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Darkseeker
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The past few days had just blended into one it seemed, everything felt the same. The same thoughts filled his head as he tried to make sense of them and form them into something useful. His days didn't differ from each other one bit, nor did his nights, everything was the same and he felt powerless to change it. He would be driving himself insane within just a few more weeks of this, especially with his now worsened sleeping schedule.
"I'm taking this one on a cigarette break. Do you have one for him?"
Without realizing that he had done it, Niké had once more zoned out, tired eyes staring emptily at the computer on his desk when a voice right in front of him broke him out of it.
Almost flinching out of surprise, as if the officer had snuck up on him, Niké looked up with widened eyes.
The young man blinked a few times as he looked at the officer and Theo. That definitely didn't make sense, Theo going on a cigarette break? Was he sleeping so badly that he’d started hallucinating now?
Blinking a few more times, just to make sure his eyes weren't placing tricks on him, Niké took a second to study the man who a few days prior had attacked him, it was definitely him and he looked restless but also nervous? Was it because he knew that Niké was aware he didn't smoke?
“Uh..” the young man quickly averted his gaze as he started rummaging through the pockets of the jacket hanging on his chair. He couldn't keep looking at the man, it hurt too much and just reminded him of what an awful person he was.
When he finally found the pack along with his lighter, Niké paused for a second before standing up, still keeping his eyes off Theo.
“Uh yeah I do but I can take him, I was gonna go out for a smoke anyway and then you can take a break yourself, grab a coffee or something, I think there was some cake in the staff room even,” Niké told the other officer, forcing on a soft smile.
It was clear Theo had some plan and he wasn't going to try and stop him, if he could help the man he'd betrayed then he would, it was the least he could do after all.
To say that he wasn't afraid that Theo would try to attack him again would be false and maybe it wasn't such a good idea for him to offer to go with Theo instead, he already knew the other wanted nothing to do with him but once again, Niké wanted to try and help. |
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Neutral
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He was just restless. He wasn't used to small spaces or being crammed in one. Although, it had only been a day, he was still finding it hard to adjust to the holding cell. He figured jail would be so much worse and that's probably exactly where he would be going soon. Theo would actually smoke one of those for a moment to just think outside of the cell. He wasn't used to being cooped up all the time. He wanted some fresh air. He let the mask fall off his face, not bothering to hide his restlessness as Nike's gaze found him. He was secretly begging the man to catch on that he had the reason for the cigarette and also begging him not to ruin his plan to catch a break. Theo's gaze dropped away to Nike's hands as they fetched the cigarettes and the lighter. He couldn't help but notice how tired the man appeared. He wondered if he was sleeping well...he shoved those thoughts away and put back on his neutral expression. He shouldn't be caring for the fool that betrayed him. "Uh yeah I do but I can take him, I was gonna go out for a smoke anyway and then you can take a break yourself, grab a coffee or something, I think there was some cake in the staff room even." Theo's heart dropped. He would rather take a drag of the cigarette than have Nike escort him. He didn't want to see the man again, he made that very clear. He was trying to move past the hurt and betrayal he felt and now the man was wanting to come with him on his mission to give himself from fresh air? "Suit yourself, that one is trouble," The officer gladly handed Theo over to Nike. The gang leader couldn't help but give a small snort. He hasn't done a single thing to suggest trouble to that cop. Once he was in the hands of Nike, he began walking toward the doors again wordlessly. He wondered what Nike was thinking or what his ex boyfriend wanted from him. Obviously it was something. He didn't figure the man would ever talk to him again after he punched him. Clearly he was wrong. |
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Darkseeker
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Niké held onto the gang leader loosely as they walked outside, in fact, it was more so that he was just resting a hand on the others arm rather than actually holding it. He had been way too rough the other day, he knew that, it had never been on purpose. If he got to choose, then he wouldn't be touching Theo at all right now, feeling on edge just being near him, but he had to hold onto him, he couldn't just let a criminal walk freely around the station.
Once outside Niké didn't stop at the stair where most people would to smoke, instead he kept walking, “There is a more quiet place over here,” he explained to Theo, his voice flat and tired as he avoided looking directly at the other man.
