Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

--

“Actually, isn't that Aslan? Susan doesn't appear in the later books because she no longer believes, if I remember correctly.”

--

Salen gave pause, thinking. That was true, Susan had stopped believing. Aslan… Who was Aslan… Her mind tugged, trying to pull the information back to the forefront of her thoughts… The lion! That was his name! Aslan. She’d forgotten that he’d even had one for a moment there. Yes, it was Aslan then. That was right.

--

“Never read it.”

--

“Wait, really? I thought everyone would have read those books, they're really good!”

--

“I don't doubt it, I just don't read much in general.”

--

“Hmm, well, we've gotta change that! Maybe I can read them out loud to you if you don't want to actually read them.”

--

“You would do that?”

--

“Of course, silly.”

--

“Awwww. Thank you!”

--

“Sure.”

--

Salen smiled listening to their conversation. Honestly, she hadn’t enjoyed crosswords this much since before leaving the city. She put in the two new words, ASLAN and NEWER. Then, she looked at seven, it was down, five letters, with the second letter being L. The hint said that ET was an example of them. She moved so that the other two could see the hint. ALIEN was an obvious choice, but she’d already put in NEWER without any consulting, it was only right she let them decide.

*~*~*~*

Illon watched as Karma sighed, pulling them up and from the ground, practically carrying them. They wished Karma would just drop them. Or kill them. Or something other than this kindness they didn’t deserve. Instead, they were laid down on the sleeping bag.

--

“Because, Illon, you won't help yourself. And that's super fucking hypocritical coming from me, I know, but it's true. Because you're so caught up in hating yourself that you assume everyone else hates you too, and you beat yourself up for it. And because I'm selfish enough to want to keep you around, even if you would probably be happier in death. Because even though you're suffering, I hate the idea of letting you go. It's stupid, and I don't understand it, and I'm sorry. I don't know why I feel like this, Illon. Honestly, I don't know why I'm feeling anything. I haven't felt anything in ages and suddenly there's this little stupid emotion in the back of my mind that won't let me go, and I hate it and love it at the same time. I hate it and love it and don't understand it in the slightest. And, honestly, fuck being a moral person, it only ever gets you in messy situations, so I don't understand why the fuck I'm letting myself do this. I know you probably hate it anyway, so, I don't get it. I just... I had to. Sorry.”

--

Illon’s eyebrows had furrowed, had been furrowed since the beginning of Karma’s… Answer? Confession? Spiel? It didn’t matter. Neither did correcting them but… But… Illon didn’t hate themself! They didn’t! They never had!… Right?… What were they even thinking?! Of course they didn’t! They couldn’t. They’d already done enough damage. To their family, to their friends, to everyone. They couldn’t do that to them too, so they wouldn’t. They weren’t… They were terrible, and stupid, and worthless, and useless, and pathetic, and absolutely nothing… But… But… They… They weren’t… They weren’t the worst… Right…?

--

Everything was blurry, everything was tiring, and absolutely nothing mattered. So they decided to instead tackle everything that Karma had said backwards. Start with confession about emotions, and if they managed to get to the first point Karma had made. Falsely made. Then they would deal with it then. For now, they couldn’t stand thinking about it.

--

Forcing themself to speak was still painful, opening their mouth and forcing words was still painful. But compared to the pain it had first been, weeks ago? It didn’t matter. Sure, it hurt more than it had recently due to the fact that nothing wanted to cooperate with them… But still. “…Sorry?… You’re fine, Karma… Emotions are scary but… At least they mean you care… I’ve always cared… Probably too much…” Their chest constricted, things were blurry, they didn’t want to be here. “…That doesn’t matter though… I hope you figure out your feelings… I think you can… Sorry if that’s too much on you…”

--

They coughed, their throat sore and everything far too tiring to truly think about. They still had more to say, and more to ask. They could keep this up. They waited for the cough to pass, and continued. Karma deserved an apology. Both of them did, but Karma had to be first. Karma was the only one here right now. “…I’m sorry for what I said… To you and Ambrose… I hadn’t meant it… I hadn’t meant nearly any of it…”

--

They coughed again, the emphasis making their words too scratchy for their throat. They hated having to wait. “…You aren’t selfish… You just care… You and Ambrose both… You just care… I’m the one who didn’t…”

--

All that was left were the questions. The questions and correcting them. They didn’t feel like doing either. They’d correct them first though, they’d already decided that. “…I… Despite what it may seem… I don’t hate myself…” They coughed, why were they coughing this much? As long as Karma didn't get Esta then it was fine. Everything was fine. “…I just… I’m just aware of my flaws… And of how many I have… I don’t hate myself though… I just recognize facts… Why… Why didn’t you leave…? Why not Ambrose…? He’d need you more… And, sorry if it seems contradictory… But…”

--

They coughed, and they coughed good. They could feel something at the back of their throat, making things harder than they should’ve been… Illon had to get through this. For Karma, they deserved this much at least. “…But… I definitely don’t deserve anything… I’ve just been… Been moping since I-” Another fit of coughing, they tried to gesture as if it proved their point but their arms still wouldn’t move. “…Since I got back… I haven’t helped… I haven’t done anything useful… I’ve just wasted everything-”

--

A cough good enough to almost force movement. Whatever it was in the back, it shifted, wet and squishy and metallic. They didn’t pay attention to it, as long as Esta wasn’t brought in then everything was fine. “…Esta’s power… Food… Water… Resources… It… It would’ve been better if I’d been left… I’m not doing anything but holding people back… Like with Ambrose… Twice today alone… I’ve made him upset…”

--

Their eyes blurred, they tried to make sure the tears didn’t roll. They didn’t deserve them to. All they could think of was how disappointed their parents would’ve been. Was how hurt Ambrose had to be. Of how absolutely terrible they were. And not even near a whisper, they practically choked out. “…I don’t hate myself… I don’t… I just know better… I know better than to hate myself… I know better than to love myself… I know better… I have to know better… I’m supposed to know better… I can’t… I’ve hurt them enough… I can’t… I don’t hate myself… I don’t… I swear I don’t…” Somewhere during it, they felt a wet tear go down the side of their face, they couldn’t blink them back.

*~*~*~*

Eni could hear the rapid progression of his thoughts, could hear as he tried to calm himself. And as soon as Ambrose took hold of one of their arms? Eni was pulling him close, hugging him with both their wings and arms.

--

The thought process still seemed to fast for Ambrose to really hold onto anything. So they put up a block, it wasn’t perfect by any means but it would slow the thoughts, it would give Ambrose more time to think. And so, they offered encouragement.

--

‘You’re doing alright, Ambrose. Focus on breathing. We’ll figure out the rest later. Just breathe. Inhale for four, hold it for four. Exhale for four, and repeat. Don’t try and make sense of everything yet, it’ll only confuse you. Just listen to my breathing and follow it.’

--

And with that, Eni began doing the instructions they’d just told Ambrose to do. Inhale for four, hold for four, and then exhale for four. They continued to do so, perhaps exaggerating a bit. Only to make sure Ambrose would be able to follow along.

