Wolf Play : Pack Life: A Short Fun Read
Chatbox
 Inferno Abyss
06:04:57 Raven, Flame
I normally only BE train wolves that are completely maxed in every stat so I can just take a whole team when I want to train 😅
 The Tea Drinkers
06:04:42 Tea, Tea Queen
damn now I ought to buy moves and CP :P
 Saint
06:04:24 and your just blue
techno, i dont know, i think they have 2700+ territory level though
 Zeraphia
06:04:07 Vah is less okay
Mmmh small town vibes.
 Inferno Abyss
06:03:59 Raven, Flame
I can't tell you my experience but maxed battle, agility, resolve with 100 CP in luck, perception and stealth can help your trainee a good bit. Make sure (especially if you have event turned on) that you have a full team of 300+ BE wolves set to defense so that the trainee gets hit less.
 technoblade
06:03:48 Lil Techy | Techno
professional? where?
 Saint
06:03:16 and your just blue
oh god the professional is here, im running
 Saint
06:02:57 and your just blue
and like forest 15
 technoblade
06:02:46 Lil Techy | Techno
I train with random hit order set and I usually train 6 at a time for equal chances.
 Saint
06:01:56 and your just blue
tea i do one wolf with no BE and a 300+ BE wolf set to defense
 The Tea Drinkers
06:01:20 Tea, Tea Queen
guys any tips for BE training?
 Inferno Abyss
05:59:52 Raven, Flame
Nobachey
Good game ^^
 Leaves Beware
05:59:34 Leaf she/her
HowlMoon hides from Lian.


Mood: Exhausted
What did he do now?
 Nobachey
05:58:23 
Thank you!
 Inferno Abyss
05:58:05 Raven, Flame
Nobachey
I gotcha ^^
 Leaves Beware
05:57:55 Leaf she/her
I am spreading the word about Wolfplay to my Freinds on her wars guys is that cool!
 The Amethyst
05:57:38 Dart
92 coins yippee but 208 to go...
 Nobachey
05:57:32 
Can someone please battle me so I can see how well one of my wolves do?
 MLadySkylar
05:57:22 P'Sky
Small towns are too quiet,
I'm from South LA and now I live in a quiet city >>

Yes
They're yummy
 Nobachey
05:53:03 
Devine
Sweet, thank you

Refresh

You must be a registered member for more
than 1 day before you can use our chatbox.
Quests
Alliance Battles
Challenges

Hourly Damage Variances
Cheetah : 0
Jackal : +4
Bengal Tiger : +5
    Spring   Day  Weather:  Heavy Rain
 


Forums

→ Wolf Play is a fun game! Sign Up Now!

My Subscriptions
My Bookmarks
My Topics
Latest Topics
Following
Forums > Socialize > Writer's Nook
   1 

Pack Life: A Short Fun ReadFebruary 26, 2024 10:45 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2990982
Give Award
Characters: Tyr, Tala, Lyra

"I can't believe it."

Tala rolled her eyes. "Again with this?" she asked in irritation. "It's been aa entire day since it's happened. For the last time, FORGET IT."

"I simply can't!" Tyr whined. "You try having something that embarrassing happen to you! You'll never let go of it."

Tala sighed in exasperation. "Look Tyr, we all make mistakes. That's just life. You live with it and move on. Someday you'll laugh when you remember it."

Tyr, who had been laying on the ground, moping around the whole day, sprang to his feet and huffed, "I don't want to hear your little lessons on life. I'm going for a walk."

"It'll be good for you," Tala called out as Tyr left their den.

Lyra looked at Tala quizzically. It had only been a few days since she had joined Tala and Tyr's pack: The Mazie Pack. They were a small pack, just starting out. It was only the three of them, plus two pups, Lesia and Alita.

Tala sighed. "Lyra," she explained to the confused, older wolf, "before you joined our pack..." She paused and mused for a moment before continuing. "Wait, actually before even the pups joined, Tyr went border patrolling for the first time."

Lyra nodded. "Ah yes," she said wistfully. "I always wanted to go border patrolling - it was a special privilage, you see, only for the best of the best. That was in my previous pack, where I grew up in."

"Well, consider yourself hired." Tala said with a smirk. "I doubt Tyr wants to do it anymore, considering what happened to him."

Lyra cocked her head. "Yes? Was that what he was complaining about so loudly?"

Tala nodded and grinned. "So here's what happned: he went border patrolling, right? And when he gets there he sees this rabbit, a singular rabbit. He thinks 'Oh, I'm a wolf. That's a bunny. Wolves hunt bunnies. Bunnies are weak compared to wolves,' right? So what happened, naturally is that he tries to fight the bunny, the bunny bites him, he misses, and it flees. So when he comes home an hour later, he's injured and he has nothing to show for it."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "So what I'm hearing is that Tyr got beat by a bunny."

"Yep."

