“Well of course, no other outcome would’ve made sense.”

“I think the title is getting to them already. Quick, take it back!”

“How dare you try and take away my title? I was awarded if, and it’s so obviously true. I thought you were smarter than to doubt the group, Salen.”

“Sometimes I’m able to stoop down to everyone else’s level, Eni.”

Agnar laughed, highly amused. "No one can take away their title!" He stated confidently. "It's not possible."

Esta smiled and nodded along, happy to agree with the good-natured ranger. Isabella smirked and placed a hand lightly on Salen's shoulder, having to shift the things in her arms around to do so. "It's okay, wise girl, you and Esta are still the queens." She said, smiling brightly. "And I'm the king. I mean, really, you should see me in a tux. I can slay in a tux, I'll be the best-looking bitch ever."

Esta blushed slightly as an image of a very well-dressed Isabella popped into her head, but she pushed it away, silently thanking Agnar as he spoke, oblivious.

Agnar made a pouty-face. "I wanna be a queen!" He protested.

Esta giggled. "You can be a princess, Agnar!" She said happily.

Agnar considered this. "Do I get a crown?" He questioned.

"Definitely, you'll be the prettiest princess ever!"

"Hell yeah! Get me a goddamn dress, I'll rock that outfit!"

"Absolutely you will!" Esta exclaimed. "I don't have a dress, but Karma might! Or we can go shopping when we get back to the city!" She gasped. "OH! Group shopping trip!" The healer exclaimed excitedly. "And then movie night!"

"Yes and yes!" Agnar said, looking like an excited child, he reached out and lightly grabbed Eni's sleeve. "Eni, let's do that! We can get food and find new clothes. I can finally get you a parent's day present!" Agnar paused, pursing his lips. "Wait, they don't have a parent's day, just a mother and father's day. Hmm, I'll have to complain about that. Oh well! I'll just get you something for both!" He said, his energy level was obviously back to normal again. "And I can get a dress and crown! It'll be awesome!"

"So awesome." Esta agreed, smiling softly while Isabella nodded along and smirked at Agnar.

---

“I, uh… Yeah, I- Ambrose told me- When I asked… A-About the tension, and all. Thanks. I get it though. In the extremely unlikely variation where it was somebody else… I’d probably assume the worst too. Then again… It couldn’t have been anyone else than me. After all, who else throws themselves at danger without a thought to it? Everyone else is far too careful to have ever gotten, uh… Taken.…Like I was… Honestly, kind of surprised it didn’t happen sooner.”

"Right." Karma agreed, looking at Illon with observant eyes. Trauma response, they noted, maybe don't bring this up again. "Well-" The cut-off as a bird flew by, their eyes trailing it as their brain detached from their conversation with Illon for a moment, focusing purely on the flying thing in the air. They caught themselves and shook their head. "Sorry. Fucking ADHD. Forgot to take my meds this morning." The explained. "Everything is a distraction." Karma sighed and tried to get their thoughts together again.

"Anyway, you wanna know something? Since we're talking and all? I mean, it's kinda pointless information, but I'm not too good at not shutting up, so you're gonna hear it anyway. Sorry in advance." Karma glared at the ground as they walked to avoid getting distracted again. Of course, this didn't work very well considering literally every little thing seemed to demand their attention. They just kept talking anyway, occasionally looking around or kicking a stray rock.

"So, you know when Ambrose like recruited me or something? Well, he told me what was going on and stuff, and I honestly thought it was kinda a suicide mission in some way, right? Like running headfirst into an enemy? I mean, that's not really what we did, but you get the point. Well, I think I only actually came because of what I thought it was. I mean, I made a promise to live, but I never specified how long, right? I thought, if I was going to die, I may as well do so doing something decent for once, like saving people or something. Yet, I came out alive, somehow. Don't really understand any of it. I guess I don't know how to feel, I just..." They hesitated. "I don't know, am I being stupid? I'm stupid a lot, it wouldn't surprise me, but I still... I don't know, sorry. Ranting."

Karma kicked another rock, they were so awkward in everything! Why did they have to be so awkward and stupid?! It wasn't fair.

---

Ambrose made it halfway through Karma's talking before his head started to pound. His chest was tight and his breathing exercises weren't working. Suicide. Karma had literally called it a suicide mission and followed up by saying that's why they'd come.

And Ambrose was the one who suggested they come along.

His hand started shaking and Ambrose had enough experience to know that this was the beginning of a panic attack. This certainly wasn't good.

Head buzzing, the traveler picked up his pace, knowing full and well that if he kept listening to Karma and Illon he'd only get worse. He couldn't help them. He wanted to so badly, but he couldn't. They were trapping themselves.

Without realizing it, Ambrose fell into step with Amel at the front. Once he became aware, he flinched inwardly and forced himself to slow enough that he didn't get ahead of Amel. That wouldn't be good at all. He only hoped that Amel wasn't mad at him for getting so close.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“No one can take away their title! It’s not possible.”

--

“It's okay, wise girl, you and Esta are still the queens. And I'm the king. I mean, really, you should see me in a tux. I can slay in a tux, I'll be the best-looking bitch ever.”

--

“I wanna be a queen!”

--

“You can be a princess, Agnar!”

--

“Do I get a crown?”

--

“Definitely, you'll be the prettiest princess ever!”

--

“Hell yeah! Get me a goddamn dress, I'll rock that outfit!”

--

“Absolutely you will! I don't have a dress, but Karma might! Or we can go shopping when we get back to the city! OH! Group shopping trip! And then movie night!”

