Wolf Play : I need opinions/tips on my writing
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 Salom_
10:22:41 Sal, Salmon
Kaos
Your puppies sound so cute!
 Luna🌕
10:21:48 Silver (She/her)
Any gear suggestions? Preferably cheap, the second chim left me at 346 mushrooms -WP Click-
 Kháos
10:21:09 Kaos || Khaos
He's acting so ferocious that he's crying next to me and just growled at his brother. 🫠
 Narran Park
10:21:01 Sting
Future Stud Material(Custom + Talents added)? Or nahh?
-WP Click-
 Vulpixles
10:19:09 Pixie, Vul | ♈
Well looks like I know what I'll be doing tomorrow. None of the wings options look good on my dark fallow boy so I guess I'm making my own wings tomorrow.
 Kháos
10:19:07 Kaos || Khaos
And he's wet too, so his fur is all over the place and he's acting ferocious and it's so freaking adorable. 😭
 Luna🌕
10:17:23 Silver (She/her)
Kaos
Aww!
 Luna🌕
10:17:08 Silver (She/her)
Guys itÂ’s an almost spooky season miracle I flipped to sales and it had an ad for 2 apples, 800 mush each! Sakurita will be pinkified completely
 Saint
10:16:46 
wait what??? that sounds so cute
 Salom_
10:16:34 Sal, Salmon
Kaos
So cute!!
 Kháos
10:16:00 Kaos || Khaos
Oh my god, Fluffy has clothes on. (puppy's first collar) *^*
 Luna🌕
10:14:37 Silver (She/her)
IsnÂ’t Sakurita missing something though? -WP Click-
 Salom_
10:13:46 Sal, Salmon
Kaos
Glad you're not doing too bad then! I'm doing decent, I did just accidentally lean over and stab my eye on a plant though T-T
 Luna🌕
10:13:45 Silver (She/her)
*want Sakura, not was Akira Akira is actually one of my wolves XD
 Luna🌕
10:12:46 Silver (She/her)
Aah I was Akira chim one to make Sakurita all pink but apple prices have inflated- before my hiatus they were 800 mush or less each
 Kháos
10:12:24 Kaos || Khaos
Sal-
Fine. How are you?
 Salom_
10:12:09 Sal, Salmon
Kaos
How's it going? :)
 Kháos
10:11:28 Kaos || Khaos
The dragonfly is back. Help-
 Kháos
10:11:06 Kaos || Khaos
Hi Salmon.
 Aaron Burr Sir
10:11:01 
The security guard was sleeping xD that sounds like a good excuse

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I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 22, 2022 08:42 PM


Firefox

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 3137
#2780784
Give Award
I crave validation, nah XD just kidding, although that is partly true. I am mostly looking for contrsuctive criticism on my writing, I see something wrong with it, I aim to get better.
So with that let me just link some examples and I would like it if y'all could comment some tips/criticism. (Compliments are okay also)
~~
Examples.
1. Raina's Story Wrote this today in my spare time-
3. took me four hours I need someone to proofread or something- help me out Raven's Story
~~
Let me know if The links don't work so I can fix them-
And note to the mods, I had no idea where to put this, if it's in the wrong sub forum please move for me, thank you.

Edited at June 23, 2022 01:19 AM by Firefox
I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 23, 2022 06:49 PM


Yuketa

Neutral
 
Posts: 1539
#2781080
Give Award
You could practice writing similes and integrating idioms into some places, if preferred.
There was an exercise we used to do in Creative Writing where the teacher would put up a picture on the projector screen of a location, like a cabin in the woods, or a marketplace, and we would write out a scene while incorporating the five senses into it.
"The woods were a little musty, and Aril observed particles of dust as they floated down the citrine sunbeams, like little boats cascading in slow motion down a titanic waterfall. It was just cold enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and dull whatever he could smell of the place, but there was still that faint scent of an unnatural... thing. Something ancient and rotting, and not quite chemical although he almost tasted ammonia in the assaulting concoction. It was a substance hidden within the magical pretense of the abandoned cottage. He felt the coin in his pocket, his good luck charm; it had been with him through the ages, and its faces were worn smooth by his fiddlings. With a couple circles of his thumb over its edge, he hoped it would see him through to the end of this situation, too."
I'd write more but I just woke up and am headed for work lol.
One other piece of advice I guess is, read literature that you like and would want to emulate in your own writing, dissect it, even. What makes this scene powerful/emotional/feel hazardous? Are the protag's goals being realistically hindered by this or that, and are the stakes high enough? Etcetera.
Good luck!

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