Freyja | Fire | Ru

“You speak of attendance as if it can be used as a measure of care. Actions, not presence, define a parent - though I understand if your own, perhaps, instilled a different impression. In any case, I think it is lovely to finally meet someone I have heard so much about.”

Freyja scoffed at his remark, feeling the sharpness in his icy stare but only allowing the ludicrous sentiment of his words to egg her on further. She was surprised to find herself empathizing with Ru more than she was finding the humor in the monsters who had created someone whom she’d formerly found to be such miserable company. In a ruthless tone that somehow seemed to contain all the confidence in the world, Freyja shot back, “I don’t have parents, and being in the same room with you for five minutes is making me glad for that for the first time in my life.”

Although the smile never fell off of her face, her general countenance demonstrated all that she’d been through, and having even some semblance of an argument with Verlin was the most herself Freyja had felt in ages. As she briefly processed the implications of the latter half of the statement, she refused to allow her gaze to waver anywhere remotely in Ru’s direction, willing herself not to give his father the satisfaction of believing that he’d affected her in any manner. “All terrible things I would hope.”

Although the next few exchanges between Ru and his parents were things that intrigued her, primarily the mention of his rejection of a girl that Freyja was certain was utterly horrific and unlivable, she found herself feeling weaker by the moment and was grateful that the blond had stepped in to support her. The room was beginning to spin, and she felt relieved when he finally managed to get them both out of the conversation, not bothering to respond to Verlin’s comment about dinner when she was still in the mindset that she’d be gone sooner rather than later. Despite this, she paused in the doorway for a moment despite Ru’s insistence that they were done making a scene, calling over her shoulder, “oh, and by the way, if you valued actions as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t have insisted on such a horrendous haircut for your son. I know it was you two.”

As the blond helped Freyja to sit down, she barely registered the beautiful estate beyond the window through the spinning of the room and the frequent fluctuations in temperature that had come on with the fatigue. She was starting to feel like she’d overdone it, although a rational person might’ve foreseen that before she’d even left the bedroom. Despite this, fighting with Verlin was the first thing she’d done since waking up that made her feel like there could be some semblance of normalcy in her life, if even for a moment. Even if her body was failing her, her mind was definitely as sharp as it had ever been, and this was the first time she’d had the opportunity to utilize it.

It wasn’t like she didn’t understand why Ruairi wasn’t acting like his normal self. He seemed to have been through a lot, although Freyja wasn’t entirely sure how much of that was her fault and how much of that had to do with circumstances well beyond her influence and control. In some act of something that might have resembled love, she listened to his lecture about her safety without interrupting, allowing him to release whatever was going on in his brain into the atmosphere even if it bored her terribly. It was in this moment that she realized that his normal state was one of caution, and that it was her ability to make him crazy that had led him to do every risky or dangerous thing he’d ever done. In order to entertain herself while he went on and on about safety and danger, she went through her mental checklist of memories of him to validate this theory, feeling the deep sadness hit her once again at the idea that this would all be over and she’d never see him again soon enough.

Although she wanted to test his statement regarding making plans for the future to see if she could get any interesting information out of him that went beyond rules and regulations, she closed her mouth as soon as she’d opened it, initially paralyzed by his expression when he took in her dress, and then silenced by yet another proclamation of things they would be doing together in the future. Was he stupid? Did he really think that she could be playing house with him for eternity while he was yet to find his soulmate and hers was in another realm entirely? This thought almost got her past the confusion of whatever action he was suggesting with the word ‘shopping,’ something she assumed had to do with the making of clothing. Yet, overall, the thing that grabbed her attention more than anything else as she tried her best not to tune him out was how matter-of-fact he was being, and how little he seemed to display any sort of emotion. She could handle his hatred with no problem, but indifference and calmness were two things she had no idea what to do with. They reminded her of Henriik, and the idea of her only escape from him treating her in a similar manner caused something inside of her to break.

She studied him for another moment, attempting to confirm her suspicion before responding with a knowing look. “Why won’t you fight with me? Your dad doesn’t know how to hit me where it hurts like you do. The parent comment was a good try, though.” Then, as if it was the same thought, she continued, “you’re still mad?”

Shaking her head in disbelief at the idea that he would be spending whatever of the last of their time together being actually mad instead of fighting with her like they had for the entirety of their relationship–except for a few key moments in between–Freyja continued, hoping that any explanation she offered him would help him to see her as less frail than she was, looking like the image of death as she slumped against the window, struggling to keep herself up after the effort of walking all the way there. “Look, maybe I was a little bit mean to you between the party and my inevitable death. I would never be sorry, but I am sad that you’re taking that so hard. Shouldn’t I be the one to be mad at you, though? You permanently ruined the only chance I have ever had to know anything about my family that might give me any shot at having a future beyond the academy and when Henriik threatened my life if I didn’t comply with his plans, I figured I was dead either way and I might as well have gotten to throw a huge party out of it. Sue me for going out on my terms.” Then, in a more resentful, low tone, she admitted, “I didn’t think it was going to work, I thought I’d be dead right now.”

