Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All, Joliqun!(Ind)

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

--

“Um, I'm okay, thanks.”

--

“Good, good, because we love ya too much for you to be sad! You're too absolutely stunning, so talk to us if you need something, m'kay? I couldn't deny my princesses anything if I tried.”

--

Salen chuckled lightly, and shifted to make sure Esta was comfortable with her deciding to rest her cheek against her head.

--

“Yeah, okay. Sorry for pushing you away earlier, Isa. I didn't mean it, I was just thinking about some past events. I'm alright now though, thanks to you both. Oh, and I love you too, the both of you.”

--

“Good, now, cuddle time!”

--

Salen grinned, a soft grin, and wrapped her own arms around her girlfriends too. They all probably needed this, if she were being honest. Everyone had been so tense lately, but she was sure it’d pass soon enough. Most things like that did.

*~*~*~*

Illon stood there, shaking and trying to pull the tears back in without acknowledging said tears. They stood there, waiting for the two to speak. Waiting for the part where the two said they hated Illon or argued back or screamed back or whatever it was they were going to do.

--

Turns out, what they were going to do was something that Illon was not expecting. Though maybe they should’ve, given Ben had taken the first few arguments about the same… Wait, had he? Illon hadn’t thought the two had had any arguments before the one that had Benvolio leaving. Had the two fought before then? No! Of course not! Illon wouldn’t forget that! Either way, Ambrose spoke three little words that pushed almost all of their anger. And any left, was redirected.

--

“Okay... I'm sorry.”

--

And Ambrose left. Left. And wasn’t that what Illon had wanted?… They heard a quiet noise, and looked over to Karma. Karma, who had heard all of that and rightfully hated them and was… Laughing? Well, that was better than Ambrose’s defeat…… Not really. It hurt. Illon nudged them after it became clear they weren’t leaving. Illon wanted them gone too. If one left, both left. That was only fair. That was only what Illon deserved.

--

So, Illon nudged them again and said, voice rather level for someone who had just screamed, “Get out, Karma.”

--

At this point, Illon knew the scar had reopened, not that they could care about that right now. They didn’t deserve to. Once Karma left they could just take off the mask and deal with their shit themself. Like before. Again, they nudged Karma. “Get out, Karma. I don’t want you in here. Go away. Do I have to drag you? I’m not dragging you back to your tent if I do.”

--

Illon waited for what was honestly probably not even five seconds before deciding they’d waited long enough. So, Illon grabbed Karma’s arm and pulled, the height difference made it a bit difficult but Illon still was used to having to drag metals back in the city so they made it work. Within the minute they got Karma out of their tent. And then just left them a bit of a ways outside of it, going back inside their tent.

--

And that was about how long they managed to keep from collapsing. A few steps into their tent and their shaky legs were taking them to the ground as they stumbled. They didn’t let themself cry again though, wiping any tears that did come profusely from their eyes. They didn’t deserve to cry. They’d gotten what they wanted. There was no way the two would be coming back, Illon wasn’t sure how they’d react if the two did even. Their anger was volatile, explosive. Something they’d never learned to properly deal with. Just like anything else that involved people or emotions or talking just in general.

--

Something they knew did work though… Was it even sage for them to do something like that anymore though? Wouldn’t it… Well. Like they’d told Ambrose and Karma, they weren’t going to let that excuse of a reason change how they dealt with things. Their scar was already reopened, what was a little more blood? Plus, even if it did end up causing something it wasn’t like they didn’t deserve it.

--

With that decided, they grabbed their mask and tore it off and threw it in a random direction into their tent. And then, Illon forced themself to move, to at least drag themself over to where they had set their bag. Anger bubbled and guilt stabbed and the familiar, deep sense of desperation and helplessness choked. They forced down the sob that tried to tear its way through their throat. They didn’t deserve it. They didn’t deserve to regret their words. It wasn’t fair to the two of them. Because regret wouldn’t make the words stop from happening again, and the two would only get hurt again and zillow couldn’t do that. Not Ambrose, not to Karma, not even to themself. It was too unstable, too inconsistent. They’d end up just like they did on-

--

And a sob managed to get through. Not because of the spiele they had just given, but because of the memory that was still too much for them to take. Forget torture, that had been worse… Maybe. At least that hadn’t been physically painful. Then again, who cared anyways? It didn’t really matter. Not right now.

--

So, with that, Illon forced their hands into their bag and began digging through it. Once they felt a sharp point, they grabbed the handle of it and pulled it out. Grabbing the edge of their sleeve with their teeth and pulling it up and out of the way was definitely painful, but not like they didn’t deserve that pain either. While doing that though, they realized through blurry eyes that they’d accidentally grabbed their chip carver instead of the blade they used to use for this.

--

For a moment, they stopped. Debating. They wanted to throw it off somewhere like they had with their mask, Agnar may need it for whatever they were making and dried blood wasn’t exactly going to be good for him to see. But an idea was pulling at their mind, an idea coated with anger and guilt and you know what?! Illon had already failed Ambrose and Karma! Why not fail Agnar too! Honestly, they were almost surprised they hadn’t had this idea sooner.

--

So, moving the chip carver to the upper left corner of their right wrist- They began carving out the word. The word that would eventually warn everyone before they had the chance to fail them. To hurt them. Because Illon didn’t want to hurt anyone, they’d never wanted to hurt anyone. Especially not anyone in the group.

--

They wrote it slowly, as slowly as they could, at least. Pushing the chip carver’s blade as deep as it could be pushed in to make sure it would scar once healed. A simple five letter word, all uppercase to make sure the letters wouldn’t be mistaken for one another. It hurt, plenty if they were being honest. But frankly, Illon deserved it. After what they’d done to the two, after what they’d done to Ben, after what they’d done to their parents and grandparents and everyone- They definitely deserved it.

