Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Oh! That was so pretty! I didn't know you could sing, Salen, your voice is beautiful!”

--

“Like always.”

--

“Your voice is very pretty, Salen.”

--

Salen bit her lip, trying to hide her blushing face by looking towards the forest. “No where near as good as you both…”

--

Amel’s pace had picked up, though not by much. He wasn’t in the mood for any of this. There was too much going on for his emotions to decide to kick in now. Was it the heartless comment? Was his heart deciding to pay a visit due to that? If so, he decided he hated the stupid organ.

--

Eni barely had time to prepare themselves to be held onto by Agnar, their wings luckily being able to support the weight on their own for the most part. They heaved a sigh when Agnar had regained his balance.

--

“Ta-Da!”

--

“Oh my god, this child. Poor Eni tries so hard.”

--

“Are you alright, Agnar? No injuries?”

--

“All right, medic!”

--

“You're right, Bell, Eni got themselves a handful by adopting him. He's sweet though.”

--

“Oh, I don't think anyone would doubt that. Agnar is a great person, and he works hard. I'm pretty sure anyone would be proud to have a son like him.”

--

Eni looked between the two and then spoke, face with an incredulous expression on it, “I am literally right here. And no, you can’t adopt him, this wild child is my son and you don’t get to adopt him. I already have.”

--

Salen laughed lightly, shaking her head. “I’m sure that’s not what they meant, Eni.”

*~*~*~*

“No idea. I'm honestly not sure what I'll do when I get back. I don't have much to go back to anyway, and I really doubt the others would actually want to see me more than they have to. I may be stupid, but I'm not completely oblivious. I'm a nuisance, really the only thing I've ever done for this group is cause disagreements and critique people. No one really wants me around. The fact that you're even talking to me is a surprise, I mean, I was pretty sure you would hate me because… Well, everyone hates me so…”

--

Illon glanced at Karma, eyebrows furrowing. “I don’t hate you. You’re super cool, in my opinion, even though we never really talk… I, uh, actually thought you hated me. If you do let me know so I can apologize about reading that incorrectly. I know I can be a bit… Much, though. So it’s understandable if you do, uh, hate me. If I were you, I probably-” They stopped, eyebrows furrowing further. The bubble tightening, their posture shrinking and sinking.

--

They started again, “Anyways, uh… It’s understandable. I’m a lot to deal with, I know. But I’m sure that you aren’t as hated as you think you are, I mean- Why else would Esta and Ambrose tell me that you along with everyone else is invited to that movie night thing? To be honest, the only one that wasn’t really invited was me. Which is why I’m not too sure why they told me about the idea first and all… Seems strange to tell someone that isn’t going to be going, you know? But whatever, they were probably just telling me so that I’d know not to bother them whenever they do it. Which makes sense, since I tend to bother everyone when they’d rather me not even be near them…”

--

And just like that the bubble was suffocating. That’s what they were doing right now, wasn’t it? Annoying Karma. Bothering Karma. Wasting their time. They shouldn’t be doing this. They shouldn’t be here. Their pace slowed subconsciously, eyes on the ground and posture shrunken. They tried to keep a bounce in their step, and tried to not show any backward steps. But they were bothering Karma by talking to them, they should stop. Right?

--

The bubble seemed to think so, because every time Illon went to continue, it was as if their lungs collapsed and their mind went blank. It was as if they couldn’t breathe, as if they couldn’t do anything but keep walking. They wanted to push through it, try to keep talking to Karma, because they did seem cool. But they were bothering them, and the bubble kept getting tighter every time that they tried talking to them.

“I am literally right here. And no, you can’t adopt him, this wild child is my son and you don’t get to adopt him. I already have.”

“I’m sure that’s not what they meant, Eni.”

"No, not at all!" Esta agreed.

"Nope," Isabella added. "We're just saying, if you ever need a babysitter, we've got you."

"I'm here too!" Agnar complained, he was blushing with embarrassment. "I'm not a baby, I can take care of myself!"

Esta and Isabella exchanged an amused look.

"Agnar, you're great, but you literally just tripped over a rock because you were walking backward." Esta stated, smiling. The ranger blushed harder.

"Okay, that's so not fair. It was once."

Another disbelieving look from Isabella and Esta.

"Okay, maybe a few more times than that, but still!" Agnar looked defeated. "Eni, I'm not helpless, right?" He questioned, looking to his mentor. He made sure to keep his tone and eyes bright and joking, but his head was actually rushing.

Did the others really think he was helpless? Was he failing so much that they felt like they had to take care of him? So then, he hadn't done enough. He had to train harder.

A ball of anxiety was tightening in his stomach, he didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want to feel helpless and make the others take care of him.

