were dedicated to wives, which he had skipped over, but at Ali’s bidding, he read it for her too.

And that brought him to today, Lebuin humming as he pulled up holograms of each of Aladar’s joints, searching through his anatomical structure in ways that Aladar could never quite understand. The medic had grown stronger and more experienced with the help of Orym, upping his game since he had first arrived. He was able to search through genetic codes, hormones, proteins... basically anything. If it was in the body, Lebuin could access it and inspect it.

“Your face tells me it’s not great news,” Aladar ventured as Lebuin finished the last joint he had wanted to inspect. The man eyed his medic, face serious with the understanding that his medic did not mess around.

Lebuin moved to pull up a chair, sitting in front of his Captain as he worked through how to word it all. “I wish I could tell you that you’re wrong. But I’m afraid you’re not. To put it simply, Aladar, your joints are beginning to degenerate.” There was a hesitation that followed.

“I already knew that much, Lebuin. You and Orym have told me as much. Time takes its toll, but I’ve sufficiently rested and it’s just barely beginning to ease up. Some days it’s worse than others for no apparent reason.”

“That’s where the news isn’t so good. It’s progressing faster than it usually would. Much faster and in a more devastating way. It wouldn’t be like this if you weren’t gifted but that’s the kink in the rope here. You came out as a gifted human later in your life, which makes you more susceptible to damage. Little is known why that’s the case but it may be because you come out with full capabilities, when as a child, the body learns to slowly adapt. You never got that. But more so, you haven’t properly had a teacher for your skillset and you are using it every day, and in the case of the battle, at a far larger and longer capacity than should be.”

Aladar was leaning forward, taking in the information as he was beginning to paint the picture before Lebuin got to the punch line. Except this wasn’t nice or funny and it left something sinking inside of him.

“You already know that using your powers takes energy from the body. But when you overuse your powers... and far more than that because you are linked to soul magic... you have no energy reserves left to take from. So it takes it from other places, and in this case, the reserved energy for the healing of your body. The first thing that will come back is your average energy to survive, which means the other energy for you to heal will be last to come back, and it takes a while for that to stock up again to do its job. So even something as simple as walking, making smaller forceshields, staying up late... they diminish your ability to get that back. Which means at the moment, you have nothing to even buffer the degeneration joints, no less heal them to keep it at bay.”

Aladar blinked, still working to process it all, “So what does all that mean?”

Lebuin glanced at him before sighing. “It means you are effectively destroying your own body every time you use a forceshield unless you take a full month rest now, and a two day rest after every training session involving forceshields. Nor can you use them during battle in any large form and only minimally.”

“I can’t do that and you know it.”

“It’s the only option for you Aladar. If you want to stop your joints from getting worse and get a chance to have a good rest of your life, it’s what you have to do.” His voice softened, “I know this is hard for you. But you have to look out for yourself. You’ve given ten good years to this country, it’s time to retire...”

“Absolutely not.” Aladar stood to his feet, voice reserved but the distress was audible, the crushing weight of those words like poison in his soul. “I am not retiring nor am I going to stop using my gifts to keep my men alive. I appreciate your concern Lebuin, but I think this time I’m going to have to not take your advice.”

“I’m sorry. You wanted my professional opinion, and that’s what it is.”

“I know... and thank you... just... give me some time please.”

“Yes sir.”

Aladar sank into his chair as Lebuin left, head falling into his hands. He would not abandon his country or men... even if it cost him everything. But the news was still devastating, knowing that he was slowly tearing himself apart. Knowing his career was coming to an end. Because as much as he would fight it, one day he knew he would become a liability and danger to his men. And that would be it.

He was crushed, feeling hopeless. But at least he had Ali. And he found comfort in knowing she would be coming over soon as she always did. Perhaps he would tell her, or at least seek her comfort. Because she had a knack for wrapping her arms around him, and that’s what he needed now.

He needed Ali.

It was the Bible verses that did it. The simple words on paper, somehow, managed to stick in her mind and amplify that little nagging voice far louder than she wanted to hear. It was the enthusiasm in Aladar's voice as he read it, the adoration in his eyes as he looked at her... It made her feel dirty. Wrong... Sinful. In a way that had never bothered her before. Now, it felt like she was not only hurting herself with her poor decisions, but Aladar, too. He never asked to be involved with her mess... And now he was, without even knowing it. She'd never be able to admit how her heart was tugged in two directions... One, to a man she hated she knew, to a name she couldn't leave behind, to years she couldn't escape from, to memories she had tried for years to drown... And the other, to Aladar. The most amazing man she'd ever known. The most caring, the sweetest, the most gentle... The strongest, the bravest. There weren't enough adjectives to describe how she saw Aladar, how perfect he was in her eyes with all of his strengths and flaws. She had fallen in love with every imperfection, every quirk, every detail... And she fell in love with him more every single day.