As she briefly processed this and once again shifted her thinking so that she was the one who was right and he was the one who was wrong, essentially the way she thought things should be all the time, she watched him with a blatant, cold stare. “And, by the way, if some part of you is mad at me for more than the way I treated you after you killed any chance of a future for me, why do you get to be mad that I made a decision about my life that didn’t involve you? You made it perfectly clear how you felt with your actions, and I went on with my life. Did you think I owed you something because of what happened at the cabin?” She allowed the next words to slip off of her tongue far too easily. “It was just a kiss, they were just words. None of it really mattered in the end, did it?”

Drawing in a deep breath, she forced herself to take in the pain on his face without rubbing in the fact that it had meant something to him. Deep down, it meant something to her too, but the stronger she felt, the more she realized that their time together was coming to an abrupt end and none of it could be anything if she was alleged soulmates with Henriik. In some distorted way, Freyja thought that she was doing the more caring thing by trying to hurt him so much that he couldn’t help but move on and find happiness somewhere else. She hated the idea that it wouldn’t be her, but if whatever his parents had discussed was recent, she hated even more the idea that he was denying himself a future for her sake.

Standing up and summoning another staff member who hadn’t witnessed the scene in the dining room, Freyja got to her feet, once again trying to force herself to look him in the eye after all of the pain she’d caused in a few short sentences. “I have no idea what I’m doing here or what’s transpired, but it seems evident to me that you’ve had some role in saving my life, and, in my mind, that makes us even. I’m willing to forget everything if you are, I don’t want the last few days I ever spend with you to be any different than the first twelve years.”

Sighing once more and giving him a brief smile, she added, “I hope you’re not mad that I talked to your parents like that, it’s the only opportunity I’ll ever get and someone needed to stick up for you, even if it’s out of character for me to be so kind and humanitarian.” She gently patted his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze in a way that was almost the exact opposite of what she’d watched his father do. “I’ll get enough clothes for a week, I imagine I won’t be here much longer than that with the rate I’m recovering.” Then, in a way that demonstrated humor rather than a serious inquiry, she added, “unless you know something I don’t, which is extremely, extremely unlikely,” giving him little time to respond before she allowed herself to be whisked off toward the bedroom by one of the staff.

“I would tell you not to lose sleep on account of my safety, but that would require you to be getting any at all,” she called over her shoulder, her breathing ragged and voice shaky despite the humor that was evident in what she was saying. “Seriously, though, you should get some rest. You look terrible, and it’s hypocritical to say it to me when you should be saying it to a mirror. There’s enough of them in this place, I’m sure.”

__________________

Freyja spent the better part of the afternoon consulting some of the staff members on various things to keep herself away from boredom. While she wasn’t necessarily treating them like humans, she was taking far more interest in the knowledge they had to offer than the family had in a long time, and they seemed fearful either of her or of the way she was interacting with them. Since Freyja had only ever worn the academy uniform, extremely formal gowns, and pajamas, she first inquired about what clothing would be appropriate to wear on a daily basis in their culture, which expanded to a discussion about the culture and the history of their realm and this city in particular. Although the staff seemed reluctant to discuss the relationship between the different people groups in this realm considering the fact that they all possessed earth magic, they were employed by individuals practicing water magic, and speaking to the first person they’d ever met who formerly possessed fire magic, Freyja used her charm to coax them out of their apprehension, satiating her appetite for controversy for the better part of a few hours before even that became tiresome and she longed to leave her room again.

After confirming with the staff where Ruairi had been living and sleeping, Freyja discovered a new corridor opposite of the way she’d traveled to go to the dining room earlier in the day, and was slightly surprised to see the blond hunched over his desk, every mannerism she could witness from behind revealing itself as one of his tells of being extremely keyed up and upset about something. Approaching slowly from behind and taking in the intricate architecture of an otherwise extremely drab and sterile space, Freyja stood behind him at his desk, softly placing a hand on his shoulder in case he hadn’t previously realized she’d entered the space.

“If this is what resting looks like, I’d hate to see you working,” she teased gently, smiling at him as he turned to face her. “You look upset, which is why I’m going to ask you to take me for a tour of your house instead of taking a self-guided tour and making you angry later. Or, at least a few rooms? Are you in or am I going to have to walk around this dangerous warzone all on my own, which I hear from my sources is absolutely terrible for someone of my status, looks, and charisma?”

Freyja | Fire | Ru

The fire element had remained more or less quiet as her companion walked her around the house, feeling grateful that another few hours had bought her the slightest increase in stamina and strength, two things that led to her ultimate goal of independence. Although she took in the wine cellar and the pantries with little interest considering the fact that she, firstly, wouldn’t be here long enough to get into any sort of trouble where knowledge of these locations was necessary, and secondly, had been hoping for a tour that was more personal and seemed less like something she might receive at a museum, she remained largely intrigued by the fact that Ru’s tells were screaming at her that he was some sort of emotional explosive just waiting to be set off.

Much to her disappointment, the blond waited until the first room that had captivated any semblance of her attention to actually explode, and she couldn’t help but stagger her movements as he began to speak, slowly closing a book she’d opened and turning with an amused expression at his first words, which had been spoken to her back. An unconcealed smirk was plastered across her face as she leaned against one of what appeared to be a thousand towering bookshelves that seemed to evaporate into nothing at a level of the grandiose manor that was out of eyesight, on some other level that was exponentially taller than the feeble girl. Since she knew him well enough to know that it made no sense to attempt to speak on the first, second, or even third rant, she simply sat back and took in the view, some small part of her beyond the smugness of being right–which allowed her to miss the initial point of the words he’d spoken, which sounded better as fact than as the sarcasm he was attempting to convey–feeling relief that he was finally getting out emotions that seemed to have been glued to him since the actual moment she’d walked away from him in the boathouse so many days ago. Since her recollection of time was different from his, she could hardly fathom how these feelings were still so fresh since it felt like last week for her and she’d already managed to forgive and forget.

