Song; Burnt Out by Leanna Firestone

(With some adjustments to the lyrics to better fit characters and avoid as much repeating in some spots)

Characters; Nico. Garvin, Revan, Ingall, Akira, and Bernard mentioned.

Context; So this is just more of angry T8P Nico honestly, but more in depth and more targeted toward Garvin, Revan, and Akira because those three will actually probably have the most anger directed toward them anyway. Akira because they were the perceived first to give up on him, Garvin because he was the last, and Revan because of the breakthrough Nico thought he had with him. Ingall doesn't have a ton against him at first even though he's realistically on about the same level as Revan, just because of that breakthrough, which is something Ingall and Nico didn't really have (it wasn't really necassary for Ingall on the same level as Rev), but Angel really gets more of the anger later after Nico learns that he's the one who started everything against Briar, lol

Bernard gets to hear all of this anger more directly than any of the polycule because he's the only real support system Nico has until Briar gets back, so that's fun for Bernard, haha

This song also highlights the major regret that Nico has toward the relationship, and, again, how much the polycule, especially Akira, get compaired to Adiar because Nico sees a lot of what's happening as a repeat. Oops, lmao

---

*We start with Nico slowly starting to process what's just happened shortly after Garvin stops speaking to them, slowly starting to come to the conclusion that no one can possibly love her anymore considering how everyone but Bernard has left now*

Nico, just reflecting on the relationship at this point, trying to figure out what actually happened when everything seemed to be going so well before: "I've never felt this warm as I did when you touched me, gave me goosebumps from head to toe..."

Nico, still partly blaming themself for all of this, honestly thinking that his value decreased with what happened during kidnapping: "But a love made of matches was destined to burn out and end up in ashes and smoke..."

Nico, starting to slowly realize how similar this feeling is to the one that she had when he was with Adiar: "Still ambers remained, and I tried to re-ignite them. Ended up playing with fire again..."

Nico, blinking as everything comes together, seeing a pattern of abuse and neglect start to emerge with River warning him to stay away and then Revan trying to push her away as well, even looking all the way back to when Neva warned them against joining the relationship: "You pushed me away, and I fought and I stayed, but maybe I should have listened..."

*As everything comes together and Revan and Ingall start trying to talk to him again, the need to fix the relationship starts to fade, replaced by absolute rage at being treated like shit after literally going through one of the most traumatizing things possible and, while she doesn't say much directly to their partners directly, they do say a lot with his eyes, and then say them out loud to Bernard often as well*

Nico, to Bernard, about Revan, referring to how Rev pushed them away in the beginning and how they kept trying to get closer to help him: "Because you're right, I couldn't fix you!"

Nico, to Bernard, about Garvin, referring to how self-deprecating Garvin is and how they tried so hard to help him even when suffering themself: "You're right, I shouldn't have tried to!"

Nico, to Bernard, about Akira, referring to how Akira always wanted to be in control and failed to listen even when the thing they were trying to control was something they knew little to nothing about: "Your pride, is what you're concerned about? Is "you're right" really all they wan to hear right now?!"

Nico, to Bernard, about Garvin, starting to break down slowly, referring to how she's starting to realize how much he could have saved themself if they just gave up on trying to help everyone else sooner: "Well, you're right, I should've walked away faster, I should've known you'd only break my heart after I was already in love!"

Nico, to Bernard, about Akira, holding a shit ton of anger with the fact that, despite Akira saying over and over how much they feared not being a good leader, and, yet they turned their back on Nico: "You're right, you aren't good enough."

Nico, to Bernard, about Garvin, referring to, again, how he did everything possible to support Garvin even when they literally couldn't even support herself: "I kissed your scars even after you hurt me!"

Nico, to Berand, about Revan, again referring to how much they worked to help Rev come out of his shell, only to be turned away after having a major breakthrough: "And I held your hand even when you fucking burned me!"

Nico, to Bernard, about all three of them, referring to how he's honestly really regretful and embarrassed about the fact that she "let this happen" when he "should have known better": "Do you know how embarrassing that was? To stay with sombody who hates you because you hope things get better!"

Nico, to Bernard, referring to Akira, and, again, their abuse of leadership: "You hope that love can turn a monster into a man!"

Nico, to Bernard, referring to Garvin and how, at this point, Nico really doesn't see a point in trying to keep Garvin afloat because he clearly doesn't see a point and refuses to even try to get better or listen to help anyway: "But it doesn't and it won't, because you're beyond repair."

Nico, to Bernard, truly just trying to keep from completely giving up and collapsing completely, even though she doesn't actually believe what he's saying: "But there are still someone for me somewhere who will treat me so nice!"

Nico, to Bernard, about Revan, switching back to anger and kinda wishing Revan would see them be happy and regret everything he did: "You'll wish that you did! For someone so smart, you're so fucking stupid!"

Nico, just frustrated with himself for falling into the same loop again at this point: "To think that I'm really that dumb!"

Nico, crying and turning away from Bernard, determined not to fall back into the same pattern and accept the polycule back, but also realizing that, yeah, he does still love them. A lot. And that hurts even worse: "I love them, but I'm done."

Nico, referencing the whole relationship: "Pretending this was gonna work, pretending loving you didn't hurt! "

Nico, referencing Akira and their god-complex: "Pretending that it doesn't burn when you think you're always right!"

Nico, referencing Garvin and how unwilling he is to even try to change anything and just giving up and hurting everyone else around him without a second thought: "'Cause you're still stuck on your past."

Nico, referencing Revan and what they know about him and his mothers relationship, the very thing they tried to save him from: "You hate her so much but you're just like your mom!"

Nico, referencing how Akira turned away Nico's needs because they thought they knew better: "You smothered every right that I've ever had by holding on too tight!"

*And then, after a period of anger and ranting, Nico's true emotions shine through again and they turn back to Bernard for support, simply collapsing and sobbing over everything, well aware that he can never see the others the same way again and absolutely hating that fact*

Nico, honestly just collapsing into Bernard in pain, exhaustion, and regret: "And it's suffocating, and I'm longing to breathe again! And in the middle of it all I ended up losing who I am..."

Nico, sobbing and seeking support from Bernard, sort of backtracking on what he said before, still somehow seeing the good in the polycule, first mentioning Garvin and his mental health issues and Revan and his experience that made him believe ignoring Nico would be the most helpful thing: "And I know that you tried, gave it all that you had..."

Nico, struggling a little more to defend Akira, but eventually just landing on the idea that just because Nico sees them one way doesn't mean that those were their true intentions and, despite everything, giving them the benefit of the doubt: "And being a monster doesn't necessarily make you bad..."

Nico, closing their eyes, regret seeping into her voice, acknowledging that, even if all of this is true, he probably won't ever see the polycule how they used to, and that fucking hurts: "But even if we could staple it back together now, we both know that you can't light a fire that's already burnt out..."