--

“Yes and yes! Eni, let's do that! We can get food and find new clothes. I can finally get you a parent's day present! Wait, they don't have a parent's day, just a mother and father's day. Hmm, I'll have to complain about that. Oh well! I'll just get you something for both! And I can get a dress and crown! It'll be awesome!”

--

“So awesome.”

--

Eni grinned and nodded, “Yes, I agree with that for sure. I am surprised by the number of talented singers in the group, by the way. It’s a pleasant surprise though.”

--

Salen looked at Isabella, smiling softly. “You’d slay in anything, Bella, so I don’t doubt for a second that a tux is any different.”

*~*~*~*

“Right.” Illon’s eyes went to Karma, their voice providing the distraction they needed at the moment. “Well-”

--

Silence, for a second, as Karma seemed to get distracted. The silence was loud to them though, given how mere seconds ago they were right by the edge of a memory and/or slipping. They bit their tongue, trying to distract themselves while waiting for Karma to speak again.

--

“Sorry. Fucking ADHD. Forgot to take my meds this morning. Everything is a distraction. Anyway, you wanna know something? Since we're talking and all? I mean, it's kinda pointless information, but I'm not too good at not shutting up, so you're gonna hear it anyway. Sorry in advance.”

--

Illon shrugged, not like they could deny them this anyways, given how Karma had been fine with them talking too.

--

“So, you know when Ambrose like recruited me or something? Well, he told me what was going on and stuff, and I honestly thought it was kinda a suicide mission in some way, right? Like running headfirst into an enemy? I mean, that's not really what we did, but you get the point. Well, I think I only actually came because of what I thought it was. I mean, I made a promise to live, but I never specified how long, right? I thought, if I was going to die, I may as well do so doing something decent for once, like saving people or something. Yet, I came out alive, somehow. Don't really understand any of it. I guess I don't know how to feel, I just… I don't know, am I being stupid? I'm stupid a lot, it wouldn't surprise me, but I still... I don't know, sorry. Ranting.”

--

Illon almost stopped breathing while Karma spoke. Not because it was surprising, not because the idea was stupid or overwhelming. But because it threw them right back to the edge. The edge of a memory containing fire and hopes that it would simply swallow them whole.

--

They found their voice though, and kept walking. “It’s not stupid… Not to me, at least. I’ll be honest, when I first came across the group it had been a year or so since… Well. Since my old colleague left. I should've moved past it by then, moved on and been good. I hadn’t. The first month when they’d left was terrible, I had… Well, what happened in the first month isn’t important.” They definitely didn’t feel up to telling Karma about the slipping yet, they didn’t want to tell anyone about that yet. “After the first month though, things went downhill. I isolated myself from the world, only coming out for food restocks… Until I stopped doing that too, about half a year in. I couldn’t focus on any of my inventions for more than an hour max…”

--

Illon took in a breath, this was important to tell. Someone had to know eventually, right? And if anyone had to know, why not the brutally honest Karma? The one that could be honest to them without holding back. “Once I… I decided why not just mess up on purpose? No one would know, it’d look like an accident… I failed, and then I failed some more. And then I met the group… When I heard what it was for, I didn’t know whether to join or not. They’d be better without me, but then again- There was nothing left for me in the city. And throwing myself head first into danger for the greater good? Great way to make it seem like an accident.”

--

They stared at the ground, not sure where to pick up. But they still spoke, “Isabella, when I’d first found out what her ability was… She terrified me. Or, well… I was terrified of what I might do. I was scared, terrified, that I wouldn’t hold back from temptation well enough and go running to her. Go running to her and ask her about her ability, like- ‘Hey! You can- You can create fire and- And control it, right? Well, uh, I don’t know- Maybe, maybe do everyone a favor and just… Go ahead.’” Their eyebrows furrowed, eyes dim compared to the forced brightness they usually held.

--

Them getting taken was back in their head now, because while they were admitting this- Why not talk about their most recent experience with a near death experience! “It’s probably why I was able to keep quiet as well as I did… Because to me, it didn’t really matter what happened to me before I died. I’d be dead! I’d be dead and the team would win! It was a good thing all around. It didn't matter how much pain I’d go through, because by the end of it- I’d be dead. I’d be dead and I wouldn’t have to face any of the consequences to any of my actions. And yet still, I failed… Even when it would’ve been so easy to simply go down and succeed… I just can’t seem to die… From all the near death experiences I had before joining, to the ones I’ve had since joining- All the way to now… I keep failing.”

--

They gave a bitter, half-hearted laugh. “And isn’t that telling? Can’t even do something as simple as dying right…” They didn’t look at Karma. If they didn’t look at Karma then they might be able to pretend they were simply talking to themselves.

*~*~*~*

Amel was well aware when Ambrose came up to his side, before slowing down a bit so as to not get ahead of him. He started grinning at it, before his mind chided him about how Ebele would never. And then he was grimacing.

--

Amel sighed, and glanced at Ambrose. The traveler was obviously pretty panicky at the moment. Ebele would’ve asked him what was wrong… Would’ve helped… He looked away, but still spoke. “You know… I don’t bite, not when it’s people that usually listen, at least. Like you. What’s up? What’s gotten you to decide my company is better than none?”

--

He kept his voice low, loud enough for Ambrose to hear but quiet enough for no one else to. He didn’t need people thinking he was nice, because he wasn’t. He was just doing this because a panicky teammate was less useful than a none panicky one. Obviously. It had nothing to do with Ebele and what she would’ve done, it was only because he needed everyone at their best at all times.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Aw, why thank you, I'd have to say the same to you, wise girl.”

--

“Hey, Eni, when I get a boyfriend you think he'll compliment me like that?”

