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 FlurryClan
12:25:00 Flurry
Enclave,
Thanks!!
 Lunar Moons
12:24:51 Space Pirate Mate
Nox

Not gonna lie, I would buy one of those in real life lol
 VioletEcho
12:24:49 Is a dinosaur rawr
Zeraphia
He looks so cool :00
 Enclave Clan
12:24:41 
ooo Flurry, i like them!
 Nox
12:23:51 📦
-Click- drawing weird dogs
 Lunar Moons
12:22:53 Space Pirate Mate
Aww, I just found a chip shaped exataly like a heart^^
 FlurryClan
12:22:10 Flurry
I just got both of these wolves from The Wolf Party!!

-WP Click-
-WP Click-
 Lunar Moons
12:22:08 Space Pirate Mate
Giving away free hugs ^^'
 Lunar Moons
12:20:42 Space Pirate Mate
The Night After A War snarls viciously at The Silent Scream Of Fear for wandering too close to their pups.

Um, neither of you have pups yet. WHOS PUPS ARE YOU PROTECTING
 Zeraphia
12:20:32 Space Pirate Captain
-Click-

Hehe I still enjoy his design so far. I just need some ideas for art.
 Zeraphia
12:19:39 Space Pirate Captain
Heya!
 FlurryClan
12:19:17 Flurry
Hi chat!!
 Lunar Moons
12:17:11 Space Pirate Mate
Either that or I need a toucan feather that costs less then 10 mush, which I doubt ill find.
 Lunar Moons
12:15:23 Space Pirate Mate
There is a raffle but It ends in 6 days XC I NEED ONE MEOW
 Nesta
12:15:03 Nes/Spider
I'm game time but I didn't get much sleep last night and this morning
 Lunar Moons
12:13:43 Space Pirate Mate
Im 2 hours behind game time so I still have a LOOONG time till I have go sleep.
 Nesta
12:12:48 Nes/Spider
Lunar
But you can go to the Search button in the marketplace and search up if people have apples for sale
 Lunar Moons
12:12:36 Space Pirate Mate
Nes

Thanks! Im also seepy XD (seepy=sleepy in my random ass language)
 Nesta
12:11:32 Nes/Spider
Lunar
Well you go up to an apple and ask if you can put a mushroom in its place then you leave with an apple XD
I need to take a nap
 Enclave Clan
12:10:21 
Oooo i got a wolf that has a boost from the wolf party!

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Forums > Socialize
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I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846005
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Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

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#2846007
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It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

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Posts: 376
#2846008
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Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846010
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It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

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#2846016
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--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

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Posts: 376
#2846020
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Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846032
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Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846033
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Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

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#2846035
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I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

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#2846036
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Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

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