As Ru rambled on, Freyja hadn’t given the blond the respect of staying rooted in one place, instead continuing to do what she’d allegedly been brought here to do, which was to explore a small facet of her favorite rival’s childhood home, and thus, his childhood. Her interest only piqued when he made mention of the pairing ceremony, which was the first time she’d looked up from an entire shelf dedicated to propagandist literature about the extermination of individuals wielding fire magic. Turning to face him for the first time in a few moments when his overly dramatic monologue shifted to contain fragments of content that resembled sought-after answers, Freyja was brought to a brief moment of seriousness and neutrality in expression before reverting back to humor and amusement at what was, in her mind, so clearly a joke.

Snickering quietly to herself for a brief moment, Freyja rolled her eyes at the idea that he could’ve been her soulmate for eternity. She brought a small stack of books over to a desk that sat off to one side in the center of the room, rolling her eyes as she put down the first few. “Ha. Good one, you almost got me,” she replied, cutting the tension from his dramatic pause in half with her untimely movements. In doing all of this, she’d not once stopped to look at his face. She was used to being around people for whom lying was a way of life at the academy, and it wasn’t until she considered how easily she could see through Ru’s lies that it struck her that it was even a possibility that he could be telling the truth. As she looked up to meet his unyielding expression, she dropped the book in her hand, suddenly feeling weak from more than just the effects of whatever they’d done to bring her back to life. She dropped into the desk chair that had been positioned beside her, inhaling slowly as if the sudden sense that she had a grasp on this situation would come to her on a single breath. Studying the stormy and brooding quality in his bright blue eyes, she finally said, “you’re not joking, are you?”

Perhaps if he’d given her even a moment to process the massive bomb he’d just dropped on her that changed everything she’d believed since she’d woken up, she would’ve had an easier time following the anxious rampage of thoughts that followed from the point where he’d gathered her attention again to where he’d lost it so soon after. Her mind was growing increasingly foggy as she tried to concentrate on trying to visualize what had happened in the aftermath of when everything had gone black for her, knowing full well that she didn’t exactly have the energy levels to process such concepts when she’d literally been dead less than a day prior. As he continued to speak, the words that were coming out of his mouth seemed to come faster and faster as the thoughts inside her head became louder and louder until his declarations of his feelings for her became little more than a rich hum, going strong for a matter of minutes until they eventually tapered off into silence.

After a new kind of silence filled the space for a matter of moments, the insistence in Ru’s stare caused Freyja to speak. Her throat was thick with emotion that she wouldn’t have dealt with unless it became tangible in the form of tears, and when she noticed that they didn’t sting for the second time, no longer masked by the searing pain of having her magic stolen away from her, she only began to panic more at what seemed to be a tangible validation of Ru’s otherwise irrational claims.

“I don’t know what to say,” she snapped, her voice demonstrating a harshness that starkly contrasted the childlike quality of vulnerability and fear in her eyes. She didn’t have to admit to the barrage of feelings about him and their situation that this brought on–things she’d otherwise locked away with the skeletons in her closet for good given the impossibility of their former situation–when her eyes betrayed her so. “The way that you’re looking at me right now is not fair, I don’t even know what I feel and, to make matters worse, I have no idea how you feel about any of this. You’ve had months to process this, I just got it sprung on me. Clearly it wasn’t just a kiss for you, that much is certain, but what does it change between us? How does it change our circumstances other than making them last forever? We can’t even be in the same room without trying to kill each other, how could you possibly imagine that anything to do with the two of us trying to be happy together would end up in any manner other than tragedy?”

It was only at these last words that tears that had turned back into anger liquified into tears once more, the sentiment behind what she’d spoken holding a deeper meaning than what she actually said. It was written all over her face that what she was actually processing was the grief she’d been pushing down since that night at the cabin regarding not only what had happened to them in their youth but at the idea that she’d spend a lifetime mourning a future with him that seemed impossible to both of them after graduation given the circumstances. She’d heard Arah tell her a million times that their realm was not a place for fire elements, and while Freyja had jokingly accused her roommate of saying this in order to scare her into being far enough away from Ru that he might consider being sworn enemies with the earth element, she’d taken to heart the notion that their realm was not a place where there was a future for her. She’d known for years that graduation from the academy would be the end of her relationship with both of them, but it hadn’t hurt her until things started going her way with the water element at the cabin. It wasn’t until then that she truly felt the weight of what it would mean to lose him forever, just when things were beginning to turn in their favor. Considering how easily she’d pressed this down after how things had gone with their return, it was no surprise that these heavy feelings began to come up and suffocate her at a moment such as this.

It wasn’t until the silence that followed Freyja’s emotional words and pleading green gaze that she was able to properly observe a new sound that seemed to have come out of nowhere, a heavy pounding noise that seemed to be coming from the roof. When she gazed out the window that the blond stood in front of, she saw clear droplets of water coming down in a massive shower not dissimilar to what she remembered Ru going out in that first night they’d reached the cabin in the dark. The strange thing that she noticed was that it only seemed to be coming down over the roof they were under as the sky still appeared blue and bright over the gardens. This brought her attention to a faraway fountain, then another, noticing that water was exploding everywhere across the massive garden as well as above their heads.

Looking down slowly to find her fists clenched in a posture that she might’ve taken if she were wielding her own fire magic to keep herself calm in an argument, Freyja looked to Ru as if to ask him if all of these things, each completely out of control and hemorrhaging power in a way that was reckless and taxing, were his doing. She could feel that the power was coming from both of them in a way that she’d never felt before, and because she was already lacking in strength and energy, it wasn’t long before everything went dark for Freyja once more, her limp body slumping and sliding out of the chair, onto the floor with a thud. As she did, the storm showers ceased and the fountains returned to their normal state, leaving only one conclusion about who had wielded such massive amounts of power that seemed impossible, even for a couple who now shared the same reservoir of magic.

The next time Freyja awoke, it was dark and she was back in the bed with a sharp pain radiating from one side of her head. From the dim glow of the lights in the room, she made out Ru’s figure sitting in his usual chair beside the bed, and she turned to meet him with a weak smile. “Hi,” she spoke softly, as if it were more taxing than she wanted to give off the impression that it was. Still, she smiled at him gently, unsure of how he’d treat her given the rollercoaster of emotions that the pair had expressed in one short day. “It was a terrible idea to give me a tour of the house, I can’t believe I let you talk me into that,” she teased, her expression still light on the surface but masking a very noticeable level of emotion that couldn’t be denied. She had a million questions and other things that she wanted to say in that moment, but none of them seemed appropriate when it was difficult to read where he was at with everything and whether or not what she’d done in the distant and recent past had been enough to bring him to allow her to push him away forever. Deciding to let him be the one to break the ice yet again, Freyja turned on her side to face him, an innocent and soft expression taking hold of her features as her eyes locked onto his, attempting to find an emotion to latch onto other than the ever-evident exhaustion and concern that seemed to consume him as of late.

Freyja | Fire | Ru

At the mention of an even worse idea, Freyja’s eyes lit up, clearly more interested in getting into trouble with Ru than in being stuck in a sad and emotional place over things they had no control over. Her mind was still a mess from all of the new truths she was processing that still felt like lies, and although Ruairi didn’t seem to be in the space to bicker with her like he might’ve been in times past, his father was an easy target too.

“No way, no need,” she replied at the mention of stalling. She practically leapt out of bed, forcing herself to be more careful than she really desired to be so that he wouldn’t worry and she wouldn’t give him more to worry about. “Enjoy your rest,” she parroted back, placing emphasis on a task she wasn’t even sure he’d manage if he were competing with her in it.

After he promptly left her to her own devices to prepare for what he knew from experience as a traumatic event, Freyja was thrilled to find that the staff had gone out and shopped for her in her absence, allowing her to attend dinner in something other than the attire of a corpse. Although it took her a bit longer than it might’ve in previous moments, the young woman made light work of choosing an outfit and tending to her hair and makeup, staring in the mirror and briefly taking in her appearance. In some ways she barely recognized herself, but given the state of mind that the underlying feelings were something she desperately wanted to ignore for the evening, Freyja simply averted her eyes from the shell of herself that she still appeared, even with the drastic improvements that were made with such small actions. It briefly occurred to her that this was the first time she’d been forced to look at herself since everything had happened, and while styled hair, makeup, and clothing might appear to return Freyja to her normal state in Ru’s eyes, she was just coming to terms with the state that he’d seen her in for the past few months.

Even as the pair walked to dinner together, Freyja noticed that something was off about her counterpart and that his mind was preoccupied with other things. While there was definitely a piece of her that wanted to show interest in everything he was feeling, pushing her own feelings down was enough of a task for the moment, and her mind was too scattered to feel like she’d be any help in navigating his. He always knew what to say to her, whether to crush her or to make her feel better. He seemed to have a better mastery over his emotions than she did, perhaps if only because there had formerly been some use in utilizing her emotions to wield magic, not to communicate effectively about her needs and feelings. These things were a means to an end for her, fuel for creating powerful and effective magic. Unpacking them was something she had no interest in, although she realized that she’d have to do this eventually, if only for the blond’s sake.

As they found themselves seated at a table across from Verlin and Laoise, Freyja was unsurprised to find that the primary motive for ‘family time,’ if it could even be called that, was business, and that business happened to be introducing the pair of them to the world as immortal soulmates who seemed to contradict both of those descriptors in every way. The red-haired girl couldn’t help but find the humor in the fact that they both appeared to be the face of death in every way and could not have been farther from soulmates in any definition. Still, whatever stunt Ruairi had pulled had paid off, and she hadn’t had the stomach to ask him for more details when he seemed to be perpetually drowning in his own grief from whatever source. He barely responded at dinner to anything that was said, not even giving Freyja the reaction she so desired when she suggested to Laoise that this so-called celebration should be an all-out rager, nor when she began referring to both of his parents as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ in an effort to draw attention to the manner in which he addressed his parents, which was just one more strange thing to add to the list she was keeping in her head.

Perhaps the most emotion she got out of Ruairi was when she verbalized that her dinner had definitely been poisoned, but, much to the amusement of his parents, gave them the benefit of trying it anyway. This action was done with trust in the fact that what the water element had told her about their pairing was completely true and valid, and that she was, in fact, immortal. Although she briefly displayed signs of what was most certainly a poisoning, she awoke from her slumped position after a matter of seconds, slightly groggy but not otherwise any more damaged than she had been before this science experiment.

“Nice try, dad,” she said, partially as a consolation for their shared and visibly evident disappointment. “It was a noble effort, I’ll give you that.”

Not long after this, the topic of conversation returned back to the pairing celebration, which only featured another ten minutes or so of Ru’s parents talking around them while she shifted her attention between observing their odd dynamic and taking in the blond’s impending state of panic. For the second time that day, his tells were screaming that he was going to implode, which only indicated to Freyja that there would be an end to this occasion sooner rather than later.

As he abruptly exited the table, face flushed and limbs shaking, Freyja muttered under her breath, “so there is a God,” giving him a few moments to get a headstart on her before exiting from her own place at the table. Pausing before she fully exited the scene, she said, “mom, dad, it’s been real, as always. Enjoy your mortality.”

Turning to leave again, then pausing again to face them, then taking another step toward the exit, then turning yet again, Freyja debated asking the question that was on her mind before finally releasing it into the air. “What did he ever do to you that makes you treat him like this?”

“He fell in love with the greatest mistake to have ever been made,” came Verlin’s response, which only brought more amusement to Freyja.

“I love the transparency in this family, it really makes me feel like we’ll be close forever. Oh wait, only some of us have forever to live.”

Offering a dismissive gesture with her hand, she took off down the hall after Ru, the sound of her heels clicking on the floor only increasing the aura of confidence that she was emitting into the air in that moment. As she walked past the windows for a second time that day, her gaze turned outward toward the gardens, which were illuminated with lanterns that made the entirety of the outside world appear to glow. The appearance of light in any form made her begin to miss her magic, which was something that she’d not felt so deeply in any moment leading up to this. Still, in an effort to focus her priority on the blond, who’d certainly gone off somewhere to panic alone, Freyja cast this thought aside for the moment.

It didn’t take long for the fire element to find the blond huddled on the floor in his shower, fully clothed and with the water running. It wasn’t a huge surprise to her that this was where he had chosen to go, as far as she knew it was the nearest space with water, and this always seemed to calm him. It was strange to her, the way that he just wanted interaction with water when he needed to be soothed. When she needed to be soothed, she took more pleasure in blowing things up, either socially or with her magic. Still, nearly every thought she had in that moment was replaced with a desire to alleviate some of his suffering at any cost, her green eyes taking in how pitiful he seemed in that moment. He hadn’t even done so much as remove his gloves or his shoes, he’d simply walked into the shower and crumpled to the floor.

“Hey,” she said gently, her demeanor a complete contradiction of what it had been at the dinner table. Although the mist from the shower irritated her skin in a way that vaguely gave Freyja hope of her powers eventually returning, nothing in that moment would have prevented her from getting to the blond in his moment of crisis. She knelt down on the outside of the shower, not brave enough to submerge her own body in a liquid that had been fatal to her for so many years, but brave enough to endure it in small doses to be in close proximity to Ru. Seeing the panicked quality that he wore on his face and in his body, Freyja offered him a soft, empathetic smile and cupped his face in her right hand, briefly caressing his cheek with her thumb. “Let’s get you out of the shower, okay?”

Although she posed this like it was a choice, her unwavering confidence gave him little room to do anything but agree with her, and soon she’d managed to persuade him to move a foot or two out of the actual shower and onto the elaborate tile flooring. After turning the shower off for her own benefit, Freyja found herself sitting beside the water element, back pressed against one of the bathroom cabinets as she ignored the sharp, tingling feeling of the water on her skin. It was definitely muted from what she’d experienced in the past, but nonetheless irritating on a small scale. Despite her discomfort, she soon found herself holding the blond, who was seemingly too vulnerable and panicked to do anything other than relax into her touch, still shaking and breathing in a way that indicated his distress.

“Your face is flushed,” she observed calmly, as if it were a unique quirk of his and nothing that she was concerned about. Typically she didn’t get to experience the entirety of his panic attack with him, and in some ways the newness of this arrangement allowed her to see new sides of him that she hadn’t in years past.

“I know you’ve been through a lot, it’s not good to keep all of that inside.” She allowed her hand to find its way back to his face, her fingers entwined in his hair. “I don’t know exactly what’s going on in your mind, but I know it’s not a good place for you to be alone. You don’t have to be strong for anyone anymore, I’m here now. You don’t have to hold in everything all the time, it’s causing you to implode.”

Now that it had been many minutes of her holding him while his heart rate and other physiological symptoms returned to normal, Freyja was thoroughly wet and she could feel that both of them were growing cold due to the fact that the once-warm water was cooling on their clothing. She began to peel his gloves off, curious about the marks that were evident through the wet material, but even more curious once she got them off. “What’ve you been doing to yourself?” She inquired, not in a judgmental way but with more concern than anything. Without pausing to make the moment into anything that could overwhelm him more now that he finally seemed to be calming down, she started to unbutton his shirt, taking the gloves and the shirt and discarding them to one side of the room as she threw him a towel, grabbing one for herself.

