I had a friend here. Saw her show up in Chat a bunch of times, and I posted some random shit right after just to let her know that, yeah, I still acknowledge your existence, which is something you probably don't do because I fucking kicked myself out of your life in the cruelest goddamn way possible and became another loss for you to put up with. Sorry, I guess?

I'm tired. Why does she still hurt me so much? Why do I feel so guilty? Why do I want her back in my life when I know that we just don't... belong anymore? Why can't I tell her directly how fucking sorry I am for destroying her? Why am I such a goddamn coward?

What you need to do is calm down and breathe. The past is the past and you must relinquish your hold on it to be able to be free in the future. No matter what happens, you are still you and that is enough. If others can not accept or respect that, ignore them. Just because you made one mistake doesn't mean that you will die. Mistakes are part of life and you need to live and learn from them.

For those questions, you are simply asking yourself this. Now I am asking you: Why do you hesitate? What holds you back from doing this? Take a deep breath and just let it out. Say it out loud to her and you will be free of these questions.

If you ever just want to talk or someone to simply listen, my PM's are always open ^-^