--

Sure, they had to blink back tears the whole time to make sure their vision wasn’t blurry enough so they could write it without any mistakes but that didn’t change that they deserved it. That didn’t change the fact that they were overwhelmed by everything else going on.

--

Luckily though, a five letter word was easier to get through than something longer. And in what felt like hours but was probably no longer than a few minutes, the bloody letters of ‘LEAVE’ stared back at them. Going from the left corner of their right wrist to the right corner of their right wrist. It definitely wasn’t neat, Illon hadn’t expected it to be, but it was legible even with their blurry vision. And then they threw the chip carver off into some random corner in the tent, pulled their sleeve back up, and allowed themself to just lay down. They were done for the night. They didn’t want to get up again, they didn’t want to get up ever again. The injuries, despite how much they’d bleed, wouldn’t allow for that though. No matter how much Illon wished it would, they knew it wouldn’t.

*~*~*~*

“I see… Well, uh, I probably should have definitely not have just, like, spilled all that to a stranger, but I've never been great at keeping my mouth shut, sooo.”

--

Blair wished the fake chuckle hadn’t happened, but as it stood, not like he could really argue against it or demand the dude not to do it. Honestly, Blair probably would’ve done the same.

--

“Thank you… For... explaining things. I guess it makes a little more sense now, so, I appreciate it. And, uh, I think I might try that risk thing, I've always been good at those. Eni gets mad at me for it.”

--

He barked a laugh at that, and grinned. “Good. Someone needs to. They’re your parent, right? I’d tell you to tell them I said hi but like… Pretty sure that defeats the point of hiding my existence from the group. You ever need something that you don’t wanna tell your group though, just lemme know. From one orphan to another, right? I mean, you’ve already spilled shit to me that you admit you probably shouldn’t have spilt. What’s some shit if it ever gets to weighing down, huh?”

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All, Joliqun!(Ind)

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

--

“Sorry to ruin the moment, but don't we have things to do?”

--

“Nah, I don't think so. I mean, someone might have to get more fire wood or something, but that can wait. And I'm pretty sure Agni is actually patrolling rather than just going for a walk, he doesn't know how to not work, unfortunatly.”

--

“I guess.”

--

“Oh, hey! Sal, do you still have that word game book? Maybe we could do some of that.”

--

Salen perked at the sound of her name, honestly she’d been starting to drift off just cuddling with the two. Did she have her crossword puzzle book though? Most definitely. She could feel it in one of the inside pockets of her jacket.

--

“Oh, yeah, that sounds fun! I'm pretty good at crosswords!”

--

“Of course you are, why do I have to be the dumb one?”

--

Forgetting about getting it out for the moment though, she looked over at Isabella instead. If they were going to get on Esta’s case about insulting herself, then Isabella would get her case ridden too.

--

“You aren't dumb, Isa, you just have different skill sets! It's nothing to be ashamed of!”

--

Salen nodded, “Yeah, Bella, and we love you for your skills, very appealing fashion and look, and the top of the cream personality. You wouldn’t be you without all of it.”

--

Digging the crossword puzzle book from her jacket, she held it up and smiled softly. “Besides, if you want to get good at something then you only need to practice and luckily- I have plenty of practice available.”

*~*~*~*

Laying on the ground, not even on the sleeping bag, was decidedly painful. Even more due to the pain from their lower face and forearm. Frankly, Illon was uncomfortable. The ground was hard and digging into their back, they had the side of their face resting against it so it was just rubbing against some wounds that really shouldn’t be rubbed against, and their sleeve was getting pulled in all directions from the way they were laying that made it feel like the already deep cuts were getting torn deeper. And they'd made the fatal mistake of the side being on the ground being their bad ear, so even that was starting to get irritated.

--

But, well, they didnt move to reposition how they were laying on the floor nor did they go to actually wrap anything the way people that didnt have access to Esta did. Let alone move to go and find her or even just to move to their sleeping bag.

--

It wasn’t like they didn’t deserve the added pain. If anything, they were almost upset that there wasn’t more of it. They almost wished they hadn’t thrown away the chip carver, they could’ve done more. Could’ve done a list of everyone that left or would eventually leave because everyone did and everyone should.

--

Honestly, Illon wasn’t sure if they could move. Even if they wanted to. So, experimentally, they shifted their head a bit. Not to a more comfortable position, they just allowed their head to drag some more of the wounds onto the ground. Which worked, but ended up making them cough due to the rather sudden blossom of pain that came with the movement.

--

Which caused more pain and more coughing. And their throat already being hoarse, itchy, and dry from crying was not helping matters. Soon, what started as light coughing here and there that didn’t really end became a fit of pained coughing that reached the pit in their stomach and reminded them that it was still empty. Not like they didn’t deserve that either. The pain still made them curl, which in some ways ended up being slightly less painful. It didn’t help their coughing fit much though, but it did help muffle it which was certainly good enough for them right now. They didn’t deserve any help with it, after all. It would be better if no one heard and showed up, that was for certain.

--

Especially when it could be Esta or when she could be grabbed and brought. Illon had hurt enough people to last multiple lifetimes and they didn’t feel like hurting her too. They didn’t even want to know what they might say to her. Honestly, they weren’t really looking forward to talking to her again at all. Not after she got with the two, not after they know she’ll leave them behind, and definitely not after what happened with Karma and Ambrose. They certainly didn’t deserve her friendship, they didn’t deserve to even know her or waste her healing prowess on their pathetic excuse of a life.

--

They should’ve been left behind by the group. The realization came for the umpteenth time that day during their muffled, pained coughing fit. They really should’ve been left to die by the group. It would’ve been better for everyone. It would’ve been better for Karma and Ambrose and Esta and Amel and Benvolio and- And just everyone. Probably would’ve been better for their parents too even. They’d probably hear the news and cheer… Who wouldn’t?

