Emery watched silently as he uttered words into a phone and then moments later have someone barge into the doors. She was surprised when she seen the man, someone she has never seen before but heard of. It was like a myth coming true. But even now being distracted, her mind still wondered to the worst day to happen to her yet.

It seemed to take forever, the white walls stared back at her for what seemed to be hours. Perhaps it was. The steady beat of her heart was the only noise in the room besides the doctors milling outside her room door taking in other patients. But soon enough, that big white door opened up, and in came a sharp looking man with a doctors coat. "Miss Emery. I have pleasant bews for you today." He smiled, his pearly whites being shown off like a decoration. "Your pregnant." He added again when she only nodded numbly. Her heart seemed to fall to the floor, along eith her mouth as she stared at him. "That's impossible." She murmured, her hand moving towards her stomach. Her world had never felt so small before, until it was just her and the doctor sitting there in that bare room. "No. Its quite possible miss. In fact your about 10 weeks along. Which would be around 2 months." He added. Emery smiled tightly, the news shocking her numb "T-Thank you." The doctor nodded, leaving her with prescriptions to fill and her world rocking from its axis.

The ride back to the apartment was long, her heart only seemed to beat faster the closer she got. How would she tell Elias? Only a month ago did he kill a man in front of her and now a baby? They weren't fit to be parents, how could they be? Emery had collage, she had her life planned out and a baby wasnt in the mix of it all. But the choice was already made, and there was no going back.

Driving up to the apartments though, she quickly noted that his car wasnt in the garage, that right there was enough to set her crazy. She parked the car, that gut wrenching feeling that something was off slammed into her like a train. A wave if sickness hit her harshly, and she placed a gentle hand over her stomach soothing..or trying to sooth the little being that growing inside her. Emery opened their apartment door, the silence drowning her thoughts and all rationtional reasoning away. She rushed towards the bedroom, ripping open his drawers to find them empty. "No." She whispered, tears springing to life as she rushed towards the closet and nearly ripped it off the hinges. "No." She whispered again, the bare hangers dangling loosely from the rack. The only thing was were her things. She sunk to the floor, heart shattering as she wept into her hands.

A month. A month of pure torture. A month of restless nughts and growing pain. But still Emery held on to that little shred of hope. She entered the building, a greeting from the receptionist forced a smile to her face as she was quickly seated into a room. Another dorctors visit without him. He would never know..unless ye already did. Her worst fear had come to life, and now she was living a nightmare. The nurse came in, a smile on her face as usual as she checked Emery's vitals and then started to work up the machine to see him/her. But the sound of a heartbest never came. And just like that her world came crashing down all over again.

"Im sorry." "Its not your fault." "There was nothing you could have done." "Dead." "No heartbeat." "Gone..."

Those were the words that filled her life, her empty void life. How could something so precious be ripped away so harashly? And that was how she lived for months...then that turned into two years...

The moniter beside her beeped slowly as Emery came back to her head, tears running down her cheeks hot and heavy. The pain of loosing something so early on in her life changed her. She wasnt the Emery he had known, no. That Emery was happy and outgoing..This new Emery? Well there wasnt much to her but the tears the fell from her eyes. Her scars wrote a sad story, and the most painful one yet was the one scar that laid on her stomach.

Brekker stiffened where he laid, Emery’s breathing hitching as she began to cry. He turned his head, a few strands of his hair falling into his eyes. His eyes widened. “Emery?” His question was barely a whisper as if he was hesitant. Which he was. Brekker knew he was already acting too invested, too friendly when he desperately needed to distance himself.

But before his sense could stop him, the man was already halfway off the bed, limping over to her with painful steps. Brekker's whole body hurt, the spots where he had been shot throbbed. He shouldn’t be moving, but his concern for her overrode his personal preservation. “Em, are you okay?” He asked, pausing near her bed, crossing his arms over his chest.