After just a few more steps the two were at the side of the building, hidden away from the direct eye of anyone coming in and out of the station and Niké was quick to let go of Theo before taking a step further away from him and leaning his back against the wall. The grey-haired man pulled out a cigarette and lit it, leaning his head back against the wall and looking up at the sky.
“I’m almost completely sure you can make it if you run now,” he said after a moment of silence. He knew Theo hated him and didn't want any of his help but despite that he would continue to try again and again to help him until he knew the man was back with his gang, only then could he himself try to make his escape.
“Get out of here, go back to the gang, do whatever, just tell me a place where you want me to drop off a copy on your file and then I promise I'll be out of your life for good after that. I know you hate me but let me just do this one thing, please. And if not for yourself then think about the gang, they need you. You being locked up does them no good,” he said, his voice staying flat and emotionless. He had no more energy to feel his own emotions, much less express them, he simply felt numb now.
Despite not looking at Theo, Niké was on edge and the only thing that kept him busy and his nerves somewhat under control was the cigarette in his hand that he was currently smoking. Without it he would probably be trembling with the uncertainty of what Theo might do to him, he didn't know if the man would try to hit him again, maybe beat him up completely before running away? |
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Neutral
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Nike's grip on his arm was loose. It was like it was more of a display for his colleagues than to actually contain Theo. If the man wanted to, he could run away but he didn't want to do that to Nike again. The gray-haired cop had already been used for an escape once and he had hurt him doing so. He wasn't about to do it again. He stopped at the typical stairs he had seen cops smoke before but was surprised when Nike continued, giving Theo a gentle pull toward a different direction. His face shown his confusion but yet he followed. Nike whispered something about a more quiet place. That proved that there was more going on than Nike just wanted a smoke. He followed his ex boyfriend to the quiet location and when the cop let go of his arm, he sighed with relief. He leaned against the building, resting his head back and half-closing his eyes. He was trying to ignore how uncomfortable he felt around Nike, knowing this was one of his only chances of freedom for a while. "I’m almost completely sure you can make it if you run now." His eyes reopened in shock. Was Nike wanting him to run away? Was Nike wanting to ruin his reputation as a cop, if he had one? Theo didn't move a muscle. "Get out of here, go back to the gang, do whatever, just tell me a place where you want me to drop off a copy on your file and then I promise I'll be out of your life for good after that. I know you hate me but let me just do this one thing, please. And if not for yourself then think about the gang, they need you. You being locked up does them no good." Theo didn't move. If this had been his first attempt, he would have considered it. However, he already tried to escape once and used Nike for that one as well. Last time he had punched Nike to make his escape valuable. He didn't have it in him to hit the man again. "No, they can manage without me," He whispered, crossing his arms around his torso He wanted to escape more than anything...just not at the cost of Nike's job. As much as he wanted to hate the man, he just couldn't bring himself to. He didn't want to be the cause of his ex not having a job. He also didn't want fo hit him again to cover up the cop letting him escape. "I'll figure something else out. I'll be fine, I always am," He gave one of his signature fake smiles. He would figure something else out. A plan that didn't involve him being under Nike's supervision while doing so or worse, hitting the man to make his escape look more believable. "I-I'm sorry for...well the other day," Theo apologized, referencing the punch,"I only did it to escape I thought I could make it but I was wrong." Each moment he stayed here, the more his gang would figure out what had happened to him. Once they realized, they would be plotting an escape plan. It could lead very badly but he wasn't about to use Nike as a method for escape again. |
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Darkseeker
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"No, they can manage without me."
Niké furrowed his brows a bit at Theo’s answer, taking another drag as he tried to figure out what the man meant. The gang needed him, they both knew that so now he was just lying to himself.
"I-I'm sorry for...well the other day. I only did it to escape. I thought I could make it but I was wrong."
Each new word leaving the gang leader's mouth just confused him further, he was apologizing now? What happened to the man who hated his guts for lying and betraying him?
Niké kept his eyes at the sky as he took another long drag while trying to think of what to say, it was hard though, he felt exhausted due to the lack of sleep paired with the same repetitive days filled with staring at a screen, thinking, and hearing his coworkers talk behind his back about his relationship to Theo, it was all so exhausting and frustrating.
