okay, here goes.

..

if there's light, there's shadow. the basics of art, the basics of shading. Also a note that everything has a shadow, and you can only 'escape' your shadow by flying, or by eliminating the light source. Even then, there's shade on your body.

it seems like everyone I know, everyone I love, has let the shadows pull them away. It was my fault, too. I shot those nine suns, and now I have to pay. Not that I was immortal anyways. Not that I had a love to lose, a love to hate me and leave me in favor for the moon.

I thought, the moment I joined, I would have a brighter, happier future. And I did get pieces of that. Writing, drawing, teasing, laughing. I should be grateful for that. But I'm not, because they'll never come again.

It was my fault. I left them. For good reason? Who knows? I lied, and I lied a lot. I thought this was the only way. It probably wasn't, and it hurt me like hell.

Of course, I could have just told them all. Everything. All. But.. But they'll hate me. Like mars and tiny. They won't trust me. They'll say, "Oh, purple, nettle, sky, cael, you're just like I always thought you were. You know, I suspected from the start, when you were broken and I glued you back together. But of course, now I have to melt that damn glue back to steam, and perhaps I'll smash you a bit more."

I probably deserve it, though. Yeah, I think I do.

I wonder how. Perhaps I could ask her, someday, when I've followed her.

All those times, telling me about them, and then I do the same thing. It's a cycle, and I'm Lite. I kill Karabi. I paint the story. Me. I.

I don't know. It hurts. It hurt, it hurts, it will hurt.

Hope you're doing okay.

What?

Hey if youre going through a rough patch, Im here if you want to talk. I'd also sudgest spending time with animals, I've found that they can do a much better job than humans ever could.

thank you evermore.