January 10th, ???? | 11:20-11:30 PM

G.A.F. 'KhorneAriethous'/N.R.V. | 16/17 | AB/B+ | Male | Pain Adren/High Intel | Both | C Demi(HML)/Pan | Mentions; The Others(Ind. & Dir.)

Nabih watched as Cal ran off to one of the bedrooms, hearing them jump onto the bed and then yell out that they were calling dibs on it… And watched TJ as he went around to go and check for anything, Nabih doubted that he would find much of anything though. The thing dragging the prices so low we’re fairly obvious. It was the downtown section of the city and a five minute walk from the train station, meaning anyone that stayed here would be able to hear every train and ran the risk of getting jumped or robbed.

--

He doubted that would happen to them, but it was something for him to keep in mind. Nabih looked back at the rest of the group, seeing Evie snag an outlet and one of the bunks. At least that was one and a half sleep arrangements done… Axel and Ethan both agreed about being fine to sleeping wherever, Tyler would probably want the futon to watch for thieves, and Leroy… Well Leroy said he’d be fine with pairing with him, and Nabih assured himself it was just because they weren’t giving anyone any chances about figuring out what he’d done. Just keeping his word. That was it.

--

He pretended to ignore the look Ethan sent Cal at Leroy’s words too, and the redness in his own cheeks. Instead, he focused on trying to figure out good pairings… Given how protective Tyler seemed to be already, plus how protective he was of Ethan it was probably a good idea to not anger the forest child and allow that to be a sleeping pair. As for who Cal would be sleeping with… Well, there was really only Aries and Axel left. And, if he were right about Cal, Axel would probably be the best bet. After all, the most important conversations always seem to happen when one should be sleeping but isn’t. And that left Aries with the remaining bunk.

--

Nabih nodded to himself and then looked at the group, ready to tell them of the arrangements. “Alright, I think I came up with the best possible sleeping arrangements. No worries, Cal, you get to keep the bed. Ethan and TJ; you two will take the futon. Cal and Axel will take the bed Cal has laid claims to. Evie will get a bunk to herself, for obvious reasons. Leroy and I will take the other bed… And then Aries will take the last bunk. Does that work with everyone?”

--

Aries would be honest… He hadn’t really been paying too much attention since they’d gotten to the suite, but hearing he’d get a cavity bunk to himself definitely caught his attention. He looked over to the hole in the wall, hollow and empty except for what seemed like rather excessive bed accessories to him. The bunk had a comforter, sheet, bedsheet, pillow, pillow sheet.

--

But what caught his eyes the most was how the bunk was enclosed on all but one side. The side someone got inside on. Regardless of how uncomfortable that made him feel though, he nodded at Nabih’s question. He could deal with his sleeping area not being in the middle of a room where he isn’t surrounded at all for a few nights, if that meant everyone else was comfortable. If that meant the more-so real people were comfortable.

January 10th, 23:30 - 23:37 PM

Cal ‘Collie’ Thi Lê | 16 | AB- | Male | Visions | Both | Questioning | M: Everyone (Dir)

Everyone filed into the room. Cal watched everyone enter the room as he tilted his head, still laying on his stomach. Leroy was talking about sleeping with Nabih and Cal groaned quietly to himself, already knowing what Ethan was about to say without translating it. Ignoring everything else going on, Cal could see Axel staring at him. At first, Cal thought Axel was about to say something, but Axel's eyes just remained on Cal and his lips didn’t move. He had an almost amused look and for some reason, that gave him an idea. Cal rolled on his back, placing his hands behind his head. Cal locked his eyes with Axel’s and gave a smug look.

“Do you like what you see, Axel?~” Cal teased. His smug composure quickly faded as he couldn’t suppress his laughter any longer. “I’m kiddin’, I’m kidding!” Cal had to readjust his hat as his hair poked out from under it. Cal took his signature NYC baseball cap off for once before running a hand smoothly through his dark brown hair that looked like a midnight color. He slapped his cap back on his head and sat up with a chuckle still leaving his lips from what he had said earlier. “You’re definitely looking at me like you’re tryin’ to flirt with me though. What? Am I just that entertaining to watch or somethin’?” Cal grinned widely as he looked at Axel. Even as he was sitting on the bed, Cal was still taller than Axel. “Well, I am glad I can keep you entertained at least!”

While listening to Nabih speak, he felt an overwhelming sense of dread.

Cal swung his legs off the side of the bed and his feet bounced slightly on the floor. Cal was anxious to get up and start moving for some reason. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to start to run, or something at least, away from this panic attack or whatever it was he was feeling rising in his chest. Maybe that was just his instincts he had gotten from all his time he spent doing track and field or maybe the walk to the hotel wasn’t long enough to walk off all the nerves he felt of moving yet again. It didn’t feel like his previous panic attacks he’s had though. Similar but just slightly different in a way that Cal couldn’t quite put his finger on. Either way, Cal just felt an overbearing pressure to leave for some reason. Like something, or someone, was squeezing his head to the point of his skull cracking under pressure and the only way out was to run. He just wanted to stand up and sprint out of the room because of the very reason. Cal had felt like this a few times before, but this time, he genuinely didn’t know why. Cal’s foot tapped silently on the floor while his eyes darted from Evie to Aries to Leroy and everyone else in the room. Normally, there’d be a trigger of some sort where Cal would burst out something along the lines of ‘Hey, I’m going to go get a breath of fresh air real quick. I’ll be right back so don’t miss me too much!’ and then leave the room for a few minutes, but now? Nothing happened. Everything was fine. His breathing was mostly normal and there was nothing nearby that put him on edge.

So why the hell am I panicking so much?

