Those quotes are amazing-

I try, lol

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Also, I just finished Horatio's POV, and, uh, my dude is already having a whole ass crisis XD
When I say he's panicking about not being able to protect everyone because it's "his responsibility," I mean he is panicking, lmao

That post was awesome- I'll probably try to finish the affiliations before posting again lol

Sounds good!

I made more, lol

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Micha: Good morning.
Horatio: Good morning.
Gen'ya: Good morning.
Briar: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
Nico: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

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Kidnapper: We have your child
Micha: I don’t have a child?
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?
Micha: Oh god, you have Briar!

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Briar: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world.
Gen'ya: Unless you're home alone.

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Revan: What do we say when making bread?
Briar, glumly: That's the dough rising.
Revan: And what do we NOT say?
Nico, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

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Horatio: Nico is late again.
Revan: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.
Gorōta: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.
Briar: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.
Horatio: Oh boy. We may have overdone it.
*Nico bursts through the door*
Nico: WHAT TIME IS IT?

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Horatio: The first time I ever got upset in front of Nico, they put their arms around me and it was so awkward that I had to ask them if they were hugging me or reaching for something on the shelf behind me.
Nico: I was doing both, for your information.
Gen'ya: The first time Nico hugged me, it was such a disaster we didn’t make eye contact for, like, a week after.

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Briar: What's worse than a heartbreak?
Micha: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

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Micha: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.
Briar: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?
Horatio: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.
Nico: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!
Revan: ...put it away.

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Briar: Shh, here comes Micha!
Nico: Quick, Revan, start talking about boring nerd stuff!
Revan: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word “nerd” derogatorily, it means you’re the one that’s out of the zeitgeist.
Nico: Yes, that’s perfect. Just like that.

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Briar: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?
Micha: For the dogs.
Briar: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
Micha: They don't know how.

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Gen'ya: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

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Briar: What is wrong with you?
Aries: Loaded question. Elaborate.

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Revan: Why do you hang out with me?
Nico: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
Revan: …
Revan: I feel a bit sorry for you.

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Briar: *Picks up hammer and breaks ringing cell phone.*

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Nico: Tell Revan off, Micha! Assert yourself!
Micha: That's my ice cream!
Nico: Good! Now let them have it!!
Micha, handing Revan the ice cream: Here, you can have it!

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Revan: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house.
Briar: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

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Revan: So what do you have planned for the future?
Nico: Lunch.
Revan: No, like long-term.
Nico: Oh...um, dinner?

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Revan, at Horatio's funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone: Of course. *They leave*
Revan, leaning over Horatio′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.
Horatio: Yeah, no shit.

All of those- Oh jeez- Those are amazing XD

Because I felt like SL;LB was getting left out lmao

Irfam on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.

Irfam on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

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Sol: Hello, I'm Sol. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

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Irfam: Underestimate me. That'll be fun.

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Promachus: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

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Irfam: Why do I always try to tell people we're cool? We are so very uncool.

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Irfam: I wish I had acid. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.

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Beste: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.

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Beste: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.

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Irfam: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’

Irfam: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.

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Irfam: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

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Promachus: *writing a letter*

Promachus: Dear Santa,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

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Irfam: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

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Sol: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

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Irfam, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

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Irfam: *watching their house burn down*

Irfam:

Irfam: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

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Irfam: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

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Beste: You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.

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Irfam: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

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Irfam: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

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Irfam: Pros and cons of dating me.

Irfam: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Irfam: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

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Irfam: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!

Irfam: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*

Irfam: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

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Irfam: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

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Promachus, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

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Irfam: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

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Irfam: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse.

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Irfam: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.

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Irfam: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

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Irfam: Please! Pretend I'm useful!

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Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Irfam: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad…

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Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?

Irfam: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.

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Irfam: But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany!

Irfam, earlier: I'm going to throw myself into the sea.

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Irfam: Is this a good idea?

Irfam: Probably not.

Irfam: Do I care?

Irfam: No.

