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 Amygdala
07:53:24 Amy/Anpmygdala
PK
i currently have 2 mush so i can't lol
 Feiella
07:52:17 Fei The Sleepy Ghost
Bjake
Yep! Collecting the seasons so I can watch all of them.

I love watching House and Merlin
 Amygdala
07:52:05 Amy/Anpmygdala
plane
if you can read this message ignore chat please ;P
 Pack King
07:51:50 Lauren | PK
PvP anyone?
 Amygdala
07:51:13 Amy/Anpmygdala
and house MD is one of my favourites, and can't forget grey's anatomy XD

i also don't really have a specific genre, if i like it i will watch it and that's it XD
 Feiella
07:51:10 Fei The Sleepy Ghost
Amy
Don't be surprised if they show up
 BellJake
07:50:13 Don't call me BJ.
@Feiella
Omgs you've watched House and Merlin? :00
 Amygdala
07:49:57 Amy/Anpmygdala
fei
nah it's the middle of the night for plane so we are safe (hopefully)
 Feiella
07:48:28 Fei The Sleepy Ghost
Also you will summon them Amy
 Feiella
07:47:44 Fei The Sleepy Ghost
Amy
House MD, Merlin and SVU are some others.

I have no specific genre much to a friend's annoyance
 Amygdala
07:47:09 Amy/Anpmygdala
BJake
it,s awesome i can't wait for it to be 1st december so i can show it to plane
 Amygdala
07:45:44 Amy/Anpmygdala
fei
i love lord of the rings and hobbit XD
and i have seen ncis, i alsoloved watching bones. every time i was eating i would put it on lol
 BellJake
07:45:02 Don't call me BJ.
Amygdala asked me to make this(The person it's for is offline, so I'm safe.)
-Click-
I think I cooked
 Feiella
07:44:49 Fei The Sleepy Ghost
night Urux
 Feiella
07:44:18 Fei The Sleepy Ghost
Amy
Lord of the rings is interesting to watch. I enjoyed watching those movies but I also watch Supernatural, ncis, ncis: LA, Jaws and some others
 Talen
07:44:09 local genetics fan
Goodnight Urox!
 Poe
07:44:02 
Urux-
-WP Click-
That's what the bear and badger look like. I knew they weren't going to look like the spirit wolf decor, but I was a little shocked.
 Talen
07:43:58 local genetics fan
Urox -
It's a really good movie, and yeah the Netflix one is much more tame
 Amygdala
07:43:54 Amy/Anpmygdala
night urux
 Urux
07:43:06 Urox, Uris
Anyway! Now that's I've stirred up chat xD I'm going to sleep.
G'night!

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Forums > Socialize
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I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846005
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Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846007
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It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846008
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Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846010
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It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846016
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--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846020
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Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846032
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Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846033
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Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846035
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I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846036
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Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

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