--

“I think whoever you chose to be your boyfriend is great as long as he treats you right, Agnar. I mean, there are all different types of people, you just have to find someone, or someones, who care about you and treat you well. I think you decide that in the end. Of course, I recommend getting Eni's approval first. Always.”

--

Salen blushed and simply nodded in agreement. Her voice was definitely losing her right now, with all the talk of relationships.

--

Eni laughed a bit, nodding. “I’m sure I’ll love anyone you choose. Unless they're obviously terrible, duh.”

*~*~*~*

“We're on the same page there. I'd be lying if I said the same thoughts didn't cross my mind when I met Isabella as well, though, of course, considering everything, I couldn't. I isolated myself too, actually. For a... very long time. Probably half of my life, maybe more. I had... many reasons for it. When I finally did come out I still avoided people, I was... I am... Scared of them. Still, my friend... He was the only one stupid and persistent enough to actually stick around, until... Things happened and shit. I made the promise, and I didn't talk to anyone really until Ambrose found me. Now we're here. Living is far harder than dying, and yet dying feels harder sometimes. Maybe because it's something I want but can't have? That's a lot of things though, so maybe it's just bad luck.”

--

Illon nodded, giving a slight shrug. At this moment, they were certain the face wounds had reopened again. But honestly, they could ignore it, the pain wasn’t unbearable right now. It wasn’t as if the smell was too bad, yet. Nothing like the room had been, at the very least.

--

“Hey, Illon. You're smart, right?” They winced, immediately hoping Karma hadn’t noticed. “I mean, you seem to be. I've always wondered, how far do you think a plant seed travels before it hits soil and grows? If it ever gets there, I mean. I've heard they can travel across the world, but I'm not sure how much I really believe it.”

--

They stared at the ground for a moment, honestly? They knew that it depends. The seed could travel the whole world or it could just go a few feet away. But the expectation to know, even though they did, made them pause. Made them wish they didn’t. Because if they answered this with what they knew was correct, well… Karma would just expect more. And as they kept answering correctly then the expectations would grow and grow and-

--

They forced their thinking to slow, fighting to do the same with their breathing. There weren't any expectations. Karma had said that. They had reinforced that. It was fine. They took a final stabilizing breath, hoping Karma either wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t mention it.

--

“Well, for one. It depends on the plant, the seed. Some are usually able to go further than others. But for the most part, the seed can travel a long way. Even the entire world, depending on how it’s traveling. Or… The seed could end up only a few feet away from where it started. It depends on a lot of different factors, like wind and water and animals. Or lack of those things.” Illon shrugged, hoping it would even out the tone they’d been using. An informed one, the one they’d always used when explaining things, or presenting, or meeting important people that could determine their entire future.

*~*~*~*

“O-oh. It's nothing, j-just me being stupid a-again. Nothing to worry about. S-sorry for interrupting y-you. I didn't realize I-I had… Sorry.”

--

Amel had to suppress the urge to roll his eyes or scowl. They couldn’t suppress the tone of their voice though, harsh. “You didn’t interrupt anything, I’m just walking. And obviously, something’s up. You’re stuttering, which means you either don’t trust me or you’re nervous about something. Or a combination of those two things, which is my guess if I’m being honest.”

--

He shrugged nonchalantly, glancing at Ambrose. “Look, I don’t really care if you don’t wanna talk about it. But you getting your everything in a twist could prove detrimental to the team, you know? So either you spill or you don’t, but you still have to get it under control quick enough to not cause any problems. Alright?”

--

He looked back to the front. Ebele definitely would've been mad at him for how he was acting. But to be honest? He’d always been like this, it wasn’t as if everything was going to change just because of some nostalgia. Only fools lived in the past. He still sighed, face softening slightly. “Look. If something’s bothering you, as leader it’s my job to make sure it doesn’t. I at least have to know, or know how to fix whatever it is if it’s something you can’t do yourself. You’d rather tell me and then not tell anyone else, get it handled in secret, or tell someone else and that person not be able to keep their mouth’s shut before everyone finds out?”

“I’m sure I’ll love anyone you choose. Unless they're obviously terrible, duh.”

"Me?! Choose someone terrible?! Never! I only chose the best!" Agnar answered, grinning. His tone was amused and playful. He looked at the girls, Salen and Isabella both seemed completely flustered and Esta, for once, seemed to be the one that was completely unfazed. Interesting. "What do you think, Star?" The ranger prompted, fueling the conversation. "What do you look for in someone? Maybe I can give you some advice!"

Esta's laugh was clear and warm. "Oh, I'm sure you have the best advice, Agnar." She stated, eyes amused as Agnar puffed out his chest proudly, taking the compliment to heart. "Well, you see, I don't look for anything in particular, I don't think." The healer said, her face turning thoughtful. She remembered Falicia and sighed softly before continuing. "I mostly just want people who care, people who are willing to listen to me and... I guess just people who love me. I don't really care what people look like or sound like, and to me, it doesn't how many people there are in a relationship. I think if everyone loves each other equally and listens to each other, and just overall care for each other, nothing else matters." The red-head blinked, realizing she'd gotten a bit serious. She smiled quickly. "But that's just what I think, I guess I just want someone who really loves me."

Isabella, who was still recovering from earlier, looked down at the ground, a small smile on her face. How someone could be so pure, kind, and open as Esta was, she would never understand.

Agnar pursed his lips in a mockingly critical way, happy to lighten the mood again. "Hmmm, okay, love sounds good." He agreed. "And kindness... Esta, I think you have a good standard." The ranger proclaimed after a moment. "Congratulations!"

"Why thank you," Esta laughed. "I'm very glad I have the approval of a love expert like you, Agnar." She said, shooting Eni a highly amused look.

