Gonna try to not get in trouble with mods here... so- um, sorry if I do...

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I've had a shitty past two years.

My mental health was bad, and I had no friends. I was in the hospital, and I was miserable for 8 months of being stuck on a bed in a white room of nothingness.

But after all that, I finally made friends.

They cared about me, and one of them even went through similar stuff as me.

I was super happy and felt myself smile again. It had been so long.

Three of my friends (in real life, I'm not ranting about game members) were especially amazing. I considered them my best friends. One of them I went into a romantic relationship with them (but they're now my ex, as you'll find out why).

The problem was, when it came to planning sleepoves or hanging out with them, they'd always have other plans or cancel last minute.

It was getting on my nerves, especially when I would get so excited and dress up for a date or sleepover. They would keep cancelling our hangouts and lie that they were grounded or busy. I eventually asked my other friend (now my girlfriend) if they were actually grounded, and she said that they weren't, and had no idea why they were saying that because they scheduled a hangout together a few hours later.

I was so frustrating.

I was already angry at them in the beginning for manipulating me and dumping all their feelings on me.

But my teacher told me not to worry, and that they were probably just 'going through something'.

My ex continued to ignore me (unless they needed something, of course), and it really hurt me.

So when I came to them again, they said "we need to break up, my mental health is terrible and I can't handle a relationship right now" and I didn't cry. I said "okay, that's fine. I understand".

I was fine with this at first, but then it made me feel sad.

They continued to ghost me, but I kept coming back to them for more attention. I felt so lonely without their love, even if they never loved me.

I started thinking it was my fault, and whenever they were close to their other friend, I would get petty and jealous. I would feel anger and wish they would never get into another relationship.

I moved on after a few months, when my other two friends helped me realize that it's not good to hang on to a toxic relationship.

Then my other friend asked me out to a dance, and we decided to date. When she is upset and says something mean, she apologizes and doesn't make it seem like it's my fault, just like my ex did. She is kind to me and doesn't manipulate to make me feel sorry for her.

But most of all, I feel like I can be myself.

But even then, sometimes I feel conscious. But she has never judged me for it.

My other friend (the third one I was talking about earlier) is also very nice. My friends and relationships felt real and not like they were just making an excuse so they could move on with someone else.

I now am happy more often and I tell people my story and how it is possible to make friends, even though it doesn't seem like it. And life is difficult, but it gets better. And I'm not saying it happens over night or forever, it is like a rollercoaster, as some say.

I'll always be there for people who need it, and just tell them and hope they know they're not alone. <3

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Thank you for reading all this. It helps to know that someone would care this much about my story and read it.

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EDIT: My partner and I broke up, and it is completely my fault. I think.

I'm very upset, but it's for the best <3

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Mods, again, I'm sorry if this has some bad content, I tried to keep it PG13 ^^'

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Have a great day, everyone <3