Lyra whistled. "Wow, that really sucks for his ego."

"Yep"

Lyra smiled. "It's ok, I remember what happned to one of my previous pack's leader. She was doing a PvP and -"

"Guys, I'm back!" Tyr interrupted, bursting back into their den. He smiled broadly, and threw something down into the middle of the dirt floor. It was a dead rabbit.

Based on a true story. I sent Tyr to do the Border Patrol Game and he totally got bested by a rabbit. (It's ok, Tyr, I still love you❤️)


Edited at February 29, 2024 06:55 PM by Mazie
Pack Life: A Short Fun ReadFebruary 27, 2024 10:00 PM


Broken Dawn

Neutral
 
Posts: 2251
#2991772
Give Award
Nice story!
Pack Life: A Short Fun ReadFebruary 27, 2024 10:26 PM


TimesGhost

Neutral
 
Posts: 62
#2991805
Give Award
Alrighty! So! Here's the critique you asked for. I also went over your story and made a few edits and suggestions which will be below.

Starting with critiques, I firstly have to compliment your writing as a whole. You actually have a really solid style and great understanding of making a story flow smoothly. Most of my critiques and edits are just small things to keep in mind and to add that extra bit of smoothness (mostly from experience and learning what reads a touch better). You do a great job staying away from passive voice and making each sentence expressive. You used one adverb, which is impressive. Generally, reword sentences over using adverbs in the writing world, but personally, I think they're fine.

Overall, I don't really have much to critique or change. Most I can suggest outside the edits below is to now start leaning into setting. There isn't much, and you can really make a story pop by helping visualize the area.

~

Here are my edits:

"I can't believe it."

Tala rolled her eyes. "Again with this?" she asked irritatedly in irritation. "It's been an entire day since it's happened. For the last time, FORGET IT."

"I simply can't!" Tyr whined. "You try having something that embarrassing happen to you! You'll never let go of it."

Tala rolled her eyes (Consider her squinting or turning away in exasperation. She just rolled her eyes a few sentences before). "Look Tyr, we all make mistakes. That's just life. You live with it and move on. Someday you'll laugh when you remember it."

Tyr, who had been laying on the ground, moping around the whole day, jumped (“sprang” is a vibrant word to consider instead of jumped)to his feet and huffed, "I don't want to hear your little lessons on life. I'm going for a walk."

"It'll be good for you," Tala called out as Tyr left their den.

Lyra looked at Tala quizzically. It had only been a few days since she had joined Tala and Tyr's pack, named Mazie : The Mazie Pack. They were a small pack, just starting out. It was only them three the three of them, plus two pups: Lesia and Alita, who had also joined quite recently.

Tala sighed. "Lyra," she explained to the confused, older wolf, "before you joined our pack - wait, actually," she mused, "before even the pups joined, Tyr went border patrolling for the first time."

“Lyra," she explained to the confused, older wolf, "before you joined our pack…" She paused and mused for a moment before continuing. "Wait, actually, before even the pups joined, Tyr went border patrolling for the first time."

Lyra nodded. "Ah yes," she said wistfully. "I always wanted to go border patrolling - it was a special privilege, you see, only for the best of the best. That was in my previous pack, where I grew up in."

"Well, consider yourself hired," Tala said with a smirk. "I doubt Tyr wants to do it anymore, considering what happened to him."

Lyra cocked her head. "Yes? Was that what he was complaining about so loudly?"

Tala nodded and grinned. "So here's what happened: he went border patrolling, right? And when he gets there he sees this rabbit, a singular rabbit. He thinks 'Oh, I'm a wolf. That's a bunny. Wolves hunt bunnies. Bunnies are weak compared to wolves,' right? So what happened, naturally is that he tries to fight the bunny, the bunny bites him, he misses, and it flees. So when he comes home an hour later, he's injured and there he has nothing for him to show for it."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "So what I'm hearing is that Tyr got beat by a bunny."

"Yep."

Lyra whistled. "Wow, that really sucks for his ego."

"Yep"

Lyra smiled. "It's ok, I remember what happened to one of my previous pack's leaders. She was doing a PvP and -"

"Guys, I'm back!" Tyr interrupted, bursting back into their den. He smiled broadly and threw something down into the middle of the dirt floor. It was a dead rabbit.


Edited at February 27, 2024 10:33 PM by TimesGhost
Pack Life: A Short Fun ReadFebruary 28, 2024 04:57 PM


Former Pack

Neutral
 
Posts: 0
#2992354
Give Award
Wow, this is amazing! I can tell you know a ton about creative writing. I can't express to you how helpful this is! I will definitely include your edits into my short story. Thank you so much!

Forums > Socialize > Writer's Nook
   1 

Refresh










Copyright ©2013-2024 Go Go Gatsby Designs, LLC    All Rights Reserved
Terms Of Use  |   Privacy Policy   |   DMCA   |   Contact Us