Feo’s chest tightened as Lucius’s words hung in the air. The small touch to his arm made his heart stutter for a moment, the warmth of the gesture almost too much to bear in the quiet after everything. He wanted to say something, to explain that the space hadn’t been about not wanting to be near him, but that the weight of everything—his overwhelming feelings, the fear, the exhaustion—had pressed him into making a choice he hadn’t been ready for.
“I didn’t want to leave,” Feo muttered, the words quiet and raw. He swallowed, the lump in his throat heavy. "But it was like I couldn't stay. Not when I... didn't know what else to do."
He felt the sting of that, even as the words slipped out. Feo had always prided himself on handling situations, on keeping a clear head, but last night had shattered that, leaving him fumbling, uncertain of his footing. He had left because, in his mind, it had been the only choice left. To give Lucius space, to give himself space. But he could see now, even in this silence, that it hadn’t been what Lucius needed.
What had Lucius needed? What did he need now?
Feo’s gaze flicked to the side, but it felt almost like he couldn’t quite look Lucius directly anymore. There was something in the way his words had been said—calm, but with an edge—that hit Feo harder than he would have liked to admit. The ache in his chest tightened at the reminder of the fine line they had walked.
The stubbornness, the control. They both wore it like armor, but Lucius had made it clear that they couldn’t always keep hiding behind it. Feo’s lips parted as he opened his mouth to speak, but the words tangled in his throat. He didn’t know how to say what was eating at him. That constant fear of being too much, of wanting too much, of stepping over lines they had never even agreed on.
“I’ve never really been good at… sharing space,” he finally admitted, his voice quieter now, quieter than it had been for days. "Not with anyone, really. Not like this." His hand gripped the edge of his shirt, fingers pulling at the fabric almost absentmindedly. "I don’t know how to just… be with someone all the time. It’s not easy, Lucius. And I know it’s not for you, either. I can feel it."
There it was. The honesty he had avoided for days. The fear of being too much, of taking up too much space, of needing too much. But it was there now, in the open. Feo’s eyes closed briefly as he let out a long, steadying breath, trying to collect himself. It was harder than he expected.
“Maybe… maybe I need more space than I thought too.” His voice cracked as he said it, and Feo almost immediately regretted the words, but he couldn’t take them back. “I’m not saying I want to be away from you. But… it’s different now. And I don’t know what I’m doing half the time.”
It was so easy for him to lose himself in the idea of doing right by someone else. In wanting to be the person they needed, the person who always had the answers, who could fix it all. But Feo had learned long ago that he didn’t have answers. Not all the time. Not for this.
His heart still pounded too fast. His head still ached with the weight of everything they hadn’t said, everything they hadn’t figured out yet. He needed to fix it. He needed to make it right, but how? How did you fix something like this?
But Lucius’s voice—steady, calm—was the anchor. The reminder that maybe they didn’t have to have all the answers now. Maybe all they had to do was keep trying to figure it out.
He wiped a hand over his face, trying to clear the haze of fatigue that had clung to him since the night before. "I don't know what else to say, except that... I’m sorry. For everything. For not... knowing what the hell I’m doing."
But that was the truth. Feo didn’t know. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore.