Song: I’ll Be Good by Jaymes Young.

(With some slight adjustments to the lyrics to avoid as much repeating and make it more accurate to characters in certain places)

Characters: Garvin and Aries. Rest of GRAIN and the pirates are mentioned.

Context:

Just Garvin going through a redemption arc with Aries’ constant help. Basically. But also just how very bad it could go at any point. This turned out to be far more angsty than I meant for it to be. My bad. Man, Garvin being told he's a terrible, terrible child growing up by almost every adult in one way or another definitely doesn't help him out here.

TW: Suicide attempt at the very least.

*~*~*~*

*We start after everything has happened and everyone’s left to start healing. Garvin is, as one probably could expect, not doing much better than he was before the whole war thing and all. He’s still very much deep in the villain arc, really only just starting to think that maybe he should try and make amends and whatnot.*

Garvin, staring at himself through the shattered mirror in his room, contemplating everything that’s happened; “I thought I saw the devil this morning… Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue… With a warning to help me see myself clearer…”

Garvin, just referring to him burning his trench coat, he’s very sad about it, he very much regrets it; “I never meant to start a fire…”

Garvin, referring to his treatment of Revan, actually, like I said, their relationship is not good, neither is their relationship after the breakup; “I never meant to make you bleed…”

Garvin, coming to the decision to at least try getting better and actually start caring about the Earth again, pushing himself off the sink counter and out of the bathroom; “…I’ll be a better man today.”

Garvin, a little bit of his envy now, as he watches the others and how much they seem to care about the Earth, trying to force himself to feel the same despite how much resentment he’s got for the world and everyone on it at the moment; “I’ll be good, I’ll be good… And I’ll… Love the world like I should.”

Garvin, deciding that for the moment trying to care isn’t working, so instead just trying to clean his room and Aries’ room up, you know, make up for all that; “I’ll be good, I’ll be good… For all of the times that I never could.”

*Garvin ends up having a way harder time with making amends and actually continuously wanting to make amends. Some days he feels like he should but doesn’t have the energy, some days he feels like he should and does have the energy, and some days he seriously doesn’t want to at all. So who does he go to? Aries! Duh, of course. Aries very quickly becomes a rock for him and in fact actually admits to some stuff himself in order to make sure Garvin doesn’t feel as bad about not being able to truly get in the groove of getting better.*

Aries, admitting that he’s rather resentful of his own past, that he very easily could’ve ended up giving up on the Earth too had he not been careful; “My past has tasted bitter… For years now. So I’d wield an iron first. Grace is just weakness– Or so I’ve been told. I’ve been cold, I’ve been merciless…”

Aries, and then admitting to why he couldn’t end up giving up on the Earth, or pretty much anything and anyone; “But the blood on my hands scares me to death…”

Aries, nudging Garvin and trying to be at least a little optimistic and hopeful, referring to them both deciding to be at least a little better than they really have to be; “Maybe we’re waking up today.”

Aries, basically just promising himself and Garvin that things will change and get better, that everything will be fine; “I’ll be good, I’ll be good– And we’ll love the world like we should. We’ll be good, we’ll be good.”

Garvin, much less certain or enthusiastic or hopeful as Aries, but willing to give him the promise in return anyway; “I’ll be good, I’ll be good…”

*Now just some Garvin regrets, and everything he thinks he needs to be better for. All the apologies he’s going to suck at giving, if he ever gets to the point where he even tries to apologize.*

Garvin, mostly about Bernard and Nico and how he just wouldn’t let them help or believe their words or basically anything else; “For all of the light that I’ve shut out… For all of the innocent things that I doubt…”

Garvin, mostly about Revan and just how terrible the two were together, probably also about Ingall if he did ever fight him; “For all of the bruises I’ve caused and the tears–”

Garvin, just about his entire life and every mistake he’s ever made or has been told he’s made; “For all of the things that I’ve done all these years, and oh–”

Garvin, once again referring to his trench coat and the fact that he burnt it to ashes; “Yeah, for all of the sparks that I’ve stomped out–”

Garvin, referring to everyone that ever tried with him, but mostly his bestie Aries and the pirates; “For all of the perfect things that I doubt…”

Garvin, absolutely crying at this point, feeling like a piece of shit, still not understanding why he hasn’t seemed to gotten better yet, why he still can’t put everything behind him and just care for all the good people on the Earth or at least the Earth itself; “I’ll be good, I’ll be good… And I’ll love the world like I should…”

Garvin, very much in the mindset that something’s just wrong with him specifically, like so many people have told him in the past and using that as a basis to believe he’s never been good, a good child, a good person, a good friend, a good anything; “I’ll be good, I’ll be good… For all of the times… I never could…”

*Yeahhh, that mindset of him never having been good in any way, shape, or form kind of gets worse and worse. To the point where, despite being out of the villain arc and redeemed and doing so much better, he becomes certain that he’s completely irredeemable. Oops. I think we all know where that leads.*

Garvin, in the midst of killing himself because obviously he’s a shit person that doesn’t deserve to live, very much feeling guilty for basically everything despite having apologized for all of it and then some by now; “For all of the times I never could…”