*~*~*~*

“Awww, really?! Just my normal nickname? That's lame. Night Stalker is much cooler, you could at least return the favor! I mean, I could have just called ya 'stalker,' which is technically true, but also very basic. 'Night Stalker' sounds more mysterious, like something out of a movie! Heh, I'm good at- Wait, what?”

--

Blair almost laughed at the sudden change of tone. He didn’t though, because he had food in his mouth and that would've been kinda gross.

--

“That was you?! Wow. Did not see that coming. Hey, thanks, that was really helpful, actually, I'm not sure we would've been as successful without your help. And, uh, you don't have to tell me, but could I ask why? Not that I'm complaining!”

--

Blair rolled his eyes, and swallowed the bite he had in his mouth. “If you want a nickname so bad, how about Katniss? Since you’re so good with that bow and all. And please, that was barely the first time I helped you guys without you knowing.” His tone turned sour, ever so slightly. “I killed multiple high ranking officials due to a promise I thought your leader would keep. ‘Course, he didn’t, but whatever. Anyone coulda seen Vipers was gettin’ more corrupt by the day. Ever since the old lead left and all...”

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

--

“ET's an alien! It's alien! Yo, I'm so good at these movie ones, look at me go!”

--

Salen placed the word into place, only half listening to the conversation as she looked at the next hint. 21 across was just ‘Gross!’ and based off the E and W, it was probably going to be EEW. Especially since 8 down was ‘Left some stars’ which could be RATED. Which would work because of 26 across which was ‘Poorly compensated’ which meant it could be UNDERPAID.

--

“You are doing good, see, you aren't bad at crosswords!”

--

“Lesson learned, I'm good at everything.”

--

“Except healing, evidently.”

--

“Hush, let me ride my high wave.”

--

Salen chuckled lightly at the conversation, putting in the three words she had found. They could always point things out if they found anything, plus the two mostly seemed interested in talking. She didn’t really mind either way, she just wanted to try and finish the page though.

*~*~*~*

Illon only somewhat flinched when Karma brushed a tear from their cheek. They counted it as a victory for two half reasons. One, it was only somewhat, they hadn’t completely freaked out at least. Two, it meant movement was coming back, which was always a win. They also counted it as a fail because of those two reasons though, because they might have influenced each other and that was why it wasn’t a bigger reaction, which wasn’t so good.

--

“First off, thank you. Second, I don't need an apology, I'm not mad at you. Admittedly, it'd probably be a good idea to apologize to Ambrose, but, in all honesty, I wasn't really paying attention to anything you said earlier, and even if I did it probably wouldn't have really affected me much at all. Besides, I don't really blame you for what happened, you were just trying to protect yourself, right? Or maybe us? An odd defense mechanism that fucking sucks, and is probably self-conscious, right? Literally exactly what I do, but on a larger scale.”

--

Protecting themself? Protecting Karma? How was any of that protecting anyone? Thinking back on what they had said, how they had felt, what they’d been thinking during it… No, that wasn’t them protecting themself. That was just them lashing out. Them being unable to handle the unconditional kindness Ambrose had shown them, and lashing out. Them being unable to handle the idea of someone not expecting them to be perfect. Illon didn’t want to admit this to Karma though, not at the moment. They didn’t seem done talking anyways.

--

“And third, aware my ass, you think ya know exactly what you're talking about, and you don't really understand shit.”

--

Illon paused at that, brows furrowing. Because that would mean twice now Karma’s been wrong. Because Illon is aware. They know their flaws, and knowing your own flaws make it harder to love yourself, it doesn't mean you automatically hate yourself either… Illon really hoped they didn’t hate themself, their parents would be so disappointed. They already were. They always had been… Ever since Illon messed it all up…

--

“You underestimate your own needs and disregard your own health in favor of others. The 'not deserving' part is exactly the problem, you deny yourself basic necessities because you don't want to annoy or hurt us. Ambrose doesn't need me more than you do, maybe he needs help, honestly, we probably all do, but not more than you do, you are not a lesser human than anyone, Illon. That. That's your problem. You do deserve help, you need it, and yet you deny it. You aren't wasting any resources, if you are, then I'm wasting food by eating, and so is everyone else. Esta wants to help you, turning away that help won't do anyone any good, it won't spare her as much as you think, it probably helps her actually, you don't realize how much she actually cares.”

--

They flinched at the last part. Esta… She didn’t need them anymore. She probably wouldn’t ever talk to them again anyways, now that she was with the ladies of her dreams or whatever… But besides that… That wasn’t what they’d meant. It wasn’t. Karma had actually helped, had actually kept the group safe, had actually earned their place in the group. Illon hadn’t… And they never would, especially now…

--

“You are hurting, Illon, you've been through shit. That's okay. Literally, the only person who blames you for it is Amel, and, frankly, he's a self-obsessed piece of shit. It's fine if you need medical help, it's fine if you need a hug or someone to talk to sometimes, no one's gonna blame you for that. Just because your needs are different than someone else's, doesn't make them less valid. You don't have to know better, and if you think you do, then you thought wrong. Stop trying to be perfect and live up to everyone's expectations, stop listening to them when they're tearing you down, and stop listening to yourself when you're being a fucking idiot and telling yourself you don't deserve basic human rights. I know it's not easy, I know nothing I can say will convince you that you're deserving, I know.”

--

Frankly, at this point, with how much small movements they were doing as reactions to things, Illon hoped they could actually move again. So, they tried to at least move their uninjured arm enough to push the sleeve of their other one down and cover the wound. Which worked. They tried moving some more, but came back with mostly failure. So they just resigned themself to not moving too much, the moving was starting to upset their throat anyways. Illon tried not to think about what Karma had said. A lot of it hit way too close to home to be thought about without risking either another lash out or another shut down, neither of which sounded good at the moment.

--

“And I know I'm a stupid hypocrite, but, to the best of your ability, believe me. You're worth it, Illon. So, for the love of God, stop being stubborn and let me help you.”

--

Karma reached out to them, apparently having realized that they still couldn’t sit up on their own(which was really just so pathetic of them, very disappointing, why was Karma still here?), and helped them to sit up enough for a bottle of water to be shakingly held up to them.

--

“Here, drink, it may help the coughing.”

--

Illon could recognize it as the one they’d had in their tent before their… Capture… They took the bottle from Karma’s shaking hands into their own equally just as shaky hands. They didn’t really want to argue with Karma anymore, their throat probably couldn’t handle it anyways. They took a slow, careful sip- They could recognize the metallic taste in the back of their mouth now, blood. They threw away the realization before any other connections could be made to it, and just focused on getting rid of it.

*~*~*~*

Eni was undoubtedly glad when Ambrose started following their breathing. They kept their hold on him though, comfort was always good. Especially with something like this, with all these thoughts rushing around. Slowed by them but still not the speed they would’ve preferred.

