Chatbox
 LeafClan
09:44:30 Leaf she/her
Raider brings SilverMist a flower offering.
 Voxtexy
09:43:39 Vox
Wilver,
I vividly remember being distraught when I realized they threw the rest of the burger away. xD
 Nobachey
09:40:19 Call me anything
LOL I read the question wrong
 LeafClan
09:39:57 Leaf she/her
Blood that link goes in sales chat I am telling you this so you do not get in trouble!
 Ecliptic Pack
09:39:24 
Ohh! ThatÂ’s a cool feature
 Arachne
09:38:00 Ara/Kat
Ecliptic
dyes are things you can use to dye a wolfÂ’s coat another colour. Or eye colour as well
 the blood keepers
09:37:49 blood
-WP Click-
 Thanksgiverbeast
09:36:24 Will
@Vox

As you should 😔
A good burger is a good burger
 Nobachey
09:36:06 Call me anything
I'd imagine it's so you can see what it looks like
 Ecliptic Pack
09:35:08 
What are dyes? Like add extra colors to the games pallet options?
 Voxtexy
09:34:31 Vox
Maybe I still mourn the burger.
 Magnus Bane
09:33:36 Mag/Maggy
Uh
 Boo
09:33:24 Chrissy
yikes. 😖
 Arachne
09:33:14 Ara/Kat
3 jasmines and 4 blue jay feathers for helping the danish child 20 times is crazy
 LeafClan
09:32:53 Leaf she/her
Magnus I want one please??!
 LeafClan
09:32:33 Leaf she/her
Did I kill chat by being curious?
 Magnus Bane
09:32:28 Mag/Maggy
I'm drowning in exclusive dyes ;-;
 LeafClan
09:30:03 Leaf she/her
You come to a clearing. There is a human dwelling ahead. The Great Mead Hall. Raider smells a pungent oder. They see a stein with a gold coin next to it laying in the dirt. They swipe the coin.
 LeafClan
09:27:50 Leaf she/her
Amygdala is pushed into a pond by Eternal Fire
Girl why?
 Voxtexy
09:27:06 Vox
My friend's wife made killer burgers. I was so excited to eat one ;-;

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Forums > Socialize
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I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846005
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Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

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#2846007
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It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846008
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Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846010
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It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

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#2846016
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--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

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Posts: 376
#2846020
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Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846032
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Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846033
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Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

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#2846035
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I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

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#2846036
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Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

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