“Hey, Ima go stretch my legs out on the roof for a little, ‘kay?” Cal said abruptly, standing up before grabbing his shoulder and moving his arm in a circular motion as if to prove he was stretching. “I’ll be back in a minute so don’t go cryin’ that you’ll miss me. I am just gettin’ a breath of fresh air an all so I shouldn’t be long.” Cal picked up his bag and swung it back on his thin shoulders. “Oh, and Ethan-” Cal turned to glare at him with a goofy smile on his face- “don’t think you’ve won that argument.” Cal walked towards the door as he talked over his shoulder. “You know who I am bettin’ on and yer just scared I’m right!~” Cal stopped in the doorway and turned to look at Ethan fully. “And I know I am right about that. I am even willing to bet that other candy I have left in my bag!” Cal chuckled, loving it when he keeps everyone in the dark about the conversation. Especially since he wouldn’t be there to face the consequences of Leroy getting frustrated about people keeping information from him. Cal had already given one candy away to Ethan earlier today so he was just hoping he didn’t lose the bet. “Anywaaaaays! See ya!~” And just like that, Cal spun back around, waved over his shoulder, and walked out of Room 18C.

~~~

Cal was a bit out of breath from walking up the stairs. God, he hated stairs and his shitty asthma. He panted quietly as he dropped his bag at the foot of the parapet. He sat on the edge of the build, letting his legs swing softly in the wind over the sidewalk below. Cal took a long deep breath. In the dark, the highlights of a car driving past illuminated his face. Taking another slow breath in, from so high up, the air somehow felt fresher above the gloomy city. It was quiet, but the occasional car made the silence more bearable. His head was clearing a bit, but it still felt like a staticky radio struggling to function.

Cal’s head just felt wrong and way too loud.

Cal already had his pills today and he didn’t want to over do it like last time by taking a multitude of them. Plus, he couldn’t waste water just to swallow them down like Ethan was trying to suggest he do before. His hands twitched for something to fidget with something to do. Maybe one more pill couldn’t hurt? He’d have to be careful about wasting his pills since he had a limited amount, but just something to tie him over, something to calm his nerves, would be good. He swung one leg around so that his left leg was touching the roof of the building while the other still hung over the edge, loose laces lounging in the air, and reached for his torn bag. His bag itself looked very similar to his jacket because of all of the LGBTQA+ Ally pins, one or two Black Lives Matter patches, a single Stop Asian Hate pin, and several science and math pins, patches, and even stickers that were peeling away from time. The inside of the bag was worn too and the inside of it would look like a mess to anyone but him. Cal knew where the food was, where his knife and matches were, and, of course, his orange pill pack. Popping off the top, he poured the pill out and into his hand that had colorful band aids which covered his knuckles. Cal looked at the pill for a long moment before sighing almost silently.

Here goes nothing I guess.

Cal downed the pill. His lungs coughed for air pitifully as he struggled not to gag. Rubbing his throat, he knew it would be a little while for his head to clear so he decided he’d play a little game. Match Throwing. Cal used to play it all the time. You light a match and you flick it as far as you possibly can. The game is generally a game for more than one person and is like a coin flip in a way if you are in an argument with someone and need one or the other. Whoever throws it the farthest wins bragging rights. Or whatever it is people were arguing about beforehand. Even without someone else though, it was a fun little activity. After putting away the drug container, he grabbed his match box.

Match. Light. Flick.

Cal couldn’t help but think that he was useless to the group. His one damn job was to make sure everyone was happy and look at what he did instead. Ethan was hurt, Aries had a panic attack, and Leroy hated Cal, more than he did before. Somehow. Cal really just-

Match. Light. Flick.

-fucked everything up. Cal didn’t know how he fucked everything up with Matt to that point. And his parents? Well, his dad was a four-eyed shit and his mom was-

Match. Light. Flick.

-the sweetest kindest friends ever. And he abandoned them. All of them… He didn’t try hard enough to get back to them. He should have tried harder. And Ben and Jackson? Oh, god they deserved-

Match. Light.

-so. Much. Better.

Cal was doing so much better now in the same sense that everything was worse. His hands- his entire body- shook violently as he glared at the match in his hand. He had quite literally burned through half his matches, but this one match, this one match, he felt too angry and too depressed to flick. Cal just stared at the small flame and slowly zoned out, forgetting for a minute that he was sitting on the edge of the Hotel building.

“… and that’s Draco’s story!” Ben beamed, a grin shaping his freckled face as he let his hands rest by his side after pointing at the constellation.

“Jesus, Ben, how do you know all this stuff?” Jackson laughed, shaking his head. He was also smiling which was good. He rarely smiled so it was nice to see him happy.

Cal had zoned out of the conversation and started to listen to the two converse only at the end of their conversation. It was kind of sad Cal missed most of it. He would have loved to hear Ben gush on and on about it. They were all laying in the grass behind Ben’s yard, looking up at the stars. Cal could practically feel all the bugs that wanted to climb onto him and bite him, but he didn’t honestly care. It was a peaceful night and fireflies buzzed about, shining almost as brightly as the stars above. A cool summer breeze washed over them all, and Cal could have sworn he heard everyone sigh simultaneously.

“Do you guys ever think about the future and shit?”

“What?” Cal asked, sitting up to look down at Ben who still observed the stars. Ben had just said it out of nowhere and even Jackson raised an eyebrow silently.

“You know, like, destiny,” Ben continued. “Do you guys even believe in that?” Ben paused before sitting up and grinning again. “What do you think we are destined to be?”

“Fuck, man. I don’t know,” Cal grumbled, falling back into the soft grass. It was some of the only good grass in Pency so Cal might as well enjoy it. “Destiny and the future is all too…,” Cal paused for a long moment to think of the word, “bị mờ?”

“Blurred?” Jackson asked. Jackson was a damn smart guy. For all the sports he did, you would have thought he would be jock-like and dumb, but he was so damn smart that Jackson knew like three languages. He wasn’t great at Vietnamese, but he was still better than most.

“Yeah, blurred.”

“Well, I believe destiny exists,” Ben mumbled. Cal chuckled faintly and Ben instantly glared at him. “What? What’s so funny, Collie??”