--

They waited until Ambrose’s grip loosened to start pulling away at all. Even then, they didn’t pull away much at all, just allowed for some space so that Ambrose could breathe a bit more freely. They stayed listening, stayed just as involved.

--

And then memories that weren’t their own came in. Much more recent ones than the previous ones that had come in. Memories that told Eni exactly what had caused Ambrose this pain.

--

They blocked any access to their own thoughts that Ambrose may have, but allowed the memories of the argument to wash over them. Ambrose had tried helping them and Illon… Illon had… And Illon had thrown it in his face.

--

It was a lot to process. A lot to take in. But steadily a sinking out came in. And by the time Illon’s last words came washing over, the pit flipped and sunk and solidified. Eni knew about a lot, but that. That Eni had specific knowledge on. And it made an unbridled rage gain footing within the pit in their stomach.

--

Ambrose pulled away completely, and Eni stepped back. Forcing themself to send a ping to Esta saying the situation had been dealt with. They didn’t send a ping about what they’d just learned. Esta wouldn’t do anything, wouldn’t do what needed to be done. Illon had gotten away with all of this for way too long.

--

“Um, thank you for your help. Sorry.”

--

And the rage continued to build slowly, steadily. They tried to keep their mind clear enough to answer though. They ended up getting an eerily calm, “Of course, Ambrose. That wasn’t your fault.”

--

Their eyes flicked to Illon’s tent, reaching out with their telepathy to gauge who all was in there. Karma wasn’t innocent in all of this, but they also hadn’t done anything this time. Eni had enough of a mind to know that yelling wasn’t good around anyone. Karma was in there with Illon, they didn’t try reading either of their thoughts.

--

Instead, they simply began walking over. They wouldn’t yell, they’d just make sure that Illon knew that what they were doing wasn’t going to be tolerated any longer. Everyone else had done so for far too long, it was about time that they spoke to Illon about it.

*~*~*~*

“Like the Hunger Games? Hell yeah, that's so cool!”

--

Blair had to hold back laughter at Katniss’ reaction, of course the ranger liked the Hunger Games. Jeez, he really was a lot like… Well.. Ryan.. Bookworm, kind, archer Ryan.. Ryan.. Who was fucking dead because of a fucking backstabbing piece of shit asshole-

--

“Okay, ya know what, a lot more makes sense now, honestly.”

--

Blair blinked back into focus at Agnar’s words, almost glad for the distraction. He really didn’t want to be thinking right now.

--

“Also, you're making me hate Amel more somehow... I didn't know that was possible.”

--

Blair grimaced at the name, and shrugged. Taking another bite of the food Katniss had brought him.

--

“How's the food, by the way? I used my minimal skills and helped Eni make it! I'm surprised I didn't absolutely burn everything, but who knows, maybe I was just meant to be the next Gordan Ramsey!”

--

Blair did snicker at that, rolling his eyes. If only for in case Agnar had noticed anything while he was being upset at the leader of the group. “The food’s fine, Katniss. And Amel’s easy to hate, a lot. He just fucking sucks, if I’m being honest. The dick’s just a manipulative little shit.”

Esta leaned over Salen's shoulder and was about to help with figuring the next crossword answer when another ping caught her attention, Eni's cue that everything was taken care of. She glanced over and let her smile fade as she noted that Ambrose still very much looked out of it and upset and Eni was stalking towards Illon's tent with a dark rage in their eyes that Esta hadn't seen there before. She bit her cheek. That wasn't good.

"Sorry, I need to check on Ambrose." She murmured, standing and walking over to where the traveler crouched. She'd talk to Eni later, but for now, she needed to take care of the fact that Ambrose's hair was slightly matted with blood and his eyes were still a little glossed. Eni had gotten him out of his worst state, but they certainly hadn't calmed him completely.

"Hey Ambrose," The healer said softly, kneeling in front of her friend and allowing her vision to open to the color of Ambrose's emotions. purple and grey were prominent, showing his anxiety and worried confusion, and there was also a hint of regretful brass and red-orange pain. All negative. Esta let out a calming breath and smiled slightly at the traveler in front of her. "You recognize me, right?"

Ambrose raised his head to look at her and nodded slightly, looking pained. "Esta." He muttered, his voice barely audible.

The healer smiled encouragingly. "That's right. Can I touch you? I want to fix up those scratches if that's okay?"

"Okay."

She nodded and reached out, gently touching the traveler's forehead and allowing her power to flow her, easily patching up the scratch marks that Ambrose had obviously caused himself. After this was done, she allowed a bit more energy to flow through her, adjusting Ambrose's aura as much as she could manage, adding small hints of yellow and white to the pain, anxiety, and confusion. She couldn't do much, but she could do enough to finish the job Eni had started and pull Ambrose to a complete and more calm state of reality.

That would have to be enough for now.

Ambrose blinked at Esta, his vision still seeming slightly hazy. He managed not to flinch when she touched him, which was good, but he still grimaced when warmth started to worm throughout his body, sealing the wounds he'd caused himself and tugging the travelers mind to full reality. He looked around as he finally placed everything together, and immediatly his panic spiked as the rage in Eni's eyes finally clicked.

That wasn't good.

Ambrose tried to get up, but was stopped by Esta's gentle hands on his shoulder, keeping him in place.

"Whoa, hold on there! I may have healed your wounds, but you were just extreamly dissorianted, running around immediatly won't do you any good. Your body and mind are tired, you need rest."

The traveler stared at the healer in confusion. He was fine. She and Eni had brought him back, he knew where he was, so he was fine. Right?

"But, I-"

"Uh-uh, doctors orders. You need sleep, and some food wouldn't hurt you either."

"But, Eni..." Ambrose gestured helplessly in the direction the mentor was headed, eyes wide. "What...?"

Esta smiled encouragingly. "It'll be fine, I'm sure they just want to make sure Illon's alright."

"But... They look angry?"

"Just a little, it's fine, we can worry about that latter, worry about yourself right now, okay?"

After another moment of hesitation, the traveler nodded. He was really tired, after all, and Esta was the healer, so she knew best. He'd just take a nap and then he could make sure that everyone else was okay. Eni wouldn't do anything too rash, that wasn't how they usually acted, so it was all going to be fine. He'd just sleep.

"Good, now let me help you." Esta said, standing and extending a hand. "Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Ambrose nodded again and let the healer guide him to his tent. Everything would be just fine.

---

Isabella watched Esta walk towards Ambrose... who Eni was walking away from (not looking particularly happy), and pursed her lips in confusion.

"Well that's... interesting." She stated, looking closer at the mentor. "Eni looks kinda upset. Wonder why."

She shrugged and leaned back on her hands. "Damn, people have bad timing for getting hurt. We were having fun!" She protested, sounding childish as she spoke. "Not cool, Ambrose, not cool."

---

Karma watched Illon drink, anxiety rising as they did so. They were fully aware that they couldn't give Illon the help that they needed, they didn't have the supplies or medical knowladge. Yes, they may be good at patching up and cleaning cuts and bruises, but they weren't Esta.