--

It would’ve been for the best. It would’ve helped more than anything they actually did. Forget their kill count, it was only because they’d ran in without thinking so much. Everyone else could’ve dealt with them all just as easily. The group hadn’t really needed them, they were just deadweight. A burden. A liability. A useless leech that didn’t care about anyone else except for themself. And the group should’ve taken the chance they had to get rid of them. It would’ve been the best choice for everyone.

--

Their parents would’ve been able to pretend they’d died doing something good, Ben would never have to worry about them seeing how successful he is without them, Karma and Ambrose would never have to get hurt by them again, Esta and Salen and Isabella could get married in peace and never worry about someone ruining it, Agnar and Eni could go become a family without anyone getting in the way, and Amel would’ve gotten exactly what he’d wanted from the start. Illon wasn’t that dumb, they knew that Amel didn’t ever like them.

--

But given the coughing, given the painful position, given the blood staining the ground and everything else, and given how they still showed no signs of moving even just to reposition- Illon doubted they would be fixing the group’s mistake anytime soon. They just didn’t have the energy to do so. Maybe tomorrow, or a week from now. But right now, they just didn’t have the willpower.

*~*~*~*

“Ya know what, at this point, why not? I think if you were gonna kill me, you probably would have by now, and it's kinda nice to have someone to share secrets with.”

--

Blair returned the mischievous grin sent his way with a slightly more sarcastic one of his own.

--

“And I somewhat like the idea of meeting up with some mysterious, handsome stranger in the middle of the woods, sounds like somethin' outta a story, hm?”

--

The wink almost made him gag, and it almost made him laugh. He wasn’t sure which reaction would’ve been worse, so he was rather glad he did neither.

--

“Could be something outta a horror film where you end up gaslighting and murdering me, or it could be a romance.”

--

And as soon as Agnar started laughing, Blair did too. The whole thing was rather amusing. They’d went from a short lived argument to secrets being spilled and comfort to… What? Joke flirting? It was strange, and rather enjoyable for some reason. Blair wasn’t sure why himself, not like he’d be complaining.

--

When he finally managed to stop laughing, he gave his best smirk and raised an eyebrow, voice having an amused though slightly flirty tone to it. “Oh yeah? Those the only two choices? Well, I think I know which I prefer. I think I’ll let you guess though, but you’re smart so you’ll probably guess right.”

“Yeah, Bella, and we love you for your skills, very appealing fashion and look, and the top of the cream personality. You wouldn’t be you without all of it.”

Esta nodded in eager agreement, smiling. "Exactly!"

Isabella blushed a little and smiled as well.

“Besides, if you want to get good at something then you only need to practice and luckily- I have plenty of practice available.”

"Well, I guess that's true." Bella agreed, nodding and shifting to wrap her arms around Salen from behind, peaking over her shoulder. Esta smirked slightly and sat next to the others, watching over Sal's other side. "Now, what's the first hint?"

---

Karma was getting uncomortable now, having laid on the hard ground mostly unmoving for several minutes. Their right arm (the one they were laying on) was falling asleep, but Karma refused to move. Instead, they just continued to draw in the dirt, watching as the shapes slowly turned into one big picture.

A bird. Just a random, but surprisingly well drawn bird.

One the image was complete, the skeptic huffed and promptly rolled over on their creation, not giving a fuck about it being ruined. Why would they?

Now staring at the sky, Karma's mind started to slowly collect bits and peices of Illon and Ambrose's argument... if you could call it that. It was really more of Illon having an emotional outburst after Ambrose tried to tell them and Karma that he cared a lot and had no expectations, something that the skeptic didn't really believe either.

Honestly. Illon's outburst was completely understandable, even if it was a bit out of line.

Groaning, Karma covered their face, recognizing the fact that any decant human being would check up on not one, but both Ambrose and Illon. They were both obviously struggling in some aspect.

Normally, the skeptic wouldn't care enough to bother checking on either of them, but for some reason, a little voice in their head and a tugging in their gut was beckoning them to care.

"Damn morals." They snarled to themselves before pushing to their feet and hesitantly stepping back towards Illon's tent. Only to pause again, debating. Illon had kicked them, or rather, dragged them out, so maybe it would be better to start with Ambrose? The guy wouldn't kick them out, probably not even if they really wanted to.

So then, Ambrose first, Illon second.

Or.... maybe it would be better to check on Illon first. They were better known for their self-destructive nature anyway, so...

"Fuck it."

Walking towards Illon's tent yet again, they tapped the flap. "I'm coming in." Karma stated, not bothering to ask if they could. They already knew what the answer would be anyway.

As soon as they unzipped the tent, Karma paused, though they remained expressionless. That was a lot of blood.

Sighing, the skeptic entered, letting the flap fall behind them and approaching Illon, kneeling next to them and pulling them up and off their already injured ear, face, and now, arm.

'LEAVE'

The word, though not spoken, rang loud and clear in Karma's ears, but they ignored it.

Nothing surprised them anymore, and this did nothing but send a small pang of sadness in their gut. Something that didn't reflect in their dark eyes at all.

"Alright, no need to talk, just point. If you have a first aid kit, where is it? And where's the thing you used to do this, I need to now the probability of the wounds getting infected. If you've got decent stuff around here, then there's no need to get Esta, I'm guessing you wanted to avoid that, some shit about her being unnecessarily bothered, right? I've got experiance with taking care of wounds and stuff, so it won't be a problem as long as you've got proper meds. If not, I'll got get my kit."

Their blue eyes swept the tent, searching, before returning to Illon and the new word carved into their arm.

"Kinda stupid, don't ya think?" They hummed. "Words don't make people disappear, believe it or not. They can hurt, they can heal, but they aren't typically magic. Some people are so damn stubborn they won't leave you alone, no matter how many terrible things you say. I should know."

---

As things got more and more muddled in Ambrose's mind, he made his way out of his tent, searching for answers as to where exactly he was and what exactly was going on.