Agnar followed her gaze and grinned, tugging on his parents' sleeve. "Eniiii, what about you? You're the best, and I'll never replace you, but is it possible that I might get another parent?" He smirked, showing he was teasing... partially.

---

“Well, for one. It depends on the plant, the seed. Some are usually able to go further than others. But for the most part, the seed can travel a long way. Even the entire world, depending on how it’s traveling. Or… The seed could end up only a few feet away from where it started. It depends on a lot of different factors, like wind and water and animals. Or lack of those things.”

"Huh. Cool." Karma replied, looking out at the large number of trees surrounding them. "I guess that means some of these trees could be from across the world." They noted that Illon's breathing was slightly labored and glanced over. "You know it's fine if you don't know something right? Like, you don't have to tell me. I don't care. I just thought I'd ask 'cause I actually find nature kind of interesting. Which is weird because I don't really find much interesting and all. Anyway, I don't expect you to be like... God or something. You don't know everything, obviously. That'd be kinda creepy."

Karma wasn't positive that this was the reason why Illon seemed to be kind of freaking out, but they had a good idea. Illon had started to... er... breathe oddly whenever Karma mentioned that they were smart. Weird. Maybe something like not wanting complements or something? Or expectation standards?

The second would make more sense.

Right. Karma thought. So just like, make sure to make Illon understand that you expect only the same from them as everyone else... Which, Karma being Karma, was simply nothing. They expected only the worse, anything better (sidenote: literally everything is better), and that was a plus one, gold star, and an 'awesome! You didn't leave, die, hurt me, manipulate me, or do anything super terrible to me! Good job! I still don't trust you.' From Karma.

---

“You didn’t interrupt anything, I’m just walking. And obviously, something’s up. You’re stuttering, which means you either don’t trust me or you’re nervous about something. Or a combination of those two things, which is my guess if I’m being honest. Look, I don’t really care if you don’t wanna talk about it. But you getting your everything in a twist could prove detrimental to the team, you know? So either you spill or you don’t, but you still have to get it under control quick enough to not cause any problems. Alright?”

Ambrose flinched at Amel's tone, hoping he didn't notice, and tried to breathe deeply so that when he spoke his voice would actually be decent. Just when Ambrose opened his mouth, though, Amel spoke again, his voice slightly gentler this time.

“Look. If something’s bothering you, as leader it’s my job to make sure it doesn’t. I at least have to know, or know how to fix whatever it is if it’s something you can’t do yourself. You’d rather tell me and then not tell anyone else, get it handled in secret, or tell someone else and that person not be able to keep their mouth’s shut before everyone finds out?”

That honestly just freaked Ambrose out more, Amel was, truthfully, one of the last people Ambrose wanted to talk to in this situation.

"U-um, right. Sorry." Ambrose squeezed his eyes shut, mind racing. He didn't doubt that Amel would just make things worse for Illon and Karma... especially Illon, if he told them the truth. That meant he had to lie. Now, being a traveler so long, Ambrose was a rather skilled lier. There were plenty of dangerous situations that he'd had to lie his way out of in the past. The problem was, right now, he was on the verge of a panic attack and Amel was smart. Manipulating a manipulated was not an easy task. "It's just, I-I'm nervous about getting b-back to the city, I guess. I-I'm not used to being a-around people for so long, and I-I honestly like this group. I t-think I'm just worried about w-what will happen when we g-get back. I don't like s-sticking in one place for t-too long, but if I leave I c-could lose the only people I h-have."

Well, nothing Ambrose just said was a lie. In fact, it was something that Ambrose was anxious about, it just wasn't his primary fear at the moment. It still sounded very convincing, Ambrose just hoped it was convincing enough.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Me?! Choose someone terrible?! Never! I only chose the best! What do you think, Star? What do you look for in someone? Maybe I can give you some advice!”

--

“Oh, I'm sure you have the best advice, Agnar. Well, you see, I don't look for anything in particular, I don't think. I mostly just want people who care, people who are willing to listen to me and... I guess just people who love me. I don't really care what people look like or sound like, and to me, it doesn't how many people there are in a relationship. I think if everyone loves each other equally and listens to each other, and just overall care for each other, nothing else matters. But that's just what I think, I guess I just want someone who really loves me.”

--

“Hmmm, okay, love sounds good. And kindness... Esta, I think you have a good standard. Congratulations!”

--

“Why thank you. I'm very glad I have the approval of a love expert like you, Agnar.”

--

“Eniiii, what about you? You're the best, and I'll never replace you, but is it possible that I might get another parent?”

--

Eni thought for a moment before shrugging, “Maybe. I have to find someone that can keep up with my title though, you know? Someone that’ll treat you well too would definitely be ideal. To be honest, I’m not sure if I have a type. Someone that can stick up for what they believe in, that can stick up for others… That by itself would be pretty nice.”

*~*~*~*

“U-um, right. Sorry. It's just, I-I'm nervous about getting b-back to the city, I guess. I-I'm not used to being a-around people for so long, and I-I honestly like this group. I t-think I'm just worried about w-what will happen when we g-get back. I don't like s-sticking in one place for t-too long, but if I leave I c-could lose the only people I h-have.”

--

Sounded reasonable enough. Amel glanced over at him though, and his eyes said too much. He scoffed, rolling his eyes. He’d just play by the liar's hand too then. Sprinkled with just enough truth to come off as true. “Well, I guess that makes sense for people like you. I, personally, can’t wait to get back to the city. Never listen to any music again, never deal with any of you again- You know, the stuff I did before going on this mission. Maybe I’ll go back to the field of law enforcement. Any ideas where you’ll be traveling to first once you go back to that? Or any idea where your home base will be? Travelers like you have those, right?”

