Wolf Play : I dont wanna be a broke college student :)
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 kycantina
04:24:56 ky but it's spooky
Bau, oof, it seems like everyone's got awful weather right now
 Luna🌕
04:24:32 Silver (She/her)
Kaos
Anytime!
 -Sweet-Poison-
04:24:03 Bau
We are getting a pretty big dust storm here, they set off the emergency alert for it lmao, I'm loving the wind sounds
 Buddha
04:23:01 
When will it be time for 🎃
 Amygdala
04:21:47 Amy/Anpmygdala
Khaos
I am here too
 kycantina
04:21:27 ky but it's spooky
Khaos, sure, DM me :)
 -Sweet-Poison-
04:21:22 Bau
Kaos

PMS open<3
 BuggyOs
04:21:16 Bug-a-boo
Khaos
always!
 Kháos
04:20:43 Kaos || Khaos
Is anyone available to talk for a bit please? ^^
 Luna🌕
04:17:46 Silver (She/her)
But congrats whoever got it
 Luna🌕
04:17:22 Silver (She/her)
Aaaaand I canÂ’t do Sakura chin because its apples...
 BuggyOs
04:16:55 Bug-a-boo
Luna
just keep an eye out! You might be able to post 'looking for' ads in sales as well
 Luna🌕
04:16:20 Silver (She/her)
Bug a boo, damn I have been looking for that boost all month so pretty
 BuggyOs
04:15:37 Bug-a-boo
luna
there was another but someone else in chat mustve snagged it lol
 Luna🌕
04:14:31 Silver (She/her)
The realm
The only one us 750 mush and is 14 years old
 Loveless
04:13:00 lexiboo
@luna itÂ’s a custom gear upgrade of Sakura chim 2 and pink eye gear, I also REALLY want an infatuation female, however they are super hard to find
 The Realm
04:12:39 
Silver- there's an infatuation pup in trading post for 12 mush right now
 Luna🌕
04:11:30 Silver (She/her)
Trading not reading
 Luna🌕
04:11:05 Silver (She/her)
Lexiboo
I LOVE her so much pink wolves are gorgeous I am literally interrogating reading post for an infatuation ♥️ Nothing yet. How did you do that?
 Loveless
04:07:21 lexiboo
For my pink lovers out there come check my girl out
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I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:34 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846005
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Getting straight into it. I have this little scholarship essay, a looming due date, and nobody to look over it for me. Help?

Prompt: What are your education and Career Goals? How do you plan on impacting your community in the future?

Essay: Min- 250. Max-500. Current- 261

Revised: 258 words.

My name is []. I'm a senior at [] High School, and my goal, once I graduate, is to pursue an Associate Degree in Baking and Pastry Arts and a Bachelor's in Food and Beverage Management at [] & [] University. This will prepare me for owning my own business in the future. What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment. I then knew that, unlike other hobbies I had tried, this was what I truly enjoyed and wished to spend time furthering my knowledge of. When I first had the thought of owning my own business, I didn't think of doing much with it. Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate. My wish is to create a community filled with acceptance and warmth by using any business I create. What I wish to do is hire certain nonviolent criminals and those who are beginning to age out of the foster care system, therefore giving a second chance to those who need it. This scholarship would allow me to gain the skills necessary to not only survive but thrive in my chosen field, as well as use my experience to help others thrive.


Edited at December 31, 2022 08:21 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:43 PM


Former Pack

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#2846007
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It's good, but I feel like there are still some things you could improve
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:46 PM


Wilted

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Posts: 376
#2846008
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Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 06:54 PM


Former Pack

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Posts: 0
#2846010
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It does help! Also, I wish I could ask a teacher to look it over but the due date is before winter break is over so most of my teachers aren't checking their email.

Wilted said:
Heyo, I would replace a bit of your wording;
"while also" -> "in addition to",
"Before too long, however," -> "Not too long after".
Apologies if this was vague or didn't make sense, I'm a little tired hehe. There's a whole list somewhere, but I forgot what it's called.
However if your school has a career center or similar, I do recommend going there or asking a trusted teacher!


I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:08 PM


Former Pack

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#2846016
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--

Edited at December 31, 2022 07:53 PM by Flower Field
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 07:20 PM


Wilted

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Posts: 376
#2846020
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Hmm, have you tried reading this out loud? There's a lot of commas/pauses. I wouldn't exactly try to compress everything into one sentence, as that can be a mouthful (brainful? I'm still tired).
Try splitting them up a bit?
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:30 PM


Former Pack

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#2846032
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Try to change "What made me desire a career in this field? My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made" to:
My passion for baking made me desire a career in this field, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:33 PM


Former Pack

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#2846033
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Be sure to add a period between 'made' and 'the'
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
Should be
My passion for baking, as well as the sheer joy I felt when seeing others enjoy the dishes I made. The happiness that I was able to create using nothing but my hands and mediocre skills gave me a sense of fulfillment.
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:34 PM


Former Pack

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#2846035
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I'm just pointing out minor things that need to be fixed for now
I dont wanna be a broke college student :)December 31, 2022 08:35 PM


Former Pack

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#2846036
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Wow, kinda embarrassed I didn't notice I forgot a period lol
Also, I appreciate any and all help!

Edited at December 31, 2022 08:36 PM by Flower Field

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