It took a few moments, but he finally processed the fact that there were other people. Three girls talking and someone sitting at the side of the camp. They had wings.

Curious, Ambrose's feet started walking in the person's direction, stopping and lightly tapping their shoulder for attention. The person looked familiar, but Ambrose wasn't sure why. They weren't his family, nor where they who Ambrose remembered as a close friend.

Then again, this whole place was completely new to him, so it made since that he didn't fully know this person.

Maybe one of his mothers friends? She took him on trips sometimes, maybe that's what this whole thing was. That made since.

"Um, hi. Do you know where my mother went? She left a bit earlier and I can't seem to find her."

The traveler looked at Eni with wide, innocent, slightly distant eyes. He looked mostly normal, save for the dried blood under his nails and hair and the red-rimmed eyes. He looked a little confused and his voice was completely serious, genuinely believing that his mother had indeed just gotten up and walked out of camp. It was the only thing that his brain could come up with that would make since in this situation.

Oh, right, manners. His mother would scold him for forgetting about those.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Ambrose, you know my mother, right? What's your name?"

---

“Oh yeah? Those the only two choices? Well, I think I know which I prefer. I think I’ll let you guess though, but you’re smart so you’ll probably guess right.”

Agnar's cheeks reddened slightly, but he just laughed again, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, I think I will!"

He grinned, letting himself sit down. "Also, are you, like, gonna eat, 'cause I brought you hot, fresh food and it's getting less hot and fresh by the second." He pointed out, tone still light and teasing. "I'd honestly love to sit and talk with ya all day, but the others will notice I'm gone eventually, and I'm pretty sure it's, like, fail stalking if you're found out... Well, if your found out by someone who actually cares about the person you want to kill anyway."

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

--

“Well, I guess that's true.”

--

And then Salen was sandwiched between them so that all three could see the book. Honestly, she definitely enjoyed it. Without any further ado, she opened the book to a new page that hadn’t been started yet.

--

“Now, what's the first hint?”

--

Salen looked at the hint sections, and then looked back at Isabella. “Do you want the first across hint or the first down hint? The first across is just whatever the slang word for obsessed is, and the first down hint is ‘A long time blank, in a galaxy far away.’ So a Star Wars quote.”

--

Truth be told, first down was pretty obviously going to be ‘AGO’. But this was supposed to be them doing it all together, so she wanted one of them to get one of the first ones. As for first across… Salen actually wasn’t too sure, slang wasn’t really something she used often, after all.

*~*~*~*

Illon wasn’t sure how long they laid there, time becoming a meaningless mess as their mind simply… Unraveled. They only knew that it hadn’t been long enough for the wounds to stop bleeding, which was going to start being a problem at some point- Not because it made them question how deep they were, Illon knew the answer to that. Not deep enough to kill them. Unfortunately.

--

But no, the blood wasn’t going to be a problem because of something like that. More so, it was going to be a problem because of all the extra memories associated with it at this point. Whatever. They deserved it.

--

Their mind drifted, staying near but not really being able to focus on much. They just wanted to sleep, but the position was making that seem impossible. And the light coughing that still showed up now and then, just to remind them that they didn’t have any control over that either. What did they have control over? Nothing, probably. They had never had control over anything before, after all.

--

A light knock and, “I'm coming in.”

--

And for a moment, they weren’t on the hard ground of their tent- They were seated at a desk, face fallen forwards on it. Their mom right outside the door, about to come in… But then they realized that that had been Karma’s voice, and they were on the ground, with blood all around them.

--

Karma couldn’t see them like this! They’d get Esta! They did earlier! No! No! They couldn’t! Illon tried to curl in on themselves even more than they had when they’d been coughing, trying to hide themselves from view in the most futile way possible. They found they couldn’t move though, and again, it was as if they were back at that stupid desk. The return back to the present didn’t take too long though, just a few seconds.

--

They heard someone enter, they expected some sort of reaction. They got nothing more than a sigh. Somehow it didn’t hurt more than the last time they’d heard it… Or the scream that had followed shortly after…

--

They heard Karma as they walked, feeling rather unlucky that it had been their bad ear that went to the ground instead of their good one. They didn’t feel like hearing anything right now. They didn’t feel like doing anything right now either. Not like they could, the pathetic attempt to move had proven that.

--

What they did want to do was tell Karma to go away, nothing was cooperating right now though, so they didn’t think they’d be able to. No matter how much they wanted to. They doubted they’d listen anyways. Apparently their words hadn’t been enough. Or dragging them out… Illon really was just a terrible, good-for-nothing, useless idiot…

--

Again, in vain, they tried to curl further. Their limbs continued to refuse them though. So instead they just kept their eyes on the ground, they’d rather not have to see the disappointment on Karma’s face as they knelt beside them. Wait, Karma was kneeling beside them? No, no- They should go- They should leave- Leave. Like everyone should. Everyone should just-

--

Their vision was blurry, they were only looking at the floor. Karma’s hands were pulling them to sit up though. They wished they could’ve pulled away, wished they could’ve curled up. Their head fell forwards and to the right though, gravity being the cause. They were glad they didn’t have to look at Karma’s face though, they were glad they weren’t leaning into Karma too.

--

It did mean, though, that they had a perfect view of the still bleeding word on their arm. Which meant so did Karma. They felt sick at the thought. But maybe it would finally make Karma get the hint…? Apparently not, since they started talking.

--

“Alright, no need to talk, just point.” As if that’d be happening… Illon couldn’t do either right now, even if they’d tried. “If you have a first aid kit, where is it? And where's the thing you used to do this, I need to know the probability of the wounds getting infected. If you've got decent stuff around here, then there's no need to get Esta, I'm guessing you wanted to avoid that, some shit about her being unnecessarily bothered, right? I've got experience with taking care of wounds and stuff, so it won't be a problem as long as you've got proper meds. If not, I'll go get my kit.”

