Xola || 6 || Female || Wolf || Eastern Medic || M: Shadow, Icicle (Ind), Killjoy
Xola couldn’t help but feel at least slightly relieved at Shadow’s first string of words. A breath that she didn’t even realize that she was holding finally wisps past her lips and her ears relax from their tightened form. However, as he continues, her expression shifts to one of sympathy – usual striking eyes now soft and gentle, and her ears now loosely cast down to the sides of her head.
As Shadow moves to leave, the medic canters over to his side in hopes that she wouldn’t lose him before he got very far (Curse my tiny legs). Thankfully, however, Killjoy was there to stop the male from moving any further – blocking his path. Grateful for the action, she gives her alpha a slow nod and pads her way to stand to the side of him.
She listens to his piece to its entirety, not making any comments between the various parts of his confession. She did not even move when he set his sights upon her. Instead, she allowed Killjoy to speak first – allotting her time to soak in the entirety of his story. It… was a lot to shift through. But, she had a good idea of what to say.
Taking a deep breath, the night fallen female pads the smallest bit forward and stands at the male’s right side. Her coat presses gently into him as a form of comfort, blending neatly into his own pelt of darkness. Reaching a leg out, she scoops his own up in her motherly grasp – lifting it up to the slightest degree as if she were holding his paw. Her eyes settle upon his own to the best of her ability, still shining as softly as possible. She grants him no comforting smile, choosing to remain as serious as possible. Now was not the time for such a form of comfort. After a moment of silence, she speaks.
“What monster cares for another? What monster lives day by day with nothing but regret for events of the past? None, I tell you,” she jerks her head to the side, “A monster would hold no remorse for the actions long since committed. Have no nightmares of those lost to time. They live soundly within their own actions, and justify them every chance they get. Trust me…,” her ears pin back at the arising memory, a whining huff of air clamped down in her throat.
A blur of leaves. The snarling and snapping of jaws. Paws pounded against the shadow ridden ground at his approach. Face a sickly and twisted grin, teeth glinting in the low light of the evening. Naturally dark reddish-brown eyes scorned forever with bloodlust, set forth upon what he viewed as his prey. One so strong that it’d freeze even the most brave of wolves in place. Deep down, she knew that he’d never turn such an intentful gaze upon her. She knew that she’d never be on the receiving end of such anger or malicious intent, matter what she did. But she couldn’t stop herself from releasing a shuddering breath from its intensity, her heart skipping a beat within her chest before pounding like a fast paced drum.
What happened to the wolf she knew and loved? To the wolf she’d know all these years? This wasn’t him… was it?
A throat ripping growl, frightened and tight. The scrambling of the winter’s forest floor – away from the deadly advance. Away from violence. Fleeing death itself. His body pushing back in a sideways motion, ears flattened and pupils nearly invisible. She’d never forget his eyes, just as she could never unsee the leave’s. They’d been ones that she’d grown to enjoy over time. Their usual warm hue like the waters of a crystal bay was not replaced with ice cold dread and fright. Now, they were there. They always were. Watching. Haunting. Every time she closed her eyes, they pierced through the darkness with such fright and sorrow. A damn curse for her own choices and actions. Or, inaction. He did not deserve this. Despite his sin, he did not deserve this!
Striking eyes widen as the blow finally connects. Paws glued on the spot, she could only watch as the two tore at each other’s hides with such vigor. One in a fight for his life. The other… a disgusting desire for blood and repercussions. Fear shook across her form as the blood began to spill. This wasn’t right. Why was this happening?
Retching her gaze from the scene, she bows her head to the side – eyes screwed shut. Her tail curls tightly around her round and growing stomach, increasing in its grip the more sounds erupted from the two. Ears pinned back, she attempts to relinquish herself from the horrid sounds. Despite all her strength, she could not ignore the choking snarls that came from the losing party. Nor would she ever forget the cackling howl of the victor as he and his followers lifted their heads to the sky…
How long had it been since that happened? Two years? Four? Five? Time was not something that the medic liked to ponder. It had not been very generous to her in the past. Rather, it often scorned her. But, she had to keep going. If not for herself… then for her son.
Taking a moment to steady herself, she realizes that she had fallen a bit too deep within her own mind – taking up a similar position to the one held in the ghost of a memory. Just with the added addition of tears, which she failed to notice. It was almost as though she was there again. Surrounded by those she used to call family. The place she used to call home.
…She missed him. As crazy as it sounded, she truly did. He was evil. He was vicious. He was a monster… but she missed him all the same. And there was nothing that could stop her from loving him with all her heart. Not the murders. Not the vile punishments. Not even the wars. She still cared… and she always would.
Taking a breath, she herself and the shaking that had been spurred on without her knowledge. Her eyes, however, remain shut. As does her head remain down.
“…I should know…” her voice tapers off into a whisper, mending into the wind like the times of long past.
Finally, opening her eyes, Xola finally looks back at the alpha – head still downcast, but not as frightful as before. “If you believe that I’d think anything less of you for simply grieving, you are mistaken. Shadow. You did dishonor your pack. You did not bring them any shame. Even if your actions were not the most admirable. Even if you do not regret what you did. You cannot predict the future any more than any other wolf. You did your best to protect them. But, sometimes, that’s just not enough,” her eyes glance up to the leaf-covered sky, “While I may not ever be able to understand what you did and feel, I know what grief can drive one too. And I cannot entirely fault you for it. We’re mortal, after all. We all make mistakes. And you’re no different. So what if they were good or bad? You’re doing good now, and that’s what truly matters.”
She holds his gaze for some time, hoping to see if that – in any way – helped him. But her demeanor completely shifts as Killjoy addresses her out of the blue, going from sympathetic to what she would call unbridled rage. Though, to be honest, it was an annoyed look for others than anything else. With pinned ears and slightly exposed teeth, she turns towards the other alpha, holding back a growl to avoid disrespecting the alpha anymore than she had today. Her eyes scream, ‘now is not the time for such petty assumptions,’ but continues with what she has to say.
“I did not come here for you,” she all but snarls, “I came to help you comfort your friend. Besides, I believe your – likely now lasting – leg injury will be enough punishment for your recklessness today. If you had stayed a minute long, you would have known that I was going to be escorting you to Shadow. But you instead rushed ahead without a thought. Once again, I must ask, what good would that have done us?”
The night fallen female’s tail lashes about behind her, but is careful to not hit the suffering alpha beside her. “Yes, you are a mess. A mess that needs fixing. But I cannot give you any more aid than I already have, in terms of advice. At least, for the foreseeable future, seeing as it is a meaningless waste of time in your eyes. After all, undermining me is all you’ve seen fit for doing today, apparently.”
Her expression softens slightly as she continues, “I truly do care about your well being, Killjoy. And I do wish to hold some sort of friendship with you,” her face hardens once more, “But I cannot deny the overwhelming fact that I have been inadvertently deemed an annoyance, unnecessary accessory, squabbling scoundrel, and down-right meaningless addition to your pack. Even if you meant to show none of this, it’s all I’ve been shown today by most of your pack. My first day working for you and your followers. I surely hope that this is just a one time thing.”
Turning back to Shadow, Xola’s expression becomes her usual soft and motherly one. Pulling up slightly with her paw (that had remained wrapped around his) she looks up into his eyes before speaking once more, “Shall we get you back to the den, my dear? Or is there any place you would like accompaniment too?”