Hmmm

Should I give you all spoilers?

I kind of want to

Hmmm

Enjoy this as I try to decide whether or not to give spoilers haha

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PERCEPTION CHECK by Tom Cardy.

Some background/context? I guess Caleb made the deities play DnD. That’s all. Caleb gave off vibes based on the very little I know about them. Also, I know that Sanguinex and Tomahawk wouldn’t do DnD so, yeah.

Ferre was very easy to persuade to do DnD, no doubt.

*~*~*~*

Caleb; “On the horizon of this forest path, you see a group of dark cloaked figures slowly trudging towards you. What do you do?

Sannawa; “My half-orc barbarian braces her great hammer and— That’s a One.”

Caleb; “Critical fail. Linn, what do you do?”

Aislinn; “Well, I believe in anticipation, my rogue would try and hide behind a tree— Okay, I rolled a One.”

Caleb; “That’s another critical fail. Ferre, what does your human bard do?”

Ferre; “Active Perception Check. That’s a Natural 20. Let’s fucking go.”

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Ferre; “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes! These motherfuckers mean to harm us! And they got to go— So! Come on, get ‘em now! You picked the wrong day to fuck around with my tight crew, oh ho! There’s no escaping it, I can perceive you! And here’s what we’re gonna do!”

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Ferre; “Me and my boys gonna mess you up!”

Sannawa; “I rolled a One.”

Aislinn; “I rolled a One.”

Ferre; “Fuck.”

Ferre; “My boys are otherwise engaged so I’m gonna bring it all myself!”

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Ferre; “Hey— I forgot, you’re supposed to tell me what I see, right?”

Caleb; “Yes, thank you. Let’s just slow this all down a bit. So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter—”

Ferre; “I cast Vicious Mockery! Nat 20, let’s go!”

-

Ferre; “You’re a short motherfucker and nobody likes you! Short! Everybody says ‘Look how fucking short that guy is!’ and that stops you from making meaningful relationships! And when you were born, everybody thought that you were just a head, but then the doctor said ‘Wait, this stupid motherfucking tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body and I hate it!’”

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Caleb; “Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure. Perception Check, please.”

Ferre; “Nat 20, let’s go!”

Caleb; “You perceive the figure was so short because it was a child.”

Ferre, whispering; “It’s always a kid…”

Caleb; “Specifically the child you’ve been looking for for the last 15 days-game-time and 5 days of our actual lives.”

Ferre; “Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’ll be better…”

-

Ferre; “Fuck, his body’s just lying there, right?”

Ferre; “…Right?”

Caleb; “Yes…? Don’t—”

-

Ferre; “Loot that body! Gotta loot that body now! Loot that body! Gotta loot that motherfucker! Playing my flute when I loot that dead kids body! Bitch!”

I think the best part is that Ferre is the shortest of the deities too so literally making fun of someone in the same situation as themself lmao

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And ooo, nice! I'm in my school's DnD club sooo, yeah. I got a changeling (my favorite DnD race) ranger (a class I have never played before) in the workings for a campaign coming up so let's hope that goes well haha

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Should I give the spoiler?

*A sign on the door reads ‘DON’T FEED FERRE'*

Caleb; “That feels extremely wrong.”

Random Person; “No. I hear that if you feed Ferre, they won’t leave.”

Sanguinex; “Can confirm.”

Ferre, popping into existence on Sanguinex’s shoulder; “Yeah! Sanguinex fed me quite some years ago. Good luck getting rid of me, bitches!”

I feel like Ben Brainard’s series The Table has a ton of moments that would work for the deities plus the champions and avatars. So, here’s one of them. In these, Past Ferre and Ferre would be separate. Because it’s funny.

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Sannawa; “We should talk about what’s happening in Polaris.”

Aislinn; “Absolutely not.”

Sannawa; “Why not?”

Aislinn; “Because there are certain people here that may react to a few of the words we have to use.”

Sannawa; “Well, what are you even talking about?”

Sanguinex; “What’s happening in Polaris?”

Tomahawk; “Ain’t nothin’ good.”

Sannawa; “…Okay, but what if we talk about the C-O-U-P in C-O-D-E?”

Sanguinex; “…Something is happening here…”

Aislinn; “Okay, so, yeah… Polaris may or may not be entering into a bit of a C-I-V-I-L W-A-R.”

Tomahawk; “Why in the hell are the hairs in the back of my neck just stand up?”

Sannawa; “Is that going to end badly?”

Aislinn; “We don’t know yet.”

Past Ferre; “Revolutions always end good.”

Aislinn; “Why did you— Ugh.”

Sanguinex; “There’s a what?”

Tomahawk; “Who? Where? When?”

Sannawa; “Great…”

Past Ferre; “You thought I would stay out of this one?”

Aislinn; “I was hoping you would.”

Past Ferre; “Nah, wherever there is revolution, there also I will be! Death, taxes, revolution!”

Ferre; “And daiquiris.”

Past Ferre; “What?”

Ferre; “Just put daiquiris at the end of that list.”

Past Ferre; “Death, taxes, revolution, and daiquiris?”

Ferre; “Laissez les bons temps rouler!” (Let the good times roll!)

oooo that sounds fun! tell me how it all goes!

The Table is great and I absolutely recommend that you do, I'll totally be doing more of those quotes haha-

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I'll give you a small spoiler, since it's possible that your deities might would know anyways.

But first! The newly revamped Tomahawk designs!

Credits to [email protected]

Azar Nishant Rojos- Tomahawk, with wings hidden.

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Azar Nishant Rojos- Tomahawk, with wings not hidden.

And here is the kind of spoiler-

Credits to [email protected]

Nhamo Acan, before the extraneous circumstances, hehe

The horns are wrong but uh, yeah, they were closest. Look at Sheep Dragon Horns to know what the horns should actualyl be, haha :)

love Tomahawks design but who is this character and what happened oh god??