--

They did try to point though, they knew where at least one of those things were, after all. Their first aid kit had been stashed under their tiny, easy to move table(if it could even be called that) that they’d used to set finished and unfinished projects on throughout the trip. The kit didn’t have much in it though, other than some gauze and medical tape that they’d ended up using most of for projects. As for the chip carver? They had no clue, they’d throw it off somewhere. It didn’t matter. They ended up being unable to point anyways.

--

They really hoped that Karma wouldn’t go and get Esta, even if it ended up being worse than they had thought it was. They didn’t deserve her worry, she didn’t deserve to be bothered by them. Ever again, honestly. She didn’t need them. She probably wouldn’t ever even want to see them again. They’d already done the only things they could for her, help in the least helpful ways that a wing person possibly could. They hadn’t even really helped. Their eyes glazed, their vision blurred, and again they were glad that Karma probably couldn’t see their eyes. Illon didn’t deserve to cry. Illon didn’t deserve to live either, but look where they were. They’d really have to rectify the group’s mistake at some point…

--

Right now though, Karma was speaking again. They really wished they could’ve said something or pointed by now, but nothing was cooperating.

--

“Kinda stupid, don't ya think? Words don't make people disappear, believe it or not. They can hurt, they can heal, but they aren't typically magic. Some people are so damn stubborn they won't leave you alone, no matter how many terrible things you say. I should know.”

--

And Illon’s eyes were pulled to the bloody word. They wished they could’ve disintegrated, pulled away, curled- Done anything other than just lay there. Sit there. Whatever it was they were doing right now. They wished that they’d reacted to Karma’s words, in any way. But they couldn’t. They wouldn’t move.

--

So, they tried to speak. Tried to say something. It didn’t matter what right now, they just had to say something. They ended up getting a weird whimpering, coughing noise. Karma wouldn’t understand that, Illon knew they wouldn’t. But it was something, and it proved that this state wasn’t as bad as it had once been in the past. They could force themselves to bounce back. Maybe not at this exact moment, but they could at least force their fingers to allow a point in the general direction of the first aid kit now. It was good enough, it had to be. They really didn’t want to let Karma down… More than they had undoubtedly already had, that is…

*~*~*~*

Eni had taken to sitting near the edge of camp the way Agnar had gone, to wait for their dear child to return. They had debated going and speaking to Amel, partly about going after Agnar but they had faith in their son. So they’d decided against it… For now.

--

Eventually though, they felt a tapping on their shoulder. Looking over and turning around, they saw Ambrose. So they offered a warm smile, the two normally didn’t speak too much but Ambrose was all around a good person and respectable in their eyes. Which was why as soon as they noticed the blotchy face red from crying, blood dried underneath his hair, Eni’s eyes crinkled in worry- About to ask what happened, if they needed to give Illon or Karma a stern talking to(Ambrose had been in their tent recently and Karma had followed him in), but Ambrose spoke first.

--

“Um, hi. Do you know where my mother went? She left a bit earlier and I can't seem to find her.”

--

And Eni’s eyes definitely crinkled and narrowed in concern, in confusion. Ambrose looked lost, as if genuinely believing what he’d just said. Which didn’t make sense, given how Ambrose had never mentioned his mother before- Nor had she come with them on this mission. And as far as they were aware, hadn’t been stalking the group in order to do so either. It seemed as though Ambrose wasn’t done speaking yet.

--

“Oh, sorry, I'm Ambrose, you know my mother, right? What's your name?”

--

And Eni was certainly concerned and confused then. Slowly, firm to make sure Ambrose heard and understood… “Yes, I already know you, Ambrose. It’s me… Eni? You do at least slightly recognize me, yes? I’m afraid I don’t know your mother either, you never introduced me to her. I’d be happy to meet her once we return to the city though…”

--

Eni paused, thinking for a moment before continuing. “Are you alright, Ambrose? I thought you already passed the age where the brain fully develops? And why is there dried blood under your hair? Perhaps we should get Esta? Did Illon or Karma do something? Honestly, I’ve been trying to tell Karma to be nicer. It isn’t that hard, regardless of what they may believe. And don’t get me started on Illon! Frankly, they need to pull their head out of the cloud and figure out just what it is they plan on doing. I can’t even tell half the time, and that’s how you know something needs to be done. They aren’t the only ones suffering here, some of us don’t enjoy pulling others down too though…”

--

Again they paused, hesitating. Ambrose was a friend to Illon, no doubt. And given that Esta was a bit closer than Eni would’ve preferred for the nature of this conversation(still out of earshot, they suspected, given her lack of reaction to Ambrose)… “Anyways, you perhaps don’t want nor need to hear this. Back to the point, did something happen that I should be made aware of?”

*~*~*~*

Blair held back a smirk when Agnar’s cheek reddened and the man laughed. He couldn’t suppress his own light chuckle quite as well though.

--

“Oh, I think I will!”

--

And then Agnar was sitting down, so Blair took it as his own cue to sit down. Though he did stretch slightly in the process, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this light… It didn’t make him any less certain about killing Amel though.

--

“Also, are you, like, gonna eat, 'cause I brought you hot, fresh food and it's getting less hot and fresh by the second. I'd honestly love to sit and talk with ya all day, but the others will notice I'm gone eventually, and I'm pretty sure it's, like, fail stalking if you're found out... Well, if your found out by someone who actually cares about the person you want to kill anyway.”

--

Almost immediately, his mood soured. “Oh, and are there a lot of those?” His tone was a lot colder than he’d meant for it to be, so he sighed and looked away. Towards the food. Frankly, making meat when someone was still struggling with an injury like the one that inventor was dealing with didn’t make sense to him.

