103/365
the finale? qwq
At the hospital, NightHaze gets rushed to the ECU, and they immediately get NightHaze hooked up to a heart monitor. It's a flurry of panic, since no one really knows how to stop this disease from deteriorating him from the inside out. I recognize some of the medicines that NightHaze had been prescribed that are called out by the doctors, and liquid forms of the medication is pumped into NightHaze's veins.
No one chases me out of the room, and instead, they watch me with sad eyes as I hold NightHaze's hands, my own anxiety growing as I watch the heart monitor. It's erratic pace seems to have slowed down a bit, as the Beta-Blockers and Serotonin start to work. When NightHaze's heart rate has steadied, evened out to a rate where the doctors can stop rushing around in a panic, there's only one doctor who remains as the others file out.
He hands me a small remote, patting the back of my hand comfortingly. My chest is tight, my throat feels like it's closing up, and I feel like I can't breathe. I look up, and the doctor offers me a kind smile.
"Press the button if anything goes wrong, and we'll be in here as soon as possible." I nod, and he leaves the room, the door closing with a soft clack behind him. I squeeze NightHaze's hand. His expression is calm, soft, but there's still evidence of his tear tracks.
The scrape on his elbow and knee is from where he fell, as is the bruising of his ribs and side. I reach out with a trembling hand, stroking my thumb across his cheekbone, and a soft sigh escapes NightHaze's lips.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I'm so, so sorry."
~
NightHaze's POV
Everything's dark, quiet. It's hard to tell what's going on. I don't remember much of what happened. I remember feeling scared, running and falling. I remember hearing someone calling my name with anguish, with desperation.
Despite the fearful tone of that voice, it brought so much comfort to me. It brought warmth, happiness, love. I wanted to cling onto it, that warmth, that light in the darkness that surrounded me. I couldn't move my limbs, they felt weighed down with lead. The voice. I wanted to hold onto it. But... it just slipped through my fingers like water.
Just like the voice that's starting to fade away, I feel myself disappearing too.
~
Touma's POV
It's my fault. It's my fault. I glance over constantly at the heart monitor as I pace the room, hands tightly clasped behind my back, trying to keep myself as calm as I can. I can feel my body trembling. I'm so mad, so mad at myself, so mad at everything that I said and did.
I was insensitive, impatient. I knew exactly what NightHaze needed, and I gave him what triggered his anxiety and his heart rate to increase. The door suddenly flies open, and I whirl around, panicked, expecting to see doctors rushing in, yelling orders at each other, but instead, it's Kaito and Kaede who burst through. They stare at me, before their eyes flicker down to NightHaze, and back to me.
"I..." I start, but I end up unable to speak. I sink to the floor on my knees and bury my face in my hands. I hear Kaito and Kaede shifting closer, and they both crouch, pulling me in briefly for a hug.
"He's stubborn, and you've always known that. We've always known that." Kaede speaks softly. His voice sounds choked. I shake my head.
"I yelled at him."
"There are times when push comes to shove," Kaito says, rubbing my back as I feel myself tremble. "You both have limits to your patience. I know you try your hardest to give NightHaze what he wants, and you've done incredible. But there's a point where things get to be too much, and one of you break."
"All along, I was so worried that NightHaze was the one who was weak." I say, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. "But in reality, the one who's weak is me." Kaede helps me to get back to my feet. I feel so utterly drained. Kaito pads over to where NightHaze is laying, eyes flickering up to the heart monitor.
"He looks to fragile." Kaito whispers. Kaede helps me sit back in the chair I'd been sitting in, and my eyes catch a glimpse of the time on his watch. I'd been pacing for over seven hours. It's nine in the evening. I rub a hand across my face, hearing Kaito and Kaede's hushed whispers, the steady beep beep of the heart monitor.
"He's so young." I groan, resisting the urge to pull at my hair.
"We're all young." Kaede says, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We're all going to share the same pain, we've all known him our entire lives."
I glance at NightHaze's sleeping face. He looks much younger than he actually is, nineteen, and the guilt in me only builds. Kaede and I are twenty, and Kaito's just turned nineteen - but we've all grown up together. We know each other inside and out, and when we all learned of NightHaze's illness, it hurt us all.
There's nothing we can do about it, I'm sorry.
The doctor's voice reverberates through my head, from the first appointment we made, to try and see if there was some type of medication, or cure. There wasn't.
"We'll come back tomorrow," Kaito says, coming over to hug me briefly, before Kaede takes his place.
"Stay strong, for all of us." Kaede murmurs. I nod, and reach out to grasp NightHaze's hand again. It's cold. My eyes instinctively flick up to the heart monitor, my panic ebbing as I see it's still moving.
"I'll try." I swallow thickly. The two of them bid me goodbye, pressing a soft kiss to NightHaze's forehead before they slip through the door. The room's dark now, and I flick on the lamp beside NightHaze's sleeping figure.
It illuminates his features, soft and tired, and I lean over him, pressing a kiss to his lips, before I bury my head in the covers next to him, the dam finally breaking.
~
NightHaze's POV
I can hear someone. The voice, it's the same. It's sad, somber, and I can hear that they're crying. My name spills from their lips, along with endless apologies. I want to know why. Why are they so sad? Why do they seem so... angry? Angry at themselves? At me?
It scares me. I want to reassure them. I'm okay. I think.
I still can't move my fingers, or my arms, my legs. My eyes remain shut, and I can hear my heartbeat, thump, thump, thump, in my ears. It's still dark. It's still scary. I still remember the voice, calling out in anguish, my name, several times over and over again.
NightHaze, NightHaze, please wake up.
Now, it's just endless apologies. I want to reach out, to comfort them, to hold them, to hug them. But I can't.
I'm okay. I'm here.
But, I can feel it - my conscience. It's... fading. The voice, the voice is gone. I can't hear anything else but white noise. And then?
Nothing.
~
Touma's POV
I jerk awake, panic flooding through my veins as I realize I fell asleep. My eyes instinctively go to NightHaze's face. He's still. His hands are cold. I gasp, my head whipping up to stare at the heart monitor, just as it flatlines.
No. Nonononononono. This can't be happening.
I fall backwards, collapsing from the chair and onto the ground, scrambling to my feet to try and escape to the opposite side of the room, my own breathing picking up as the machine lets out a screeching noise, signaling that the patient was lost.
No. This has to be a nightmare. There isn't any other possibility. This is a nightmare. He's not dead, he's not dead, he's not dead.
I stumble back over to where he's laying, and press my fingers to his pulse, my ear to his heart. There's nothing. He's dead. NightHaze is dead, and it's all my fault.
If only I hadn't been so stupid. If only I hadn't yelled. If only I'd kept him first. If only I hadn't gotten impatient. He'd still be alive, standing here before me, laughing and smiling. I'm so, so, so stupid. I hate myself. It's my fault that my lover is dead. Not only was he my lover, but he was a childhood friend, someone I grew up with. Kaito, Kaede, NightHaze, we were all so close.
And now?
We've lost him. All because of me.
The door to the room bursts open again, and two doctors come rushing in, and I collapse to the ground, sobbing. One rushes over to NightHaze, and the other hurries over to me, crouching and placing a hand on my shoulder as I shake. I can't stop the tears that flood from my eyes, the sobs that wrack my