"You're a great parent and all, but I wasn't really planning to live in your basement." He laughed, making sure to put on a convincing smile despite the bile rising in his throat. It almost felt like he was a child again, being looked down upon by every other kid who thought they were better than him. Treating him differently because of how he acted, bullying him because he tried to help out those who were struggling. He knew Esta and Isabella didn't mean it like that, they were his friends, they'd never treat him differently because of who he was, but it still hurt.

Of course, they didn't need to know that.

---

“I don’t hate you. You’re super cool, in my opinion, even though we never really talk… I, uh, actually thought you hated me. If you do let me know so I can apologize about reading that incorrectly. I know I can be a bit… Much, though. So it’s understandable if you do, uh, hate me. If I were you, I probably- Anyways, uh… It’s understandable. I’m a lot to deal with, I know. But I’m sure that you aren’t as hated as you think you are, I mean- Why else would Esta and Ambrose tell me that you along with everyone else is invited to that movie night thing? To be honest, the only one that wasn’t really invited was me. Which is why I’m not too sure why they told me about the idea first and all… Seems strange to tell someone that isn’t going to be going, you know? But whatever, they were probably just telling me so that I’d know not to bother them whenever they do it. Which makes sense, since I tend to bother everyone when they’d rather me not even be near them…"

This time Karma did scoff. "I don't hate anyone but myself." They stated, for some reason they felt like they were able to... speak... now. They'd regret it later no doubt, but at the moment things seemed to just come out. Word vomit, honestly. "I just say what I feel like no one else will, even if others don't like it. I honestly don't know why you think you're 'too much' when you're talking to me, my role in the group is literally citing everyone all the time. It seems that's all I'm good for at this point." Karma shrugged, they didn't seem bothered by this, it more so just looked like they were stating a common fact. "And honestly, if you were told to invite everyone that means you're invited too. It's Esta and Ambrose, for god's sake, they're literally the nicest people on earth. They wouldn't leave anyone out. Especially not you. You're Esta's best friend and Ambrose..." A knot built in Karma's throat and they had to swallow hard. "Well, if you don't see the way he looks at you then you're far too oblivious. Ambrose doesn't really talk, Illon, particularly if he doesn't like someone. He spoke to you more yesterday and this morning than he'll probably talk to me in our lifetimes. I think he talked to you more than he's talked to any of the group, excluding Esta. He wouldn't do that if he didn't care about you."

Taking a deep breath, Karma forced theirself to look up at Illon. It didn't last long, only a few seconds, but it was enough. "I don't have a reputation of kindness. I don't care to, but if you want the blunt truth I'll give it to you. Everything's already fucked up anyway. If someone's going to live, they may as well know what they're living with, and what for." A small, rather pained smile appeared on Karma's face. "I'm only alive because I made a promise I would live." They stated, despite how terrible the words were, Karma looked calmer than they had all day, their voice was steady and their hands still, shoved in their pockets. "And that promise is what I live for. I wouldn't be upset if I died, and I doubt many people would care. Of course, that promise isn't a person, it's more of a memory. A thing I hold onto when things get worse." Karma paused a moment, realizing they probably weren't making much sense on how this was all connected. "My point is, if you've got someone to live for, then do it. Life is hell. I will never tell you otherwise because that's the truth. I've given up on trying to make people like me or to make people care. I've given up hiding from the truth, but if you're lucky enough to have someone, even just one person, care the slightest bit about you without any strings attached?" They looked up again, their dark blue eyes shining softly in the sunlight. At that moment they looked almost... alive. Usually, their eyes were dull and dark, but now they finally seemed to shine, just for a second. "I'd live for that. I'd do more than live for that."

And then it was gone, Karma looked at the ground again, shuffling their feet a little as they walked.

"You've got that person, and you don't even realize it."

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“No, not at all!”

--

“Nope. We're just saying, if you ever need a babysitter, we've got you.”

--

“I’m here too! I'm not a baby, I can take care of myself!”

--

“Agnar, you're great, but you literally just tripped over a rock because you were walking backward.”

--

“Okay, that's so not fair. It was once. Okay, maybe a few more times than that, but still! Eni, I'm not helpless, right? You're a great parent and all, but I wasn't really planning to live in your basement.”

--

And despite how much Eni had told everyone they’d never read the team’s minds, they looked at Agnar and swore that they did right then. But maybe they just knew their son, and could tell when he needed reassurance. But either way, Agnar wasn’t helpless. He’d proved that more than enough.

--

“I would hope you don’t plan on living in my basement, Agnar. I don’t have one.” Then, they looked at Esta and Isabella, continuing. Their tone stayed amused, if only for Agnar’s sake. “But he’s right, he’s not helpless and he can take care of himself. He’s proved it plenty of times before, hasn’t he? I understand that you both are joking but please, I’d rather you not insult my son around me.”