After leaving him for a moment with the promise that she’d return with dry clothes, Freyja instructed the staff to help her get some clothing for the blond, returning to him briefly with new instructions to get dressed and get into bed while she changed her own clothes. She exited the room briefly to consult the staff on where she could find pajamas for herself, and when she returned to Ru’s room, now dressed and dry with a blanket draped over her body, she couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight of him looking more peaceful than she had seen him in a long time, even if it was a result of exhaustion.

Getting into bed beside him, she watched him with a gentle, kind gaze, studying his expression for any sign of emotion that he might be willing to offer her beyond his simple aura of sleepiness. “Hi,” she said softly, in the same sweet manner she’d greeted him several other times since she’d come to. She propped herself up on one arm, gently touching his face once more as a silent sign of affection. “How are you feeling?”

Then, without necessarily waiting for him to lie and say that he was feeling worlds better when she knew for a fact that he wasn't, she turned on the lamp beside her, opening up an outrageously-titled book on fire elements that she'd acquired from the library. She turned away from him, beginning to read the first few pages of the book absentmindedly, her attention still focused on the feeling of the bright blue gaze that was burning into her. Although things were tense between them, there was a strong tension that still lingered between them the same way it had at the cabin, the same way it lingered whenever they were in close proximity to one another. After a moment or two, she was still pretending to read despite the way that she'd deemed it a lost cause, and, without looking up from the grotesque literature, she spoke a second time. "After you left, your dad said something crazy. Well, crazier than normal. He said you're in love with me."

In one movement, she allowed the book to drop to her lap, her gaze studying his expression in the dim lighting. Knowing exactly what she was doing, she allowed her gaze to drop to his lips for a moment, feeling her own heart race at the implications. Her voice held the same implications as her movements, despite the fact that it was even softer than her previous claims. Returning to lean on the elbow that was closest to him, she allowed her gaze to study his bright eyes with no shame or pressure to turn away, regardless of their close proximity. "Where do you think he got that idea?"

Miss Freyja Eloquijm | Ru <3

It wasn’t until Freyja weighed out the sentiment behind the water element’s words that she realized her crucial error in the words she’d previously said to him in a state of heightened emotion. All too often, she relied on their usual pattern of being without reading into the idea of what might happen if he decided to break the cycle. She said or did something entirely polarizing and dramatic that was completely the opposite of what she felt or desired, knowing that he’d disagree with her and reveal his true thoughts and feelings on the matter, which were frequently in line with the ones she kept hidden in her chest. Freyja had a habit of being able to speak her mind openly and directly in any and every circumstance regardless of the consequences, except when it involved him. Everything that involved him hit too close to home for her to fully process, let alone speak into the open air. This hadn’t been a problem until now, when his words sliced her heart in a way that she struggled to conceal.

Forcing herself to continue watching him as the soft expression on his face grew into a smile, she couldn’t help but feel foolish about the way she’d felt. Maybe she was wrong in assuming that what they felt for each other was more than friendship, maybe she didn’t even know what friendship was. When she thought back on all of the times that she’d felt something for him that went beyond what she felt for others around her, she was the one who had forced herself on him. When she thought about his words and actions, she realized that he’d consistently approached their situation from a place of friendship. The night she’d burned him, that day at the water, and now here. Yet, other people were telling them that they were eternal soulmates, that they were destined and created to love each other. She could’ve scoffed at that fact, she didn’t know two people who were less capable of love than the two of them. And yet, the idea that what was between them was so much less for him burned her from the inside out in a way that she didn’t know what to do with.

Sighing softly and drawing herself to a place of ambivalent composure, she replied, “and when you saw us through her eyes, what did you see?”

The conversation tapered into a soft silence, and Freyja shifted onto her back, unable to process all of her emotions while looking him in the face. She studied the intricate architecture lining the ceilings in the dark, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes but not forcing herself to wipe them away or keep them inside. The fact that she had never been able to put her relationship with the blond into words had never bothered her until now, perhaps because she was coming to believe how differently he perceived what was between them than she did. She wasn’t sure exactly what any of it meant or what her next steps were, but she was coming to see that spending eternity with him in this physical and emotional prison would not be living at all, and that she needed to start making decisions that would ensure her freedom.

These thoughts kept her awake, and continued to haunt her in her dreams and well into the morning. Beyond her typical nightmares, she’d dreamt that Ru’s parents were trying to murder her, and that she filled the entire house with water only to drown due to her lack of ability to swim. Waking up startled, and even more concerned by the fact that she’d opened her eyes to the other side of the bed being empty, she got to her feet and moved to rapidly dress herself, skipping breakfast and any other affairs which might keep her trapped in the Craiel family home for any longer than she needed to be. She’d resumed her panicked state of emotional turmoil from the night before, now with a renewed sense of energy and strength that seemed to be increasing by the day.

Freyja didn’t know where she was walking to when she’d left the interior of the grandiose home, only that she’d asked the servants to delay any of the family from following her. She wasn’t particularly planning on leaving for good, she just needed to clear her head. The fact that she didn’t have her magic only bothered her more, and caused her to become more emotionally fragile than she was to begin with. It felt like she’d been stripped of her identity in all senses, not just the magic or the change of location or the revelation she’d had regarding her relationship with the blond the night prior. By the time she’d stumbled upon the deep river that ran through the property, she realized that it wouldn’t really matter what happened if she jumped off the rocky sides and into the water below, that whether she lived or died was unimportant to a girl who, despite a recent change of events, still had just as few prospects in life as she had when she’d done something intentionally harmful the first time.