--

Not like he’d be complaining though, Blair was honestly just glad for the food. Surprisingly. He hadn’t really had much of an appetite lately but he couldn’t just starve himself when he still had a family murderer to kill. Maybe after, it was a depressing thought but it sounded better than staying in a world without them…

--

That got depressing fast. Blair started eating, they’d rather not be thinking about any of this. Why couldn’t the two had just kept joking around for a bit? He didn’t want to have to face any of this… All of this was just… He huffed, and continued eating.

"Do you want the first across hint or the first down hint? The first across is just whatever the slang word for obsessed is, and the first down hint is 'A long time blank, in a galaxy far away.' So a Star Wars quote."

Isa sat up straighter. "Oh, oh, hey! I know one! It's 'AGO!' I love Star Wars!" She said excitedly, her voice a little too loud for how close she was to Salen's ear.

Esta giggled, amused by Isa's newfound excitement. She was actually adorable when she got super excited, transforming from a grown woman with terrifying skill on the battlefield to a child in a candy store.

"Nice job, Bella! I think that's right! We should have a Star Wars marathon sometime, since you like it so much!"

The second in command nodded excitedly. "Oooo, yes please, that would be so fun! I've got all the old CDs! We could crash at my place that night, too, my apartment's not huge, but we can fit!"

Esta smiled. "Sounds like a plan. As for the next hint, I've honestly got no idea."

Bella shrugged. "Beats me. Maybe we can do some other word and see if it falls into place? Is that how these things work?"

---

After pausing a moment and realizing that Illon was either incapible of, or simply didn't want to cooperate, they started carefully shifting things around the tent with their power. They placed everything into place, neat and tidy compared to the former mess. They shifted things until they finally found what they were looking for. A small first aid box under a small, movable table.

Nodding slightly to themselves, Karma brought the box over and opened it, grabbing an anti-bactoral wipe, shifting to support Illon against their chest as they did so, mostly to ensure the other didn't fall.

"This'll sting." They stated, still expressionless as they gently wiped the bloody word carved into Illon's skin, cleaning it before grabbing the bandages and skillfully wrapping it up.

After that was taken care of, Karma hesitated, a bit unsure on how to help with Illon's face. They were used to taking care of wrists and ankles, legs and arms, and even stomaches, but wounds like this on a face? Karma hadn't delt with that before.

After thinking for another few seconds, Karma shifted Illon again, using one hand on their shoulder to keep them from falling and using the other to take out another wipe.

"Okay, uh, I'm not great at this or whatever, but, just hold still if you can. I can at least clean it. Definitly keep the mask off though, it'll make things worse."

Biting the inside of their cheek, Karma started cleaning the wounds on Illon's face, dark eyes sharp with concentration. They'd rather not mess things up, that wouldn't end well.

"Okay." They sat back again, placing their other hand on Illon's shoulder again, mirroring their former position from when Karma had first entered. "Honestly, I can't do much else. But... If you decide you don't want to show off your new... wounds... to everyone, I have some gloves you can have. They're fingerless, so you can still move properly or whatever, but the sleeves go up to just below the elbow, so it sould cover it if you want. If you don't then, whatever, it's not my place to judge, do what you want."

Karma shrugged slightly. "Also, I didn't find whatever you did this with, so if you want, I can look for it and clean it, or something. I don't mind blood at all, and you should probably rest." They dropped their eyes to the ground, realizing suddenly how they were acting. Damn it, they were letting themselves get close. Bad idea. Super bad idea.

Yet, here they were, and they could hardly back out now. Just... finish helping Illon with this, make sure they're safe enough, then do the same for Ambrose, then they can pretend like none of this ever happend. It would be fine.

"Uh, here, I'll help you to your sleeping bag, that way you can't be an idiot and lay directly on open wounds again."

---

“Yes, I already know you, Ambrose. It’s me… Eni? You do at least slightly recognize me, yes? I’m afraid I don’t know your mother either, you never introduced me to her. I’d be happy to meet her once we return to the city though…”

Eni. That did sound familiar, but from where? And if they didn't know his mother, then why were they here? Or, rather, why was Ambrose here. He was supposed to be with her, right? He didn't ever travel without her.

“Are you alright, Ambrose? I thought you already passed the age where the brain fully develops? And why is there dried blood under your hair? Perhaps we should get Esta? Did Illon or Karma do something? Honestly, I’ve been trying to tell Karma to be nicer. It isn’t that hard, regardless of what they may believe. And don’t get me started on Illon! Frankly, they need to pull their head out of the cloud and figure out just what it is they plan on doing. I can’t even tell half the time, and that’s how you know something needs to be done. They aren’t the only ones suffering here, some of us don’t enjoy pulling others down too though…”

Esta? Illon? Karma? Who were all these people? What was Eni talking about? Pulling people down? Were they bad people? Like... like him?

No, wait, Ambrose didn't want to think about him. That was a bad idea. It was fine, everything was fine, his mother was fine, they were safe now, they had left. He wasn't there anymore. It was fine.

“Anyways, you perhaps don’t want nor need to hear this. Back to the point, did something happen that I should be made aware of?”

Something... happened. Did something happen?

A bloody image flashed in front of him, it was only for a second, but a second was enough. Ambrose flinched back, eyes widening.

Something happened.

Something bad.

Because of him.

The traveler's head started spinning, panic starting to fill his chest.

His face, grinning, splashed with blood that wasn't his own, his hands, holding a bloody knife, his eyes, dark and angry, full of murder, his voice, beckoning for Ambrose to come out. He wouldn't hurt him, he promised. He'd already done what he came here for.

It wasn't safe. He wasn't safe. His mother was dead. He wasn't safe. Nothing was fine.

Panicking, Ambrose grabbed at his head again, knees giving out and collapsing to the ground.

He didn't want to remember this. He couldn't. It was too much.

"I don't want to." His voice was weak, shaky, and full of desperation. "Please, I don't want to remember!"

---

“Oh, and are there a lot of those?”

Agnar lifted his hands in defense, surprised by the sudden change of tone.