*~*~*~*

“I don't hate anyone but myself. I just say what I feel like no one else will, even if others don't like it. I honestly don't know why you think you're 'too much' when you're talking to me, my role in the group is literally citing everyone all the time. It seems that's all I'm good for at this point. And honestly, if you were told to invite everyone that means you're invited too. It's Esta and Ambrose, for god's sake, they're literally the nicest people on earth. They wouldn't leave anyone out. Especially not you. You're Esta's best friend and Ambrose… Well, if you don't see the way he looks at you then you're far too oblivious. Ambrose doesn't really talk, Illon, particularly if he doesn't like someone. He spoke to you more yesterday and this morning than he'll probably talk to me in our lifetimes. I think he talked to you more than he's talked to any of the group, excluding Esta. He wouldn't do that if he didn't care about you.”

--

Illon stayed quiet as Karma spoke, whether that was because of the bubble or not- They didn’t know. But they also formatted a response in their mind, waiting for when the bubble would let up even slightly and for when Karma was done.

--

“I don't have a reputation of kindness. I don't care to, but if you want the blunt truth I'll give it to you. Everything's already fucked up anyway. If someone's going to live, they may as well know what they're living with, and what for. I'm only alive because I made a promise I would live. And that promise is what I live for. I wouldn't be upset if I died, and I doubt many people would care. Of course, that promise isn't a person, it's more of a memory. A thing I hold onto when things get worse. My point is, if you've got someone to live for, then do it. Life is hell. I will never tell you otherwise because that's the truth. I've given up on trying to make people like me or to make people care. I've given up hiding from the truth, but if you're lucky enough to have someone, even just one person, care the slightest bit about you without any strings attached? I'd live for that. I'd do more than live for that. You've got that person, and you don't even realize it.”

--

And then all their ideas of what to say were gone, but they were still speaking. Speaking without a bubble holding back their words. “I’ve had that person multiple times in my life. And every single time, I did what you said. Live for it. But you know what? Every single time, every single person, has left me. Left me or given up on me because I was too much to deal with. I was loud, or I was selfish, or I was crazy, or I wasn’t smart enough.” Their voice cracked at the last one, but they continued without fail. “And every single time? I was left wishing I hadn’t cared about them in the first place. Whatever you’re talking about with Ambrose… I could never allow it. He’s a wanderer, and I’m more of the stay in one place my entire life if possible kind of person. He’ll leave, whether or not he means too. And I’d rather not force him to stay if whatever you’re saying is true.”

--

And then the bubble started closing in, as their mood dropped. As they remembered what Ambrose had said to them the night before. “Besides, I’m sure that you’re wrong. All it is, is pity.” They stared at the ground, pity was what made their mother stay by their side the whole time that they had slipped. Pity was why everyone was being nice now. It was probably why Karma was even talking to them. “Everyone’s been pitying me since I got back, that or feeling guilty. Even Esta. And I don’t need it. I don’t want it, either. If I was invited, then it’s pity. I see the way everyone looks at me, and at others. If Ambrose is going to care about someone that way, it’s going to be you. There isn’t pity at the core of that. After all, Ambrose only started talking to me last night. We hadn’t shared a word before then, not even when I first joined. Because unlike you, I wasn’t invited into the group at all, I just showed up. Ambrose cared enough to invite you, and the only reason anyone let me stay was because they hadn’t realized how big of a liability I’d be.”

--

And once again, it was proven just how useless they had been the whole time. Just how right the group would’ve been to leave them behind. To leave them to die. Their voice was a barely audible mumble now as they spoke through the tight bubble, “The group shouldn’t have came for me…”

--

Their eyes were starting to unfocus, their shoulders tense and still. They blinked, focusing on the hum of birds to their left and the patterns in the dirt.

“I would hope you don’t plan on living in my basement, Agnar. I don’t have one. But he’s right, he’s not helpless and he can take care of himself. He’s proved it plenty of times before, hasn’t he? I understand that you both are joking but please, I’d rather you not insult my son around me.”

Agnar felt a quick rush of relief. Eni didn't think he was helpless. Thank god. He gave his mentor a quick, grateful look. It wasn't something that the others would catch onto, but he knew Eni would understand.

"Oh, I didn't mean to insult!" Esta said quickly, shooting Agnar a guilty look. "I didn't really mean it, Agnar, I was kidding. Of course, you can take care of yourself, you're one of the strongest people I know! Much stronger than me." She smiled. "Maybe I'm the one that needs to be taken care of." The healer said, laughing lightly.

Agnar grinned. "I've got your back, Esta!" He replied, playing along. He felt the knot in his stomach loosen a little, though not completely.

"I'm also fully aware that you can take care of yourself, Agnar. I helped train you, after all. I don't teach poorly." Isabella winked, smiling with amusement. "Plus, you shoot better than me, and that's saying something."

"Why thank you," Agnar said, smiling wider. "Though I hope you don't mind me saying, but Eni is still a better teacher."

