Chatbox
 fawnings
06:18:01 fawn! she/her
hey eagle :3
 Eagle's Sorrow
06:11:01 eagle, they/them
Hey fawn
 fawnings
06:10:51 fawn! she/her
hey chat
 Eagle's Sorrow
06:06:10 eagle, they/them
Chat is SO goddamn dead
 fawnings
04:58:45 fawn! she/her
@Azzy
i can always house some if ya need it ^^
 Eagle's Sorrow
04:27:57 eagle, they/them
Okay gotta go
 Eagle's Sorrow
04:15:27 eagle, they/them
Are you*
 Eagle's Sorrow
04:15:08 eagle, they/them
Olive

Why are always randomly offline OAYA~
 The Night Walker
03:37:45 Anemoia/Aedra PS4Usr
Deviousness :D
 VioletEcho
03:34:33 Vi, Echo, Aria
Hi chat ^^
 Aztecs
03:26:05 Azzy
made the mistake of breeding 5 females all at the same time without nearly enough den space >_<
 Eagle's Sorrow
03:14:20 eagle, they/them
Goddammit she's offline again
 Eagle's Sorrow
03:13:45 eagle, they/them
Good morning oliveeee
 Nueva
03:13:40 
umm is it weird if my cp partner blocks me?
 Eagle's Sorrow
03:11:50 eagle, they/them
O l i v e
 Destinations End
02:48:02 Toliska, Desti, Coy
Back. Sorry about that
 Existence
02:21:16 Exist / Kuskyn
Nux~
 The Night Walker
02:09:14 Anemoia/Aedra PS4Usr
R a v e n
 MLadySkylar
01:54:30 P'Sky
Alright I'm going back to sleep for a bit , see you chat
 Eagle's Sorrow
01:52:46 eagle, they/them
Nux

That's the WPG life OAYA~

Refresh

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.
Quests
Alliance Battles
Challenges

Hourly Damage Variances
Snapping Turtle : +2
Polar Bear : 0
Boar : -1
    Spring   Day   Flood
 


Forums

→ Wolf Play is a fun game! Sign Up Now!

My Subscriptions
My Bookmarks
My Topics
Latest Topics
Following
Forums > Socialize
   1    2 

I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846005
Give Award

Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846007
Give Award
It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846008
Give Award
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846010
Give Award
It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846016
Give Award
--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 376
#2846020
Give Award
Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846032
Give Award
Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846033
Give Award
Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846035
Give Award
I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2846036
Give Award
Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

Forums > Socialize
   1    2 

Refresh










Copyright ©2013-2024 Go Go Gatsby Designs, LLC    All Rights Reserved
Terms Of Use  |   Privacy Policy   |   DMCA   |   Contact Us