That was a problem right now, because, in reality, Illon needed Esta's expertise at the moment, but Karma also knew they wouldn't accept it. They didn't want Esta's help. They didn't want it, and Karma was stupid enough to respect it.

So, they did what they could and silently promised that they would get Esta if things got worse, because if things got worse, it could mean Illon's life, and that was something even Karma wouldn't risk.

Whatever was going to happen now, Karma decided. It probably wouldn't be good.

---

“The food’s fine, Katniss. And Amel’s easy to hate, a lot. He just fucking sucks, if I’m being honest. The dick’s just a manipulative little shit.”

Agnar grinned at the nickname again and nodded. "Fair." He agreed, tugging his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees comfortably as he watched Blair eat.

"Hey... sorry if this is a weird question or whatever, you don't have to answer if ya don't want, but... After all... this... is over, what do you plan to do? I mean, you got any big plans or do you just wanna roam and make shit up as you go?"

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

–

“Sorry, I need to check on Ambrose.”

--

Salen looked over, nodding, and watched as Esta walked towards Ambrose, Eni walking away from him and towards Illons’ tent. Looking rather frustrated.

--

“Well that’s… interesting. Eni looks kinda upset. Wonder why.”

--

Salen rolled her eyes, that was probably an understatement. She didn’t want to know why. Though… They were heading towards Illons’ tent and… Well, there was a thought. She wouldn’t get involved, it wasn’t her problem. Yet. She’d deal with it once it became important to her own interests- Wait. Where did that thought come from?

--

“Damn, people have bad timing for getting hurt. We were having fun! Not cool, Ambrose, not cool.”

--

Salen sighed, mostly in amusement. “Well, at least we know he’ll be alright with Esta around? Better than him ignoring something and letting it fester… Hm…” Salen grinned softly, closed and placed the crossword puzzle book on the ground. She held up her hand, waving her fingers. “Want to see something fun?”

--

A little light of purple, and one of her fingers seemed to have a flower coming out of it. Illusions, she loved using them. She did have a small rule on using it on herself, but that was only for full appearances- She’d always been worried about forgetting what she looked like originally and being unable to go back, she wasn’t sure why. Something small like a finger though? That was fine.

*~*~*~*

By the time Eni was throwing open the flap of Illon’s tent, they weren’t really paying attention to the scene in front of them. They didn’t bother to notice if Illon or Karma was looking at them, didn’t bother to notice either of their reactions, didn’t even bother to notice that Illons’ mask was off.

--

Because they'd been here before, and their last method hadn’t helped anyone, and they refused to let it happen again. For any of it to happen again. So they stepped forward, and without bothering to notice anything but staring straight at Illon so that neither got confused, “How dare you? I don’t care about excuses, I don’t care what twisted reasoning you come up with- How dare you? Do you have any clue how wrong you are, or how much those words hurt someone? Why, you’re lucky you’re even here! Partly thanks to him! And yet you have the gall to say those things, things I would’ve hoped you’d understand never to say unless you truly wanted to hurt someone- Well, good job! You hurt him!”
--

Eni glanced at Karma, words dripping venom, “And I’ll be speaking to you later, but for now this doesn’t involve you. Stay if you want, but this is between Illon and me, so I’d hope you’d stay quiet. Though, given how little my hope has seemed to mean to either of you recently, I’m not sure how much that means to you.”

--

And with that, Eni looked back at Illon, voice somehow dipping into an even steeper pool of venom, “I just got done calming Ambrose from a whole nightmare of a flashback thanks to you. So, frankly, I don’t care about why you said what you said. It doesn’t change the fact that you said it. Which was beyond stupid of you! I mean, Amel’s a jerk but at least he cares about the well-being of this group! You, though?! You just told Ambrose things no one should have to hear! And don’t think I’m not mentioning that last line of yours! No one here is dying on my watch, so you can suck it up and deal with it! While personally I couldn’t care less about whatever happens to you, I am not losing anyone to something like that again- I refuse to! So you can pull yourself together, learn to be nice, and stop being a self-absorbed, pathetic prick and figure out how to live regardless of whether you want to or not!”

--

Eni was fuming. That much was clear. Not like they cared. They’d be upset all they’d like to be. They were done sitting back, trying to be nice and kind and considerate about it when it was obvious it didn’t work- Had never worked. So they were done, Eni wouldn’t let it happen again. They failed twice, because they’d been too nice, too considerate, too gentle. It wouldn’t happen again.

--

So Eni squared their shoulders, wings sweeped the floor and collected near their feet, like a bird of prey about to dive in for its dinner. “I don’t care how you feel on the matter, you don’t get a say here, you obviously can’t be trusted enough to make the right decisions! Esta will be made aware, you will stop hurting others, you will stop hurting yourself, everyone here will and I swear- If I ever have even the slightest suspicion that any of these are being undermined or broken or ignored, it will not be tolerated! I am done sitting on the sidelines! We are so close to the city! We’re almost done with each other! At least wait until we’re there to break like everyone else has been other than you!”

--

Perhaps that was too harsh. But that just meant that it’d been allowed to fester for too long, they wouldn’t have needed to be harsh if they’d said it sooner. Acknowledged everything sooner. Still, maybe they weren’t actually getting their point across with all the fodder. Eni took a deep breath, “Apologize to Ambrose. Apologize to Esta. Apologize to everyone you’ve hurt. You don’t get to spit on their kindness just because they want to help you. Apologize to yourself. Apologize, learn to be nice and accept help, and move on. At least until everyone has the choice on whether or not they see you everyday.”

*~*~*~*

Illon didn’t end up drinking the whole bottle, they weren’t sure how smart it would’ve been to do so. They ended up being unable to meet Karma’s gaze too, eyes staring towards whatever pattern was on the floor of the tent. They didn’t really want to keep going back and forth with Karma, they didn’t really want to think about what Karma said either.

--

The flap to the tent was opened. Their head swiveled over to look in an instant, and they were met with an angry looking Eni. An angry Eni and the realization that they weren’t wearing their mask. Immediately, their eyes were searching for it, heart dropping into that same dark pit.

--

“How dare you?”

--

Illons’ eyes went back to Eni, who was looking right at them, their brows knitting together in confusion and worry easily. Had they done something to Eni too?

--

“I don’t care about excuses, I don’t care what twisted reasoning you come up with- How dare you? Do you have any clue how wrong you are, or how much those words hurt someone? Why, you’re lucky you’re even here! Partly thanks to him! And yet you have the gall to say those things, things I would’ve hoped you’d understand never to say unless you truly wanted to hurt someone- Well, good job! You hurt him!”

--

Wait. Him? Ambrose? Didn’t Eni have telepathy? They could’ve sworn their heart stopped as they realized that Eni knew. Eni knew, and Eni knew because Ambrose had gotten hurt due to what they’d said. They’d hurt him. They’d hurt him. Which meant Esta had to know too, or would know. They didn’t want that, they’d been trying to avoid that! No- No, no, no- This was bad- This was so bad- They shouldn’t have said any of it! They should’ve known someone would find out and then it’d only be a matter of time before Esta knew and then she’d come in here and- And be disappointed in them. Cut all communication with them.. If Esta wasn’t already planning to, that is… Which she probably was, they’d already used up all of their usefulness to her.

