"What’s so funny, love? Is there something going on I’m not aware about? Perhaps a little scheme of yours concerning that trip to the mall we’ll all be taking back in the city?”

Esta looked up and beamed when she saw Salen. She was getting ready to respond, but Isabella beat her to it.

"Nope, Esta was actually just telling me about being a mysterious doctor," She stated, her tone playful, a small smirk playing on her lips. "And how she has to keep secrets and treat people nicely all the time, even the rude ones. Which is why I could never be a doctor."

Esta chuckled. "That's not exactly what I said, but sure." She replied, meeting Salen's eyes with amusement. "We were actually discussing Isa's obliviousness."

"Hey!" Bell protested, placing her hands on her hips. "I'm not oblivious! I just have different skills. You fix people, I break their backs."

---

“So, Agnar. Care to sit down with me? I could teach you to cook some. I’m sure you already know how and all, but it’d still be fun. Who knows? Maybe we’ll both learn something. That would be nice, in my opinion.”

Agnar made a dramatic, disgusted face. "Me? Cook? Have you seen me try? I burn everything I touch!" He sat down next to Eni, even as he said this, casually picking up a piece of meat. "But, if you insist!" He shot his parent a playful grin before a thought crossed his mind and he turned more serious.

"Hey, Eni? Do you think we could make an extra, like, half portion?" He hesitated another moment, questioning if his next statement was necessary, and, deciding it probably was, he spoke again, more solemnly. "I may have... err... overworked again." This was the complete truth, though it wasn't why he wanted the extra food. Agni never ate more than the necessary portion, an unhealthy diet resulted in an unhealthy body, an unhealthy body let you down.

Now, Agnar smiled sheepishly at the confession of overworking and looked away, avoiding his parents' gaze. It was always hard to admit a flaw, especially when you spent all your time trying to be perfect. Overworking was a constant problem for Agnar, and the majority of the group was unaware of it (or so Agnar thought), though he knew Eni, Isabella, Esta, and probably Salen were all aware of it. Oh, and Ambrose. However, it was still a hard topic to discuss with Eni because a flaw meant that Agnar wasn't perfect, and not being perfect meant that Eni was probably disappointed, and what was the point in even trying if he only ever let people down?

"I mean, not too bad! Just a little tired is all!"

---

Ambrose was silently observing Eni, Agnar, and, out of the corner of his eye, Illon, and, upon hearing what he was aware was a touchy subject for Agnar, Ambrose rose from his spot by the fire pit and, guitar in hand, headed towards where Illon had disappeared. It didn't escape his notice, either, that Eni seemed to be wanting to make a solid food. Hopefully, they'd have something for Illon as well, because the traveler was fairly sure that Illon couldn't eat solid foods yet.

Approaching Illon's tent, Ambrose lightly tapped the outside. "Illon?" He questioned softly. "May I come in?" He hoped the inventor would say yes, it would be a nice distraction from his worry and pain to be able to speak to Illon again, and he wanted to check up on Illon as well, he had seen the glance that El shot towards Esta, Salen, and Isabella when they'd entered the camp, and Ambrose guessed that they were doubting their friendship with Esta. Plus, they looked like they needed a hug. Really, the majority of the group did. Even though Ambrose wasn't an expert by any standards, he understood human emotion, and, lately, the emotion in the group seemed skewed and messy.

"You don't have to speak to me if you don't want." He added, aware that Illon was often hesitant to speak. He'd been surprised when they'd been open to speaking to him the night before, more was definitely a stretch, but, hey, it was always worth a shot!

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Nope, Esta was actually just telling me about being a mysterious doctor. And how she has to keep secrets and treat people nicely all the time, even the rude ones. Which is why I could never be a doctor.”

--

Salen raised an eyebrow towards Isabella, if that was all it took to be a doctor- One, Salen would be extremely surprised. Two, she might have to switch fields given her own prowess with those qualities.