“Of course youuuu believe in destiny,” Cal laughed, “Mr. The-Moon-Landing-Was-Faked.”

“Okay, Collie, that was one time and you know it!”

“Ignore him,” Jackson said, punching Cal’s arm lightly as Cal yelped. “Continue.”

“I think I am just destined to go to space,” Ben said. He was eager to say this that he basically cut Jackson off. Just about everyone in the whole damn school- no, the galaxy- knew Ben wanted to go to space. “I just have to, you know? Who knows,” Ben was grinning like crazy as he stopped looking at the two and looked up at the moon, “maybe I’ll be the first man to the moon.” Ben looked back to Cal with a smirk. “‘cause the moon land was faked, of course.”

“You dork!!” Cal said through a fit of laughter.

“What’d you call me, Collie Boy??”

“Dork dork, dorkity dork dork!”

“Last chance…”

“Adorable dork!~”

Cal giggled manically as Ben glared with a very red face at the compliment. He looked like he was the Fourth of July with how much he looked to be on fire. Finally, after a long quiet moment Ben grumbled under his breath, ‘Okay that’s it,’ before launching an attack. Cal squealed as Ben wrapped his arm around Cal’s neck and ruffled his hair to the point of his NYC cap falling off. Cal elbowed Ben in the side but both of them were laughing like crazy.

“I think I believe in destiny.”

Both Cal and Ben stopped. Had Jackson, one of the smartest men in the whole school who believed only in 100% fact and was probably the guy in Christmas movies who lost the Christmas spirit, just said that? There was no possible way that this was true. There was no way, right?

“I believe everyone has a destiny and it just depends whether you follow your destiny or not,” Jackson said with a half hearted strug as the other two sat up and stared. Jackson kept his gaze away from the two though. “If it is one dude’s destiny to… to end up like his dad and abandon his future family, to live in poverty, to not play college er professional sports, er to not get a good education er evena scholarship to help pay off them college tuition which will be ass to try to pay for either way in his state, but the guy really wants all of that, then maybe, for his younger sister and mom, he can get those things.” Jackson went quiet after that, sitting up and hugging one knee to his chest. Ben looked at Cal, and Cal felt a knot form in his throat that enabled him from speaking. Jackson was talking about himself.

“So what about your destiny then?” Ben asked. All three of them were sitting up now, things had gotten serious and instead of looking at the stars they were all looking at each other finally. “If you- or this dude- defies his old destiny, what’s his new one?”

“Get a good job,” Jackson started, “get a nice house, get my- or this one guy’s- mom from working in the streets and in a shitty job that doesn’t appreciate her, and get the guy’s little sis to college where she can get her dream job as a veterinarian.”

“That sounds like a good ass destiny,” Cal said, giving a soft, comforting smile to Jackson.

“Yeah, well, it’s whatever I guess. More like a dream or too much optimism.” Jackson hesitated and looked back up at the stars. “So how about ya, Cal?”

“Me? Well… ehhh…”

“Yeah, come on, Collie Boy!” Ben interjected. “You haven’t said a damn thing!!”

“Benny, give him a chance to talk, willya?” Jackson chuckled before gently punching Cal’s shoulder in a playful manner. “Just keep yappin’, Cal.”

Cal thought for a long moment. What the hell was he even supposed to say? Cal chewed his lip for a long moment. Nothing came to him, so he decided he’d just say whatever came to mind.

“I… think I believe in destiny. But… But what if your destiny is to lose your one goal in life? To lose everything. What if your destiny is to never reach your true potential or your true destiny? Are there some people who are destined to have bad things happen to them to the point where they lose faith? Hope? What if my destiny is to stare from afar as my true destiny lies waiting ahead of me but always just out of my reach?”

“I think you’ll reach it, Cal.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. If I can go to space, you can do whatever it is that you want to!” Ben paused before both Jackson and Ben looked at Cal. “What do you think you’re destined for, Collie Boy?”

“I don’t know but maybe…” Cal took a deep breath as he looked at his palms, the grass beneath him, and his feet. Smiling, he looked up at the stars. “I think I am destined for-”

Pain. Searing pain ate at his fingers.

“Shit!” Cal screeched. Dropping the match off the edge of the building and onto the sidewalk, he had just realized that the match was burning his fingers. He swore in Vietnamese as he flailed his hand about wildly to try and cool it off. Cal brought his hand to his chest and cradled it as he blew cool air on his cut. He shoved the match box back in his bag with one hand and fished around for his band-aids, looking for something he could cover his fingers so that Axel or Aries or the others didn’t worry.

So much for trying to clear my head…

January 10th, ??? / 11:20-11:45

Leroy Hall/Ethan Brimstone/Axel Founte

16/B-/O/A/Male/Trans male/Water/Aura Sensing/Quicker Healing/Both/Pansexual/Gay/Asexual Panromantic

“Do you like what you see, Axel?~ I’m kiddin’, I’m kidding! You’re definitely looking at me like you’re tryin’ to flirt with me though.” Axel was quick to turn bright red, eyes dropping to the floor in embarrassment. The flirtatious, amused smile was so familiar, Apollo had done the same thing so long ago (on a less dramatic scale, admittedly. Axel didn’t think anyone could quiet match the level of drama that was Cal.), and Axel simply didn’t handle flirting very well. “What? Am I just that entertaining to watch or somethin’? Well, I am glad I can keep you entertained at least!”

"I- Ummm-" Axel stuttered, giving up his attempt to speak after a moment, his face the color of a tomato.

Ethan snickered, eyes bright with amusement.

“Oh, and Ethan- don’t think you’ve won that argument. You know who I am bettin’ on and yer just scared I’m right!~ And I know I am right about that. I am even willing to bet that other candy I have left in my bag!” The mute smiled playfully.

'Looks like I'll be getting some candy then.'

He tapped, highly amused as Cal walked out. When he was gone, E's eyes returned to Axel, the poor guy was still obviously flustered.

"I-I think I-I'm g-gonna-" He pointed to the room he and Cal were now sharing and disappeared, half-way hiding his face as he closed the door behind him.

Ethan laughed silently and shook his head, looking to Tyler, who would be his roommate. The guy seemed to be searching for aliens or some shit in the closets. Sighing, the mute walked over and tugged at his sleeve, raising a pointed eyebrow. TJ could be as suspicious as he wanted, but Ethan wasn't going to let him sleep in a closet.

---