The woman looked like a shell, her eyes filled with pain as she cried. Brekker stood there in a shocked silence, not knowing what to do, or really what to say. She was broken. The man had shattered her and left her to pick up the pieces by herself. Although, it was clear she had never rebuilt following his disappearance. Neither had Brekker, but the man knew his sorrow could not hold up a candle to hers. In her eyes, she had been abandoned, the one man who she called her everything throwing away her heart like it was nothing.

He ran a hand over his face. “Em, I need to know if it's your injuries. The doctors can up your dosage.” He spoke calmly, although, inside his head, his thoughts were a storm. Brekker knew it wasn’t her injuries, he knew it was something else. He knew the woman too well. Emery wasn’t in physical pain. No, he was sure her bullet wounds hurt less than what was plaguing her.

The door opened and the doctor poked his head in, but at Brekker’s glare, the man promptly exited. “Em?” Brekker asked again, this time his voice was softer, silently imploring her for an answer, although his eyes remained unreadable.

Emery tensed when she felt his presence beside her, his voice drowned out by the pain of a love she lost. She looked at him, her shoulders squaring as her sadness turning into white hot anger. "Get. Away." She snapped, her body shaking now. "You have done enough Elias. You gave me so much. Love, life, happiness but you also took away so much more!" Her voice rose as she moved from the bed to sit facing him, her face red. "You." She stuttered, her mind reeling. "You left me. You left us..." She whimpered, falling back to cradle her stomach that once carried such a beautiful life.

"But then again. Maybe It was better off without me. Just like you and everyone else." She replied weekly now, all her anger flowing out of her and the agony returning. She wiped at her tears, looking away from the man who held her heart and crushed it with the hand that held it. "Just...I need to go." She uttered, though didnt move from her spot on the bed. Everything was screaming at her to hold him, to never let go. But he was the source of her pain, the reason she barely could get out of bed some mornings. She swallowed harshly, turning away from him fully and curling back into the shell she created long ago.

Emery knew she had stunned him with her words, he didn't know after all. But he left. Before she could even get the words out, he left her. That was just the facts. And now it was time to face them. After two long years, longing for the man he used to be; she had to be done. Over. No more Elias Brekker, and no more broken Emery. But even now, laying in the hospital bed numbly; she couldnt move or bring herself to look at Elias after the news she spilled on him. Then again..He wouldnt care.

Brekker flinched at her words, unable to stay stoic. He wrapped his arms around himself shamefully, as if willing himself to disappear. But he couldn’t. Brekker had to sit there and fully see the mess he had made The woman he had destroyed. It rattled him to his very core. Brekker had expected bitterness but never had he expected this. Emery was heartbroken. She was heartbroken and angry she still loved the man who hurt her.

When they had been together, Brekker had been a gentle, doting lover who would have given her the world. She was the only thing he ever loved and the man never let her forget it. The two of them had been a perfect fit. Yes, they had been opposites, but that had never stopped them. They had been a hurricane of love and lust and emotion that had been terrifying but beautiful

But that was then and this was now.

Her words, they had begun to confuse him. What did she mean? “It? Us? Emery, I don’t understand.” Panic. It seeped into his tone, but only a little. Worry flashed in his eyes because deep down, Brekker did understand. He wasn’t an ignorant man. He was not foolish but he needed her to tell him, tell him that his gut feeling was wrong and it was just some side effect of the medication. “Tell me, Emery. Explain.” His voice had again changed. For once in his life, Elias Brekker was begging. Begging for her to give him an answer that he was desperate for yet feared.

"The day you lett me.." Emery began, her jaw ticking. "I went to the doctor that day, told you i was going to school. I lied. Said i was pregnant, and i was." She ittered, numb as she explained the painful truth. "I was pregnant but i lost it..just like i lost you." She whimpered, turning to look at him breifly before turning away again.

