Granted, though as soon as you put them on they become super old.

-

I wish to have a pet cheetah

... Granted.

Oop. He ran away.

~

I wish to get a mediocre haircut

Granted... That's it. I'm not sure why you'd want a mediocre haircut since mediocre means moderate quality; not very good but you do you.

----------------

I wish that I was able to talk to my cats. I really think they would be cursing 24/7.

Granted... Though you were right. The curse, a whole damn lot. Like Sailors. At you. They say horrible things any sane person wouldn't fathom from such little creatures, but there creativity is undeniable. You begin to lose sleep, contemplating their words. Everyone will think you've just gone crazy, but you will know the truth.

I wish I did a crime so I could, Call Saul.

Granted, but the prison's phone is broken, so you're not gonna call anyone xD.

---

I wish for free chocolate, sweets, chips, etc. forever.

Granted, but they all go bad as soon as you touch it.

~~~

I wish my house didnt have problems ><

Granted, but your house is a tent in an underground sewer.

~~~

I wish I could fly away from this life.

Granted but now you can't land for anything. Nothing at all.

--------

I wish that I wasn't so tired at the end of each day.

Granted but you're still tired in the morning.

I wish I was a dog

Granted, but you're a stray and now the Dog Pound is hunting for you on a daily basis.

--

I wish that I could sing really well.