Leroy watched everything silently, taking in the way Axel flushed and Ethan and Cal joked. Sure, outwardly everything was fine, but inside Leroy felt an uneasy tug. The same way he had felt right before his sister, Cherry, fell out of a tree and broke her arm, and then again when his other sister, Meadow, fell ill and had to go to the ER. And, of course, he had felt it the most strongly right before… the accident.

Leroy wasn’t a very emotional person, at least not openly, but he had a strong gut instinct, and it was never a good idea to ignore it.

After about five minutes, Leroy excused himself. “Going out. Be back soon.” Was all he said, slipping out of the suite and closed the door behind him, hiking up the stairs to reach the roof. It took him about two minutes to reach the top, and thanks to his good health and rather unhealthy habit of pushing his body to the absolute limit when exercising, he was barely out of breath when he reached the top. He spotted Calvin easily, sitting right on the edge of the building, legs dangling. Leroy clinched his fists nervously. That certainly wasn’t a good position to be in, if Leroy scared him it was possible that Cal would simply fall.

Not good at all.

After a long moment of weighing his options, Leroy took a deep breath and walked to the edge of the roof, seating himself next to Cal, at this distance he could easily reach out and grab the other if he decided to do something stupid- though based on the state of his hand, he already had.

“I leave you for five minutes and you manage to hurt yourself.” Leroy grunted, staring out at the city below.

It really was beautiful, in its own grim, gray way. But then, everything could be beautiful if you made it, right? You just had to look at it the right way. That’s what Roman had always said, anyway, he always had a way of seeing things differently than everyone else. He was sad, yes, but he found ways to dig himself out, just for little bits at a time. Sometimes through writing, sometimes through words, and sometimes just through sitting under a tree and weaving flower crowns while he thought.

That’s how Leroy remembered his little brother, sitting under a large oak tree in the city park, wind tossing his chestnut hair into his pretty eyes, bright sunlight illuminating his thoughtful face while he stared into the emptiness of space with a slight smile and his hands moved mindlessly, weaving and twisting. He was so kind and thoughtful, understanding the world in a way Leroy doubted he’d ever be able to.

For a moment, the larger male closed his eyes and inhaled the musty air, just taking in the memory, then he opened his eyes again and finally looked over at Cal.

“I didn’t apologize for earlier.” He said. “I’m sorry, really. I didn’t mean to yell. At you or Axel. I was angry over nothing. Suppose it's a habit, defending myself.” Leroy shrugged and shifted, looking back over the city and leaning back on his hands. “I don’t hate you, for the record. The only person in the group I hate is myself, and that doesn’t really count. Trust me, if I hated you I’d leave. There you go, I’ve ranted to you. Your turn. Why are you really up here, and if you’re gonna try to play shit off as a joke forget it. I’m more observant than you’d think and I’m not dealing with that. I came up here to help, I failed at doing so once, don’t let me do it again.”

---

Axel sat down on the floor in his and Cal’s room, leaning against the bed and finally calming down now that he was alone. Of course, that calm didn’t last for long.

‘They don’t really care about you.’

‘You’re just a burden.’

‘They don’t need you.’

As per usual, the voices were back, Axel’s meds were wearing off. That was fine though, he had something to make it stop! It would take a few minutes, but he had the temporary antidote, it was fine!

Axel grabbed his bag from where he’d put it at the side of the bed and started rummaging through the pockets.

‘Useless.’

Not there.

‘Freak.’

Not there either.

‘They’re using you.’

Last pocket.

‘Failure.’

Fuck.

‘Loser.’

The image came to him in a rush, two orange pill bottles sitting on the counter at home, antidepressants and anxiety pills both. As he reached for them his mothers voice interrupted.

“Axel, sweetheart, where are you going?”

The feeling of surprise and confusion at her voice, and the guilt about what he was doing. Well, here was his punishment.

‘Give up!’

With the realization came panic. Blind, painful panic, climbing up his throat and clawing at his chest. It was hard to think, hard to breathe, hard to see.

Nonononononono.

‘Pathetic.’

There had to be something to stop it, something to make the voice be quiet again. Axel couldn’t handle this, he couldn’t deal with the screaming and the pressure that was pushing down on him, squeezing his body from the inside out, ripping him apart.

‘You mean nothing.’

A split second of silence, then an idea.

Genius.

Axel started tearing through his bag again.

Please...

‘They hate you.’

Just this one thing...

‘Everyone hates you.’

To make it stop.

His hand wrapped around the smoothe wood, carved with delicate designs and small enough to fit in your pocket.

‘You deserve it.’

Thank you.

He took it out and flicked it open, the sharpened blade glinting evilly in the dim lamplight. One stroke, then two. Axel stared at the red jewels as the slid down his arm, feeling the dull pain.

‘Good.’

The silent realization of what he’d just done.

Shit.

The knife fell from his grip and Axel pulled his arm close to his chest, he curled himself into a ball and started to sod. He hadn’t meant to do that, it was all an accident. This was not good.

I’m sorry.

January 10th, ??? / 11:40-11:55PM

Eva "Evie" Yates

16/A/Female/Uncontrolled Strength/Both/Bisexual/Mentions: Everyone

tap

tap

tap

ta- BING

Evie bounced her foot rapidly, picking her phone back up as soon as the charge reached 5%. Tapping on the tiny screen, her thumbs threatening to bust a hole through the delicate glass, the girl quickly typed out a message. The piece of shi- er, recipient in question eagerly replying to her message within seconds, 'ShadowThunderGod's usual nature of 'nice guy' appearing in full force. "It's too fucking LATE to deal with this prick." The unabashed scowl on her face betrayed her thoughts as she tapped out yet another response. "40000 Inti?! What the hell, that's bullshit!" Typing out a long, rather colorfully worded paragraph telling him exactly where he could stick his scamming butt before sighing as she deleted it all replacing it with a simple "k." "One YEAR of grinding gone in three minutes." Letting out a sigh, Eva stood up once more, looking up from her phone only to discover the majority of their group gone off. The sound of clanking metal in the kitchen and shuffling in the rooms was the only evidence that she was not alone in the hotel.

