Skylar's eyes met Alex's, and he watched as he stumbled to stand up. Thank god Alex was drunk, because Sky expected him to be freaking out already. Skylar slightly calmed, thinking that he could worm his way out of this. He let Alex grab his hand, standing up to be closer to him. "Nothing." Skylar said, his voice low as he snaked his other hand around Alex's waist. "Don't worry." Skylar breathed, leaning in closer so that his lips were brushing against his. He didn't take another moment to let Alex respond, instead, he kissed him. Pressing his body against Alex's, he let another moan fall from his lips in an attempt to distract Alex.

(help this is so bad)

Alex was freaking out, he just wasn't showing that. Whether or not that was thanks to the drinks he'd had, he wasn't sure, but a part of him was grateful for it. The last thing he needed was to be a panicking mess, jumping to conclusions and not giving Skylar a chance to speak. As he held his hand and waited for an answer he kept his eyes locked onto Sky's own. When he heard him respond and felt him wrap his arm around him he stiffened. It hardly registered that Skylar was kissing him or that he for some strange reason was kissing him back. His mind was still on the cuts, on Skylar whispering to him not to worry, on the fact that he was, indeed worrying. It was like reason was escaping him, like what had been a big deal seconds ago was now becoming some distant thing though he tried not to let it. And then he felt Sky's body pressing against his own, heard as well as felt another moan falling from his lips, and though he desperately wanted to respond he found himself pulling away with a pained groan and shaking his head. "You didn't answer my question..." He started as he looked up at Alex. "Something had to have happened because if it didn't then that means you..." There was a tremble in his voice before it broke entirely. He couldn't finish that sentence, didn't want to even consider the idea that Skylar had done that to himself, that he had been in that much pain and feeling that isolated that he'd do that. Because if that was the case then what did that make him? Another one of the problems that Skylar had been trying to erase... Someone he couldn't open up to and trust?

Skylar's brows furrowed as soon as he felt Alex pull away. "Forget it Alex, it's not a big deal." Sky said after Alex spoke. "Cmon let's just have fun." Skylar then added, grabbing hold of Alex's waist. His grip was tight, and he slowly pulled Alex closer to him. Sky let out a small, frustrated groan. If only he had stopped Alex before he lifted his shirt, they would still be making out peacefully. Sky still didn't know what to do, so he was trying desperately to make Alex not worry about it and forget about it. Skylar was failing, and he knew Alex wouldn't drop it now.

Alex knew that Skylar wasn't going to tell him, no matter how much he begged him to. He knew that the moment he'd suggested those wounds weren't a big deal. And that hurt, it hurt far more than he would have expected it to. "Not a big deal?" He repeated before shaking his head. Kissing, and returning to making out, were the furthest things from Alex's mind in that moment. He swallowed back the rising lump of emotions in his throat and shook his head when Skylar grabbed hold of his waist, pulling him closer with a tightened grip. He looked up at him for a moment before dropping his gaze. "Then let me see." He said after a moment of silence, his eyes falling to Skylar's arms. He wanted to grab them, to pull up the sleeves and reveal what was being hidden, and yet that was the last thing he wanted to do as well. Drawing in a breath he bit the inside of his cheek hard and looked up at Skylar.

Skylar's heart almost jumped out of his throat when Alex asked to see. Swallowing the lump that began to form, he shook his head. Letting go of his deathly grip on Alex's waist, he let his arms fall to his side. "Why?" That was all Skylar managed to say. Why on earth would Alex even ask a question like that? His brows furrowed as he took a step back. "Why the fuck would I willingly show you?" Skylar said, a change in his tone. He could tell he was getting agitated, and if Alex wouldn't stop, then it wouldn't get any prettier. Sky shook his head and looked away. He forced himself to calm down, he was tipsy, and he couldn't get mad because then he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

Alex's gaze was firm, determined. He could imagine how strange the question might be, how out of place. But he didn't doubt what they were, didn't doubt how Skylar had gotten those wounds. He knew, even if he wasn't explicitly told. Honestly, Skylar probably wanted him to look away, to turn a blind eye and pretend like he hadn't seen anything, but he couldn't do that. When he was let go he found himself taking a small step back, only so he could better look up at Skylar. He watched as he did the same, and then listened as he asked why. His tone had changed, and he could hear the agitation and anger in it. He should stop. God he knew he should stop... and yet he couldn't. Hearing the way Skylar snapped, hearing the tone of his voice, seeing how he looked at him. It felt as though something shattered in him, something tender and stupidly hopeful. His heart pounded in his chest, dizzy and furious all at once. Releasing a breath that trembled on the way out he forced himself to look up at Skylar. "Why?" He repeated. "Because I care about you, Skylar." His voice cracked on the words, anger and hurt bleeding together. "Because you matter to me. And I swear to god if you think I can just look at you, really look at you and see those cuts on your arms, and pretend like I didn't see anything, you don't know me at all."

