I don't know what happened but now I sort of feel like writing a Euthymenes short story ;-;
Also totally still feeling like the whole Jaquin thing too. I have no idea which direction to go. Probably all.
Jacquin: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.
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Jacquin: Two bros!
Jacquin: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Jacquin: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!
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Jacquin: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.
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Jacquin: If we were in prison you guys would be like my bitches.
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Jacquin: I’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room.
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Jacquin: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep.
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Jacquin, on the phone: So no head?
Jacquin: *Throws phone and breaks skateboard*
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Jacquin: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.
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Jacquin: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.
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Jacquin: I hope no one lowkey hates me.
Jacquin: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.
Jacquin: Go big or go home.
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Jacquin: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.
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Jacquin: I am not a whore, and, not that I’ve done the math, but, if I were, I’d be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.
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Jacquin: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth.
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Jacquin: To everyone who has treated me poorly; I am sexier than you.
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Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Jacquin: I choose to waive that right!
Jacquin: *screaming*
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Jacquin: Alcohol is delicious! ...I mean, MAlicious. Sorry guys, I’m really drunk right now.
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Jacquin: ‘Technically legal’, the two best words in the English language, right before ‘cowboy spectacular.'
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Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Jacquin: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.
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Jacquin: I was put on this earth to do one thing.
Jacquin: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.
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Jacquin: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.
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Jacquin, wearing shades: Rule one of destroying the world.
Jacquin: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.
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Jacquin: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
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Jacquin: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
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Jacquin: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?
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Jacquin: My expectations were low but holy fuck.
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Jacquin: I wonder who’s ruining my life.
Jacquin: *looks in the mirror*
Jacquin: So we meet again.
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Jacquin: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.
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Jacquin: People always shoot down my ideas and I’m sick of it. Two sentences in and everyone’s always shouting “what the fuck? that’s illegal!” and “you can’t do that!”. Like, c'mon, let me talk!
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Jacquin: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.
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Jacquin: If anyone needs me, then fuck off.
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Jacquin: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.
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Jacquin: I let my cat drink the bathtub water while I was in it.
Priest: Once again, kind of weird, but not a sin.
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Jacquin: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.
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Jacquin: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.
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Jacquin: God is no longer with us, I’ll take over.
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Jacquin: I may be stupid.
The Squad: ...
Jacquin: Oh, did you think I was going to finish that sentence?
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Jacquin: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks.
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*Bullying Prevention Day at school*
Teacher: Jacquin, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?
Jacquin: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case—
Teacher: To write something to your teacher?
Jacquin: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school!
Teacher: *internal screaming*
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Jacquin: I just realized that every person is living a life as vivid and complex as my own.
Jacquin:
Jacquin: I feel so bad for them.
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Jacquin: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.
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Jacquin: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.
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Jacquin: Why do I always try to tell people we're cool? We are so very uncool.
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Jacquin: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.
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Jacquin: If you see me talking to myself, go away! I’m self-employed and we’re having a staff meeting!
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Jacquin: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.
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Jacquin: If I fall down these stairs, I'm just going to lay down and accept my fate.
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Jacquin: I think my guardian angel drinks.
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Jacquin: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
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Jacquin: Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!
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Jacquin: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.
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Jacquin: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.
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Jacquin: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Jacquin: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.
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Jacquin: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.
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Jacquin: Hey, thanks for checking in, I’m ✨still a piece of garbage✨
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Jacquin: If a demon possessed me, I’d just be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck man.”
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Jacquin: Say no to drugs.
Jacquin: Say yes to drugs.
Jacquin: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs... then you're on drugs.
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Jacquin: No thanks.
Jacquin: I'm god.
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Jacquin: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!
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Jacquin: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?
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Jacquin: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.