Elias Brekker has broke her heart, left her shattered and the only thing the remained now was the shell of her former self. 'Empty.' Thats was a better term, Emery thought sourly. She pulled her legs up to her chest. "I was 16 weeks when i lost the baby...i was supposed to find out the gender that day but there was no heartbeat." The word felt like molting lava spilling from her mouth, her eyes wanting to spill over again with tears. "So yes. Brekker. Us. You left us." She added finally, avoiding his eyes. His eyes. God those eyes made her weak for him, and his voice? Oh the sound of him pleading with her made her heart race.
"theres your truth Elias."

Emery stated meekly, "You wanted to know...there is the truth. I was never enough for you to stay, a baby wouldnt have made you either." She spat angrily as a few lone tears fell.

I was 16 weeks when I lost the baby

Brekker fell to his knees with a loud thump, his hands gripping the edge of the bed with white knuckles. His fingers dug into the thin mattress of her hospital bed as if it was the only thing that had kept him from collapsing completely. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. That was impossible; they had been careful. But Brekker believed her, there was not a doubt in his mind that what she said was true.

The world seemed to spin and he felt nauseous. A shaky hand tore itself from where it gripped the sheets and grasped his chest. His heart was pounding. It thundered so hard against his chest that he thought it might explode. “I never wanted to leave you...” Brekker’s voice was weak, pitifully so. “I didn’t leave you because I didn’t want you. You were not just some conquest.” Brekker admitted, believing the woman at least deserved to know his side. It was better than being in this limbo she had been stuck in.

Weakly, he forced himself back to his feet. Brekker tripped, catching himself on the bedside table before stumbling back to his bed. The man sat down, slumping as he buried his face in his hands. This was not how he expected it to go. He was supposed to distance himself, keep her safe. She was supposed to get over him and spend the rest of her life with him as a bad memory.

He had abandoned her when she needed him most. Had Brekker needed to go? Yes. But if he had known, would he have left? No. As he said, he hadn’t left her because he was done with her. The man had never been more and love with her when he walked out that door. If only he had known... God, the way she said his name made his heart both shatter and long for her all over again.

“When I killed that man. You looked at me like… you were afraid. Like you didn’t recognize me and I wasn’t the man who held you at night.” Brekker told her shakily, lifting a hand to run it feverishly through his hair. She had been horrified by what he had done. Emery had been afraid of him. “I thought I could get over it, but I didn’t. Then business got more dangerous, there was going to be more nights like those. I thought… I thought you would be safer. I didn’t want you to live in fear of the things I did in the dark, worried that you loved a monster. And I was getting significantly closer to being compromised… So I left.” His head was bowed, his dark eyes downcast. I left when you needed me most.

Brekker sucked in a breath. His chest continued to heave as his head pounded with the new information. “At the time, it was the best decision. Cut things off before it got any deeper. I had already made the mistake of letting it get to the point it did…” The man felt horrible. His world had crumbled at his feet. He felt weak, vulnerable. Brekker didn’t know what to do. He could be held at gunpoint and even that would have been better than what he was going through.

“But it was obviously too late. If only I had known…” He gritted his teeth. If only he had planned to leave the next day. She would have told him and he would have thrown the plan out the window. Brekker would have figured it out. He would’ve had to. His hands rested on his thighs, nails digging at his skin through the fabric. The man had not intended to be a father, his line of work made such a thing nearly impossible, but he would have done it. Brekker would have stayed with Emery and done his best.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, imploring his composure to return. It didn’t. Not right now. “Fuck Em…” Brekker ran a hand over his face before lifting up his head, looking at the ceiling. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, his nostrils flaring. He wasn’t angry at her, but himself.

“God I loved you. I still do. I was a goddamn goner. I thought things would be better. I thought you would be safer and that you could eventually move on and I would just be some dark part of your past.” His voice was sad and full of regret. Brekker never regretted anything he did, but now, he wished he had never walked out that door.

“I’m sorry.”