Isabella gasped mockingly. "No, I would never have expected that. I just have to disagree. Eni gets best parent award, but I get best teacher award. No take-backs."

Agnar shook his head, face serious, eyes amused. "No, Eni gets best everything. They're the best."

"Welp, can't argue with that I guess," Isabella said, holding back a laugh, Esta was snickering beside her. Angar looked so serious that it was funny. "You win this time, Eni."

---

“I’ve had that person multiple times in my life. And every single time, I did what you said. Live for it. But you know what? Every single time, every single person, has left me. Left me or given up on me because I was too much to deal with. I was loud, or I was selfish, or I was crazy, or I wasn’t smart enough.”

Karma looked over at Illon, still seeming completely unfazed. To them, this was just common life.

“And every single time? I was left wishing I hadn’t cared about them in the first place. Whatever you’re talking about with Ambrose… I could never allow it. He’s a wanderer, and I’m more of the stay in one place my entire life if possible kind of person. He’ll leave, whether or not he means too. And I’d rather not force him to stay if whatever you’re saying is true. Besides, I’m sure that you’re wrong. All it is, is pity.”

Still, Karma kept silent, letting Illon finish their rant. Pity. They thought, what a silly thing. A stupid thing. No one was helped by pity, it was useless.

“Everyone’s been pitying me since I got back, that or feeling guilty. Even Esta. And I don’t need it. I don’t want it, either. If I was invited, then it’s pity. I see the way everyone looks at me, and at others. If Ambrose is going to care about someone that way, it’s going to be you. There isn’t pity at the core of that. After all, Ambrose only started talking to me last night. We hadn’t shared a word before then, not even when I first joined. Because unlike you, I wasn’t invited into the group at all, I just showed up. Ambrose cared enough to invite you, and the only reason anyone let me stay was because they hadn’t realized how big of a liability I’d be. The group shouldn’t have came for me…”

With the last sentence, Karma felt a pang of guilt, but they pushed it away and answered, as usual, painfully truthfully.

"I will never pity you." They stated, their voice a bit harsh. "Pity is stupid, a useless tool that people use to try and make other people feel better. It doesn't work. If it doesn't work, why even try? And if you think you're the only one who keeps losing people, you're wrong." The words were harsh and yet, somehow, understanding. An odd mix. "People leave, they die, they change. You can't ever keep someone forever, that's what life is. But there are still people that are genuine. I don't trust easily, usually, I don't trust at all, but I think you're wrong about Ambrose. If you don't want to trust him, fine. I don't give a shit. It's your choice. I'm not going to sit around and tell you how to live your life, that's not my job, and frankly, I'm glad it's not." Karma took a breath before continuing, the words spilling out. "For the record, I don't think you're selfish. I think you can be stupid, but so can everyone else. It's normal. You didn't betray us, and that's saying something. Oh, and the only person here who really thinks you're a liability is Amel, and I'm pretty sure he would leave everyone behind, so I'd say that doesn't even count. I don't care what you do, Illon, I don't care what you think of yourself, or what you think others think of you. I don't care what you think of others, what you think of me. I don't, but I won't lie to you either. It doesn't matter if you believe me or not, but those people care about you. Give up if you want, leave, test out what you think is the truth, but you should know they'll all come running after you. If you leave, the others will follow. The same goes for almost everyone in this little group. I haven't learned much here, I haven't paid all that much attention, but I did learn one thing. These idiots care about each other, and you. Maybe even me. I don't know why, I don't know how, but they'd follow each other through hell and back. It's how this thing works. I don't understand it, I doubt I ever will, but it's the truth. Fall if you want, Illon, but you'll drag everyone else with you."

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

Eni knew that they had done the right thing, being honest, when Agnar shot them a grateful look.

--

“Oh, I didn't mean to insult! I didn't really mean it, Agnar, I was kidding. Of course, you can take care of yourself, you're one of the strongest people I know! Much stronger than me. Maybe I'm the one that needs to be taken care of.”

--

“I've got your back, Esta!”

--

“I'm also fully aware that you can take care of yourself, Agnar. I helped train you, after all. I don't teach poorly. Plus, you shoot better than me, and that's saying something.”

--

“Why thank you. Though I hope you don't mind me saying, but Eni is still a better teacher.”

--

“No, I would never have expected that. I just have to disagree. Eni gets best parent award, but I get best teacher award. No take-backs.”

--

“No, Eni gets best everything. They're the best.”

--

“Welp, can't argue with that I guess. You win this time, Eni.”

--

Salen grinned, looking at Isabella. “Technically, if Agnar is to be believed- Eni wins every time.”

--

Eni smiled almost smugly, but their tone was still joking, “Well is he wrong? Most definitely not.”