--

Honestly, Amel didn’t care for the conversation much. But most people just wanted distraction when nervous, so he might as well make sure that whatever was causing Ambrose to get upset didn’t spread somehow.

*~*~*~*

“Huh. Cool. I guess that means some of these trees could be from across the world. You know it's fine if you don't know something right? Like, you don't have to tell me. I don't care. I just thought I'd ask 'cause I actually find nature kind of interesting. Which is weird because I don't really find much interesting and all. Anyway, I don't expect you to be like... God or something. You don't know everything, obviously. That'd be kinda creepy.”

--

Illon hadn’t been expecting that reaction for the chance of Karma noticing. But they didn’t need to know that. So, they shrugged and gave a light, slightly awkward laugh. “Yeah… It’d be strange for sure. Some things just aren’t meant to be known…” They trailed off, keeping their eyes on the ground in front of them.

--

Their mind easily continued though. There’s a lot of things that shouldn’t be known. Like the warmth of blood, or the smell of blood mixing with semi-dried blood and fully dried blood… Wait. That wasn’t just their memories. The warmth of fresh blood was starting to become harder to ignore at their mask, the way the different variety of dryness of the blood mixed was creating a smell they did not want to remember at the moment.

--

It’s not as if they could just take off the mask to get rid of the smell though. Not in front of Karma, at least. Either their face would get to them or they would tell them to go to Esta due to the reopening. And they couldn’t just go to Esta right now either, she was already doing so much. So much that she shouldn’t have to do. So much that at this point, whether it hurt her when it happened or not, they most definitely didn’t deserve her help.

--

But the smell seemed so strong to them, and as they walked besides Karma, it was quickly becoming harder and harder to ignore the smell. Harder and harder to fight the memories threatening to destroy the uneasy peace they had at the moment. They couldn’t change their breathing to make it to where they didn’t breath in the smell as much, because Karma would notice. And it was impossible to change how much blinking they did naturally too. Which was bad, because the smell was starting to get to them.

--

The smell wouldn’t leave, the warmth of the blood wouldn’t leave either. The warmth was mostly on their right, like it always was. Which was bringing more of their attention to how silent the things they knew they should’ve heard from that side but couldn’t. How the side they used most was silent when it shouldn’t have been.

--

The warmth of fresh blood, plenty on their right side, the feeling of it… They could feel themselves slipping into that memory, even as they fought to stay aware of their surroundings. Aware of if Karma was speaking or not.

--

It was a losing battle, just like everything else. The absence of sound on their right side, and how they had to strain even with their left ear now, would take getting used to. Quite a bit of getting used to. They didn’t realize they were grimacing until they weren’t, feeling more warm fresh blood begin to run down their bottom face.

--

The smell was terrible, but they weren’t sure if Karma could smell it too. Or if it was just them. Did it matter? All it meant was that Illon had to deal with it. Deal with the memories that came with it. It wasn’t as if anything would happen except they’d space out. They wouldn’t even stop walking, they knew that already. They just wouldn’t notice anyone, wouldn’t hear anyone… Which, to be fair, already happened anyways. The memories themselves were terrible, sure. But it was what happened when they threw themselves into danger headfirst one after another. It was their fault, right?

--

Sure, they could blame it on the one asking the questions. But in the end? It was them that had gotten caught because of their own inability to do anything, it was them that decided silence was better than answering. So it was their fault, which meant that it had just been punishment for those choices. An ‘everything has consequences’ kind of deal.

--

They groaned, hoping it was inaudible. Though at this point, they were starting to lose focus on the present world around them. The smell of blood that varied in dryness was starting to trick their eyes. Was starting to trick their mind. Because their right hand was making its way up to their right ear. It made contact, and the response was immediate. They moved their own hand away as if they’d been slapped.

--

“Are you ignoring me now? Pretending you can’t hear me? I asked you a question.”

--

Their jaw was in pain, the smell of blood that varied horrifically in dryness stained the air. They weren’t sure they could answer, even if they wanted to. But they didn’t want to, so ignoring them would have to do. Just so their defiance could be more obvious.

--

“How’s this then. Either you answer, or I assume you can’t hear me.”

--

Illon couldn’t answer, they’d refuse to if they could speak. “So you’ve gone deaf on me? Well… How about we make sure of that?”

--

They refused to look up, they couldn’t give in. Not right now. It wasn’t as if it’d matter when they were dead. So they didn’t see when their arm went up, the shine that came with it as the knife gotten reflected upon. They did feel when the knife was on their face, the cool metal’s tip at the corner of their right eye. And then it began making its way, slowly. Excoriatingly slowly. It stopped on top of their ear, and they realized too slowly why. It pushed in, twisting in order to cover more area. To cause more damage.

“Maybe. I have to find someone that can keep up with my title though, you know? Someone that’ll treat you well too would definitely be ideal. To be honest, I’m not sure if I have a type. Someone that can stick up for what they believe in, that can stick up for others… That by itself would be pretty nice.”

Agnar beamed. "Aww, you'd think of me when making that decision?! I'd be happy for you no matter what, Eni, if you choose someone, then they automatically adopt me too, and they can be second best parent."

Isabella managed to relax enough to speak again and cleared her throat. "Okay, why are we on a lovey-dovey topic again?" She questioned jokingly. "I thought we were singing Disney."

---

“Well, I guess that makes sense for people like you. I, personally, can’t wait to get back to the city. Never listen to any music again, never deal with any of you again- You know, the stuff I did before going on this mission. Maybe I’ll go back to the field of law enforcement. Any ideas where you’ll be traveling to first once you go back to that? Or any idea where your home base will be? Travelers like you have those, right?”