--

Eni was looking at Karma then, and Illon glanced over, temporarily distracted from their inner turmoil by wondering what Karma possibly could have done to have Eni get mad at them.

--

“And I’ll be speaking to you later, but for now this doesn’t involve you. Stay if you want, but this is between Illon-” Illon flinched at their name, eyes darting to the ground. This was more like what they deserved, wasn’t it? “-and me, so I’d hope you’d stay quiet. Though, given how little my hope has seemed to mean to either of you recently, I’m not sure how much that means to you.”

--

Illon almost wanted to defend Karma, looking up and starting to come up- With something to say, bubble be damned. Because Karma hadn’t done anything wrong, Illon was the only one here that deserved Eni’s rage. Eni’s eyes on them stopped that idea in its tracks immediately.

--

“I just got done calming Ambrose from a whole nightmare of a flashback thanks to you. So, frankly, I don’t care about why you said what you said. It doesn’t change the fact that you said it. Which was beyond stupid of you!”

--

Illon flinched again, eyes going to the ground and staying there. They deserved it, they knew that. They really were stupid. They’d always been stupid it seems. Why couldn’t they do anything right? They can’t even let people help right! Even Karma knows they’re an idiot! And Karma had chosen to come in here instead of go and help Ambrose like they should’ve done because they were an idiot!

--

“I mean, Amel’s a jerk but at least he cares about the well-being of this group! You, though?! You just told Ambrose things no one should have to hear! And don’t think I’m not mentioning that last line of yours!”

--

No. No. Illon hadn’t thought Eni would’ve gotten that- No- That was bad- That was worse than the rest of it- They could’ve handled the rest, but that? If everyone somehow didn’t hate them after this, then they’d be even more useless to everyone- They’d be completely worthless to everyone- They’d be nothing but a burden, more than they already were- They couldn’t- They couldn’t deal with that- No, no, no, no! They couldn’t!

--

“No one here is dying on my watch, so you can suck it up and deal with it! While personally I couldn’t care less about whatever happens to you, I am not losing anyone to something like that again- I refuse to! So you can pull yourself together, learn to be nice, and stop being a self-absorbed, pathetic prick and figure out how to live regardless of whether you want to or not!”

--

…Again? Had they- Had they hurt Eni too by reopening old wounds? They’d hurt someone else too? There wasn’t just Ambrose, and Ben, and their parents, and Esta, and Karma on the list? Just how many people were they hurting? How fucking worthless did they have to be to hurt everyone they know? Eni was right though- They really were nothing but a pathetic asshole- An ignorant, stupid piece of shit- Their breathing wasn’t right, but they weren’t crying. They didn’t deserve to anyways.

--

“I don’t care how you feel on the matter, you don’t get a say here, you obviously can’t be trusted enough to make the right decisions! Esta will be made aware-“

--

And their mind froze for a second as it was confirmed, their heart stopped for the second time during this conversation. Esta will be made aware. Esta will be made aware. No. No, no, no, no- They couldn’t- They couldn’t handle disappointing her even more, couldn’t handle worrying her more- Illon would’ve been fine with everyone but Esta being told- They couldn’t.

--

“-you will stop hurting others, you will stop hurting yourself, everyone here will and I swear- If I ever have even the slightest suspicion that any of these are being undermined or broken or ignored, it will not be tolerated! I am done sitting on the sidelines! We are so close to the city! We’re almost done with each other! At least wait until we’re there to break like everyone else has been other than you!”

--

Their mind was stuck on Esta, stuck on how she would know. Know how broken, how unrepairable they were. Stuck on how she was suffering too, stuck on how she was suffering because of them- Everyone was suffering because of them. They were shaking, their eyes wouldn’t focus, but they weren’t crying- They felt like they should be, but they didn’t deserve to, and they weren’t crying.

--

“Apologize to Ambrose. Apologize to Esta. Apologize to everyone you’ve hurt. You don’t get to spit on their kindness just because they want to help you. Apologize to yourself. Apologize, learn to be nice and accept help, and move on. At least until everyone has the choice on whether or not they see you everyday.”

--

Illon shook, and they deserved this. Frankly, they deserved worse than this. They were getting off lightly compared to what they deserved. Moments passed with them sitting there, eyes unfocused but staring at the ground, shaking shoulders, quick and shallow breathing, and silence. Their lungs forced a shuddering breath, they forced themself to speak through the bubble, forced themself to speak despite the way their voice broke and cracked, forced themself to speak even as they felt the first tears break the line. After all, they’d hurt both of the people in the tent. “…I’m sorry…”

*~*~*~*

“Fair.”

--

Blair took another bite, how soon were they expecting Agnar- Sorry, Katniss, back by?

--

“Hey... sorry if this is a weird question or whatever, you don't have to answer if ya don't want, but... After all... this... is over, what do you plan to do? I mean, you got any big plans or do you just wanna roam and make shit up as you go?”

--

Blair thought about it for a second, none of his actual answers were very good. They mostly just involved allowing himself to waste away as soon as Amel was gone. He didn’t really have any… Reason or purpose… Without, well, without them in this world.

--

Blair huffed and shrugged. “Probably just make shit up as I go, I guess. Ain’t got much waiting for me after this…”

--

He took another bite, he wasn’t really sure how much Katniss could read into that, Blair almost hoped that he just didn’t read into it at all. “What about you though? Bet you’ve got plenty of interesting shit planned for once you and Eni get back to the city.”

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

–

“That is so fucking cool! And pretty! You're amazing, Sal!”

--

Salen smiled lightly, keeping her gaze on the flower and finger- Her finger mostly, if she were being honest, “I wouldn’t say that, this is a more simple illusion anyways. I’m glad you like it though. Is there anything specific you’d want to see?”

--

Salen allowed the illusion to shift as she spoke, the flower going down her pointer and then up her middle, then down again and continuing the pattern until it rested at her pinky.

*~*~*~*

“…I’m sorry…”

--

Eni didn’t pay mind to the tone, not right now. No, they simply nodded at the apology. They had to go tell Esta now, about everything that's happened. She needed to know, and as long as Illon understood then they were done here. They would talk to Karma later, once they were in a more amenable mood.So Eni turned to leave, stopped only by Karma’s voice.

--

“Shut up!”

--

Eni looked back at Karma, at the defensive anger in their eyes. They huffed, rolled their own, and waited for the skeptic to continue.

--

“You're doing the same fucking thing, damn it! Yes, Illon needs to apologize, I get that, but don't you dare even imply that... that that is okay after the group breaks up. It's not, and you fucking know it. And 'move on?' Really? What the hell is wrong with you? It's not that fucking easy! You're not doing anyone any good by storming in here like this, you're only adding the fucking problem!”