Studying the rushing current for several moments before gathering the resolve to face her fears, Freyja leapt from the rocks into the deep water, which she assumed had been created in some sense by the water, earth, and wind elements who’d previously called this property their home. The water was colder than she’d expected and quickly took her breath away, for while she’d adapted to the water magic that falsely flowed through her veins, her body temperature had not completely adjusted, just as she hadn’t grown to completely tolerate the water that was currently stinging her skin in a way that was both irritating and caused her to feel alive.

Because she hadn’t necessarily thought about what would happen if she survived the short jump into the water, the tide quickly overcame Freyja, who’d never felt the strength of water before. As the current dragged her helplessly in every direction, she couldn’t help but think about the resemblance between the blond and his magic. It appeared calm and unassuming from the outside, but the deeper she fell in, the more helplessly she realized the strength and danger that the water contained. After several minutes of forcing her head up for a breath, she’d simply succumbed to the way the water was dragging her downward until she felt the strength of another individual dragging her upward onto the shore, which had become flatter and closer to the water in the area in which he’d found her. Although she was shivering and couldn’t exactly concentrate on what was happening around her in that moment, she vaguely made the connection that the person who’d saved her was one of the staff assigned to her. He was one of the individuals who’d been willing to walk her to breakfast the day prior, and one who’d been present at the time in which she’d asked the favor of the others this past morning.

Rather than say anything or explain anything to an individual who, judging by his expression, had come to save her life and was interested in little more, Freyja simply began to cry, allowing her head to rest weakly on the chest of a man who seemed rather uncomfortable with the situation and the implications if anyone were to stumble upon this sight. Nonetheless, Freyja began to weakly fall apart in the poor earth element’s arms, asking him questions he was too afraid to answer and revealing things to him that she’d been holding in since well before she’d died the first time. After many minutes went by, Freyja grew irritated by the professional silence of the man who’d saved her life, and she simply got up and began to walk herself across the lawn, her limbs sore and numb from the shock of the water. The earth element followed from a safe distance, both looking equally suspicious as they traversed, equally dripping wet and appearing as traumatized as they ever had. Vaguely, it crossed Freyja’s mind that part of the lack of warmth that the man showed her, beyond professional courtesy, was likely due to the fact that word had spread through the house of what she was, and what she appeared to be, even if her magic was not a part of her anymore.

Although she was dripping wet and her features had turned several shades of blue from both her lack of a swim and the ensuing, lengthy walk back, Freyja walked through the home, finding that Ru had returned to their side of the home and appeared concerned at the idea that she had been nowhere to be found for as long as he’d been looking for her, however long or short that may have been. Without giving him the grace of an explanation, nor the presence of anything other than a completely flat expression to show that she was okay, Freyja flatly said, “I’m leaving right after the pairing ceremony,” before turning into the bathroom and turning the shower onto the hottest temperature, walking into it fully clothed in a way that had an uncanny resemblance to the scene that had transpired the night before. She wasn’t sure that it was the best way to break the news to him, but what was? As she stood in the shower, allowing the sensation in her limbs to return and the terrible thoughts that consumed her right with them, Freyja found herself repeating her own words in her head, vaguely coming off of her lips in even less than a whisper.

“It was just a kiss, they were just words. It was just a kiss, they were just words. It was just a kiss, they were just words.”

Freyja | Fire | Ruairi

Although she’d managed to put on a brave front in the presence of the man who was her once enemy and now alleged friend, it hadn’t taken long before her legs gave out in the absence of onlookers and she’d found herself huddled in the shower, hugging her knees with her arms despite the feelings of weakness and soreness that had emerged in the wake of recent events. Doubt struck her from every direction, and although this doubt did not create the kind of reaction in Freyja that it did in others from the outside, her brain spiraled in the absence of emotion, or perhaps the overwhelming nature of such things that had given the illusion of an absence entirely.

This was not Freyja’s first time facing something difficult, and, in fact, was perhaps an event of a greater number than most encounter throughout an entire lifetime, let alone the few years she could commit to memory. Having no memory of her family or friends or land or culture was hard. Living for years as someone’s unwanted but necessary girlfriend was hard. Dying was hard, briefly, but none of these things seemed comparable with the feelings of suffocation and impending doom that she was experiencing now. She was truly grieving something now, but what? What had she lost, really? What had she lost that she wasn’t already willing to give up when she’d agreed to the pairing ceremony? These were the most rational of the thoughts, questions, and doubts that were circling her mind as she sat beneath the consistent spattering of water, holding herself until she eventually gathered the strength to pick herself back up and go about her day as if nothing had happened. When she exited the bathroom, Ru was gone, and she wondered if this was a good thing or a bad thing. Could he see how much she was struggling? Did he know how much this was affecting her? If he did, did she even want to know?