Emery watched as he sunk to the ground, listened as he explained himself. But what reason was there to leave? Because she loved a monster and he knew thats what he was. He was dangerous, all the way around but thsts what drew her in; his dangerous yet careful and thoughtful personality. She closed her eyes as his voice broke, forcing herself not to cry- not to give in. "Whsts done is done Brekker. Nothing you and I can do about it." She uttered, shrugging her shoulders limply. "That pain your feeling right now...imagine it 10x worse..then double that and then..just maybe then will you understand a single ounce of pain i felt. Your heart beating wildly? Mine does that every second of every day because that baby was my only hope for you to come back."

Emery swung her legs from the bed, her back facing him ad she looked at the ground now. "I was never safe. We both knew that. But we both didnt care either, we loved each other so much it hurt. What we had was a suffocating kind of love. And i knew from the moment i met you that you were going to rip and world apart then throw me away. But it wasnt just me...The baby too. And im sorry the only damned thing that would've made you stay was that baby. Because if you couldn't love me enough to stay...then hell. You couldn't do it for the both of us Elias." But that was how she felt. And she couldnt stop the words from falling out of her mouth anymore.

"Dont say you love me. Dont say it." She uttered, but it was to late..the words had spilled out of his mouth faster then a train. 'I loved you. I still do.' The words echoed in her head, nearly driving her insane. Her face grew hot, her body once again wanting to shut down. "Stop saying that.." She spat when he whispered he was sorry. "For fucks sake Brekker. You arent sorry. You aren't capable of being sorry. You arent capable of any emotion, because all that we ever haf was a lie." Her jaw ticked again, leaving her gritting her teeth in bad habbit.

"What we had was based off of something that wasnt reality. We just hoped, prayed for the distraction of each other. And when you got bored, when things got to tough for you; you left." She shook her head, tongue clicking ontop her mouth. "But honestly." She turned toward him "You should've left me." She whispered, turning towards him briefly before the doors swung open again and the doctor popped his head in. "Im sorry sir. But i need to check both of your injuries and change the dressing." He murmured, afraid of him obviously.

“Get out.”

Brekker snarled at the doctor, eyes burning. His hands were clenched into fists. He wasn’t done talking. The man skittered out of the room, leaving them alone again. Brekker would call him back in a minute when their conversation was over.

“I am many things, Emery.” Brekker’s voice was hard and his eyes harder, “But I am not a liar.” As much as he wanted to yell, he wouldn’t do that. He had never yelled at her and he didn’t plan on starting, not even when their relationship had crashed and burned. “I wasn’t bored with you and things weren’t tough for me. I was scared. I was afraid that people were going to find you and hurt you like they did today. I was fucking terrified when they shot you. I was afraid that you were going to die in that damn apartment and I wasn’t able to save you.” He narrowed his eyes, his gaze heated… but vulnerable.

Had she really not felt safe with him? All that time? He gritted his teeth. The man had never once felt exposed when he was with her, always sure that they were completely secure. As far as the outside world was concerned, the name Elias Brekker didn’t even exist. There was no record of him, anywhere. Brekker had always been sure his location was secure and since Emery was with him, hers was too.

But she hadn’t always been with him. The woman had a life outside the bubble they had created with each other. He wasn’t always able to keep her sheltered. So when Brekker killed a man associated with one of his largest enemies, she was compromised. He had known it but hadn’t wanted to admit it. Then his enemies began to get closer and closer to him, closer to finding out about his connection with her, and Brekker thought it would have been best to leave her. Leave her so hopefully, they wouldn’t harm her, seeing her as just another notch in his bedpost. Obviously, that wasn’t the case.

Brekker got to his feet, the tile feeling sickeningly cold against his skin. “You were not a distraction. You were everything I ever wanted and more. I may be a monster, I may be the worst man who ever walked this earth, but I fell in love with you.” With an unsteady gait, Brekker approached the door, preparing to leave, hand resting on the cool knob. Him being there, it was too much pain for her. “But you’re right, we shouldn’t be together. This life I live is not something you should be a part of. I destroy lives while you are learning to save them. How I handled things were wrong but at least now, you don’t love me anymore.” He sighed, soft and sad, before opening the door.