*~*~*~*

“I will never pity you. Pity is stupid, a useless tool that people use to try and make other people feel better. It doesn't work. If it doesn't work, why even try? And if you think you're the only one who keeps losing people, you're wrong. People leave, they die, they change. You can't ever keep someone forever, that's what life is. But there are still people that are genuine. I don't trust easily, usually, I don't trust at all, but I think you're wrong about Ambrose. If you don't want to trust him, fine. I don't give a shit. It's your choice. I'm not going to sit around and tell you how to live your life, that's not my job, and frankly, I'm glad it's not. For the record, I don't think you're selfish. I think you can be stupid, but so can everyone else. It's normal. You didn't betray us, and that's saying something. Oh, and the only person here who really thinks you're a liability is Amel, and I'm pretty sure he would leave everyone behind, so I'd say that doesn't even count. I don't care what you do, Illon, I don't care what you think of yourself, or what you think others think of you. I don't care what you think of others, what you think of me. I don't, but I won't lie to you either. It doesn't matter if you believe me or not, but those people care about you. Give up if you want, leave, test out what you think is the truth, but you should know they'll all come running after you. If you leave, the others will follow. The same goes for almost everyone in this little group. I haven't learned much here, I haven't paid all that much attention, but I did learn one thing. These idiots care about each other, and you. Maybe even me. I don't know why, I don't know how, but they'd follow each other through hell and back. It's how this thing works. I don't understand it, I doubt I ever will, but it's the truth. Fall if you want, Illon, but you'll drag everyone else with you.”

--

Illon was looking at Karma within seconds, “I never said I was giving up, Karma. In fact, I know for a fact that I won’t. I’m many things, but I’m not someone that gives up. And, quite honestly, I understand that people leave, and die, and change. I understand a lot more than what people think I do. I understand why everyone back in the city avoids me, or stares at me. I understand that I have been a liability, in fact- I knew I’d be one the day I joined the group. Tell me, what have I done for the group other than cause tension between everyone else and make the lines to see Esta longer. Nothing. Maybe one or two things here and there, but the bad outweighs the good sometimes. And this is one of those times.”

--

Illon took a breath, looking forward again. “I’ve accepted that though. Just like I’ve accepted the people avoiding me and staring at me. Just like how I accepted Lio…” They trailed off, and started again. “Just like how I accepted my old colleague leaving for bigger things. Just like how I accepted that the group didn’t really need me, for any of this. I’ve accepted a lot of things in my life, and the fact that I’m not supposed to be with the group, ever- Is the same. I’ll accept it, and I’ll move on from it.”

--

They looked at Karma again, their eyes brighter than the last time. And even they weren’t sure if they were faking it or not. “After all, I’m the prodigy from the small town of Luxor. I’ve gotten this far just fine, accepting some flaws and facts is just about the easiest thing. I’ve done it enough times to know by now.”

--

Okay, so, no one knew the prodigy bit technically. Or that they were from Luxor. But that was fine! Chances were, no one even knew where that was or why that would show their point. And anyone that may wasn’t listening right now, and Karma was good at keeping secrets. So, it could be the two’s secret, at least for now.

“Technically, if Agnar is to be believed- Eni wins every time.”

“Well is he wrong? Most definitely not.”

"Okay, no," Isabella said. "I'm alright with letting Eni win this time, but not every time. I don't like losing."

Esta smiled but stayed quiet for the time being. Agnar smirked and shook his head.

"It's okay, Isabella, you're still a great teacher! I'm sure Eni will let you win sometimes."

"That's not how that works," Bella complained. "It's not winning if the other person wasn't doing their best!"

Agnar shrugged. "Too bad, I guess."

Isabella rolled her eyes, smiling. "I still think I could win."

"Doesn't matter, Eni always wins in my eyes!"

"Aw, okay, yes. Sorry, Bella, I'm on Agnar's side. Parent and son are too sweet!" Esta stated, smiling brightly. Agnar grinned back. Isabella pretended to be offended, though she didn't actually care. Honestly, she kind of agreed, it was nice to see Agnar standing up for his adopted parent, even if he didn't actually have to.

---

“I never said I was giving up, Karma. In fact, I know for a fact that I won’t. I’m many things, but I’m not someone that gives up. And, quite honestly, I understand that people leave, and die, and change. I understand a lot more than what people think I do. I understand why everyone back in the city avoids me, or stares at me. I understand that I have been a liability, in fact- I knew I’d be one the day I joined the group. Tell me, what have I done for the group other than cause tension between everyone else and make the lines to see Esta longer. Nothing. Maybe one or two things here and there, but the bad outweighs the good sometimes. And this is one of those times. I’ve accepted that though. Just like I’ve accepted the people avoiding me and staring at me. Just like how I accepted Lio… Just like how I accepted my old colleague leaving for bigger things. Just like how I accepted that the group didn’t really need me, for any of this. I’ve accepted a lot of things in my life, and the fact that I’m not supposed to be with the group, ever- Is the same. I’ll accept it, and I’ll move on from it.”