`

He took a step forward then, his eyes burning with tears he refused to let fall. "Don't you dare act like I'm the one crossing a line here. You're the one hiding something that could fucking destroy you, and if you think I'm just gonna let that happen, if you think I'm going to kiss you and pretend you're fine, then you're out of your goddamn mind." Alex's throat felt tight, his fists clenched at his sides. "I'm not asking because I'm curious, Skylar. I'm asking because I'm scared, because I'm concerned... because I want to know you're okay."

Skylar looked down as soon as Alex started speaking. He couldn't bring himself to look him in the eyes. Then, when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Alex stepped closer to him. Skylar winced back at the action and the words he was speaking. Honestly, as much as Sky didn't want to admit it, he was scared, really scared. He also felt so fucking stupid and disgusting for doing something like that to himself, especially now that Alex has found out. Alex hasn't even seen all of it. Skylar's heart was racing, and with his brows furrowed, he looked up. "Alex." Sky said quietly. He didn't know what else to say, and he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. Swallowing thickly, tears threatened to pour from his eyes, but he didn't let them fall.

(Agh sorry its so bad)

Alex was angry, at Skylar at himself... he was hurt too and all of it showed in his voice and in the expression he wore. When he heard the sound of his name being whispered, fragile and small, he froze. It sounded like Skylar was breaking, shattering in front of him, and yet trying so damn hard not to let him see it. He swallowed thickly, his gaze fixed on the man in front of him for a long second, his heart hammering inside his chest before he softened. It wasn't because he had stopped buying angry or hurt, but because he realized in that moment that Skylar was already punishing himself more than Alex ever could. He saw it in the way Skylar seemed to flinch at every word he'd said like it hurt to be seen, and for a second, he almost backed down. Almost apologized, almost made it easier for him, because god knew he didn't want to make things hard. But then he saw it, the way Skylar was trying not to cry, how he looked like he wanted to disappear, and something inside him cracked wide open. "Don't do that..." He said quietly, all anger from his voice and only love, concern, and worry left behind. He stepped toward him, slower this time. "Don't say my name and hope I'll stop, because I can't. Don't look at me like I'm going to be disgusted or disappointed or... or whatever else you've been telling yourself." He said, his gaze never leaving Skylars. His hands were shaking now. He didn't know if it was from the adrenaline or the alcohol, or just the fear of what those cuts meant. "I don't care if you think I shouldn't see you like this... because I do, and I have. I see you Skylar, and I'm not going anywhere." His voice cracked and he looked away for a second, trying to steady himself, before his gaze snapped right back to Skylar.

`

"You didn't say anything. You let me think you were okay. You looked me in the face and laughed. You acted like nothing was wrong while you were hurting this bad... do you have any idea how much that hurts?" He exhaled shakily and blinked back the tears. "I don't want to fight with you Sky." He whispered softly. "I just... I want you to let me in. Let me see you. All of you. Even the parts you hate. Because I care about every piece of you, Skylar."

Most of what Alex was saying went in one ear and out the other. All Sky could do in that moment was look away, but when Alex mentioned that it hurt, something snapped, and he finally looked up. An angered expression painted over his face as his brows furrowed. "Dont you fucking do that." Sky said, his voice slightly breaking. "Dont you fucking pull that shit." Sky said, unable to stop himself. "You don't get to say how this hurts you." He continued, looking Alex dead in the eyes. Shaking his head, he let out a laugh because if he didn't, he was going to end up crying. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair before looking back at Alex. "I don't give a fuck if you want to see, I don't have to show you." Skylar spoke in an angry tone, taking a step forward, attempting to intimidate Alex.

Alex blinked once, twice, three times as Skylars voice came sharp, cutting through him. It felt like each word was a brick being slammed into his chest. His hands curled into fists at his sides, and for a second, he didn't say anything at all. Then, quietly in a voice that was little more than a whisper he spoke. "What... so I don't get to tell you how your decision to keep shutting me out hurts?" He looked up. "I don't get to say how it wrecks me to know you're hurting like this and you won't even talk to me?" His voice rose just enough to betray the emotion behind it. It wasn't anger, not entirely. Rather it was something more fragile, something closer to pleading. And then Skylar's next words came, the bite in his voice sharper than ever, and at that moment Alex felt something in him snap. Like a tightly bound thread breaking and he went quiet. Dead quiet. His eyes dropped from Skylar's face, and the breath he took in was shallow and uneven. "No..." He said after a moment, his voice numb. "You're right. You don't have to show me anything." He said and then he turned. The dizziness hit him all at once, the alcohol swimming in his blood made him feel the room tilt. His stomach twisted with something more like nausea, something like grief. He bent down stiffly, grabbing for his shoes where Skylar had thrown them earlier, his fingers fumbling. "But I don't know why I'm here, then." He didn't look up, he couldn't. "I don't know why you asked me to date you, why we hang out, why you even bother kissing me." His voice cracked on that last part, raw and quiet and real. "Because if you're not going to let me in... if you're not going to talk to me... then what's the point of me being here at all?" He asked. Standing slowly and still barely able to keep his balance, he looked at Skylar, and then at the door to his room. Then, without saying anything more, and biting back the tears that wanted to fall he moved to walk past Skylar and toward the door.