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Forums > Roleplay > 1x1
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Lackadaisy x ZeraFebruary 12, 2025 11:23 PM


Lackadaisy

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Feo felt his chest tighten at Lucius’s words, the weight of them sinking deeper than he wanted to admit. We’re all broken—that hit harder than it should have. His mind recoiled. He had never thought of it that way. He always saw himself as the one piece of the puzzle that didn’t fit, the part that was just too out of sync with the rest. But Lucius... Lucius made it sound like a damn strength.

It didn’t make sense. The things that he’d done, the things that had been done to him... none of it felt fixable. How could something so twisted, so fragmented, ever be whole again? And yet, Lucius wasn’t backing down. He kept talking, pushing against that invisible wall Feo had put up. It was infuriating how much it affected him.

"Broken..." Feo muttered under his breath. Broken was too kind of a word for what I am. He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. Couldn’t tell Lucius just how fucked up he really was. That wasn't something you just tossed out in casual conversation. He looked at his hands, trying to steady himself, trying not to think about the damn buzzing at the edges of his mind.

And then Lucius was closer, his hand landing on Feo's knee. It was warm, grounding, but it didn’t stop the flood of thoughts that were still swirling around Feo's head. I shouldn’t be here, he thought again, but this time, the words felt wrong in his head, like they didn’t belong.

The sigh that escaped him was quiet. Feo swallowed hard and tried not to show how much he hated the words that Lucius had just spoken—letting someone in. The idea felt foreign to him, like a rope thrown into a chasm, just out of reach. He wasn’t supposed to need anyone, wasn’t supposed to want someone to get that close. Yet, here Lucius was, somehow slipping past all his defenses with nothing but a few words and a stupid kiss.

And yet, despite it all, there was a nagging pull, a hunger to just give in and let Lucius in. But Feo was terrified of what that would mean. He knew better than to trust that feeling. Trusting meant getting hurt.

"I didn’t ask for this," Feo whispered. His voice was barely above a breath, trembling with the weight of the confession. His eyes stayed focused on the ground, on his hands, on anything but Lucius. "Didn’t ask for any of it. Not... not for you to... to..." He didn’t finish. He didn’t need to. The feeling was there, lodged between them like an unspoken truth.

When Lucius spoke again, something about the tone of his voice shifted, softened. He wasn’t scolding or demanding, just... talking. Like they were actually on the same page, despite everything. Feo wanted to laugh, wanted to tell Lucius just how ridiculous this all was. How the hell do you fix this?

But there was Lucius, sitting there, wings unfurled, as if they were both just... existing. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? Lucius wasn’t expecting anything from him. He wasn’t pressuring him, wasn’t looking for Feo to suddenly spill everything. It was just... presence. And that wasn’t something Feo was used to.

"You think... you think you're the only one who doesn’t get it?" Feo finally managed to meet Lucius’s gaze, though his own was shaky. "You’re not, okay? I don’t get it either. I don’t get... any of it. But you... you're still here. And I don’t know why. You shouldn’t be."

Feo’s heart raced in his chest. He was fighting everything inside of him, every instinct telling him to shut down, to pull back. But Lucius wasn’t letting him.

"I’m not... ready for this. For you." Feo’s voice cracked, and it sounded almost like a plea, though he didn’t mean it to. He hated the feeling. But it was there, and it hurt more than he wanted to admit.

And in the midst of everything, Feo’s mind still clung to that taste—Lucius's blood. The sharp, metallic flavor lingered like a poison in the back of his throat. He was supposed to be repulsed by it. He should be. But instead, it was... something else. Something darker that Feo couldn’t outrun. The pull to sink deeper, to just let it consume him, gnawed at him.

And Lucius said something that entirely did not help.

"I'd probably have done the same thing."

Feo’s eyes widened in disbelief, his breath catching in his throat as he stared at Lucius. The sudden surge of heat rushed to his cheeks, and his heart seemed to stutter in his chest. Wait, what?

"T-the same thing?" he asked, voice almost breaking. His fingers clenched into fists, his entire body stiffening as the question tumbled out before he could stop it. "You would have bit me?"

His stomach twisted, the thought of Lucius doing... that... leaving him reeling. The sheer absurdity of it made his mind spin. Feo had been flustered before—hell, he’d been overwhelmed a million times, but this was different. Lucius had just made a casual comment about biting him, as if it were something that made sense. As if it was just another damn thing in a day full of things that made no sense.

He was freaking out—suddenly acutely aware of every tiny movement he made, every shaky breath, as if Lucius might somehow see straight through him, might figure out just how much he couldn’t handle the thought of any of this.

His eyes flicked from Lucius’s face to his own hands, trying to keep it together. But it wasn’t working. The idea of Lucius—Lucius, who was still sitting so damn close to him—actually biting him... It sent a wave of heat through him that he couldn't explain. It wasn’t disgust. It wasn’t... gross. It was... something else. Something that terrified him and left him feeling like his insides were on fire.

He opened his mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out. Instead, his gaze darted back to Lucius, waiting for a response, the realization slowly dawning on him that this might be the first time in a long time he didn’t know how to handle himself.

"You would have bitten me?" The question felt so damn dumb as soon as it left his mouth, but the vulnerability of it hung between them, the tension almost unbearable.

He couldn’t stop the way his mind spiraled. What the hell did Lucius mean? Why would he...

Maybe Feo was thinking of it wrong. Maybe Lucius meant something else. Maybe Feo didn't understand his words.

Maybe a small part of Feo hoped he had understood correctly.


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