--

Did Eni really have to sit through this? Who was Karma to tell them what to do, what to think? The last time Eni had been nice about it, it hadn't ended well for anyone.

--

“You always act like you're so high and mighty, like you know everything just because you're the oldest one here. Well, news flash, you don't! You fucking don't! Stop pretending like you do and listen to other people for once! You know what could have solved this, huh? If we'd had gotten to them faster, but we didn't, because both of us are idiots and we listened to Amel when he was being a heartless bastard. You're wrong! He doesn't care for the group, he cares about himself, he cares that we get through things so that he can use us for what he wants! Open your eyes, dumbass, and don't compare Illon to Amel when they're nothing alike.”

--

And Eni was tempted to interrupt; was tempted to prove Karma wrong. Because they did know best. Not just because they were older, but because they had skills that allowed them to know more than anyone else here. Experiences from before this group. Telepathy, which allowed them to know things that others wouldn’t know.

--

“You want to be helpful, stop demolishing any slight progress I managed to make and get the fuck out. If you would have just left it, apologies would be given and we'd be one small step closer to getting a little better and one less mental breakdown. For your information, most of us have to actually be able to calm ourselves before apologizing. Leave.”

--

Karma was glaring at them. Eni was frustrated, and too much was happening. Eni narrowed their eyes, and spoke. “One, I would hope that even after we get to the city nothing like that happens, but again. I don’t think it means much to either of you to say that, it rarely does with people that contemplate such topics. Two, I do know better. You’re not the one who’s been in a similar situation where kindness failed. Three, Amel does care, and I know he cares. I know he cares because…”

--

They trailed off. Despite knowing exactly what to say, they trailed off. And an invisible burning sensation at their collarbone was enough to remind them why. Salen really needed to get rid of that bind soon. It was really starting to get in the way of keeping the group together. They huffed.

--

“Whatever. Four, I’m doing what’s best for everyone right now. Not just one person. I’m still going to talk to you later, Karma. But I think both of us would prefer to wait for that, hm? So, if you don’t mind, I’ll be leaving now.” And with that, Eni turned and stalked out of the tent.

*~*~*~*

As soon as the apology was out in the open, Illon allowed themself to hunch over. What they didn’t allow, was for them to make any sound as tears started making their way down. They shuddered, their breath was labored and shaky, but they didn’t allow themself to sob out loud.

--

“Shut up! You're doing the same fucking thing, damn it! Yes, Illon needs to apologize, I get that, but don't you dare even imply that... that that is okay after the group breaks up. It's not, and you fucking know it. And 'move on?' Really? What the hell is wrong with you? It's not that fucking easy!”

--

Illon tried to get away from the sound, curling in on themself to keep any potential lashing out. They didn’t want to hurt anyone else. But they had to disagree with Karma, it was that easy. They just had to move on. Just had to accept how life was now and move on. It should be that easy- At least for them. So why wasn’t it? Why were they the burden?

--

“You're not doing anyone any good by storming in here like this, you're only adding the fucking problem!”

--

But Eni wasn't wrong, Illon wanted to point out. Wanted to yell and scream and cry out. Because they hadn’t been. Illon should apologize, and maybe they were just too broken for kindness to have any chance of working. Scratch that- They were definitely too broken for kindness to work. They always had been, hadn't they?

--

“You always act like you're so high and mighty, like you know everything just because you're the oldest one here. Well, news flash, you don't! You fucking don't! Stop pretending like you do and listen to other people for once! You know what could have solved this, huh? If we'd had gotten to them faster, but we didn't, because both of us are idiots-”

--

Illon flinched, flinched and curled in on themself. Karma and Eni weren’t idiots, Illon was the only idiot here. They’d always been the only idiot. Their cheeks were wet, they decided they didn’t notice. Their parents deserved so much better than them, how could they even call themself a prodigy when they were this stupid? They didn’t deserve the title.

--

“-and we listened to Amel when he was being a heartless bastard. You're wrong! He doesn't care for the group, he cares about himself, he cares that we get through things so that he can use us for what he wants! Open your eyes, dumbass-”

--

Illon flinched again, eyes instinctively opening before immediately closing when more tears slipped out. They curled. They curled and almost hiccuped with how hard they were trying to keep their tears silent. They weren’t sure they were succeeding anymore but… Well, they deserved to deal with the shame of being caught crying. They deserved to be caught crying when they didn’t deserve to cry, that way it could be taken care of the correct way. The way only Eni and Amel seemed to know.

--

“-and don't compare Illon to Amel when they're nothing alike.”

--

Karma was right, Illon and Amel were nothing alike. Amel was a hundred times better than they were, than they would ever be. Everyone was. They were practically as curled up as they could possibly get, they still tried to curl more though. Everything was too much, they felt like they were a child again…

--

“You want to be helpful, stop demolishing any slight progress I managed to make and get the fuck out. If you would have just left it, apologies would be given and we'd be one small step closer to getting a little better and one less mental breakdown. For your information, most of us have to actually be able to calm ourselves before apologizing. Leave.”

--

They flinched again. The sudden change in volume wasn’t helping anything. Why did the two of them have to argue? Eni was in the right to be mad, they didn’t understand why Karma wasn’t mad at them too. It would’ve made more sense than all of this. All of this was too familiar, too strange, too much.

--

“One, I would hope that even after we get to the city nothing like that happens, but again. I don’t think it means much to either of you to say that, it rarely does with people that contemplate such topics. Two…”

--

Illon ended up curling even more somehow and trying to tune out the two arguing. Voices were stilted as they tried to just- Just figure things out. They hated this. How did they manage to mess up this badly? They were supposed to be smarter than this! They were supposed to not be a disappointment! They were supposed to make everyone’s life easier, not harder! Why couldn’t they do that right? Why couldn’t they do anything right?! Why were they still just as useless as they’d always been?!

--

All of this was too much- It was too familiar- Too similar to way too much that they’d just rather forget- Why did they always ruin everything?! This was their fault- If they’d just been better- If they just hadn’t failed everyone- Why were they like this?! Why did they always cause these things to happen?! Always- Why- They didn’t- They couldn’t- They shouldn’t- They shouldn’t be here- They shouldn’t be alive- They were just making everything worse and everyone would hate them or pity them or both and they deserved it and they understood far too well everything going on and they wished they didn't!

*~*~*~*

“Not really, I'm not sure where Eni wants to go. Also, I don't know how much I'll actually stick with them. I mean, I don't plan on leaving them, obviously, I'll always go back to them, but I don't know that I plan to live with them. Honestly, I think it might be nice to travel some. I really do like forests and things, but it's rather hard to enjoy them when you're constantly being taunted by death. But, hey, if you're not planning to do anything, maybe we could travel together? I mean, I'd love some company and I can guarantee that it'll be more interesting than sitting around and moping, not sure if it'll be better, but definitely more interesting. What say you, Night Stalker?”

--

Blair raised an eyebrow, and shrugged. In all honesty, he didn’t really care. He’d already kind of decided on letting himself waste away, joining his gang after all of this. But, well, what was a few months of travel in the long run?