Karma nodded and looked back at Illon with something that could have been approval or admiration. "You're doing better than me then." They stated. They looked down again, toying with their jacket sleeve. Their face had turned thoughtful. "It's odd, saying this, but you're actually more like me than I thought. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but it's true. We treat things differently, obviously, but our ideals seem to be the same." There was hesitance now, something Karma didn't usually have. "I don't have friends. Probably for the same reasons as you, pushing people away so I don't hurt them or vice versa, but if you'd like..." They held out their hand, a little awkward as always. "Perhaps we could be acquaintances? I don't expect you to take my side all the time, or for you to follow me around everywhere, I hope you don't hold those expectations for me either, but we can talk. The others are... nice, but they don't say things plainly most of the time. Even Esta, who hates lies, sugar-coats things. We can figure things out, I suppose, if you need to know something, I'll tell you, straight-out, you can do the same for me. We don't have to do anything else unless there's a mutual agreement in wanting to do so. Just a communication system of sorts. If not, it doesn't matter. I'll respect that as well." Karma looked at Illon questioningly, this wasn't something they did usually, it wasn't something they'd done before, but it felt... right.

Ambrose had fallen slightly behind Esta, Agnar, Eni, Salen, and Isabella as they talked. He was just close enough to hear the conversation between Karma and Illon without them noticing, he maintained a steady pace and calm composure so that it looked as though he was still following the other's conversation instead.

Inside, though, he was panicking. The things that Illon and Karma were saying were very worrying. It was obvious that neither of them felt valued and they were pushing people away. Ambrose didn't want that, he didn't want his friends... or, at least, he considered them friends, to suffer like that. He wanted to help them, but from what he'd heard, that wasn't going to be easy. They were both stubborn and wouldn't accept the fact that Ambrose cared, even if he told them. They wouldn't trust him not to leave. They wouldn't care what he did, even if he did everything in his power to prove to them that he cared for them, not just out of pity, but really, truly cared for them, they wouldn't care. They would never trust him.

The anxiety started building in Ambrose's chest and he had to take several deep breaths to keep himself under control. He'd figure something out. He had to.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Okay, no. I'm alright with letting Eni win this time, but not every time. I don't like losing.”

--

“It's okay, Isabella, you're still a great teacher! I'm sure Eni will let you win sometimes.”

--

“That’s not how that works. It's not winning if the other person wasn't doing their best!”

--

“Too bad, I guess.”

--

“I still think I could win.”

--

“Doesn't matter, Eni always wins in my eyes!”

--

“Aw, okay, yes. Sorry, Bella, I'm on Agnar's side. Parent and son are too sweet!”

--

Eni laughed lightly, “You know? I think I know one thing Isabella will always be better than me at. Starting fires. I mean, she literally has flame abilities while I don’t. Kind of a given that she’d be better at that than me.”

*~*~*~*

The look Karma gave them almost made them sick, because where others would’ve seen approval, or praise, or admiration- All Illon saw was expectations forming. Expectations that Illon knew they wouldn’t be able to hold.

--

“You're doing better than me then. It's odd, saying this, but you're actually more like me than I thought. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but it's true. We treat things differently, obviously, but our ideals seem to be the same. I don't have friends. Probably for the same reasons as you, pushing people away so I don't hurt them or vice versa, but if you'd like…”

--

Illon stared at the hand. They hadn’t pushed anyone away, right? They were sure they hadn’t. People just pushed them away. People didn’t like them. Because they were too much. Because they were seen as crazy back in the city. And maybe they were. But the hand symbolized that maybe, just maybe, they could help someone in a similar situation- Even if it weren’t the exact same as theirs. It was close enough, and the differences may help bring light to some things.

--

“Perhaps we could be acquaintances? I don't expect you to take my side all the time, or for you to follow me around everywhere, I hope you don't hold those expectations for me either, but we can talk. The others are... nice, but they don't say things plainly most of the time. Even Esta, who hates lies, sugar-coats things. We can figure things out, I suppose, if you need to know something, I'll tell you, straight-out, you can do the same for me. We don't have to do anything else unless there's a mutual agreement in wanting to do so. Just a communication system of sorts. If not, it doesn't matter. I'll respect that as well.”

--

Illon smiled, though they knew Karma couldn’t see it. They took the hand, “As long as there’s no pressure to be… For lack of a better word, perfect. I think it’d work out nicely. I will say this much though, since the no lie thing was kind of decided upon and all- I don’t push people away. They kind of… Walk out on their own. I’d actually prefer it if people didn’t walk out on me without warning and all…” They glanced away from Karma for a moment, taking their hand back. “Also, I’m sure that it’s a mixture of good and bad for how similar we are. I mean, it’s hard for something to ever be only one or the other.”

