Wolf Play : I dont wanna be a broke college student :)
Chatbox
 Creepy Currency
03:08:03 Tag (he/they)
hey disrespect:)
 Broken Archangel
03:06:35 Samael, Fallen, Arch
Hey
 Night Shade
03:06:26 Graves | Chaos
I have arisen again :( I'm so drained of energy XD
 Creepy Currency
03:04:55 Tag (he/they)
Lotus, thanks :)
im glad youre doing well :D
 Gardiens Brisés Pack
03:04:11 Lotus/Lucca
Tag,

Ah, I see, wish you the best of luck for finding someone! And, I'm doing well, thank you for asking :)
 Creepy Currency
03:01:26 Tag (he/they)
lotus, trying to find an artist lol. how are you?
 Malcuth
03:00:36 Wander
Lotus
Thank you! <3
 Continental Wolves
02:59:25 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
-WP Click-
Paws?
 Gardiens Brisés Pack
02:59:12 Lotus/Lucca
Tag,

Hello^-^ how are you?
 Gardiens Brisés Pack
02:57:22 Lotus/Lucca
Wander,

It looks super cool! Definitely adds character^-^
 Vulpixles
02:57:17 Pixie, Vul | ♈
So proud of my boy Prospect being in the top ten total times bred
 Creepy Currency
02:57:09 Tag (he/they)
ello chatto
 Malcuth
02:56:42 Wander
Yay! I'm glad it looks good!
 technoblade
02:56:38 Lil Techy | Techno
Amy

I figured it out by accidentally taking off one of the ones in my house
 Gardiens Brisés Pack
02:55:15 Lotus/Lucca
Wander,

Immaculate :O
 Amygdala
02:55:12 Amy/Anpmygdala
techno
i had to google it so i don't blame them
 Malcuth
02:53:40 Wander
-WP Click-
Thoughts on his gear?
 technoblade
02:53:14 Lil Techy | Techno
amy

half the comments didn't even know what one was
 Amygdala
02:53:09 Amy/Anpmygdala
hallow
it's okay, life happenes
 Amygdala
02:52:33 Amy/Anpmygdala
techno
atleast it works lol

Refresh

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.
Quests
Alliance Battles
Challenges

Hourly Damage Variances
Grey Fox : -5
Baboon : -5
Mountain Lion : +4
    Fall   Night  Weather:  Heavy Rain  Moon: 
 


Forums

→ Wolf Play is a fun game! Sign Up Now!

My Subscriptions
My Bookmarks
My Topics
Latest Topics
Following
Forums > Socialize
   1    2 

I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846005
Give Award

Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846007
Give Award
It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846008
Give Award
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846010
Give Award
It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846016
Give Award
--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846020
Give Award
Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846032
Give Award
Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846033
Give Award
Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846035
Give Award
I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846036
Give Award
Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

Forums > Socialize
   1    2 

Refresh










Copyright ©2013-2024 Go Go Gatsby Designs, LLC    All Rights Reserved
Terms Of Use  |   Privacy Policy   |   DMCA   |   Contact Us