"Well, no, admittedly, but most of my group wouldn't ask about what you wanted before killing you, anyway."

Not really wanting to continue on this more negative topic, Agnar, true to hiself, easily shifted to something he hoped was lighter.

"Oh, hey! I've been thinkin' about it, but did you have nicknames for us, like, you know my name now, and you've most likely figured out who Eni is because of me, but for the others? Oh, and did you ever have a nickname for me?!" He leaned forward excitedly. "Was it something cool? Swift feet, or Straight shot," Agni paused, giggling. "That one would be funny because I'm very gay. Ooo! Or maybe Hawkeye, like the Marvel hero? That would be fucking awesome! Or something like Best shooter... Nah, wait, that sounds weird. Royal Ranger. Yes, that rolls off the tongue pretty well, doesn't it?"

The ranger grinned at Blair expectantly, waiting for an answer.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

Agris ‘Blair’ Bairugih | 23 | Male | Gay | Turncoat | Mentions; Agnar(Dir), Amel(Ind), The Others(Even More Ind)

--

“Oh, oh, hey! I know one! It's 'AGO!' I love Star Wars!”

--

It took all of Salen’s willpower and training from debates and arguments around a table in a small room to keep from reacting to how loud Isabella was. Luckily, Salen had plenty, so it wasn’t too terrible.

--

“Nice job, Bella! I think that's right! We should have a Star Wars marathon sometime, since you like it so much!”

--

With both of them deciding it was right, Salen put the word in its spot. And then tuned into the conversation going on.

--

“Oooo, yes please, that would be so fun! I've got all the old CDs! We could crash at my place that night, too, my apartment's not huge, but we can fit!”

--

Salen hadn’t really ever been a huge fan of the franchise, frankly she thought they had milked it dry. But, ah well, if it made the other two happy? She could tolerate some obvious attempts at cash grab. Maybe she’d actually enjoy it too. Times did change people, and it had been years since she’d seen any of the movies.

--

“Sounds like a plan. As for the next hint, I've honestly got no idea.”

--

“Beats me. Maybe we can do some other word and see if it falls into place? Is that how these things work?”

--

Salen scanned the different hints for one they may know and then spoke. “Hint number fourteen, across- It isn’t connected to number one across but it will still help to get this going. The hint is that it’ll be the only character to have appeared in all of the Narnia chronicles. That would be Susan, right?”

--

This was one she wasn’t as sure on, but she’d read the books enough times to know that it was one of the four siblings… And the spot was a five letter one, so that had left only Peter and Susan. And looking at hint number fifteen down which was at the end of fourteen- The answer looked to be set up for a N as the start of the word. After all, the hint was ‘Traded in for a blank model’. Which had to be newer. So Susan had to be who it was… Unless she was forgetting someone, but she didn’t think she was.

*~*~*~*

For a moment, the tent was silent. Karma hadn’t understood their mess of a sound, hadn’t even seemed to see the point. Still, when they heard as things began to shift within the tent, Karma still holding them- At least Illon knew they wouldn’t be getting Esta.

--

And then they were being shifted, held against Karma’s chest and- Well, Illon was almost glad for the fact they couldn’t move on their own at the moment. They would’ve flinched, or tried to move away at this point. But then they remembered why they would’ve and hated that they couldn’t. They didn’t want Karma’s clothing getting stained. Which was stupid, because surely it already had gotten blood on it from them.

--

Still, they couldn’t move, so they looked at the bloody word at their arm. They almost didn’t want Karma cleaning it- They had deserved it. They deserved the pain that came with it too.

--

“This'll sting.” Of course, nothing they wanted ever mattered. So, they watched as Karma began wiping the injury. And they didn’t react. It did sting, of course it did, but they weren’t going to be reacting to much at the moment. Plus, if they couldn’t handle a little sting like this, how would they have gotten through all those… Interrogations…?

--

They weren’t supposed to. Their eyes blurred again when the thought came. They deserved it though. They would’ve deserved to die then too. The group should’ve let them. They deserved the pain they had now too though. Which one would’ve been deserved more? Die then but suffer less. Survive but suffer more. Given how their heart was inclined towards the former, they supposed they deserved the latter more. They didn’t get to have the easy way out, after all. They didn’t deserve it.

--

They barely noticed that Karma was done wrapping it until they could feel the familiar sensation of eyes staring at them. At their lower face. And suddenly, they felt sick. Who were they kidding? They didn’t need a word on their arm! They had the equivalent of one on their face! They just had to stop wearing a mask and no one would ever want to come near them!

--

The cut scars, the burn scars, the electric scars, the bits where their skin hadn’t made it- Honestly, their lower face had to look like that one Batman villain, the one with the coin… Only it was both sides for them, not just one. They were disgusting. They were worthless. They should’ve just kept the mask on. The wounds would’ve gotten infected and ended up being worse but who would’ve known? Who would’ve seen it? And who cared about some stupid excuse like memories?

--

Their eyes looked in the direction they’d thrown the mask in. They wanted to try and get to it, put it back on so Karma didn’t have to see how utterly nauseatingly disgusting they were.

--

They were shifted again, and they nearly expected Karma to just be shifting them back to the ground so they could make a break for it. Illon wouldn’t have blamed them. Karma didn’t do that though, and they’d been shifted so Karma could see their face better while holding another wipe. Were they actually…? Illon’s eyes blurred, they blinked it back to the best of their abilities. Karma didn’t need to see any of that, Illon didn’t deserve to cry, and it was only because Karma didn’t want to have to see their terrible face even more disgusting later on.

--

“Okay, uh, I'm not great at this or whatever, but, just hold still if you can. I can at least clean it. Definitely keep the mask off though, it'll make things worse.”