Sighing, the grey-haired man looking over at Theo, a serious expression on his face as tired eyes met the other man's emerald green ones, “I deserved that, I deserve more than that even and we both know it, I'm an asshole so don’t apologize. Go instead, I'm giving you the opportunity to use me in order to get out of here so do it, what's stopping you?” His tone came out colder and harsher than he had meant for it to be but it didn't really matter now did it? Theo already hated him and it was best if he continued doing so.
“I can't change anything I've done so far but I am trying my best to do what I think is right, for both of us. I never planned to fall for you or to have you fall for me that just happened, that's why I was planning on leaving, yes, like a coward. I just thought that it would hurt less than you getting to find out the truth,” he sighed, looking back up at the sky as he smoked another drag.
“It's not as simple as I chose my job over you, even if it seems like that… Believe what you want but I can't just put in my two weeks notice and quit. But I also can't do any of this anymore… I don't know why I ever thought that this was the right choice for me, I feel like I'm slowly suffocating myself and it doesn't matter how many good things I do, I will still always manage to hurt someone because I'm just a rotten human being in that way,” the young man stated, he couldn't be bothered to try and fully explain his situation to Theo, it wouldn't change the man's view of him and his actions anyway, right?
All he needed was for Theo to get out of here and become safe, after that he didn't care too much what happened to himself but right now he would be useless and to no one's help if he ended up being sent to prison so for Theo he would continue torturing himself on the daily, just until he knew the man was back with his gang. |
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Neutral
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He was a gang leader, not a gang babysitter. He knew his gang would be worried but they were a family. A family could survive without their parent. Sure, it threw them into chaos but they would be fine. They'll learn to work together and figure things out. There were good people in his gang like Alleya and Jasper. They would figure things out. He trusted them. “I deserved that, I deserve more than that even and we both know it, I'm an asshole so don’t apologize. Go instead, I'm giving you the opportunity to use me in order to get out of here so do it, what's stopping you?”
He clenched his jaw, turning his gaze away from Nike's and onto the ground. He didn't answer that question. He honestly didn't know what was stopping him. A logical person wouldn't have cared about the outcome of his ex, especially not one that betrayed them. But he did. He cared about finding a solution that didn't involve hell for Nike.
"I can't change anything I've done so far but I am trying my best to do what I think is right, for both of us. I never planned to fall for you or to have you fall for me that just happened, that's why I was planning on leaving, yes, like a coward. I just thought that it would hurt less than you getting to find out the truth." The gang leader rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly at the mention of their previous relationship, a flash of hurt escaping his neutral expression for a moment. He loved Nike, he really did. Being this close to him was difficult with all the emotions clouding his mind. He would never forget the pain it caused him to learn the truth. Now this man was claiming once again that falling in love with him wasn't part of the plan as an undercover cop. Theo listened to the next part, keeping his gaze on the ground. He didn't want to look at Nike. He knew the moment he did, he would lose himself. He was barely keeping his neutral face up, hiding the hurt that threatened to slip through. Hearing Nike mention it, it was like reopening the wound again. "If you're so unhappy, then leave. Stop being a coward and stop working for the guys that want my head on a stick," His words came out harsh and colder than what he was meaning to. He was trying so hard to keep it together that he thought it would be easier to have his voice reflect emotions opposite than what he was feeling. "It's your life, not theirs to control. I'm not running away under your supervision again. We all have choices and now it's your turn to decide if you are going to let those jerks control you or if you are going to stop worrying about my own escape and figure out yours," He finished, softening his voice a little. He could tell Nike was hurting and not sleeping well. Clearly something was going on. Perhaps it was time for him to stop running from whatever he was running from. |
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Darkseeker
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"If you're so unhappy, then leave. Stop being a coward and stop working for the guys that want my head on a stick."
Niké’s gaze dropped to the ground, was he really just being a coward? Was it as simple as the fact that he could just leave? He knew it wasn't, it was impossible that it was that easy.
"It's your life, not theirs to control. I'm not running away under your supervision again. We all have choices and now it's your turn to decide if you are going to let those jerks control you or if you are going to stop worrying about my own escape and figure out yours."
