I am having issues with my close friends. I love her to no end, but things aren’t really working out between us. Backstory here-

I’ve been friends with two people, one male and one female (I myself a bio-female). I tend to like girls more, and it’s always been a joke between us and a couple of other close friends that I’m pretty gay (in the umbrella term). I’m alright with this, and it is also fine with another homosexual that’s in our group.

Since I tend to like girls more, I and my male friend got really close, and I developed ~feelings~. My personality is very blunt and standoffish. I don’t like tiptoeing around things. So I told him. He liked me back, but we’re not together. We do flirt a lot and joke around, but whenever someone asks us if we’re dating, we both say no. We’re military brats, so we move around quite a lot, so maybe that’s why.

Anyway, my female friend, she also likes him. I’ve encouraged her to, you know, ask him out, tell him, whatever. Because I don’t really mind, we’re not together. Plus, I'm polyamorous, so it's not out of the ordinary for stuff like that. She always says no, though, and I respect that, but she has shot me some dirty looks when I and him are joking around.

Another thing between us: She constantly tries to make herself look better than me and she always butts heads with me. I have 3 siblings and 3 pets. We aren’t tight on money, which I am grateful for, but she seems to kind of…flaunt? Her money sudley. And I hate it. She has also told me that I need to change my personality, I agree that I have some {A lot} of flaws, but I told her she could leave if she didn’t want to deal with my personality. She didn’t. She doesn’t stop when I point out my triggers, she just keeps doing what she was doing but then gets pissed at me for my coping.

One of my tiggers is when people call my name over and over when trying to get my attention. She does this constantly. I've told her more times than I can count, but it hasn't worked.

I don't like being touched. I flinch away and have a tic attack. I've explained this, she still gets PISSED at me and tries to have a physical connection with me.

I just don’t know what to do about this. I need to understand how to cut her off because that’s what I want to do at this point. I’ve explained to her face-to-face so many times, I don’t know how much more I can take.

I've tried to cut things off between us, explaining that toxicity is coming from both sides and I don't think we're working out, but she denies and begs me to say.

So, do y'all have any ideas? I do want to cut our friendship off, I know that.

Thanks for your help, and know that if you ever want to talk about something going on with you, feel free to PM me :)

Have a great day/night!

~Soulsilver

Yikes. I can tell you first off, she's gaslighting you into staying. Flaunting money and not respecting triggers?? That's a BIG red flag. It's very clear she's jealous of you and said male friend of flirting. Maybe if she could understand you have tourettes and don't like being touched? Have you tried explaining why you don't like being touched? I'm hoping these help, but I'm not sure if they do. Just do let me know. :")

Stxrmmixe <3, yea I realize that :') She was a close friend, and I'm sad to lose her since she was with me when my first toxic friendship was over, so I know the red flags in our current friendship. I don't want either of us to be in that.

I have explained both of those to her :/

I just need help breaking things off with her lol

I'm grateful for you, my friend :') Thanks for reaching out <3

Hey Ashe, how are ya (other than this)? First, what I think, is that you shouldn't be friends whith the female friend anymore, and ask this male friend to go out with ya! how I think you should get rid of this female friend is this; Stop interacting with her, and block her on everything

If you ever need anything, just PM me, sib <333333

Also, if ya ever need help calming your tics, I'm here for ya ^^

Edit- I can't spell :'D

Hey I typed so much that I got logged out so here's a shorter version:

An alternative way for you to get by this is to write a letter, as calm/formal/unbiased as possible, telling her that she's done (your input) things that made you feel (your input), hence, you're ending your friendship so that both of you won't get hurt by it anymore. If a confrontation happens in real life, just keep saying along the lines of "No, we're not friends anymore" and nothing else, regardless of what she says.

You seem subconsciously held back by something(s), especially since you've let the relationship go on even after attempting to get away from it several times, only to give in to her begging. I'm sure there are people who could carry out the situation immediately but I think it would be worthwhile for you to reflect on why you were unable to stand your ground/be determined about cutting off the relationship. Could be:

- you don't want to inconvenience your mutual friends (peer-related stuff is always a bit harder to deal with)

- you feel bad for her life situation and think that your staying as friends helps her (but doesn't help you so this is an irrelevant point)

and other points are probably not as important as your self-worth so good luck cutting off that friendship since she definitely has unresolved behavioral issues that shouldn't be your responsibility. Like, you literally have other people who are bigger joys in your life and you're spending energy and time on her, which is a waste, but at least you cared about her enough to ask on a forum.

Isdeon, thank you so much <3

This helped me A LOT. You seem like a really good person and a sensible one too!

Thank you a lot :)

So my sister has the same problems with one of her friends, and all I can say is try to find another friend. My sister's closest friend in a certain grade was nice to her, but now essntially uses her and is also pretty much a big bully. She now has other friends, and she doesn't talk to the other person as much. I'd just reccomend finding a good other friend (If you want another one; I'm pretty sure you're doing fine with your male friend) and remember that if this doesn't work out, it's not your fault. This person is a fake friend, and you don't need to feel bad about this.