The last two sentences alone almost made Ambrose lose it, but he managed to contain himself and he gave a very slight nod. "I-I kind of just go wherever m-my feet take me. I d-don't really have a home base, t-though, just the forest r-really. Law enforcement sounds cool, I'm s-sure you're great at it, l-like everything else you do. I t-think I might try the m-mountains next, I've been a lot o-of places, but not the mountains. T-they look pretty in pictures, I-I'd like to see them in real life, I think."

A ringing started up in Ambrose's ears, it was faint enough that it didn't take over, but just loud enough to be annoying. He'd chosen not to say anything about Amel 'never wanting to deal with any of them,' unsure of how to respond, but that wasn't the thing that really triggered him. Ambrose had figured that Amel wouldn't want to stick around the group when they got back, that wasn't surprising, but 'home base?' That stung.

Not because Amel had meant it to, Ambrose assumed, he actually seemed like he was trying to help, but because of the uncontrollable facts. Ambrose had a home base since... since his mother died and his father...

The traveler squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, clenching his fists and trying not to show the fact that he was shaking a little. He didn't want to talk about that again, or think about it, or have anything to do with it anymore. He was out, he wasn't trapped anymore. It was fine, everything was fine.

Except, it wasn't, because, in reality, Ambrose was just digging himself back into that hole he'd been trapped in for three years of his life. He was trying to run, he always ran, but this time he found himself struggling against something he'd only experienced a few times when it came to leaving... guilt. He wanted to get out, he wanted to leave, but that would mean leaving Illon and Karma to fend for themselves. The cost would be great. As they got closer to the city it became more and more obvious to Ambrose that he had to make a decision based on the conversation he'd heard between his friends. Him, or them?

As Ambrose opened his eyes again, he knew he'd chosen them. Even if he didn't really want to. Leaving them behind would hurt worse than staying, and the regret would never leave.

"You can't always help everyone, Bo." Ambrose's mother said, lightly brushing her son's hair out of his face, he's come to her that day after school crying because a girl he was friends with had told him that she was struggling with the loss of her baby brother and he didn't know what to do to help. "Some things simply can't be fixed. The most you can do is stay with her and let her know that you care about her. Give her someone she trusts and knows she can lean on. That's the most you can do sometimes, darling. Don't set yourself to an unachievable standard, just be you. Perfectly sweet, caring you. You'll help a lot of people like that, my little Bo."

Stay. Ambrose thought, taking another calming breath. He had to stay.

---

“Yeah… It’d be strange for sure. Some things just aren’t meant to be known…”

Karma nodded in agreement and let the silence stretch for a moment before looking over at Illon. Their expression turned slightly worried when they saw the glazed look on Illon's face and saw the fact that their mask was sticking to their face in a way it probably shouldn't.

"Hey, uh, Illon? Do you... You need me to get Esta? You don't look too good, and, I mean, like... mentally. Plus, I can tell you're bleeding, that's usually not a great sign." Karma waited for a moment, hesitating, then quickened their steps and grabbed Esta's shoulder, making her jump. "Hey, um, Illon's bleeding. I think they need some help." Karma stated, keeping their voice very low. There was no need to announce Illon's medical state to the whole group, that would cross even Karma's line.

Esta looked over at Karma and her eyes darkened with worry. "Thanks, Karma. One moment everyone! I'll be back!" She stated, her voice still bright. Isabella raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. Esta was probably just checking on Illon again, they needed a lot of medical attention.

Karma followed Esta back to Illon and watched curiously as she approached them. They didn't say anything and gave Illon plenty of room to talk with Esta as needed. Despite their rather bad reputation of being disrespectful, Karma could actually be genuinely caring when they tried, and, though it was just little things that most people wouldn't notice, it was little hints like standing back and giving people space when needed that showed how respectful and caring Karma could actually be. They weren't heartless, no matter what others thought.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Aww, you'd think of me when making that decision?! I'd be happy for you no matter what, Eni, if you choose someone, then they automatically adopt me too, and they can be second best parent.”

--

“Okay, why are we on a lovey-dovey topic again? I thought we were singing Disney.”

--

Eni grinned and shrugged, “Maybe because of how many love songs Disney has? Honestly, it’s like- Their whole thing at this point.”

--

“Thanks, Karma. One moment everyone! I'll be back!”

--

Salen watched as Karma and Esta began walking off. It was probably nothing to be worried about. And it was probably none of her business anyways. “So… Why all these questions about people’s type anyway, Agnar? Do you know what yours is?”

*~*~*~*

“I-I kind of just go wherever m-my feet take me. I d-don't really have a home base, t-though, just the forest r-really. Law enforcement sounds cool, I'm s-sure you're great at it, l-like everything else you do. I t-think I might try the m-mountains next, I've been a lot o-of places, but not the mountains. T-they look pretty in pictures, I-I'd like to see them in real life, I think.”

--

Amel held back a hum in thought at that. There had already been far too much singing for an entire year already. He nodded instead as he thought. “You know, the mountains do usually look nice in pictures, hope you like those. Law enforcement’s a fickle thing, if I’m being honest. Not enough where there should be, too much where there shouldn’t be. Coming from a more downtown area, let me say- There were never enough good people in law enforcement. And by good people, I mean good at their job. I couldn’t care less about whether or not they’re moral, but most of them just sucked at what they were doing. If I do end up going back to law enforcement, I’ll probably go to one of those types of places. Where as much help as possible is needed, you know?”