Glancing over at her phone once more, scowling as it lit up once more with a message notification, Eva stretched a bit as she walked towards the kitchen, sore from the (admittedly brief) walk up the stairs earlier. Approaching the room, Eva stopped in her tracks as the black-haired forest crawler came from the doorway, bowl in hand. "Made lunch," he said as he lifted the spoon to his mouth. Eva scoffed, grabbing one of the paper plates and filling it with the mushy-looking substance. "The hell is this stuff?" Eva mumbled, the word for the food escaping her the longer she stared at it. The beige food differed greatly from her usual meal of convenience store food. Staring at it a bit longer than needed, Eva grabbed a plastic spoon and dipped it into the food, and let it cool down a bit. "Hey, Tree Boy. Where the heck did those guys go anyway. Dang, this tastes ALMOST halfway decent, ya know, for a hippie." Shrugging, the girl chewed the stuff. The taste of it was...odd, sweet in some places and bland in others, both crunchy and soft in a strange sort of way. It wasn't anything special, especially the taste, but as the warmth enveloped her mouth, she stopped chewing.

Sitting in the dark, illuminated only by the unnatural light from her phone, pulling the soggy noodles from the cup and shoveling them into her mouth. Burning filled her mouth and throat as she ate. The girl barely acknowledged the burn, blank eyes staring at the screen as her thumbs tapped mechanically.

The memory of her routine ran through her mind. Days, weeks, YEARS of this flashed within a second, the same every day (well when she cared enough to eat). Eva blinked her eyes open, having shut them tight at some point. She stared across the living room, fluorescent light streaming across it as a train loudly rattled somewhere in the distance before returning her eyes to the food, half of it missing already.

Laughing to herself, Eva scooped up more of the mush. "Heh, guess I know why this room was 20 bucks. Shitty view, shitty location, it fits that we're adding shitty food." Her typical smug voice breaking slightly, shocking her as her features scrunched up in confusion. Reaching up to touch her face only proved to shock her more, wetness clinging to her fingers as she pulled them away from her face. Crying, for the first time in uncountable years, Eva was crying. Bullying, betrayal, loneliness, hadn't made her shed a single tear. And yet, a bowl of (arguably) the worst food she had ever eaten dragged the tears out. The tears ran faster than her sleeve could wipe away, the droplets became indistinguishable from one another as they evolved into streams. Chocked-out sobs escaped her desperately shut lips as years of emotion spilled out into a single moment.

January 10th, ???? | 11:20-11:30 PM

G.A.F. 'KhorneAriethous'/N.R.V. | 16/17 | AB/B+ | Male | Pain Adren/High Intel | Both | C Demi(HML)/Pan | Mentions; The Others(Ind. & Dir.)

As people started to settle down and move about, Nabih decided to sit down at the counter bar and scroll through his phone for potential jobs. He’d found a website a month or two before the trip itself, so it was just the best idea to go ahead and look through it. He trusted the people around him enough to not do anything too stupid immediately after they arrived…

--

Not like he could really get onto them if they did, though. Not with his little episode on the train. Now that he was practically alright again, he was truly feeling the guilt that came with what he’d done. He’d been sober for at least a year, and yet- Yet being in a room with vodka for less than half an hour was enough to do him in. It probably didn’t help that he’d actually spent the time he was recovering avoiding drinks at all cost, he never let himself get used to the idea of being in close proximity to it again. But still! That wasn’t an excuse. Tonight, it was vodka. Tomorrow? Who knew! Given his history, it could literally be anything.

--

He forced his thoughts back to his phone, trying to focus on what he was actually trying to do. But god- He was practically the main cause in Ethan’s panic attack today. Or at the very least, he hadn’t helped. At all. He knew Ethan couldn’t deal with the smell of alcohol, and yet- Yet- He was such a bad friend. He hadn’t been there for anyone this entire time… He was supposed to be able to help them, he was supposed to be the one who didn’t have any issues.

--

He huffed to himself and decided to simply stare at the screen of his phone, scrolling aimlessly as to not seem too out of it. He’d be fine. He just needed to get over this one rough patch and he’d be able to be better. Be a better friend, be a better person.

--

Gwyar stared at the cavity bunk, trying to decide if he should sit down or stay standing. On one hand, he could sit and everyone wouldn’t be worried. He’d alread worried them enough for one lifetime, after all. On the other hand… The more he stared at the bunk…

--

It clawed, walls on all sides but one- The one where it had been taken into the room to begin with. Gray, gray on every side. It clawed the walls, back hitting a wall and sinking into it before flinching away. It was trapped. It was caged. It was in a cage. It couldn’t get out, it couldn’t leave. They were going to come back and it would have to follow and- And everything was loud, the sounds were deafening. It punched a wall. Which wall? It couldn’t tell- They were all the same, all the same. It continued punching anyways, until it’s knuckles were black and blue and red, and the way out was opening and for a split second it considered backing itself into a corner again.

--

He sucked in a breath and blinked away the memory, quickly regaining his composure. He couldn’t- He couldn’t stand here, not with the voices already getting louder to try and suck himself back into everything. He scratched at his arm through his sleeve idly, before blinking away the remaining gray and taking in a breath. He needed to sit down… Somewhere… Somewhere that wasn’t enclosed.

--

Nabih looked up when TJ mentioned lunch. It was literally 11 at night… Then again, Tyler wasn’t exactly the most cultured about society and it’s social construct of time. He stood up and got himself a bowl of the concoction that Tyler made, giving a half smile at Evie’s skepticism. He trusted TJ enough to not poison them… At least not on purpose. He began eating, just barely holding laughter because- Holy heck, Evie was right. The taste was off, but not. It was strange. It wasn’t inedible though, so he’d give Tyler that.

--

Nabih looked over to Ariethous, who had been staring at the cavity bunk up until now. “Hey, you should come eat too. Quite honestly, all of us should be eating right now.”

--

Gwyar looked over to Nabih when he was spoken to, eyebrow raising in suspicion. He forced a grin and walked over though, eyeing the food and the group… Cal wasn’t inside, neither was Leroy. Axel wasn’t there either. Cal and Axel were probably in their room together already, Leroy was probably in his room… He could take two bowls to Cal and Axel, that way the food would be going to more important people instead of someth- someone like him.

--

So, with that thought, he made two bowls of whatever Tyler had made and then went towards Axel and Cal’s room, only hearing a muffled version of whatever Evie was saying at the moment.