With a sigh the man dropped down to the ground, his back sliding against the wall as he sat down, “This was my choice though… I thought I wanted this so when I was given the choice to either continue down the same path I had since a child and end up in prison or change my life around I chose the latter but now I’m stuck for at least another year, I think more, can't remember… If I try to quit now I’m being sent straight to prison, I'm trapped alright?”
Going to take another drag of the cigarette, Niké noticed that it had burned out and he flicked the cigarette butt on the ground before quickly pulling out another one and lighting it, the past few days he had been smoking a lot more, he knew it was bad for him but it helped keep him somewhat in control of his emotions.
“Say I do manage to escape, what am I supposed to do? Live on the streets? I'll be arrested if the cops find me, I'm screwed if I run into the Rebels and you hate my guts which I'm sure the rest of the gang will too once they find out. I have nothing Theo. I’ve ruined everything good I've ever had and I keep doing so…”
The young man pulled his knees up to his chest, crossing his arms on top of them as he was trying to stay calm. He took another drag of the cigarette, his hands had begun shaking again, why did they always have to shake like that lately?
Continuing to smoke his cigarette, Niké tried to focus on breathing and trying to calm himself down somewhat but the lack of sleep was making it harder and harder for him to control his feelings. This had all been a bad idea, he should have just given a cigarette to the officer and let him go out with Theo, why had he taken it upon himself to do it?
“Why do you even care? I'm a shit person, I don't deserve to have you care about me, you need to hate me. Hit me again, that I deserve, and I won't blame you for it, after what I did you should want to beat me to a pulp, not care about me…” Niké’s voice was weak as he spoke, slightly shaky even as he was struggling to keep back tears and keep from tearing up. He didn't want to cry in front of Theo anymore, he didn't want to guilt the leader into feeling sad for him or to pity him. It was easier when the other man acted cold to him. Hearing his voice soften up slightly and him encourage him to take care of his own life instead of worrying about his was harder though, mostly because he knew he didn't deserve it. After everything Niké had put Theo through, the leader proved once again what a good person he was and knowing that he’d messed everything up with him hurt. |
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Neutral
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“This was my choice though… I thought I wanted this so when I was given the choice to either continue down the same path I had since a child and end up in prison or change my life around I chose the latter but now I’m stuck for at least another year, I think more, can't remember… If I try to quit now I’m being sent straight to prison, I'm trapped alright?” It was hard talking to Nike. The gang leader wished that the man had just let the other officer take him outside. Theo didn't want to take up smoking as a habit, he tried it before and didn't like the burning sensation that came with it. He would have picked another one up just for a chance to free his mind. It was difficult to free his mind with Nike a mess. Despite everything the man has done, he found himself wanting to comfort him. He resisted but slid down the wall when the other man did. He kept his knees up to avoid him and Nike's knees touching. He didn't want to touch the man. He would just be reminded once again of his betrayal. "Say I do manage to escape, what am I supposed to do? Live on the streets? I'll be arrested if the cops find me, I'm screwed if I run into the Rebels and you hate my guts which I'm sure the rest of the gang will too once they find out. I have nothing Theo. I’ve ruined everything good I've ever had and I keep doing so…” He wanted to tell Nike he didn't hate him but that would lead too close to home right now. He was fighting back his true emotions. Nike had hurt him but he wasn't angry. Especially now. He could see how bad the man was hurting, he just wanted to help the man he used to love, how crazy that was. More maybe, he wasn't completely over Nike? He pushed that thought away as quick as it surfaced. He had to be over the man. The man betrayed him, hurt him and now had the audacity to be hurt over it? He should be angry. But he wasn't. "Why do you even care? I'm a shit person, I don't deserve to have you care about me, you need to hate me. Hit me again, that I deserve, and I won't blame you for it, after what I did you should want to beat me to a pulp, not care about me…” "Why do you even care about me escaping?" Theo counteracted the question, not wanting to discuss what was going on in his mind at the current moment,"I'm headed right to prison. If I do escape, I'll have to avoid the Rebels and somehow manage to relocate my gang somewhere that can't be the places I had you to explore. Even then, I'll have to live my life constantly on the run from the cops, more than what I do already. Our situations are not that different, it would be easier for me to surrender and face charges. However, I have a gang and responsibility to them. You have responsibilities and people you care about too." He sighed, knowing what he had to say next would hit a spot too close to home. "You can't possibly look me in the eyes right now and say you don't care about me at all," He looked away as he said this, pretending to be interested in a rock on the sidewalk,"I know you're hurting." |
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Darkseeker
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His gaze stayed glued on the ground even when he heard Theo sit down next to him, blinking a few times to fight back tears that were forming in his eyes. Niké had thought he was done crying, having spent nights doing just that. He hated crying yet he couldn't seem to stop, everything just kept getting too much for him and crying was the easiest way to get it all out.