--

A bit too honest for his liking, usually. But them being honest would probably help Ambrose. Which was a priority only because he needed everyone at their best. He didn’t know when the idiot was going to pop out, after all.

*~*~*~*

And then the twisting stopped, though the pressure stayed the same. It dragged, slowly and much more painful than before. Agonizingly was probably a better word for it. And then it ripped through the last bit of their skin, at the back of their neck. Right under some hair. They breathed heavily, the fresh warm blood drizzling down the right side of their face. They couldn’t hear it.

--

The blade tapped the left side of their forehead. And then it was gone. Relief flooded them. And then they felt a fist connected to the right side of their face. A hand grabbed a fistful of hair, shoving their head to where the newest wound could be easily accessible.

--

For a bit, they couldn’t hear anything or feel anything. And then they felt a twisting deeper in the ear than before. It was painful, excruciatingly so. What was worse though, was how they couldn’t even hear the blade moving, only feel it.

--

They couldn’t even be sure if it were actually there, they couldn’t hear it. And with how their face was turned, they couldn’t see it. The only proof that it was there was the amount of blood that they could feel due to it.

--

Their breathing was heavy and labored, only one side heard it. They felt the blade twist and then rip itself out, through the skin that was blocking it due to the twist. There was no doubt that their ear was a simply mangled mess now… It still hurt.

--

When the hand let go of their hair, they were only barely aware of that fact, their head dropping with no resistance. They didn’t notice that the person moved until they felt a stabbing pain at their shoulder blade, slowly moving downwards due to the resistance put up by their skin. While they managed to hold back the scream of pain at this, they couldn’t hold back a barely audible groan of pain. It tore open the still raw wounds at their lower face, adding more blood and pain to the mix.

--

The knife removed itself after what felt like and eternity, and then traced their back. It didn’t break any skin, it didn’t stop the tension they held the entire time. They couldn’t pay attention long enough to know if the person was speaking or not. They weren’t sure what they would’ve preferred at this point.

“Maybe because of how many love songs Disney has? Honestly, it’s like- Their whole thing at this point.”

Isabella nodded, she couldn't really argue with that, it was true, honestly.

“So… Why all these questions about people’s type anyway, Agnar? Do you know what yours is?”

"Just interested!" Agnar replied, smirking a little. "Hmmm? A type? I don't think I really have a type. I do like someone who can stick up for themselves and who's determined, even when things go wrong, and I'd like my partner(s) to be devoted and loyal. Honestly, I just want people I know care about me and I know I can trust, trust's a big thing. Of course, they have to be someone who can put up with my terrible humor and take a joke every once in a while." He beamed. "Huh, I guess I do kinda have a type. Never thought about it. What about you Salen, and you Isabella? Everyone else had something to say!"

Isabella pursed her lips thoughtfully, she didn't mind playing along, she just had to make sure her answer wasn't too revealing. "Well... I like a different array of people, I feel like. My last parters, no go. Two of them were bitchs, so basically just not them." She smirked. "Anyway, I feel like I like people who are kind and care about others and people who know how to think things through. I know I can be a lot sometimes, I tend to jump into conflicts without thinking, and cause conflicts that way. I could use someone, or a few people, in my case, to balance me out, I guess. I honesty too, I'd rather not be lied to all the time."

---

“You know, the mountains do usually look nice in pictures, hope you like those. Law enforcement’s a fickle thing, if I’m being honest. Not enough where there should be, too much where there shouldn’t be. Coming from a more downtown area, let me say- There were never enough good people in law enforcement. And by good people, I mean good at their job. I couldn’t care less about whether or not they’re moral, but most of them just sucked at what they were doing. If I do end up going back to law enforcement, I’ll probably go to one of those types of places. Where as much help as possible is needed, you know?”'

Ambrose nodded in reply, thinking. He could feel himself calming down a little despite everything. He had made a decision, and, even though he didn't necessarily like it, the decision was made, so he didn't have to struggle against it anymore. And, honestly? The conversation was kind of calming too. Ambrose hadn't really thought that he'd ever have a comfortable conversation with Amel.

"T-that makes sense." He replied, eyes turning rather thoughtful. "It's a g-good thing there are people like y-you, Amel," Ambrose said after a moment, a thought popping into his head that he never would have even guessed was possible before. "People n-need strong leaders. As m-much as I'd like to think t-the world could run on its own w-without crime and people fighting all the time, i-it's not true. People need someone t-to look up to and keep them from doing s-stupid stuff all the time, someone who's n-not afraid to take control. T-that's you, and honestly, I-I do appreciate it, Amel. And a-also the fact that you listen to m-me rant. I know I'm annoying."

---

"Illon?" Esta placed a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder, falling into step with them. She could tell that they were bleeding from how their mask stuck to their face, and she knew by the glazed look in their eyes that they were in a different place. Probably a PTSD flashback, the healer guessed. She took a deep breath and used her power to close up the scars on Illon's face again and then kept a gentle but firm grip on their shoulder, guiding them a little as they walked. Right now, Esta decided, they needed a distraction. They could talk more seriously later. "Hey, El, guess what? Me and the others decided to go to the mall when we get back to the city. This means you're coming too, and I'm totally going to buy you some nice clothes and stuff! I bet we can find some cool tool kits too, if you'd like that? Oh, El? Hey, what kind of food do you like? Do you like sweets?"

---

Karma managed to pay attention for a few more seconds, the glazed look in Illon's eyes was freaking them out. It was too familiar. They tried to force their eyes away, but they already knew it was too late, they could feel the wave of panic washing over them already.

They didn't have flashbacks too often, but when they did, they were never good.

