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 LeafClan
08:48:18 Leaf She/Her
Thoughts on my new girl?
-WP Click-
 Boeing
08:47:50 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Kneecap stealer
Yikes e.e
Hope it stays alright for now, that'd be for the best
What do you feed your chimkins lol

Shipdealer
I mean you could say you lost the previous copy each day, which would mean you could technically delay on it forever
The more paperwork you've got due the more fuel you can put in the fire so I mean collect some paperwork xD
 Avatar Of Lust
08:47:31 Asmodeus (he/they)
hi chat
 The Reaper
08:45:08 Reaper / Grim
Parts Spare
...Not a bad idea, I like it
 The Reaper
08:43:45 Reaper / Grim
Daze
Kill my Bear and you'll be the next one in the basement

Love you too <3
 Continental Wolves
08:43:32 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
Boe
She all of a sudden started crying like something was wrong but perked up pretty quick, times like this are scary though because it reminds me her health could turn at any time
As for the chickens they as always were acting like little dinosaurs that never get fed enough no matter what I feed them
 Boeing
08:42:34 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Shipdealer
I have a good idea on how to avoid it.
Get all the paperwork, bring it around all day to look like you're really busy and can't stop, go home and burn it in the fire, then request a new copy and repat every day
 Lackadaisy
08:42:08 Stray, LT | H/H
Kryuk,

Yes. Let's take your lovely, docile, untrained cats up against my trained K9 unit and see who wins.

Love ya 🥰
 The Reaper
08:41:22 Reaper / Grim
Parts Spare
Always worried about all that damn paperwork
 The Reaper
08:41:01 Reaper / Grim
Daze
Wanna fight me bitch? <3
 Boeing
08:40:20 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Kneecap stealer
Yikes
The dog is still annoying you and chimkins? e.e

Shipdealer
Are you concerned about the paperwork again?
 Lackadaisy
08:39:18 Stray, LT | H/H
Kryuk,

😑
 Continental Wolves
08:38:58 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
Boe
Mm my days been shitty, my dog gave me a big fright this morning so my moods been off all day
 The Reaper
08:38:35 Reaper / Grim
Daze
If I move in with you the cat from hell is gone, just Bear who is an angel
 Lackadaisy
08:37:56 Stray, LT | H/H
This won't work unless the cat gits gone
 The Reaper
08:37:26 Reaper / Grim
Daze
Not my cat! That cat drives me nuts tho- Wish I could...
 Kháos
08:37:03 
Thank you!! Will definitely PM when it opens!
 Boeing
08:36:58 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Ship Dealer
But everyone else does that ;-;
They let kat do whatever kat wants outside e.e
 Lackadaisy
08:36:48 Stray, LT | H/H
Get rid of the cat
 The Reaper
08:35:29 Reaper / Grim
lol It's my roommate's cat and we're renting so that kinda won't work

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Chatbox
 LeafClan
08:48:18 Leaf She/Her
Thoughts on my new girl?
-WP Click-
 Boeing
08:47:50 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Kneecap stealer
Yikes e.e
Hope it stays alright for now, that'd be for the best
What do you feed your chimkins lol

Shipdealer
I mean you could say you lost the previous copy each day, which would mean you could technically delay on it forever
The more paperwork you've got due the more fuel you can put in the fire so I mean collect some paperwork xD
 Avatar Of Lust
08:47:31 Asmodeus (he/they)
hi chat
 The Reaper
08:45:08 Reaper / Grim
Parts Spare
...Not a bad idea, I like it
 The Reaper
08:43:45 Reaper / Grim
Daze
Kill my Bear and you'll be the next one in the basement

Love you too <3
 Continental Wolves
08:43:32 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
Boe
She all of a sudden started crying like something was wrong but perked up pretty quick, times like this are scary though because it reminds me her health could turn at any time
As for the chickens they as always were acting like little dinosaurs that never get fed enough no matter what I feed them
 Boeing
08:42:34 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Shipdealer
I have a good idea on how to avoid it.
Get all the paperwork, bring it around all day to look like you're really busy and can't stop, go home and burn it in the fire, then request a new copy and repat every day
 Lackadaisy
08:42:08 Stray, LT | H/H
Kryuk,

Yes. Let's take your lovely, docile, untrained cats up against my trained K9 unit and see who wins.