But there was something holding her back, still. Something she couldn't ignore any longer. Because if Aladar only knew what she was hiding from him...

She had to tell him. It was eating her up on the inside, the guilt, the shame. She couldn't keep it from him any longer. He said all those things about how a husband should be, how he should be towards her, he said that dating was almost like practice, like training for marriage... And she couldn't keep going like this, pretending to be someone, something she wasn't.

She had to tell him... It was just a matter of waiting for the right time.

Those were her thoughts as she quietly made her way to his tent. It was mid-afternoon, the weather finally warm enough for her to ditch the shawl-like cloak she had worn when the temperatures were still clinging to the last remnants of winter. Now, she wore only a light shirt, and it was a different kind of relief entirely to not have to wrap her chest to hide her figure as she used to during the spring and summer. Now, everyone knew, and there was nothing to hide anymore.

A soft sigh escaped her, her thoughts quickly turning back to the matter at hand, to the scripted conversation in her mind as she went over it once more in preparation. She could see his tent, and began to walk slower as she neared it, to give her more time to mentally prepare... To steel her nerves. This... This was the moment. She was going to tell him. What would he do, what would he say? What would she do if he just cast her aside, if he forgot all that had been because of a silly piece of paper that didn't even matter now? It had been four years since she had seen her husband. Four years wasn't long enough. Eternity wouldn't be long enough. Eternity... Such a strange word, eternity... She'd picked it up from Aladar, the way he spoke about the future, about the eternal "Father," about so many things that didn't make sense to her...

Focus!

She was nearly at the tent flaps now, and at a total loss for what to say, her plans dissolving as her heart pounded a bit faster in panic. What the hell was she going to do, just burst in there and say "I'm married"? Make a nonchalant announcement as if she hadn't been leading him on for months now? Well, she hadn't been leading him on, she just hadn't thought that it would have mattered... But that was beside the point.

Just outside of his tent, she stopped, her brow furrowed as she picked up voices inside. A voice that notably wasn't Aladar's, and a tone that she quickly recognized as Lebuin's.

Why would he need Lebuin?

Her answer was given soon enough, in the form of the healer's soft words, his usual patient manner further softened by the nature of his diagnosis.

You are effectively destroying your body every time you use a forceshield... Two days' rest, no large forceshields...

But it was the healer's last recommendation, soft and barely audible from her accidental eavesdropping standpoint, that made her heart sink for him.

"You've given ten good years to this country, it's time to retire."

Aladar's near-indignant response was just noise to her as she backed away from the tent, her breath coming in soft, shaky gasps as she tried to move silently. She knew it... She knew the moment he came back from the battle that it wasn't right. And she knew he was hurting, she knew something wasn't right. She knew it... But to hear that it was something this bad... If it felt like a punch in the gut for her, she couldn't imagine how he felt... This perfect man who didn't deserve the portion of suffering he'd already been given.

She had to tell him... But not now. Not after that. She couldn't do that to him.

But she couldn't be there for him, either. Knowing what she did about her entire life being wrong... Shameful, sinful, bringing him dangerously close to sin every passing day... She couldn't pretend that she had any right to comfort him.

She couldn't even look him in the eye the next day, she ate in the main tent surrounded by soldiers, she retreated to her own tent when she wasn't working or trying to train. She did not speak to him that night, or the next night, or any night... Avoiding the part of the camp where his tent was located, for the sole reason of avoiding running into him.

He thought he needed her, but she couldn't be the woman he needed. She wasn't the woman he needed.

And she didn't even have the courage to tell him why.

Aladar had one small flicker of hope in his life as he sorted through the painful information that Lebuin had given him. It was Ali, and he thanked God over and over in his mind that he had her as he sat at his table, waiting for her to come in. Needing her to come in.

But she never did.

He waited there the entire night, and once it turned dark, he retreated to his bed for sleep, as if taking half a day would be enough to fully heal him up, unlike the recommended minimum month he needed to start off with. But he couldn’t do that, not unless he retired, and the man refused to retire until it was absolutely necessary.

The next day as he wearily ventured out of his tent, doing his best to act as though it was a normal day while searching for Ali to make sure everything was alright. It was unusual for her not to have visited him. But when he found her, he immediately sensed something was off, the woman distanced in her reactions to him and for the life of him, he couldn’t even get her to meet his gaze. It left him confused, feeling pushed away for reasons he did not understand.

