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 God's Children Pack
10:27:06 Children or Pack
Thank you!
 devine
10:26:12 vi, devi
When it doubt, bone it out
 Dont Fear The Reaper
10:25:57 Reaper / Grim
Children
I'd personally retire lol
 God's Children Pack
10:24:43 Children or Pack
-WP Click-
Keep or retire?
 devine
10:22:59 vi, devi
Think you're sneaky, do you?
Chipmunk 1
Chipmunk 2
Dreki 3
Chipmunk 4
Chipmunk 5
Chipmunk 6
 Dont Fear The Reaper
10:20:08 Reaper / Grim
Keep or Retire? They're not what I was trying to breed but man are they cute
-WP Click-
-WP Click-
 God's Children Pack
10:18:43 Children or Pack
And just because you said that she'll only give you one, XD
 Cypress Road
10:16:08 Cy, love
Just give me thee children. It's fine they will be fine I promise. As long as they come out good with how long you are baking them for, it'll be fine. Just give them to me.
-WP Click-
 God's Children Pack
10:00:39 Children or Pack
I think it's supposed to be hard
 Cypress Road
10:00:36 Cy, love
Ven
Yeah she's the only one who is taking so long and she was bred first. All my others go into labor at about 81-83 hours
 ~ Manami Kuno ~
10:00:04 
Just wondering if its supposed to be this hard or if there is a glitch..
 God's Children Pack
09:59:17 Children or Pack
Maybe I'll find him later
 God's Children Pack
09:59:01 Children or Pack
Beep the Squirrel, to be exact
 ~ Manami Kuno ~
09:58:09 
I have went through 2 levels and haven't found him.
 God's Children Pack
09:57:51 Children or Pack
Not yet, he want's me to find one
 ~ Manami Kuno ~
09:56:56 
Has anyone been able to complete a bounty?
 Vengeance
09:54:35 ven
all of my girls that gave birth today were at around 96-97 hours and it ticked me off so bad
 Vengeance
09:51:38 ven
cy,
that's what she gets for being so stubborn *^*
 Cypress Road
09:50:16 Cy, love
I think her name suits her well as she is 93 hours pregnant and finally in labor.
-WP Click-
 Vengeance
09:37:32 ven
just bred my first surpassing valor ! quite exciting

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Forums > Socialize
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I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846005
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Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846007
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It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846008
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Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846010
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It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846016
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--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846020
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Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846032
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Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846033
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Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846035
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I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846036
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Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

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