--

Blair sighed, placing the empty plate on the ground, “I mean, sure, why not?” He grinned, raising both brows in good humor. “It could be funny to see squirrels trip you up some more. I’ll make sure to catch you whenever that happens.”

--

He looked at the ground for a moment and then back at Agnar, “Some of the other members called you Little Merlin, in relation to the bird- not the wizard.”

"I wouldn’t say that, this is a more simple illusion anyways. I’m glad you like it though. Is there anything specific you’d want to see?”

Bella smiled. "Sometimes the simplest things can be the most beautiful." She stated warmly. "Ooh, can you make a butterfly?"

---

"Ambrose... What does Eni know?"

Ambrose looked back at Esta when she asked the question, eyes slightly unfocused again. "Everything." The healer breathed, voice unsteady. "Too much."

The healer swallowed nervously. "What...?"

"It wasn't Illon's fault." The traveler's eyes glossed with tears and he put his face in his hands, fingers creeping up to claw at his hair again. The healer acted quickly and reached out to stop them before they could abuse his skin again.

"Calm down, Ambrose. What's going on."

"I'm losing my mind." The healer hissed, looking up at the red-haired girl in front of him and grasping her hand tightly in one of his own. She sucked in a breath, eyes widening when she heard the tone of Ambrose's voice, it sounded so broken, so terrified, and yet, so certain. "I can't control it anymore. It's too much. It's not Illon's fault."

"Ambrose-"

"I need out." The traveler's nails dug into the healer's skin and she flinched slightly, watching with rising terror as her friends seemed to completely break in a way that she had never seen before. She was used to Illon's breakdowns, used to the way they completely shut down and were unable to move, she was even used to occasional sharp words, but this was different. Ambrose almost seemed threatening, almost like he was going to physically hurt her, something she never would have said about him before. "I need to leave. I can't- I can't be here anymore. I'm trapped."

"No, no, you're not, you're okay, just breathe, please." Esta started to lose her composure as Ambrose's nails dug deeper into her skin, causing small streams of crimson to roll down her arm. She attempted to alter his aura again, but to no avail. Something was seriously wrong, and it was something she couldn't fix.

"I'm not. They know. They can't know! They can't, I can't! They'll blame them. It's my fault. It's not Illon's fault. I need to leave, but I have to stay. I need- I need something..." At this point he was speaking nonsense, tears starting to stream down his cheeks. "I can't do this again, I can't, I'm sorry. It wasn't their fault. They can't know. I need to leave, but I can't let them go. I don't want this again. I can't do this again!"

"Ambrose! Wake up! It's okay! It's all okay! Please!" The healer desperately tried to pull away, wincing at the pain in her hand, but Ambrose wouldn't let go. His grip was iron and his nails had gone deep into the healer's skin. He seemed completely unaware of this fact, and only tightened his grip as she tried to move. "Ambrose, you're hurting me, please let go! We can talk through this, let me help you!" Tears rose in her eyes as she pulled again, sending a wave of pain shooting up her arm. "Shit. Ambrose!"

"I need out. I need out. I need out. I can't do this again! Please!"

Finally losing the last of her composer, Esta cried out in pain, blood running more consistently down her arm now. "Bella! I- I need help please!" She cried, raising her voice to what she hoped was loud enough that her girlfriend could hear. Ambrose remained completely unaware, nails digging deep into her skin, eyes unfocused, tears streaming down his cheeks, and muttering pained words over and over, seemingly stuck in a loop of panicked torture.

This was really, really bad.

---

“One, I would hope that even after we get to the city nothing like that happens, but again. I don’t think it means much to either of you to say that, it rarely does with people that contemplate such topics. Two, I do know better. You’re not the one who’s been in a similar situation where kindness failed. Three, Amel does care, and I know he cares. I know he cares because…”

Karma glared, eyes still dark as Eni spoke, waiting for them to continue. Honestly, how fucking over-confident do you have to be to really believe you know and understand everything better than anyone else. Pathetic.

“Whatever. Four, I’m doing what’s best for everyone right now. Not just one person. I’m still going to talk to you later, Karma. But I think both of us would prefer to wait for that, hm? So, if you don’t mind, I’ll be leaving now.”

Karma rolled their eyes and watched Eni walk away without saying anything. There was no point, it was pretty obvious the mentor wouldn't listen to anything they had to say anyway. Besides, Illon was more important at the moment.

As soon as Eni was out of sight, Karma turned back and knelt at Illon's side, gently touching their shoulder.

"El," Karma murmured, trying to capture their attention in their obvious distress. "Breathe for me, okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice, come on. It's fine, don't listen to what Eni said, they were being cruel."

The skeptic was very aware that Illon wouldn't listen, or, rather, wouldn't accept what they were saying, they'd believe every word that Eni had spoken, but they had to try. Damn it, how fucking stupid could Eni be? They were wrong this wasn't good for anyone, especially not Illon. In fact, this was one of the worst things to be happening.

"Try to steady yourself, okay, I'll help if I can. Just breathe. You got this."

---

“I mean, sure, why not? It could be funny to see squirrels trip you up some more. I’ll make sure to catch you whenever that happens.”

Agnar gasped, trying to seem offended. "Okay, listen, I appreciate the offer to catch me and all, but for the record, only one squirrel has ever tripped me up, and it was because he was fucking invisible! How many invisible squirrels do you know? None, right?"

He laughed, his smile softening when Blair spoke again.

“Some of the other members called you Little Merlin, in relation to the bird- not the wizard.”

"Really? That's pretty cool! It's because of how good of hunters and fliers they are, right? Or is it 'cause of how much I talk?"

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I do talk a lot. Still, though, I'm honored to be named after such a grand bird!"

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

–

“Sometimes the simplest things can be the most beautiful. Ooh, can you make a butterfly?”

--

Salen grinned, nodding. “Of course, butterflies are fun to make.”

--

With that, she allowed the flower on top of her pinky to shift into a monarch butterfly, letting it walk along her finger and to the back of her hand. From her peripheral vision she could see Eni storm out of Illons’ tent looking just as angry as before. That definitely wasn’t good, but there wasn’t much she could do, so she focused on the butterfly that was now on her palm. “Do you want to hold it?”

*~*~*~*

Amel was in his tent, going over the map and different plans, routes, and overall just what the group could do to make sure they got to the city in a reasonable amount of time. Not to mention making individual plans for everyone for once they did get to the city… So far, he was trying to put together a list of the numbers or emails of licensed mental health professionals that Amel knew and trusted to be able to help. He didn’t want to have to worry over anyone dying in the aftermath. In all logical thinking, everyone had survived. The majority was okay, secured, and on a good path. To die in the aftermath because of trauma? Pathetic.

--

Well, not really pathetic. Just… Dumb. They had made it out, why give up now? All of this would make them stronger in the long run, it proved that they were strong now. Either way, he’d managed to get down three names, numbers, and emails from memory so far. He’d have to ask Esta later if she knew anyone.

--

“Bella! I- I need help please!”