--

“That's not exactly what I said, but sure. We were actually discussing Isa's obliviousness.”

--

That seemed much more likely, and Salen had to keep from letting out a cackle at it. Cackles definitely weren’t a good way to present oneself.

--

“Hey! I'm not oblivious! I just have different skills. You fix people, I break their backs.”

--

Salen did snicker quietly at that though, smiling softly. “Doctors can still break people’s backs, Isabella. In fact, they might be better at it than you, since they’d know exactly where to hit to do so most effectively depending on their exact job. But, either way… If being able to be kind to someone else even when they aren’t and being able to keep a secret is all that’s needed to become a doctor… Are politicians just doctors for the law? Should I be considering a career change?”

*~*~*~*

“Me? Cook? Have you seen me try? I burn everything I touch! But, if you insist!”

--

Eni smiled at Agnar, rolling their eyes at the grin. They did make sure to pay attention once that grin turned serious, raising an eyebrow.

--

“Hey, Eni? Do you think we could make an extra, like, half portion? I may have... err... overworked again. I mean, not too bad! Just a little tired is all!”

--

Eni considered their son for a moment, observing him. They knew Agnar was prone to overworking, and knew that he had a hard time admitting it too. They knew that it was a touchy subject for him. So if Agni was telling them then it was definitely worse than he was saying it was.

--

At least he was talking to them about it though, that was good. And besides, Eni definitely didn’t mind making another half portion. In all honesty, it just gave them a better excuse to try and teach Agnar. So, Eni put an arm around their son, pulling him into a loose, though firm, hug. “Of course we can make an extra half portion, Agnar. We have enough to do so and still be fine on food, after all… You should stop overworking though, at least a bit. I don’t want you tiring yourself out to where you’ll collapse while walking, after all.”

--

And then Eni was thinking. Thinking about the squirrel. Agnar had been overworking… Had the squirrel incident been because of that? Or was the squirrel made up and it was actually just because he’d been overworking himself again?

--

They looked down at their son, “Agnar… About the squirrel incident earlier… Was that true? Or had you just not wanted to say that you’d been overworking again? I won’t be mad, or disappointed, I just want to know. If it was because you’d been overworking then you definitely need to start trying to cut yourself some slack…”

--

Eni hoped he listened, took it from someone that was older and more experienced. Someone that had gone through their own share of overworking and knew how bad it could get.

*~*~*~*

As soon as Illon had gotten into their tent, they found their bag of stuff and began to unpack. When in doubt of a friendship, ignore it and focus on something else. When starting to think too much about Ben, focus on something else. Something more steady. Something easier.

--

So, Illon found themself unpacking their way into a sort of on the edge, numb calmness. The bubble was tight around them as they did so, the one thing keeping them in the present as they unpacked.

--

“Illon? May I come in?”

--

And Illon froze at the voice, bubble tightening around them. And for a moment, they were back in situations and times where they didn’t want their mind focusing on. A weight at their back, pressing down and the bubble tightened. They weren’t sure who had said it. But it seemed so much louder, so much more threatening than it should’ve been.

--

Illon stood there for a bit, trying to breathe. Trying to stay upright, trying to keep from being dragged down into the mess that was always anything and everything they were involved with. If they let whoever it was in, they’d expect something from them. The mess of time gave three options of who it could be, and Illon didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to move, or make noise, or breathe, or see, or anything else.

--

“You don't have to speak to me if you don't want.”

--

And everything slipped back into place just as quickly as it had collapsed. Well, as back into place as they could, given that Illon was… Well, Illon. That was Ambrose. Not Esta, not Ben, not their mother. Ambrose. And he was just asking to be in their company, not to talk with them, not to do anything but hang out in their company…

--

They realized they were shaking, their breathing uneven. They took as deep a breath as they could manage, and then started towards the tent flap. The index of their right hand gave a twitch, and they were glad that they were predominantly left-handed as they shoved their right into their pocket. They opened the flap for Ambrose, and forced out a mumble through the tightened bubble, because Ambrose deserved that much. “…Come in.”