He had been about to ask what was going on when a soldier flagged him down in need of assistance with something. Aladar would come to regret that decision of leaving her to help and not pushing the subject, labeling it down to her being tired or perhaps having had a bad night. He didn’t get the chance to confront her again about it for another couple of days after that, which he found to be a major struggle.

He tried to get attention while training when he could but she always seemed entranced in what she was doing, at meals she did not come to eat with him anymore, forcing him to start trying to eat with the soldiers. Though even then, she always seemed nestled in a spot where there was no room for him to join, and even if some people moved, she seemed busy in another conversation, not even offering him a glance. It was frustrating and he was struggling to make sense of it.

It had been a few days before he finally decided to go find her again, though he was treading very carefully as it was now abundantly clear that he was the problem. Some way, somehow, he had done something though he had no idea what it could be. His usual solution in this case, had he been talking straight to a soldier, would have been to get straight to the point and no drop it until the answer was given and they could work it out from there. But this was Ali and he was worried about mixing his work with his relationship.

Which brought Aladar to her tent. “I’m coming in.” He waited a few moments before ducking in, offering her one of his usual smiles though if one looked closely, they could see the uncertainty and pain that the last few days had been inflicting on him. But he was determined to try nonetheless and see if he could mend whatever he had done wrong.

“Why don’t you have dinner with me tonight in my tent?” He offered, hands behind his back as he hoped she would take the invitation. It wasn’t something he had really ever had to do because she invited herself. “It’s been a few days and I would like to spend some time with you. I know we’ve both been busy so why not? I already have two plates waiting in my tent.”

She'd been trying to stay distracted, for the past few days. At the moment, she was sitting in her tent, sharpening one of her knives that had grown dull from use. It was a tedious and rather annoying task, but it had to be done, and she'd do anything to keep her mind off of the much more unpleasant task she was now faced with.

If only she'd told him before... If only he knew... If only she hadn't lied to him all this time. And now, now that she knew what she needed to say after all these months, she couldn't do it. Like the coward she was. The others were right, when they said this was no place for a woman. If she couldn't even make herself tell the man she loved that she was married... How on earth had she survived this long?

It was a different kind of fear than one faced in battle. She knew that as soon as he found out, their relationship would be over. She knew his convictions, she knew the laws he lived by. And one of those laws was to not pursue a married woman... Yet here she was. It may have been four years since she last saw her husband, but she was technically, and legally, still married.

A sigh escaped her as she put the blade and whetstone aside, running her fingers through her hair. Coward. Liar.

She didn't deserve him...

It was at this time that she heard Aladar's voice outside of her tent, and she quickly ran her fingers through her hair again in an attempt to tame the wild curls before he came in.

"Hey," she said with a hesitant, almost guarded smile, glancing up at him before her gaze returned to her hands in her lap. She didn't have anything to do with them. The knife and whetstone were out of reach now and it would be too awkward to pick them up again, so she just stared at her hands until he spoke again.

No... She didn't want to do that.

It was the same instinctive response, in her mind at least, that she'd had the first time he'd asked her to eat with him, all those months ago. When he thought she was Allen... How much things had changed since then... Things had changed, but she hadn't. She was still hiding, keeping secrets, wretched thing she was...

She couldn't get out of his invitation, especially when he sounded so hopeful, saying he already had a plate for her in his tent... He was so cautious, unsure of what she'd say... Surely he'd noticed her awkward avoidance of him, and she hated it.

"Sure," she said after a brief hesitation, nodding slightly as she rose to her feet. "I haven't eaten yet."

She was silent as she trailed after him, she stayed silent as she sat at the seat he'd prepared for her. She hardly touched the food, though to be honest she likely wouldn't have eaten much anyways, having not been particularly hungry.

Never once did she look him in the eye, or offer a genuine smile. It was clear that something was bothering her, but equally clear that she wasn't going to be forthcoming about whatever it was.

He could feel her hesitation, it near tangible. Everything about it seemed so out of place, though he said nothing on that, only hoping that perhaps his idea would help whatever he had done wrong. But the silence was painfully awkward, even on the short walk from her tent to his, and for the life of him, he couldn’t think of what to say to her simply because he didn’t know what had triggered this. He assumed it had to be the verse somehow, though there was nothing bad in it. Only that he was supposed to treat her well and he planned on doing that.