*~*~*~*

Amel was glad that the singing had stopped, even if the chatter was annoying. He was also glad that everyone was deciding not to talk to him. It gave him time to think, think about what exactly? The only thing the music had brought to mind and allowed him to think about. Well, more like the only person. Ebele…

--

Ebele had been great. So unlike how he was now. He’d been young when he’d met her. He hadn’t understood her back then… That was honestly the one thing that stayed the same since he’d met her. There were times where he felt close to understanding, especially near the end… But then reality kicked them both to the curb, and the final moments had taught him all he needed to know. All he had ever needed to know. And everything he had already known but somehow forgotten.

--

He was not kind, or merciful, or without a deep rooted resentment. She was… She had been all of those things. Then again, he’d survived where she hadn’t. And wasn’t that what mattered? Wasn’t the fact that he was still here, moved on, just show how selfish he’d become. Didn’t it just show how right Isabella was about him during the argument? No, because if that mattered- If that did show those things… Then the fact that he’d grieved, that he’d held her as she left, that he still remembered her to this day- That all mattered too.

--

But it didn’t. Because all of that was in the past, and what was in the past needed to stay there. Because if it didn’t? He wouldn’t survive. And he had to survive, in order to prove the ones that didn’t wrong. Except for Ebele, she had never doubted his ability to keep living, to keep surviving. So he had to prove her right too.

“You know? I think I know one thing Isabella will always be better than me at. Starting fires. I mean, she literally has flame abilities while I don’t. Kind of a given that she’d be better at that than me.”

"I am good at that." Isabella agreed, summoning a fireball in her palm to prove her point.

Agnar nodded like he was considering this, and then shrugged. "Okay, yeah, but Eni has wings." He stated dramatically. "That means they can fly. Plus, their wings are soft and fluffy." The ranger said, nodding emphatically.

Isabella nodded as well, both of them had serious faces, they looked like two men discussing politics in a bad movie, like the scene was supposed to be serious but really held no weight and contributed nothing to the actual film. "True, flying is impressive." The second in command said, trying not to look at Esta as the healer silently cracked up. "And the softness does sound comforting."

"And they're a good parent." A pause, then. "Obviously." He gestured to himself.

"True, and they can sing."

"And they're smart and strong!"

"Stronger than me?"

"Well, they don't have to be if they can be faster and fly higher."

"Hmmm," Isabella waited a moment, nodding seriously. "I see no flaws, I concede. Let it be announced that Eni now has the right to take my place as 'The Best.'" She said, finally allowing a smile to breakthrough. "Congratulations, Eni."

Agnar applauded. "Yay! My parent wins! They're the best!"

Esta giggled. "Good job Eni, I'm happy for you!"

---

“As long as there’s no pressure to be… For lack of a better word, perfect. I think it’d work out nicely. I will say this much though, since the no lie thing was kind of decided upon and all- I don’t push people away. They kind of… Walk out on their own. I’d actually prefer it if people didn’t walk out on me without warning and all… Also, I’m sure that it’s a mixture of good and bad for how similar we are. I mean, it’s hard for something to ever be only one or the other.”

Karma nodded, a bit surprised that Illon had actually taken their hand, though not disappointed.

"That's understandable, I suppose. I tend to keep people at arm's length intentionally, even though it doesn't always look that way. Of course, my personality tends to push people away anyway, not many people care for someone who constantly says everything bluntly, especially when the truth hurts. I can be friendly, I like to be, believe it or not, but that doesn't mean I trust people, and that certainly doesn't mean I let them close to me." Karma glanced at Illon again. "That's true too, there are two sides of every coin." They shrugged, lowering their voice slightly. "Illon, I wondered if you knew what was going on with all the tension? I guessed that Ambrose told you, considering... err, well, he isn't very good at keeping secrets, especially when he views it as unfair. If he did, I won't say a word to anyone, but if he didn't, I suppose you deserve to know. If you know already..." They hesitated. "I am... sorry. I do what I believe is right in the moment, not long term. If I'd believed you were alive I would have chosen a different side, but, as I tend to, I expected the worst."

---

Ambrose felt his breath catch a little as he listened to Karma and Illon continue to talk, they really believed that no one would stay, or that people would hurt them. It hurt Ambrose to hear that.

As his anxiety continued to rise, Ambrose had to force himself to keep breathing and walking steadily, he was still aware of the conversation going on behind him, but it felt like he was about to start crying, or worse, have a panic attack.

No one should feel that way, no one should ever be lost! He had a map, he always had a map in his mind. He'd find the way, he'd make the journey, he'd travel and see the sights, and when he got to his destination, he'd sing. He made a promise to Illon that he wouldn't leave. Ambrose didn't intend to break that promise, he'd always come back, no matter what, but he didn't want to be tied down either.

