I've just been so tired recently tbh. I have no motivation for so many things. Not too long ago I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Lately it's been hard to do the most simple shit like brushing my teeth or eating or even getting out of bed. I feel so alone in my head :(
I try talking to others, roleplaying, being the happiest person I can be but in reality I'm actually so tired and I don't know how much longer I can go on.
I've gotten into therapy but I haven't had a single real session. They've cancelled all three fucking sessions I've scheduled. I'll probably have to get another therapist but i am so fucking tired. And I'm so tired of waiting I just want to get help already.
I'm on depression medication, but I feel like it's not working at all. I feel like nothing's ever going to work. I've been so depressed for the past 4 years I feel like I'm never going to get better. Like nothing is ever going to help me. With every week I lose more and more hope for myself and my future - I can't even imagine a future for myself other than one where I'm not alive anymore.
My mom says she's here to help me but I really don't even know if I believe that. She found out that I was trans and told me it was just some "result of my depression" and that "im living in some kind of fantasy world I need to wake up from" what the fuck??? literally what???
Absolutely nobody in my family supports trans people or even queer people. i feel so alone. I had attempted just last month and my mom was just pissed at me and kept bringing up that i "didnt even consider how it would affect other people"
I just recently began dating my best friend of a couple of years. I've felt feelings for her since sometime in May. But I've had so many bad encounters with relationships that I am so so scared I'm going to do something wrong or shes going to stab me in the back like many people ive let walk all over me. She's so amazing and sweet and caring and really? I don't believe she would do something like that. But I've grown to have such bad abandonment issues its not even funny
I feel so alone in my head. I don't want some hotline. I want authentic human support if anyone could provide some.
but if not, its okay i guess. i needed to get all of this out. It's become almost impossible anymore to pretend everything is okay
Spring 
Day Weather: 
Flood