--

Their voice almost made them flinch, and they couldn’t imagine how much worse it must be for Ambrose, whose voice is always perfect. Sure, their voice was quiet, mumbling, but also scratchy and hoarse and choked up and an octave higher than the line between simply higher than most and just plain-out annoying. They couldn’t even force their eyes to look at him, staring just past his shoulder towards the woods instead.

--

And that was just their voice and eyes alone, they were sure that they were a pathetic sight. It was no wonder that they’d always been whispered about and stared at whenever they did manage to leave to restock on food back in the city. It’d definitely happen more now though, given the mask and all… They could feel their shoulders hunch, and they forced them back to the normal amount of hunch they usually had. They had to try, right? Ambrose seemed to care, so they had to try. At least for him… Right? They had someone left in their corner, right? It was fine if they didn’t, of course! They were used to it! But… Somebody cared, right? Otherwise Karma wouldn’t have been willing to walk and talk with them. Right? It was Karma, after all!…

“Doctors can still break people’s backs, Isabella. In fact, they might be better at it than you, since they’d know exactly where to hit to do so most effectively depending on their exact job. But, either way… If being able to be kind to someone else even when they aren’t and being able to keep a secret is all that’s needed to become a doctor… Are politicians just doctors for the law? Should I be considering a career change?”

"Shuh, don't downgrade my ego!" Isabella protested, crossing her arms, causing Esta to snort with laughter.

"Technically they are, but no, that's not all that you need to be a doctor." The red-head replied, smiling. "If you'd like to go to school for another, what is it, fourteen years? Then I say you could definitely be a doctor."

Isabella made a face. "Ew, school. Naw, I'm good."

Esta shrugged. "Your loss." She said lightheartedly.

---

“Of course we can make an extra half portion, Agnar. We have enough to do so and still be fine on food, after all… You should stop overworking though, at least a bit. I don’t want you tiring yourself out to where you’ll collapse while walking, after all.”

Agnar relaxed a little bit.

"I can try."

“Agnar… About the squirrel incident earlier… Was that true? Or had you just not wanted to say that you’d been overworking again? I won’t be mad, or disappointed, I just want to know. If it was because you’d been overworking then you definitely need to start trying to cut yourself some slack…”

As soon as this was mentioned, Agni tensed up again, swallowing hard. This definitely wasn't the worst thing for Eni to assume, better than the truth, but...

Tears started to rise in Agnar's eyes, but he pushed them back and forced a smile. He shouldn't have said anything.

"No... No, I'm... fine." He lied, aware that his voice was shaking now. He clenched his fists and took deep breaths, trying to steady himself again. He hated discussing his negative emotions, and he hated negativity in general, but... lying to Eni felt wrong. Sure, he was lying about Blair, but that was different. He was lying for someone else then, to keep them safe. Lying about himself was what bothered him. Surely, as his adoptive parent, Eni was entitled to the state of Agnar's mental health, right?

Sure, maybe the 'squirrel incident wasn't actually because of Agnar's mental health, but, in reality, the young ranger wasn't doing well, and Eni deserved to know that because they cared... They did care, right? Silently, Agnar scolded himself. Of course Eni cared, they were his parent, they were one of the first people to care about him. He should just tell them what was going on and stop being ridiculous.

"I just... I don't know." Agnar's shoulders slumped, his face falling. "I don't have reason to be upset, I'm just... I feel like I'm not good enough, and there's not anything I can do about it. I know it's stupid, but, I don't know how to stop. Working makes it less... painful... like I have something I can control."

---

“…Come in.”

Ambrose smiled gently and stepped inside the tent. "Hey," He greeted. He figured Illon probably didn't want to discuss Esta, they probably didn't want to talk at all, honestly. "Do you want help unpacking? If not, I'm happy to just sit out of the way and play something for you? I thought you might want some company."