--

Nabih looked up in confusion at the tone of Evie’s voice, looking over to see the girl crying. He tensed and placed his bowl of food down. He hesitated only for a split second before going over to Eva, putting a hand on her shoulder to ground her and looking at her. He’d done this before, when they first met years ago. When Nabih still hadn’t been clean or sober or anything good. Eva was practically what made him try and go into rehab, that and seeing how Val was towards Ethan. Eva probably didn’t remember his more high state, and he hoped that what he was doing now wouldn’t trigger any memories of it. It would probably be fine, even he had trouble remembering how he was before… At times…

--

“Hey, hey… Eva, Eva. It’s alright, okay? Everything will be fine. We’re already out of that town, chapter one of our life done and part two starting soon. Chapter two will be better, I promise. This isn’t some video game where each chapter gets worse and worse to prepare us for the final boss. Neither is it like a movie where the sequel is somehow always worse. I promise, alright? You remember that promise I made before? When we first started this group? That everything would change for the better someday? That day is on the horizon, it’s coming up and everything will be good. Everything will change and it’ll be good. The first few days might be… Crappy… But, I promise, it’ll get better. It will get better.” He kept his eyes on her for a few more seconds before pulling her into a hug, she deserved this much and more. She probably needed this too anyways. Everything would be fine. He’d make sure of it. He’s taken care of the group this far, so what if he relapses- As long as everyone else is okay, he’d be willing to deal to others if it meant the rest of the group would be okay. He’d dealt before, he could do it again. It may take a while to get into touch with his old sources, but he could do it.

--

Gwyar opened the door to Axel and Cal’s room, immediately noting that there was only one person in the room, curled into a ball. Axel. His ears picked up on the noises that differed from the static and the voices. Crying. He quickly came to a conclusion. Axel was crying. Why? He placed the bowls on the dresser by the door and walked over, slowly. He didn’t want to frighten the smaller, sicker boy.

--

He wasn’t sure how the boy’s position could possibly be comfortable. The position seemed too… Too enclosed. He wasn’t sure how Axel didn’t feel trapped sitting like that. But that didn’t matter right now- What did was the fact that Axel was crying and nobody else was open to help at the moment. So he went over and sat next to him, very quickly noticing how the sickly boy was holding their arm to their chest.

--

And then he saw the knife. The bloody knife. A flash of pain as the voices screamed at him, he pushed the flash down and tuned out the voices. Axel was crying, not only was he crying but he was hurt. His hand reacted before his mind could keep up, flicking the pocket knife away with his fingers. He still had his dagger with him, if they were attacked they’d be fine. But… They were alone, and his mind could only come up with one thing that could’ve happened. He decided that what happened wasn’t important right now. Not when Axel was hurt. Dealing with the wound would have to be the top priority.

--

He slowly put his hand on Axel’s shoulders, taking the hand that was connected to the injured arm into his own. Slowly, very slowly so as to not startle him, Gwyar moved Axel’s arm away from the sickly boy’s body. Two cuts, relatively long but also relatively shallow. That was lucky. He paused for only a second before removing his hand from Axel’s shoulder and grabbing his Jambiya dagger from his belt. He moved the dagger and cut a bit off of his own clothing, he didn’t have a first aid kit right now nor did he have any bandages so this would have to do.

--

He sheathed his dagger again, hoping that he’d done everything quickly enough that Axel wouldn’t have noticed the stain of dried blood on the weapon. The boy was probably too out of everything to have noticed anyways. He grabbed the line of clothing he’d cut off and, using one hand, he tied the cloth around Axel’s arm as comfortably as he could get the fabric without losing any of the effect. He hoped that would work as a temporary bandage.

--

After doing that, he paused for a moment. He wasn’t one for physical comfort, the hugs always felt too invasive and he still had to call Jacob to let him know where he was. But… The bowl of food. He could at least give Axel that. He stood slowly and went over to the dresser he’d left the bowls on, grabbing one of them and then walking over to Axel and handing the food to him. “You should eat.” And then after a moment of thoughts he spoke again. “Do you want your bear back?”

--

The bear was Axel’s. And Gwyar still had his bag with him… He could very easily grab the bear from his bag and give the stuffed animal back to Axel. In fact, now that the thought had planted… He turned and opened his bag, the mythology book catching his eyes for a split second before he found what he was actually looking for, grabbing the bear and then scooting the animal over to Axel. “Here.”

--

He felt like he should apologize, for not being able to do more. But… He was truly terrible at comforting people, he just hoped that the food, bear, and makeshift bandages would help. He shifted how he was sitting, knocking the pocket knife further away with his foot as he did so. He paused for a moment, hesitating. He wanted to help more but… He stood up, biting his lip before forcing a smile. “Be safe, Axel. Don’t wanna end up like the golden boys, now do you?”

--

A play on Greek mythology. Apollo and his lovers, the golden boys. Both of which ended up dead and victims of pedophillia. He wasn’t too sure why he thought of something related to Apollo, the sun god wasn’t usually his first choice… Ones about the Trojan war, the Argonauts, the Minotaur, and one that truly hit far too close to home… But for some reason, Apollo had managed to worm inside his head, he just hoped Axel got the reference and that he didn’t look completely stupid.

--

He left the room, not wanting to see how Axel reacted. Not wanting to see if he got the reference or not. He didn’t take the other bowl with him, since he had already planned on the food being Cal’s. He saw Nabih comforting Evie as he came back from the room, and glanced around awkwardly before grabbing the pack of cigarettes he’d brought with him, his phone, and his lighter; giving Tyler a look that said that he’d be back later.

--

Gwyar left the hotel room, going downstairs and deciding to take a walk. If he was mugged, he still had his dagger on him and could most certainly take someone on. He wasn’t too worried. He needed a smoke and he needed to call Jacob. Why not hit two birds with one stone? He lighted a cigarette as he pulled up Jacob’s contact. After taking a quick drag and pocketing the pack, he pressed the call button, starting to walk down the sidewalk. He wouldn’t go too far, he’d seen a park on the way to the hotel though, so he’d go there. He began in that direction, taking a deep breath as he put the phone to his ear and waited for the device on the other end to be picked up.