His mind worked through things to say, hoping that just maybe she was wanting to say something and was working through the words she wanted to use. But she never did speak, so he simply led her to his tent and held the flap open his smile warm and inviting again. “Well come on in. It’s been a few days so I thought I would try and make it a little nicer for you.” It was a funny thing to say considering he kept his tent immaculate, though once one stepped in, they could see he had added candles to the table and the rest of the tent was rather dim. His attempt at a romantic dinner in the middle of a war camp.

Following her in, he pulled out her chair before moving to sit in his. And his mind blanked. What was he meant to say when it seemed she did not want to be here? “I hope you weren’t too busy or about to do something. I admit, I’m simply not used to you being the one so busy, though I guess it is only fair considering I have left you alone before when I was focusing on the soldiers.”

A hand reached out across the table to capture hers, brown eyes soft and inviting. “I said it before this week and I meant it Ali. I’m here for you. Whatever is going on, whatever you are dealing with. I’m here for you. I trust you, so trust me.” His thumb moved over the back of her palm before he slowly released her, shifting in his chair with the slightest of winces, barely even noticeable in nature. He took a bite of his food, doing his best to watch her and pick up on any of her movements or tone. Anything to give him a clue.

“So what have you been up to these past couple days?” He was resorting to small talk in desperation. He was discovering handling a sister was a much different beast than handling a woman you were highly interested in.

“If this is about the night the men spiked your drink... I promise you no harm was done.” It had dawned on him that just maybe that was it? So he attempted bringing it up in case that helped.

It was touching, when she stepped into his tent to see the candles at the table, the light dimmed for a more romantic air. He'd tried... And the thought brought a faint, sad smile to her face, for a brief moment while his back was turned. But in an instant, it was gone again, replaced by her indifferent, guarded expression as he pulled out her chair before sitting in his.

She sighed softly as she settled in the chair, seeming uncomfortable. The look in her eye was different, her gaze darting often to the tent flaps, even as she took small bites of the food in an attempt to act somewhat normal. She wasn't supposed to be here. He was doing all this this for her, he was trying to do better for her. That stupid book said he should... And that stupid book also told her how badly she'd messed up. He was trying to reach out to her as she tried to run away, like she did with all of her problems. Like she did with Darren. She didn't deserve this.

"No, no, it's fine," she said with a halfhearted smile. "I was probably about to try to sleep early, to be honest... It's been a pretty hectic week."

Lies. How dare she pretend to be honest when she was full of nothing but lies?

She felt his hand on hers, and looked up from the barely-touched plate of food to meet his gaze briefly for the first time that night, a sea of conflicting emotions hidden behind the mask she wore. She thought she was done with masks... Then she looked away, on the brink of crumbling at his words. He always knew what to say to break her...

"Whatever is going on... I'm here for you."

She almost said it.

She almost came right out with it. She almost yelled it, just to be free of the shame that rested too heavily on her shoulders. How very selfish of her, to burden him with more than he should have to carry. How selfish to seek her own emotional freedom from the baggage she carried, when she couldn't even be there to support him when he'd just received the worst news of his life a few short days ago?

Then he said he trusted her, and her resolve to tell him immediately vanished again. No... No, she couldn't. He trusted her. He shouldn't trust her. She wasn't trustworthy. She was a being who existed only to hide secrets and to tell lies... She was a sorry excuse for a woman.

"Of course," she said with a soft sigh, nodding her head almost dismissively. "It's just... It's been a long week, I'm sorry I haven't had much time... Maybe next week will be better." She doubted that. If anything, next week would be worse as she went further into avoidance mode, unable to bring herself to do what must be done.

For once, she didn't notice his wince.

"The usual... Sparring, training... Orym's got me helping in the infirmary a few days a week now. He's pretty insistent on teaching me herbs, but plants aren't really my thing..." A subject change, one she could run with... Except he turned the conversation right back around to her behavior, confirming beyond doubt what she already knew; that he'd noticed her keeping her distance. Her brief smile faltered and vanished again.

"No, no, I know that... It was... embarrassing enough, but I'm fine. No harm was done," she echoed him. The conversation was heading in an unpleasant direction. She needed to get out before she said something she regretted. Or, God forbid, dug herself a deeper pit with these stupid lies. Lies, lies, a tangled web of nothing but lies...

Her plate half-finished, she looked up at him, offering an apologetic half-smile.

"Aladar... I'm sorry, but I'm exhausted... And I think I'm on the dawn patrol in the morning. This really is great, and I wish I could talk longer, but I should really go..." As she spoke, she was moving to stand, pushing the chair back in and cleaning up after herself. "Sorry... Maybe we can talk sometime tomorrow."

"Night."