---

Karma curled up on their tent floor, not even bothering to get out their sleeping bag. There was a feeling of numb pain in their chest that was extremely familiar. The best way to deal with this, they'd learned, was to ignore it, sleep it off, and wait until the emotion went away again, leaving them with nothing but the empty void that they'd learned to rely on.

Of course, getting to sleep was much easier said than done, and the nightmares that were likely to follow this said sleep were very much unhelpful.

Sighing, Karma closed their eyes and waited, there was, after all, nothing else they could do.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Shuh, don't downgrade my ego!”

--

“Technically they are, but no, that's not all that you need to be a doctor. If you'd like to go to school for another, what is it, fourteen years? Then I say you could definitely be a doctor.”

--

Salen thought about it, in all reality she wouldn’t mind the schooling. She had enough money from her job to be able to pay for some of it straight out even. It’d be inconvenient, of course, but everything was inconvenient in some kind of way. But, in the end, she really wasn’t looking to change careers.

--

“Ew, school. Naw, I'm good.”

--

“Your loss.”

--

Salen smiled, “I’m afraid that I’ll be declining too. Maybe someday I’ll go and do that, but for now I’m rather happy with my current career.”

*~*~*~*

“No... No, I'm... fine.”

--

Eni looked at their son, hearing the shake in his voice. They really wished Agnar wouldn’t lie to them, and not only because they could tell. But because that spoke of trust, how much trust there was in a relationship. And to lie about one’s health? Mental or otherwise, it spoke of distrust. It spoke of suspicion. And it hurt, knowing these things. But, they were willing to not push it, if Agnar didn’t want it pushed. They’d be there whenever Agnar decided that he was ready.

--

“I just... I don't know.” And apparently Eni didn’t have to wait long. “I don't have a reason to be upset, I'm just... I feel like I'm not good enough, and there's not anything I can do about it. I know it's stupid, but, I don't know how to stop. Working makes it less... painful... like I have something I can control.”

--

Eni listened, taking it in and then wrapping a wing around Agnar. They’d found themself wishing several times in the past that Agni had wings too, if only so they could better comfort him, as they’d been comforted and taught to comfort using them. But honestly? Agnar was fine the way he was. Except for the overworking and negative feelings, of course. And they could still comfort him with their wings.

--

So, using the wing now wrapped around their son, they pulled him closer to them and wrapped an arm around him as well. For a moment, Eni was silent, just hugging their son. Then, they spoke. “I want to start off by saying that it’s alright to feel that way, Agnar, and I don’t think any less of you. Is there anything other than working that helps? Anything relaxing? I know that flying helps me relax, though I’m not sure how easy that would be for you to do…”

--

Eni thought for a moment, “I go on weekly flights, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. I could bring you with me on them, if you want, and perhaps Illon would be able to construct some kind of contraption for you to be able to fly on your own eventually. Of course, it’s completely up to you.”

*~*~*~*

“Hey. Do you want help unpacking? If not, I'm happy to just sit out of the way and play something for you? I thought you might want some company.”

--

Illon stepped back, allowing the tent to close again. They looked at Ambrose before glancing at what they still needed to unpack. They stood frozen for a moment, the bubble too tight to think about moving. The most they could manage was a shaky shrug, eyes blurring with a lack of focus.

--

They should go back to unpacking, Illon knew that. If they could focus on something that was concrete, something that had an obvious way to do it, then maybe they could manage to get out of their head in time to see Esta later and not worry her for once. Nobody should be worrying about them, after all. They were fine, completely fine. Just adjusting. Which wouldn’t keep them down, they’d gotten up before so they’d do it again. Just like they’d told Ambrose.