Cal ‘Collie’ Thi Lê | 16 | AB- | Male | Visions | Both | Questioning | M: Leroy (Dir)

Cal sat, holding his hand as he glared at his hand. He hated that he was so careless. Now everyone was going to come and-

Cal almost slipped off the side of the building as Leroy interrupted his thought about how bad it would be if someone saw him with his cut. How con-fucking-venient. Cal chewed his busted lip as Leroy said something along the lines of ‘You stupid idiot somehow managed to get hurt. Good going Cal.’ Yeah, this was just the thing he needed now of all times.

“I don’t need your health concerns, Dad,” Cal said with a scoff. He curled into a tight ball on the edge. He glared down at the city below as cars went by. The silence was uncomfortable and disturbing. Leroy just sat there. The lamppost flickered and it was as if time itself had stopped. Cal was reminded that the world was still moving every time he heard a crow on a distant building or heard a car slowly make its way through the silent night streets. How was Leroy not even made uneasy by the quietness of it all? Until he came out, there were cars and other things to entertain him, but as soon as good ol’ Leroy came out it was dead silent. Like someone killed the city itself. To make matters worse, the light that had illuminated his face was slowly going out as people began to close up shop. Cal turned his head and glared at Leroy as if this was all his fault. It wasn’t Leroy’s doing, if Cal was being nice, but it was nice to blame someone. Cal stood abruptly and began walking on the edge of the building as if it were a tightrope and he was a clown forced to walk on it, sticking his hands out to keep his balance. “Well, no need to worry about me. I ain’t doing drugs, I wasn’t drinking or smoking either,” Cal said this as he turned his head back to Leroy slightly as if to hint about Nabih and Aries, “and I wasn’t well… doing…,” Cal tore his eyes away from Leroy and looked down to the ground far below and almost lost his balance for a moment as he looked at how long of a fall it was, “you know.” Cal spun dramatically like you might see the ringleader of a circus doing in the climax of the show before throwing his arms up in the air. “And as you can see, I am perfectly fucking fine!!”

That’s when Leroy surprised him by saying something he never thought Leroy would say.

‘I didn’t apologize for earlier.’

Cal stopped, looking at him with an almost confused expression. Was Leroy really saying this? Cal stepped down off the parapet and onto the roof before walking back over to Leroy. Cal silently sat back down and listened. Did Leroy really mean this? The part about him apologizing could be brushed off as Nabih or Axel telling him to go do so, but him saying that Leroy, Leroy of all people, didn’t hate Cal? That seemed like a fantasy. Not at all plausible. But Leroy just said that and it sounded true. Cal turned away and looked at his red sneakers as if to avoid that truth. He swallowed hard and hoped deep down that he was saying the truth, but a big part of him whispered that it was all lies.

Now Leroy was saying that it was Cal’s turn to rant, but boy would Cal rather have jumped in that instance.

First and foremost, of course he couldn’t lie straight to Leroy’s face. Cal was a great liar, but even he knew that, despite his skill, Leroy would totally sniff out his fibs like a bloodhound. Half of the group knew his lying techniques. Second, he absolutely couldn’t tell Leroy about Ben and Jackson. He would have to be insane to do that. Even if he trusted Leroy to the ends of the Earth, it would take a lot more trust for Cal to even mention those two to him. It’s not that Cal didn’t trust his friends, but it wouldn’t be the first time a friend had betrayed him. But if he didn’t mention them, Cal would be lying and Leroy would call bluff and everything would go to shit. Cal had been thinking of other stuff, such as the deaths of his friends, something he refused to talk about at the moment, Matt, yet another thing he’d rather not say much about, and the fact that Cal was useless to his friends, which would just get Cal nowhere. But what else had Cal been thinking about that he could bring up? Then he finally remembered the pain in his back and jaw and his busted lip.

Bingo.

“They weren’t always monsters,” Cal spoke in a quiet whisper an a small broken smile. “My parents, I mean.” Cal threw his head back with a bitter laugh to look up at the stars and the constellations above. “They didn’t always use to beat me or talk shit or force me to hide everything behind that stupid fake, phony smile. The funniest thing is they were good parents and good people before.” Cal paused, his smile drooping. “I don’t know what happened to them. Whether it was smoking or drinking or moving or what have you, they got worse.” Cal glanced at Leroy, but found that looking at him just made it harder to speak. As long as he kept his gaze away, Cal wouldn’t have to face Leroy. Or the harsh, hurtful reality. Cal plastered back on a smile. “They were funny, sweet, and all the other good parent shit. When I was younger-” Cal took his worn and faded NYC baseball hat off his head and let his burned and bandaged fingers brush over the stitches and fabric- “they gave me this cap that was like, fifty times my size back then. ‘Wear it everyday!’ they said.” Cal tried his best to imitate his dad’s voice. “‘It’ll give you good luck and make you popular with the ladies!!’” Cal laughed softly to himself as he looked at the hat. Even despite looking at the hat, it was as if he was looking past it and to his memories as he fell silent for a brief moment. “Part of me wishes… Part of me- I should have stayed.” Cal swallowed hard before reluctantly putting his hat back on. “It would be easier to have them pay for school then whichever school we go to soon where we will have to say that we have been homeschooled or something. Plus, I could have gone to a good college like they wanted me to to uphold their high expectations and the status they care so deeply about, move away, and then never think of them again. I should have just… stayed.” Cal let his own words sink in before his eyes briefly went wide with fear.

“Oh shit. Leroy, they’re gonna come after me.” Cal rolled up into a tight ball, rocking himself slightly. “They’re gonna-goin’ ta fuckin’ hunt me down, I know it! And they’ll bring the shotgun and the- the pistol and-and-and-” they’ll kill all of you. Cal swallowed hard before slowly realizing just how heavily he was breathing. Cal paused, his lips trembling slightly before he laughed quietly realizing just how insane he sounded to Leroy probably. Good god he hated this now. First it just started as something to say other than Ben and Jackson and then Cal’s own fears, which he was well aware of before, became a bit too overwhelming all at once. He probably should have held off on a second pill because it sometimes fucks with him like this. “Fuck, I am such a… a helluva mess, aren’t I? If they do come…” Cal paused for a moment, biting his thumb nail anxiously as he looked up at the stars. “When they come for me, I should just let them take me, huh?