Love ya 🥰
 The Reaper
08:41:22 Reaper / Grim
Parts Spare
Always worried about all that damn paperwork
 The Reaper
08:41:01 Reaper / Grim
Daze
Wanna fight me bitch? <3
 Boeing
08:40:20 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Kneecap stealer
Yikes
The dog is still annoying you and chimkins? e.e

Shipdealer
Are you concerned about the paperwork again?
 Lackadaisy
08:39:18 Stray, LT | H/H
Kryuk,

😑
 Continental Wolves
08:38:58 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
Boe
Mm my days been shitty, my dog gave me a big fright this morning so my moods been off all day
 The Reaper
08:38:35 Reaper / Grim
Daze
If I move in with you the cat from hell is gone, just Bear who is an angel
 Lackadaisy
08:37:56 Stray, LT | H/H
This won't work unless the cat gits gone
 The Reaper
08:37:26 Reaper / Grim
Daze
Not my cat! That cat drives me nuts tho- Wish I could...
 Kháos
08:37:03 
Thank you!! Will definitely PM when it opens!
 Boeing
08:36:58 Boe is a bear, Rawr!
Ship Dealer
But everyone else does that ;-;
They let kat do whatever kat wants outside e.e
 Lackadaisy
08:36:48 Stray, LT | H/H
Get rid of the cat
 The Reaper
08:35:29 Reaper / Grim
lol It's my roommate's cat and we're renting so that kinda won't work




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Forums > Socialize
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I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 22, 2022 08:42 PM


Firefox

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 3137
#2780784
Give Award
I crave validation, nah XD just kidding, although that is partly true. I am mostly looking for contrsuctive criticism on my writing, I see something wrong with it, I aim to get better.
So with that let me just link some examples and I would like it if y'all could comment some tips/criticism. (Compliments are okay also)
~~
Examples.
1. Raina's Story Wrote this today in my spare time-
3. took me four hours I need someone to proofread or something- help me out Raven's Story
~~
Let me know if The links don't work so I can fix them-
And note to the mods, I had no idea where to put this, if it's in the wrong sub forum please move for me, thank you.

Edited at June 23, 2022 01:19 AM by Firefox
I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 23, 2022 06:49 PM


Yuketa

Neutral
 
Posts: 1700
#2781080
Give Award
You could practice writing similes and integrating idioms into some places, if preferred.
There was an exercise we used to do in Creative Writing where the teacher would put up a picture on the projector screen of a location, like a cabin in the woods, or a marketplace, and we would write out a scene while incorporating the five senses into it.
"The woods were a little musty, and Aril observed particles of dust as they floated down the citrine sunbeams, like little boats cascading in slow motion down a titanic waterfall. It was just cold enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and dull whatever he could smell of the place, but there was still that faint scent of an unnatural... thing. Something ancient and rotting, and not quite chemical although he almost tasted ammonia in the assaulting concoction. It was a substance hidden within the magical pretense of the abandoned cottage. He felt the coin in his pocket, his good luck charm; it had been with him through the ages, and its faces were worn smooth by his fiddlings. With a couple circles of his thumb over its edge, he hoped it would see him through to the end of this situation, too."
I'd write more but I just woke up and am headed for work lol.
One other piece of advice I guess is, read literature that you like and would want to emulate in your own writing, dissect it, even. What makes this scene powerful/emotional/feel hazardous? Are the protag's goals being realistically hindered by this or that, and are the stakes high enough? Etcetera.
Good luck!

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