Warning: The following content has depictions of a panic attack, jealousy, unintentional physical harm, denial. And a clean-freak roomie mentioned ^^.
The dorm room opened and shut with a quiet click, the sound of dripping water and wet shoes filling the previously silent room. Sopping sneakers squeaked against the linoleum flooring, causing the owner to reach down and shakily tug at the drenched knots of her high-tops. As she bent over, a wave of fresh pain washed over her head and she stifled a sigh, stilling her movements and blinking some rainwater from her eyes.
Binary fumbled with her shoelaces for an aggravating minute before giving up, cursing quietly under her breath as she straightened up and pushed some wet bangs from her face. She felt awful. Dehydrated, body hurting, and tired beyond measure. She hadn’t even eaten since two days ago, and she was more than aware of her fever. She jerked her drenched sweater off, flinging it to the ground next to her door as she walked to her desk and snatched a water bottle. Her patience was far from existent, but her sheer weariness kept her from lashing out at her undeserving dorm room.
With a quick glance around the suite, she only then remembered that she did indeed have a roommate. A stringent, stoic person worse than she was who would absolutely flip if the mess was still there. Binary gave a short scoff under her breath. She’d clean later when her laces dried enough to be undone. She slowly shuffled to her room and sat down on her desk chair, grimacing slightly as cold rain seeped from her clothing and onto the seat. The droplets dripped down the chair legs and into the tiny crevices of the floor, and she sighed, grabbing her textbooks from her backpack and beginning to set them so that she could study.
In this pit of superficial misery, she couldn’t care less if she got her books soiled.
She began to write down notes, wet sleeves soaking through the pages of her notebook. Her eyes flicked from her physics textbook to her hasty writing absently, snapping from in between. And then, her phone rang. Fishing the device from the depths of her backpack, she sighed as she saw the caller ID. Moonlight. She answered the call, raising it to her ear as she continued to write with her free hand.
“Hello?” she spoke languidly, the strain evident in her voice.
“Heyy! So- uh- how are you?“ Binary’s older sister chirped excitedly through the phone, light voice distorted slightly by the call quality. Binary’s heart squeezed slightly. She knew that tone. Tch.
“I’m fine. What’s up? You usually don’t call,” the younger girl replied quietly, pencil scratching at the ruined paper, harder with each stroke to make the graphite show on the wet, tearing surface.
“Yeah, June just dropped me off after our date and–” What words that followed were instantly muffled into shrill ringing in Binary’s ears, her pencil freezing as it was about to complete a scribbled ‘t’. Her head was thudding like an African wardrum, heart racing, fingers twitching, vision blurring. White-hot fangs of ill-tempered snakes curled and coiled in her stomach, rearing their heads in preparation to strike.
Stop; calm down. It’s nothing major. So what if they went on a date? You’re just overreacting because you’re tired and sick, Binary mentally scolded herself even as she abruptly slammed her books shut. With the sudden onslaught of emotions, all of her weariness exploded into barely-restrained rage, and in an instant her soaked notes lay on the ground in wet shreds.
She leaned back in her chair, phone dropping from the edge of the desk where she had hastily set it onto her lap, and then the ground with a distinct clatter. Moonlight’s voice was nothing but indecipherable grating in her ears– heck, everything was. The water droplets slicking from her body and onto the floor, the sound of weak, labored breaths drawing from her lungs, the heavy beating of blood in her ears–
Binary closed her eyes, forcing herself to pick her phone up and clearing her mind slightly despite the raging pain that squeezed her chest in a diabolic vice. “Sorry, what was that?” she managed to breathe out, voice shaking slightly as she tried to steady her breathing and voice. Her free hand clenched the edge of her desk so hard her knuckles turned white.
“Oh, I was just talking about the dinner we had!” was the cheery response. “After that, we went to the museum and went around the exhibits…” Mute.
Binary’s chair tipped backwards with a loud slam that resounded throughout the dormitory, her head snapping back and thudding against the ground. Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn’t she just accept the fact that she was dating a guy? Dating June? Why did it feel like there was an elephant sitting obstinately on her chest, serpents poisoning in her heart, and cold numbness settling over her very being?
It had to be the fever.
The wind had been knocked from her body with the impact of the fall, and she remained there for a long moment, just drawing shaky, shallow breaths. All of her anger had diminished and turned into despair and paralysis, quiet resignation seeping into her soul. Her cosmic eyes slowly roved to the closed door of her bedroom, a lump growing in her parched throat as her gaze sluggishly traced over the names written on the paper attached to the surface.
Names of her older sister’s past…past men. Were they boyfriends? Courters? Either way, they were just too much. And it didn’t help that Binary unfortunately found herself with the short end of the stick whenever she got hold of it.
“Stop, please…” Binary muttered hoarsely to no one in particular, hand instinctively finding her phone and unmuting herself. “H-hey, Moon. Mind if I call you back? I need to finish my workout.”
“–ream and then I ended up– Oh, alright. Have a good workout, Bi! See you later!” Moonlight replied, figuring that the fatigue in her sister’s voice was indeed from her annoyance and workout.
Binary was quiet for a moment. “Ahaha, yeah– See you,” she returned before promptly hanging up and using her last shred of strength to fling her phone against her bed. It bounced off and fell onto the floor, shattering the screen protector.
Binary watched for a moment before closing her eyes, raising her hands shakily to cover her face from the glaring overhead light. “W-why?” she choked out, a dry sob leaving her lips. She had run out of tears years ago, but perhaps the rain droplets that still hadn’t dried up could provide a good replacement. Not really though. They couldn’t create the same emotional release that tears naturally did.
Binary pressed her palms into her eyes, trying to find some solace in the stars and darkness that danced in her vision. She usually never had breakdowns like this. In fact, she shouldered everything or brushed it off. She supposed that this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. And oh boy, what a camel it was.
Slowly, as her body racked weakly with desiccated cries, she could distantly feel control slip from her body, mind clouding with the notorious haze of unconsciousness. The world began to fade away as her hands slowly fell from her face, head falling back again. A tremorous gasp.
The last thing she could hear was a muted slam of her door and a muffled “Binary!” before her mind shut off.
Winter 
Day 