“All I would have ever done was ruin you beyond repair. Right now, you can still find someone else who will love you and give you that life you wanted.” Brekker began to exit, but then he paused again. “I’m leaving Boone next week. You’ll never have to see me again.” And for the second time in the course of their relationship, Brekker left. But this time, the man was planning on it for good.

Emery watched as he walked out the door once again. "Always leaving Brekker." She whispered just as the door shut behind him. Surely it was a breathless whisper, something she hoped this man didnt hear. Not the plea in her voice, not the pain of him walking out again. Her only hope slowly dying out. She closed her eyes, willing herself to just...disappear. But reality was, She was alive and breathing and it was all thanks for Brekker, she would be dead if it weren't for him. But the life she lived truely wasnt worth living anymore. Not without him.

Because in what world did Elias and Emery not end up together? After all the trials and tribulations there had to be a forever...but what if there wasnt? Was she ready to face that? Of course. Emery had already set her mind that way as she marched out of the room hours later and headed towards her home. Her apartment..Their..old apartment. Even after two years she couldnt bring hereelf to move out, being there brought her hope of him coming home, but he never set foot there again. Or so she thought. But all this time he had never left Boones. He was still here..just not with her. The memories wanted to wreck hovac in her mind as she walked through the door; the creak of the door wanting to shove that memory into her brain. She took a deep breath, her hands shaking as she oushed the door closed and locked it behind her. Taking a look at the place again, the couches were the same black leather ones; just worn out more from her drunken nights passed out there. She ticked her jaw again, her eyes shutting as she tried to force down those feelings. No crying. Not anymore.

Hours later, everything was finally packed and loaded into a waiting uhaul. The place now scarece of any living thing, and would remain that way till it was rented again. Emery knew she had to leave this life behind to start a new one, it was the only way to get away from everything in her past that haunted her now. Elias Brekker had to be forgotten- or at least pushed far enough away to where she couldnt access those memories of them.

{was gonna do a time skip but ill wait for your reply.}

Brekker was leaving North Carolina, he had to. He had broken Emery in ways he hadn’t known he could break her. She had suffered far too much, only proving to him that they were not meant to be together. Brekker had shattered her and left her to pick up the pieces. Finally, with him leaving for certain, the woman had no choice but to pick them up and rebuild herself without him. It was for the best. Emery was a beautiful, good person who wanted to help people. Brekker was one who destroyed everything he touched and then did not regret it.

But he regretted Emery. He regretted pursuing her, chasing her like a predator did prey. They had gone back and forth. In the beginning, he had just wanted the fiery woman in his bed. She was a challenge, a game. Brekker had been brazen yet charming, but she still had no problems rejecting him. In the end, he had gotten her, winning the little game they had been playing with each other. Although, once he had her, he surprised himself in that he hadn’t wanted to let her go.

Brekker should have left her as soon as he knew he had fallen in love with her. She would have been angry, but she would have moved on. He was selfish, continuing to hold her close even though he knew he was bad for her. He was a killer, a man who had no mercy. Brekker was never fit to hold her. Yet he did and he regretted ever allowing himself to do so. It had only brought her heartbreak.

Brekker punched the wall of the hotel room he was staying in, fist crunching the drywall. He was an idiot. He had abandoned Emery when she needed him most. Yes, she had lost the baby and was not left to be a single mother, but she had been left to deal with that loss alone. Brekker had handled everything wrong and he could never fix that. He had hurt the one woman he had ever loved.

He was headed to Pennsylvania. Brekker figured he could lay waste to Philadelphia. He was hoping to conquer the East Coast before returning home to take on more of Europe. Nilo Van Aslan was taking over his operations in North Carolina and would hopefully conquer the state for him. Southerners weren’t easily swayed, the man would have his work cut out for him. If Brekker had stayed, he would’ve been able to have the state under his control twice as fast, but he couldn’t stay there. Not anymore.