I love those! Hold on, let me fish up some too XD

Sol: I don't understand why people expect me to remember full routes to places when I literally forget my name.

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Sol: My doctor said I needed more sleep.

Sol: I said sleeping would be the death of me... I don't think he understood I was being serious.

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Amory: I'm not even going to ask, that's how much I don't want to know how you got yourself into this mess.

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Amos: I asked Amory to talk about his emotions once.

Amos, revealing a black eye: Never again.

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Kostas, deadpan: I helped blow up a house once.

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Sol: You know, there is some good that comes out of having memory problems! If anything traumatic happens you know you'll just forget it later!

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Sol: Otiaku says I'm mot allowed to go shopping alone anymore because one time I forgot my wallet in my car, told the cashier I was going to get it, then forgot why I went back to the car in the first place. Then Otiaku had a really awkward conversation with an officer.

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Amory: YOU try spending a day with Beste then! Trust me, you'll get anger issues too!

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Amos: Lesson learned, never give Amory a weapon unless you expect him to use it the second he touches it.

Enjoy-

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Promachus: You guys worried about Irfam?

Amos: Totally!

Kostas: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Promachus: And what'd you say?

Kostas: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Amos:

Promachus: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

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Promachus: Where's Irfam?

Amos: Don't worry, I'll find them.

Amos, shouting: Kostas sucks!

Irfam, distantly: Kostas is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Amos: Found them.

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Amos: You're smiling. What happened?

Promachus: What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

Kostas: Irfam tripped and fell down the stairs today.

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Kostas: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, and wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Amos: That's deep.

Irfam: That means that ketchup is a smoothie.

Amos: That's deeper.

Promachus: ...You guys are idiots

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Irfam: Where the devil is Promachus?

Kostas: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe they melted?

Amos: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

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Kostas, teaching Promachus to drive: Okay, you're driving and Amos and Irfam walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Promachus: Oh, definitely Irfam. I could never hurt Amos.

Kostas, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

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Kostas: Count me in!

Amos: Who the hell are you?!

Kostas: Oh, you know my sibling! They worked at Wendy's.

Amos: Oh yeah, Irfam! How are they doing?

Kostas: Oh yeah, not too good. They've been dead for the past month.

Promachus: What the hell, they didn't tell us!

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Amos: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Promachus: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Kostas: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Irfam: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

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Sol & Irfam in the back of Promachus's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Kostas: We have food at home.

Promachus: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*

Sol & Irfam: YAYYYYYY!

Promachus: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

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Explosions: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash.

Irfam: Oh. We're going out?

Explosions: Wh…

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Explosions: This date is boring!

Irfam: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

Explosions: Then why did you invite me?

Irfam: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Irfam I'll do whatever I want!

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Irfam walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Explosions, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

Explosions, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

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Explosions: Stay foxy.

Irfam: Die lonely.

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AI Child: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Irfam: Awww, thanks-

AI Child: That’s not a good thing.

Irfam: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny.

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AI Child: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Irfam: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

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AI Child, putting their hands over Irfam's eyes: Guess who!

Irfam: It's either AI Child or the cold, clammy hands of death.

AI Child, putting their hands away: It's AI Child!

Irfam: Dammit.

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Irfam: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.

AI Child: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

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Computer: Please enter a password.

Irfam: *types in AI Child*

Computer: Your password is too weak.

Irfam: How fucking DARE YOU-

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Explosions: How the hell are you still alive?

Irfam: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

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Irfam: Hey AI Child, listen, corporate makes us do this every year, but this is just a little manager evaluation form. You just fill it out, let them know how I'm doing, you know?

AI Child: Alright! Uh, "Is your manager manipulative?"

Irfam: I'd say "No" to that if I were you.

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AI Child: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.

Irfam: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

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Irfam: When I was your age-

AI Child, mocking Irfam: When I was your height.

Irfam:

Irfam: Listen here you little shit-

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Irfam: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Irfam: *turns around and helps AI Child through it* Breaking and entering is wrong AI Child.

AI Child: Okay.