--

That was Esta’s voice… Pained, a bit muffled. Amel stood immediately from where he’d been sitting. What now? More importantly, who now? If Esta was in pain that meant she was in danger, asking for Isabella meant it was someone who needed to be put down. But then they would get information. What if it were Bairugih? Amel still needed information from him. Finley wouldn’t realize that though, she didn't have any clue. Her ability wasn’t conducive to that either… He left his tent, fully prepared.

*~*~*~*

As soon as Eni stepped out of the tent, they started towards Salen. If they wanted to tell Esta anything then they’d have to get Salen to get rid of the binding keeping them from talking to people about what their telepathy tells them. After all, that could very easily become a problem with telling Esta.

--

As soon as they were starting to get about halfway there though, they heard a sound that made them stop in their tracks.

--

“Bella! I- I need help please!”

--

Esta, pained, muffled, troubled. This couldn’t be good. Amel stepped out a moment later, what was going on now?

*~*~*~*

“Bella! I- I need help please!”

--

Salen whipped her head towards Ambroses’ tent as soon as she heard the words, eyes wide and the butterfly flickering for a moment.

--

Amel was out of his tent too, which meant he’d heard it. Eni was looking between the tent, the two of them, and Amel. As per usual, Amel was the first to speak.

--

“What’s going on?”

--

Eni struggled to come up with the words, finally settling on- “Esta’s in Ambroses’ tent helping him, I think… Or I thought…” They looked at Salen.

--

Salen nodded, ever so slightly panicky, “Yes, she’s with Ambrose.”

--

Amel raised an eyebrow, furrowing the other one. That didn’t make sense. But… Well… If Ambrose was doing something then they certainly couldn’t just scorch him, and they certainly couldn’t just beat him. Debilitating him was still the best choice if it was Ambrose instead of Bairugih.

--

“All of you, stay out here, I’ll deal with it. Yes, Isabella, that includes you. If she’s in danger we need to debilitate the threat, your skillset wouldn’t help.”

--

Eni wasn’t sure if anyone else caught it, but Amel’s voice definitely had a protective edge to it. And they all said he didn’t care! Ha!

--

“Don’t leave the area though, stay on standby just in case. Salen, Eni; we may need a mental illusion so be ready to come if I need you. Isabella, I’ll need you to look at Esta and take her to the med area as soon as I call your name. Stay close.”

--

Salen nodded, and watched as Amel hurriedly went into Ambroses’ tent to deal with whatever was happening in there. She looked at Isabella, the butterfly still on her hand but looking very discolored.

*~*~*~*

Illon felt a hand on their shoulder, gentle, they still flinched. They didn’t deserve the gentle hand- They really didn’t. They failed… What did they fail again?

--

“El. Breathe for me, okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice, come on.”

--

Illon shook their head, hidden in their curled state. They didn’t deserve to breathe, they didn’t deserve to be crying, they failed. Failure meant disappointment, failure meant they didn’t deserve to- To… To what? Breathe? That was true but- But… That wasn’t the only thing it meant! But what else did it mean? Maybe it was better they couldn’t articulate..?

--

“It's fine, don't listen to what Eni said, they were being cruel.”

--

But were they? Was Eni just being cruel? No, no, they’d just been telling them the truth without sugarcoating anything. Illon was just being sensitive, just being more of a disappointment, just failing everyone even more.

--

“Try to steady yourself, okay, I'll help if I can. Just breathe. You got this.”

--

Steady, steady, steady- That was always their problem, wasn’t it? Why couldn’t they just be steady for once in their miserable, failure of a life?! They couldn’t even do one thing, why couldn’t they do this one thing?! Why did they fail at everything?! They kept failing, they kept failing everything and everyone!

--

They didn’t deserve to speak, they didn’t deserve to eat, they didn’t deserve to come out! Everyone was right! They really were just completely useless! Failing all of the exams like that, what were they thinking?

--

Were they thinking to begin with? Illon didn’t know, they’d never known anything anyways. What did it matter? Did anything matter? Probably not. They’d failed. Everyone was disappointed in them… They didn’t want to be here, they really didn’t want to be here. Why had she sent them here again?

--

They wanted out, but they didn’t deserve to. They could hear arguing out in the hallway from their room. They didn’t know who it was, they wished whoever they were that they would stop arguing. They didn’t deserve that mercy either though… It was their fault, it was all their fault. Everything was always their fault. Why were they like this?!

--

They curled more from their position on the ground of the dark cell-like room. They were crying, they didn’t deserve to. How long had they been in the room? They’d been told that it’d only be for as many days as the amount of times they’d failed- They failed all the time. They always fail. Why didn’t they ever learn?! They didn’t deserve to know how long it’d been already. They deserved to be here forever, this was deserved. This was right. This was holy, righteous punishment.

--

Their stomach panged, their eyes were closed but stung, their shoulders were tense and shaking, their hands were clenched and knuckles breaking and stretching skin, their face sunken and hair thin. They coughed, blood came up with it, they stayed curled in their crying. This was what they deserved, they were worthless, they were a failure, they did nothing but fail. They deserved this.

*~*~*~*

As soon as Amel stepped into Esta’s tent, the scene made his heart jump. Ambrose was obviously panicked, Esta wasn’t doing too well either, and Ambrose was clutching Esta’s arm so tightly that blood was running down it.

--

Immediately, he stepped into action. Sending a jolt at Ambrose just strong enough to get his hands off Esta, he sent another at the traveler to knock him out. Nothing more, nothing less. He couldn’t risk Ambrose breaking more from the first jolt, after all. That wouldn’t help anything.

--

All the while, his legs took him to Esta’s side, wrapping an arm to keep her upright. He couldn’t risk anything right now, not when looking at Esta brought back memories of someone he couldn’t think about right now. Not around Esta. Not in this situation. The healer was top priority here.

--

He looked at Esta, “He’ll be fine. He’s just going to sleep for a few hours, okay?”

--

Then, Amel turned to the opening of the tent, leading Esta that way and calling out. “Isabella! Need you to take Esta to the med tent, patch up her arm! Salen, Eni; get in here and make sure Ambrose doesn’t have a nightmare during his nap!”

*~*~*~*

“Okay, listen, I appreciate the offer to catch me and all, but for the record, only one squirrel has ever tripped me up, and it was because he was fucking invisible! How many invisible squirrels do you know? None, right? Really? That's pretty cool! It's because of how good of hunters and fliers they are, right? Or is it 'cause of how much I talk? I do talk a lot. Still, though, I'm honored to be named after such a grand bird!”

--

Blair chuckled lightly, “For your information, Katniss, I know plenty of invisible squirrels. I had to learn from someone, right?”

--

He paused, thinking for a moment. There were honestly multiple reasons why the gang had gone with Little Merlin as a nickname for the ranger. None that he really understood, if he was being honest.

--

So Blair shrugged, “Eh. It was because of you being a good ranger, it was also because of your close attachment to Eni, and probably some other reasons that I don’t know about.”