"Why do you even care about me escaping?"
Wasn't that obvious to Theo? Had he not made it obvious already? It was the one thing he could do to help the man, of course he would try to do what he could to help the man.
"I'm headed right to prison. If I do escape, I'll have to avoid the Rebels and somehow manage to relocate my gang somewhere that can't be the places I had you to explore. Even then, I'll have to live my life constantly on the run from the cops, more than what I do already. Our situations are not that different, it would be easier for me to surrender and face charges. However, I have a gang and responsibility to them. You have responsibilities and people you care about too."
Niké finished his second cigarette with a sigh, flicking it to the ground as well while shaking his head slightly. “Who? Tell me who I have that isn't dead or that I've ruined things with…”
"You can't possibly look me in the eyes right now and say you don't care about me at all. I know you're hurting."
His eyes welled with tears again at the man’s words and he hid his face against his arms. He felt pathetic, crying like a little child, but what else was there to do?
“Of course I care about you… I still love you Theo but I ruined it all, I hurt you and I betrayed you yet here I am, crying like a pathetic idiot and you having to comfort me…” the grey-haired man bit his lower lip as he did his best to keep from starting to sob. “I wish I could go back and fix every little thing I’ve done wrong, not just with you but with anyone else I've ever had in my life, but I can't so I have to live with the guilt every day and every night for the rest of my life. I care so much about you and I’m so damn sorry for everything, you have and still are better to me than I deserve and I want to do everything I can to help you live peacefully so please tell me what I can do and I will do it…” |
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Neutral
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Theo wanted to scream at Nike to earn his trust again, to turn away from the cop life...but he couldn't. Even mentioning the feelings that he once had for the guy, made his heart shatter in a million pieces. Nike had betrayed him but here he was talking to the man and pretending like he didn't care. But he did. He still loved the man, as foolish as it sounded. "Of course I care about you… I still love you Theo but I ruined it all, I hurt you and I betrayed you yet here I am, crying like a pathetic idiot and you having to comfort me…” He could tell Nike was either on the verge of crying or actually crying. He resisted the urge to put his arm around the guy and tell him everything was alright. Nothing was alright. He couldn't go back to the old actions he would have done. He can't touch the man, he could barely even look at him. “I wish I could go back and fix every little thing I’ve done wrong, not just with you but with anyone else I've ever had in my life, but I can't so I have to live with the guilt every day and every night for the rest of my life. I care so much about you and I’m so damn sorry for everything, you have and still are better to me than I deserve and I want to do everything I can to help you live peacefully so please tell me what I can do and I will do it…” "You can apologize and wish to take it back all that you want," Theo sighed, standing up and walking a little distance away. He needed to keep a clear head about this and being close to the very man that betrayed him wasn't helping. "But it's too late, the damage has been done. You hurt me and you knew that you were going to. You were planning on running away instead of telling me the truth. Those are your choices and your choices have consequences," He said, walking toward the fence that was around the back and sides of the police station. He studied it for a moment before deciding it was safe to lean on and wouldn't electrocute him. He leaned against it, sighing once again. "But I am not a man of anger or grudge," He knew what he was saying shouldn't be his response,"But you still have a choice, live the rest of your life with a tobacco addiction, guilt, restless nights and wishing you could go back or make it right with me in the present and not the past." "And maybe, just maybe I'll be able to forgive you," This was the decision that he shouldn't have said. He shouldn't be considering forgiving Nike. But yet he was. He wanted to He wanted to forgive and forget the man had ever hurt him. |
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Fall 
Day 