Cal ‘Collie’ Thi Lê | 16 | AB- | Male | Visions | Both | Questioning | M: Leroy (Dir)

Before Cal realized it, Leroy was hugging him and pulling him away from the ledge when he started getting a little too stressed about his parents. Cal definitely needed the hug and it was evident in how he relaxed right away into him. He should have expected Leroy to pull him away from the parapet, but it still took him by surprise. Cal was used to his friends joining him on the roof and chilling with him, but Cal guessed Leroy was still not used to full-up-city-rat-Cal mode. Honestly? He was a bit sad when Leroy let go, but it made Cal hang onto the words Leroy had said and actually process a bit more of it. Especially the part about him trying to fight Cal’s parents.

Wait, had Leroy actually said that?

This was Cal’s fucked up foreshadowing kicking in. He’d seen it all before. A friend who promises they’ll protect Cal and yet Cal is the one who should have protected them. Three times this has happened. After the second time, Cal recognized the pattern a little too late. To make matters worse, Leroy was promising to protect Cal from his parents which was laughable at best. It wasn’t that Leroy wasn’t strong or anything, since he was strong and badass as fuck in Cal’s eyes, but it is kind of hard to compete with two gun wielding psychos. These were the same intelligent and brilliant mother fuckers who decided shooting two shotgun shells into Cal’s phone was a bright idea, who thought burning the fire alarms would be a good idea for when they decide to smoke up the entire house so they didn’t deal with the alarms, and who thought that Cal’s friends were glorified walking bullseyes for them to shoot.

Leroy was going to die, wasn’t he?

Even though his parents weren’t the real reason he had come up here to get a breather, they were making him stress more. God, all of his fuck-ups and mistakes could be relayed back to them, couldn’t it? But that isn’t important. He needed to distract himself from facing reality. Especially when the reality of it all is that there is a strong possibility that Leroy might die. So Cal did what he does best: ramble. Ramble about something he was thinking about earlier. And what was Cal thinking about earlier? Well that takes a minute to explain.

Back on the train, Cal briefly saw the old arcade. It was the 80’s style arcade he and his friends used to go to. The one with the neon purple and green lights and a great laser tag area that was teaming with the smell of sweaty teens and sticky popcorn and it was overflowing with old memories. Cal knew it was fake, the arcade he had seen on the train that is, but maybe that’s how his mind previously wandered to a memory of Ben and Jackson. Probably not, but it was a possible pity. Cal, Ben, and Jackson were an infamous trio. The three musketeers. You couldn’t mention one of them without the other two. The three of them were… Cal had… Well, Cal’s relationship with those two wasn’t important right now. But the memory. The memory of him and his… best friends talking about their future and destiny. That memory made him realize that, after leaving Pency, he had no clue about his future nor what he even wanted. Hell, a few months ago, he hadn’t planned on even having a future. And with all these screw ups lately, Cal was not in the best mindset so why not ask an equally depressing question. Plus, it reflected how he felt his future was going to be at the moment. Which is what brought him to asking Leroy the question he did.

‘Do you think I am destined to fail at everything?’

Cal was genuinely concerned for what Leroy would say. On one hand, Leroy could admit the truth the he, like everyone else, knew Cal would be a colossal fuck up. On the other hand, Leroy could lie to him and say that Cal was going to be okay. Knowing Leroy though, there was no way in this shithole that Leroy would say Cal was not destined for failure. Cal didn’t even expect Leroy to even care about destiny.

And yet he did.

Hoooooooly fuck.

Listening to Leroy talk about destiny of all things made it seem like he was a different person entirely from the kid who was rightfully pissed multiple times at Cal only a little while ago. He seemed kinder. More gentle for once. It was calming to see Leroy not overreacting and it was nice to know that there was maybe a small part of Leroy that didn’t hate Cal. Hearing Leroy talk about this friend he knew, reminded Cal of something and at every pause between sentences. Cal felt the strong urge to just hug him. Cal guessed that the memory probably hurt to think about and hugs could help, but Leroy wasn’t really big on hugs, was he? Cal just looked at him, not really in pity or mourning, but more in understanding and awe as the more Leroy talked. He had a surprisingly large amount in common with Leroy. It was nice to know he wasn’t alone in this. Leroy stood after a moment, extending a hand to Cal.

‘If something happens, I’ve got your back.’

God, he nearly teared up at that. Instead, Cal grinned wildly, showing his real smile as he took Leroy’s hand and stood. Surprisingly, Cal felt a lot better. Even though the whole parent thing hadn’t been his main worry, it was nice to get it off his chest.

“Yeah, we should probably head back, huh?” Cal finally said as he took one fast deep breath of fresh air. “Aight well I won’t tell the others about this if you don’t tell them about-” Cal waved his hands around while trying to find the wording- “this. Deal?” Cal grinned before freezing. Cal let out a roaring laugh as he smacked the side of his head. “Fuck I almost forgot!!” Jumping back up on the ledge of the building with such energy that he almost tumbled forward and onto the ground below. Taking in a deep breath of the cold sharp air that seemed to pierce his lungs like daggers, Cal placed his hands on either side of his mouth to mimic a megaphone as he shouted at the top of the lungs.

“Fuck you shithole!!!” Cal was damn sure he woke about half the city with those words alone. Cal struggled to catch his breath afterwards, but it felt damn good to do. Without missing a beat and before Leroy could question him, Cal glanced back at him with a smirk. “It’s a tradition.” Cal hesitated for a moment as he spun to face him with his whole body and stepped off the parapet. Cal awkwardly smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Please don’t tell Nabih about that either! Now come on!” Cal grinned widely, walking backwards to the stairs as he faced Leroy with a much more joyous expression than the ones he showed before. “I bet I can beat you in a race down the stairs and back to our room!~”