Karma lay on the ground staring at the ceiling as it spun. Their whole body hurt and they could see blood out of the corner of their eye. They knew it was theirs, but they weren't sure where it came from at this point, maybe everywhere. Karma's door was closed again, they knew because they'd heard the key turn, which meant they probably had somewhere between five and twenty-four hours before their father came bursting in again, shouting about random shit that didn't relate to Karma in the slightest.

Taking a shaky breath, Karma forced themselves to sit up, wincing in pain as they did so, and grab the bottle of pills and the make-shift fidget toy on their dresser. The room spun, but Karma just blinked hard and ignored it. This was hardly the worst they'd ever been. Swallowing a pill, they closed their eyes again and listened to a glass shatter on the floor outside, followed by a string of cursing.

Five hours, Karma decided. Always assume the worse.

They shot a quick text to Kostas, warning that they wouldn't be at school the next day, and then fell backward onto their bed. They didn't bother to clean up the mess on the floor or the blood on their cheek and body, and they didn't bother to put their shirt back on, they just closed their eyes and let exhaustion take over.

The rules of survival were simple here:

Eat when you can, or you'll get nothing.

Sleep when you can, or you'll never sleep at all.

Never forget medications.

Don't leave unless you have to.

Never EVER fight back.

Things will only ever get worse

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Just interested! Hmmm? A type? I don't think I really have a type. I do like someone who can stick up for themselves and who's determined, even when things go wrong, and I'd like my partner(s) to be devoted and loyal. Honestly, I just want people I know care about me and I know I can trust, trust's a big thing. Of course, they have to be someone who can put up with my terrible humor and take a joke every once in a while. Huh, I guess I do kinda have a type. Never thought about it. What about you Salen, and you Isabella? Everyone else had something to say!”

--

“Well... I like a different array of people, I feel like. My last partners, no go. Two of them were bitches, so basically just not them. Anyway, I feel like I like people who are kind and care about others and people who know how to think things through. I know I can be a lot sometimes, I tend to jump into conflicts without thinking, and cause conflicts that way. I could use someone, or a few people, in my case, to balance me out, I guess. I like honesty too, I'd rather not be lied to all the time.”

--

Salen thought for a moment before nodding. “I don’t really have a type. I guess someone or multiple people that are nice, who love me as I am would be good. Oh- Wait. People that’ll keep their promises to me without me having to use my ability on them. Trust is needed in any good relationship, and if I have to force you to keep your promises? Then there’s obviously something going on that shouldn’t be.”

--

Eni nodded in agreement,”That certainly makes sense. I do wonder now… What do you all think the others would say if we asked? The ‘others’ being Amel, Illon, Karma, and Ambrose obviously.”

*~*~*~*

“T-that makes sense. It's a g-good thing there are people like y-you, Amel.” Amel smiled lightly to himself, proudly. “People n-need strong leaders. As m-much as I'd like to think t-the world could run on its own w-without crime and people fighting all the time, i-it's not true. People need someone t-to look up to and keep them from doing s-stupid stuff all the time, someone who's n-not afraid to take control. T-that's you, and honestly, I-I do appreciate it, Amel. And a-also the fact that you listen to m-me rant. I know I'm annoying.”

--

Amel shrugged, there was nothing like a compliment that caused his honesty to become a bit softer. “You aren’t that annoying, Ambrose. At least not as annoying as some of the others on this team. Quite honestly, the only thing I can find annoying about you is your music. Which, to be fair, isn’t because you aren’t a good musician. Hell, it isn’t even because of your ability. I’m just not a big fan of songs anymore.”

--

He probably shouldn’t have said anymore. But, alas, he supposed it didn’t matter whether or not Ambrose asked about that. It wouldn’t matter if he spoke of Ebele too much. After all, the group was going to be back in the city in a few days.

*~*~*~*

They jumped with a hand on their shoulder, sight blurry. For a second, they were still there, with the blood and the pain and the strain on their wrists. But then their vision cleared and they could see it was Esta. Hadn’t they just been with Karma though? Unless Karma had noticed and brought Esta over. Which would probably make sense.

--

They felt as the reopened wounds closed, and had to stop themself from grimacing. Esta shouldn’t be having to do this. The hand was still on their shoulder, and despite the trust they held for Esta… They couldn’t keep from tensing. There was no reason for Illon to bring attention to that though, they could ignore it.

--

“Hey, El, guess what? Me and the others decided to go to the mall when we get back to the city. This means you're coming too, and I'm totally going to buy you some nice clothes and stuff! I bet we can find some cool tool kits too, if you'd like that? Oh, El? Hey, what kind of food do you like? Do you like sweets?”

--

Illon definitely wasn’t expecting that. Not the fact that Esta wanted them to come, at least. They gave a shrug with the shoulder that didn’t have Esta’s hand on it, hoping their eyes didn’t show how much they hadn’t been expecting it. “Not as big a fan as some would expect, actually. But sweets are definitely still good. Why?”

--

Silently, they scanned the area for Karma. Had they left as soon as Esta had come over or..? They found the person in question fairly quickly. Karma definitely didn’t look too good. Had Illon freaked them out? Probably. After all, if someone could tell when they were out of it enough to get Esta involved then they probably knew enough about… Memories themself. And Karma’s own panicky breathing and glazed eyes definitely made it obvious that they were probably in their own one now.

--

They looked back at Esta. Should they tell her? Would Karma want them to tell her? They probably wouldn’t, right? So the best thing to do, in order to keep everyone… Well, just to keep everyone happy to stay, basically. Was to get Esta to believe them to be alright now so that they can try and help Karma without doing anything they wouldn’t like either.