Ambrose had to travel, he had to move, if he stayed in one place too long he got stuck. He felt trapped. When he was trapped, thoughts came, memories. He didn't want that, but he didn't want his friends to hurt either.

He had to figure out their map, where they wanted to go. Ambrose needed to figure out how to help them break out of their boxes, otherwise, they'd stay trapped, and Ambrose knew better than anyone what happened when someone was trapped for too long.

That couldn't happen. He had to help his friends.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“I am good at that.”

--

“Okay, yeah, but Eni has wings. That means they can fly. Plus, their wings are soft and fluffy.”

--

“True, flying is impressive. And the softness does sound comforting.”

--

“And they're a good parent. Obviously.”

--

“True, and they can sing.”

--

“And they’re smart and strong!”

--

“Stronger than me?”

--

“Well, they don't have to be if they can be faster and fly higher.”

--

Eni looked between the two of them, trying not to laugh at how serious the two were being about it. Then again, the two were younger than they were. So perhaps they didn’t have the maturity to realize that it wasn’t actually a serious topic whatsoever.

--

“Hmmm. I see no flaws, I concede. Let it be announced that Eni now has the right to take my place as 'The Best.' Congratulations, Eni.”

--

“Yay! My parent wins! They're the best!”

--

“Good job Eni, I’m happy for you!”

--

Eni decided to play along regardless though, smiling and doing a rather exaggerated bow to them. “Well of course, no other outcome would’ve made sense.”

--

Salen gave a slight laugh, raising an eyebrow at Eni’s dramatic bow. “I think the title is getting to them already. Quick, take it back!”

--

Eni looked at her, mock offense playing at their features. “How dare you try and take away my title? I was awarded if, and it’s so obviously true. I thought you were smarter than to doubt the group, Salen.”

--

Salen shrugged, “Sometimes I’m able to stoop down to everyone else’s level, Eni.”

*~*~*~*

“That's understandable, I suppose. I tend to keep people at arm's length intentionally, even though it doesn't always look that way. Of course, my personality tends to push people away anyway, not many people care for someone who constantly says everything bluntly, especially when the truth hurts. I can be friendly, I like to be, believe it or not, but that doesn't mean I trust people, and that certainly doesn't mean I let them close to me. That's true too, there are two sides of every coin.”

--

Illon nodded in understanding and agreement. It made sense to keep people away, the more they thought about it. And their personality probably caused plenty of people to leave. They were usually too much to handle in some way. And given how little effort they actually put forth to socialize? Yeah… They could see why Karma would believe that they pushed people away.

--

“Illon, I wondered if you knew what was going on with all the tension? I guessed that Ambrose told you, considering... err, well, he isn't very good at keeping secrets, especially when he views it as unfair. If he did, I won't say a word to anyone, but if he didn't, I suppose you deserve to know. If you know already…” They glanced at Karma, only slightly surprised that they were bringing it up. “I am... sorry. I do what I believe is right in the moment, not long term. If I'd believed you were alive I would have chosen a different side, but, as I tend to, I expected the worst.”

--

They almost froze, almost slipped away at the simple phrase that should’ve comforted them. But they didn’t freeze, and they didn’t slip. They paused, for a fraction of a second. And then spoke, voice quiet. “I, uh… Yeah, I- Ambrose told me- When I asked… A-About the tension, and all.” One of their right fingers jerked suddenly, they clenched that hand and continued, forcing their speech to be a bit smoother. “Thanks. I get it though. In the extremely unlikely variation where it was somebody else… I’d probably assume the worst too. Then again… It couldn’t have been anyone else than me. After all, who else throws themselves at danger without a thought to it? Everyone else is far too careful to have ever gotten, uh… Taken.” That was a light way to put it. But they weren’t ready to speak about it as what it had actually been. “…Like I was… Honestly, kind of surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”

--

They gave a light, half-hearted laugh, trying to ease the mood and tension that maybe only they felt talking about this. But it wasn’t exactly the easiest subject at the moment, not when every time they closed their eyes for more than a second now they could see it again. Smell the semi-dried blood and electrocuted flesh and semi-dried vomit. Hear their own barely held down screams, the voices asking for information, the cracking sounds, the slicing sounds, the absence of it all in their right ear. And feel the blood running down their lower face, the blood running down their cheek from their right ear, the blood at their chest, the burning pain of electricity, the- The everything.

--

Their breaths, despite the laugh, were more labored now. And their eyes were unfocusing at the memories that came with speaking on the topic. They knew that they were technically allowed to take as long as they needed to move past it… But honestly? They felt like it was taking them too long. Like they should already be past it. It was over, they should just let it be over. But the sensations were there and they could feel themselves drifting into a memory as much as they were trying to fight against it. Karma was right there, they shouldn’t be worrying them. They should be past this already.