--

And Karma had cleaned it. Despite everything that had happened… Illon couldn’t understand why. They definitely didn’t deserve it. The comment about their mask was also confusing. They didn’t get why Karma cared. They didn’t get why anyone would care. They didn’t get why it mattered how bad their face was at this point, it’d never be okay- So who cared about how bad it got? Their fingers clenched, they tried to focus on that. They needed to be able to move again, they couldn’t just keep holding everyone down. And they had bounced back before… Multiple times! Surely they could do it again. Surely they could do it quicker.

--

“Okay.”

--

Illon was shifted back to how they been before, they were able to keep their head from rolling to the side this time though. Small victories, they focused on small movements for now. It’d pass fully eventually, but for now they just wanted to not be a complete leech of Karma’s time and energy.

--

“Honestly, I can't do much else. But... If you decide you don't want to show off your new... wounds... to everyone, I have some gloves you can have. They're fingerless, so you can still move properly or whatever, but the sleeves go up to just below the elbow, so it sould cover it if you want. If you don't then, whatever, it's not my place to judge, do what you want. Also, I didn't find whatever you did this with, so if you want, I can look for it and clean it, or something. I don't mind blood at all, and you should probably rest.”

--

They considered the offer of gloves, at least for a moment. But they couldn’t. They had plenty of long sleeves they could use that wouldn’t draw attention, if Esta saw them wearing gloves she would undoubtedly ask. They didn’t want that. Plus, Karma was probably offering a glove for both arms, and one of their arms were still on strict rules about what they were allowed to wear. Even though the burns there had been from before the group had ever met. So no way we’re they going to be getting those.

--

And no way they were going to let Karma find the chip carver. They could handle that. They’d find it and clean it later, before Agnar ever borrowed it. But they couldn’t just let Karma do everything for them, so they’d do it themself.

--

“Uh, here, I'll help you to your sleeping bag, that way you can't be an idiot and lay directly on open wounds again.”

--

And they did react- They flinched. Even though the tone hadn’t been condescending. It seemed they had just enough movement back to allow them to be able to show a reaction to something, but not enough control of said movement to make sure they didn’t. Immediately, they regretted allowing themself to flinch because of a single word. It wasn’t even like it was wrong though! They were an idiot! A useless one!

--

Knowing that still hadn’t stopped them from flinching though. Still, they could tell that Karma was going to leave and even though Illon had conflicted feelings on that- They still had to ask why Karma had chosen to help them, even after what had just happened. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t have deserved to simply be left, after all.

--

So, forcing their mouth open and ignoring any pain that came from it- Illon spoke, voice hoarse, barely a whisper, and raspy from all the earlier coughing, yelling, and overall pain. “…Why…?”

--

They’d managed it, and despite how terrible it sounded- It would do the job. Hopefully. Hopefully Karma understood what they were asking.

*~*~*~*

When Ambrose fell to the ground, clutching his head, and obviously panicking- Eni gave pause. This definitely hadn’t been what they’d expected. It told them though that perhaps they had struck the nail on its head. Those two were going to get a stern talking to soon. But first? Ambrose.

--

“I don't want to. Please, I don't want to remember!”

--

Well… That also didn’t help make much sense of things. But Eni could do this! Obviously, Ambrose wasn’t going to respond well to talking. They weren’t sure if he’d even hear them in this state. That left telepathy and physical comfort.

--

So, Eni made their way to their knees, and wrapped their wings around the traveler slowly. And reached out with their mind, the passing thoughts of Ambrose easily thinning out to better run it through the newly added mind. Eni held back any surprise, everyone here had troubles. They wouldn’t leave simply because of this.

--

Eni made the connection, keeping a firm hold on it even as thoughts came and went. And so, they spoke directly to his mind, projecting feelings of comfort and calm and safety. ‘Ambrose. Breathe. You’re alright. They’re only memories, they cannot hurt you now. You’re safe here. Focus on breathing, I will not be losing you.’

--

While waiting for any response or sign of being heard, they reached out and gave Esta the smallest of telepathic pings. Early in the group, they’d decided to do this. A tiny ping would mean it wasn’t something of immediate importance, and as they got bigger then it just got a bit more important. But Eni refused to believe they couldn’t handle this, so the smallest ping possible just so the medic was aware was all that was needed. She knew better than to come due to it, they believed that much.

*~*~*~*

“Well, no, admittedly, but most of my group wouldn't ask about what you wanted before killing you, anyway.”

--

Blair was content to just ignore that, to just ignore the ranger altogether. He was already sick of the topic. Luckily, so was Agnar apparently.

--

“Oh, hey! I've been thinkin' about it, but did you have nicknames for us, like, you know my name now, and you've most likely figured out who Eni is because of me, but for the others? Oh, and did you ever have a nickname for me?! Was it something cool? Swift feet, or Straight shot. That one would be funny because I'm very gay. Ooo! Or maybe Hawkeye, like the Marvel hero? That would be fucking awesome! Or something like Best shooter... Nah, wait, that sounds weird. Royal Ranger. Yes, that rolls off the tongue pretty well, doesn't it?”

--

The grin made Blair a bit uneasy, if he were being honest. But he shrugged, lamely. “Some others did but I never talked to people enough to know what they were. With my skill set I was mostly recon, so I mostly just used your apparent roles in the group or appearance or personality to keep track. I knew you were like, Agni or something. The winged one, who I guess is Eni, and the hothead lady and your medic used that enough for you that I could at least guess. Other than when I had to do that kind of thing though, I didn’t really leave base too much. By the way, you're welcome for helping your group out. You’re looking at the person who caused most of the security being otherwise gone while you all were making your way through.”

--

Blair assumed that Agnar would know what he was referring to, the ranger had been one of the only ones to notice how little security there was on the way to get their friend or whatever. Some had thought it was a trap or that it meant the worst, Amel was the only one who knew that Blair was behind it. Until now, of course. Amel had been the one to tell Blair to do it. But he didn’t really want to think about that family killer, so he took a bite.