Continuing to be consumed by these thoughts, and by the gradual realization that she probably did not want to know the answers, Freyja made her way to the library, where real knowledge could be gained. She was growing increasingly physically and mentally exhausted by the minute, and the grandiose area of the home reserved for books and studies was one of the few comforts she had in this home. It was not frequently occupied, and there was something about it that reminded Freyja of the academy. Since that was the only real home the fire element could remember, it was calming to once again be surrounded by books and old wood as she had been for most of her childhood.

Upon entering the space, Freyja had picked up another book about the fire realm, which seemed to be the primary topic of interest across the majority of the reading material in the home. The basis of everything she had read during her time in the home had been that fire elements were horrible creatures, they were to be avoided at all costs, and they were to be killed and tortured if the opportunity were to present itself. The more that she thought about it, the more she wondered how or why Ruairi had chosen her. To her knowledge, there had been throngs of women throwing themselves at him for most of his life. They wanted his status, his good looks, his money, his wit, or any combination thereof. Yet, he’d focused his life on her, despite the notion he’d been raised with that it was his life’s work to eradicate her and all of her kind out of their realm. While she would have liked to believe that he’d done everything he’d done to get close enough to kill her, the attraction she currently felt toward a simplistic answer was simply not enough to override the facts. He’d saved her life on more than one occasion, and by the nature of a simplistic answer he should’ve just let her die. In fact, he killed the person who tried to kill her rather than simply allowing himself to be a bystander and a witness in her eventual demise. What kind of sense did any of this make, when compared with the truth of his life here in this realm?

As she idly allowed her eyes to drift over words she wasn’t absorbing, her mind resorted to the more peaceful memory of what had transpired between the pair of them at the cabin. To her, this had only been a few weeks prior, and the emotions of what had transpired between them were something that she had not allowed herself to process given the nature of what had occurred upon their return home. What had happened between them there defied the logic of who they were and what they had been. It was an outlier, and one that she valued more than she would allow him to know.

When she looked up again, a certain darkness had fallen upon the landscape and the gentle pattering of rain was filling up the empty space where silence had once been. She was beginning to identify this phenomenon as rain, although she was quite intrigued by the difference in intensity that she was experiencing when compared to the prior incident. When her mind once again wandered in a different direction, the weather pattern stopped rather quickly, and it occurred to her that she might’ve been causing that rain pattern in accordance with the memory she was indulging in. When her eyes wandered to find a familiar figure standing in the doorway, she assumed her suspicions were correct, based both on the concerned look on his face and the general aura of exhaustion that seemed to envelop him as of late.

Although the weather outside began again at the sight of him, it was even more mild this time, perhaps the slightest drizzle when compared to what she’d caused the very first time she’d utilized his magic in this way. The only comparison between these three separate events were that she’d done it without knowledge of how she was doing it, and without attempting it purposefully. Given the last thing she said to him, she was surprised when, instead of simply turning on his heel and exiting the room, he came and sat down on the floor beside her, where she’d huddled up between a bookshelf and a window at least two hours earlier.

“I’m going to get my magic back,” she began softly, in a subdued tone. “When I leave, that’s where I’m going.” She studied him briefly, watching the subtle shifts in his demeanor as she spoke. When she looked at him, she realized she was looking at the one person that made her understand the fictitious concept of love that seemed to take up so much space in the minds of others. Perhaps it wasn’t so fictitious for normal people, but nothing about them or their odd little arrangement spoke of any sort of normalcy.

Drawing in a slow breath, she continued to study the intricacies of his appearance as she spoke once more. Seeing him was a novelty she hadn’t anticipated when she’d made the decision to be paired with Henriik, and now that she had told him she was leaving once more, she realized that these interactions were once again numbered, by her own choice once again despite everything. “Without my magic, I’m not me. I’ve lost a piece of myself that I don’t know how to find unless I get my powers back. These books say a lot of terrible things, but one consistent theme is that fire elements can’t be separated from their powers. They can’t be tortured out of them, they can’t be destroyed, and that means that my magic is somewhere, I just have to figure out where and get it back.”

Then, in a sadder tone, she continued, “but I know that choosing to find my magic means that I can’t stay here, and I’m not willing to let you sacrifice your future here for whatever happiness you think you’ll have with me. I’m not capable of happiness, or friendship, or love, or whatever it is that you want from me. Believe me, if I could love someone, it would be you. But you didn’t hear that from me.” She added the last part as an afterthought, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the level of emotion and vulnerability in which she’d just been exposed. It was by her own hand, yet she instantly regretted whatever part of herself had been willing to say such things so soon after she’d regained her dignity from the events that had previously transpired. She studied his expression for a moment, feeling tethered to the ghastly quality of a stare that could so easily see through even the most impenetrable barriers she’d utilized to conceal herself from him and from others for so long. If the events of the night prior hadn’t been ricocheting through her mind regarding the friendship that he so desperately sought, perhaps she would’ve allowed herself to get lost in the moment for a longer period of time. Yet, something in her felt crushed by the weight of the tension between them, and she cleared her throat, offering a segue to a new moment, which she hadn’t entirely allowed herself to plan for.

Rising to her feet rather hastily following a moment which she knew could’ve easily turned into something that would’ve only complicated things further, she excused herself from the conversation in order to save herself from more confusion down the road. As she walked back down the hallway toward the bedroom which they continued to share, Freyja couldn’t help but think that, regardless of any sense of control she tried to exert on the situation at hand, both she and Ru were powerless in assuming that what was between them was something they could control.