--

They managed to move back to where they’d been unpacking before Ambrose had asked to come in, and forced out an, “Company’s fine…”

--

They were certain that they looked absolutely pathetic at the moment, but that was fine. They just needed to focus on unpacking, nothing else. They were fine. Illon would be fine. Esta didn’t need them as a wingperson now, she had her girlfriends. It was fine, Illon was happy for her, completely ready for when she’d cast them aside and move on. It was probably long overdue anyways, given how bad of a friend Illon had been… Why she had even wanted to come and get Illon back was beyond them, given that all they’d ever done for her is cause worry and take up energy. Energy that could’ve been used to heal more deserving people, better people…

“I’m afraid that I’ll be declining too. Maybe someday I’ll go and do that, but for now I’m rather happy with my current career.”

Esta shrugged and smiled. "Sounds good to me, lawyers are just as important as doctors." She replied, earning a falsely annoyed look from Isabella.

"Hey, why does she get encouraged and not me?"

Esta patted Bella's shoulder in condolence. "It's okay, Bella, I love you too."

Isa pouted. "Still not fair."

"Hey, hey, we need army people as well." Esta encouraged, raising an eyebrow. "Just because I don't always compliment you doesn't mean I think you're less important."

At this, Isabella let out a dramatic sigh, but seemed to melt. "Fine. You're forgiven. This time."

"Thank you." Esta replied with a smile, shooting Salen a rather knowing look.

---

Agnar sank into Eni's grip, relaxing a little bit at the softness of their wings. Eni's wings had kind of turned into Agni's comfort item since he'd met them, they were soft and warm, and altogether great.

“I want to start off by saying that it’s alright to feel that way, Agnar, and I don’t think any less of you. Is there anything other than working that helps? Anything relaxing? I know that flying helps me relax, though I’m not sure how easy that would be for you to do…”

At this point, Agnar's eyes started to water, but he didn't let himself cry, it was nice to be... comforted? Cared about? And the fact that Eni didn't think less of him, even if it was a lie, it was nice to hear, and nice to try to believe. "I mean, not that I know of." He murmured. "But I haven't tried much. Working has always been the easiest, and it makes others happy too, you know? I mean, I think that's the only reason a lot of people liked me before the group, because I was always working and helping out and stuff. So, it's kind of my go-to."

“I go on weekly flights, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. I could bring you with me on them, if you want, and perhaps Illon would be able to construct some kind of contraption for you to be able to fly on your own eventually. Of course, it’s completely up to you.”

And Agnar's pain temporarily disappeared, replaced by excitement.

"Wait, really?" He questioned, looking up (though carefully staying in his parents embrace, not quite ready to be pushed away.). "I've always wanted to fly!"

---

“Company’s fine…”

"Sure," Ambrose replied quietly, quietly retreating to the corner of the tent, sitting down with his guitar. He started strumming a soft, relaxing tune. It was obvious to him that Illon was upset... Seemingly very upset. He didn't say anything, and didn't pressure Illon into speaking. Sometimes just focusing on something calm and distracting was the best thing a person could do.

After a moment, Ambrose started to sing softly, letting the smallest amount of his power as possible seep in, not enough to cloud the mind or make Illon forget about what was going on, but enough to calm some anxiety and rushing thoughts or worries.

He just hoped he could help, even just a little.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Sounds good to me, lawyers are just as important as doctors.”

--

Salen’s soft smile almost dropped, but it was in place again before anyone would have noticed. Her eyes didn’t narrow, she didn’t let them. Lawyer? Really? She wasn’t a lawyer. She was a politician. But it was fine, Esta didn’t know so Salen had no right to fault her on that. Certainly not publicly, at the very least.

--

“Hey, why does she get encouraged and not me?”

--

“It's okay, Bella, I love you too.”

--

“Still not fair.”

--

“Hey, hey, we need army people as well. Just because I don't always compliment you doesn't mean I think you're less important.”

--

“Fine. You're forgiven. This time.”

--

“Thank you.”

--

And then Esta had shot Salen a knowing look and she put on her most placating smile. She had practice in this area, in how to manage people and their emotions and opinions. Salen looked back at both of them, her smile shifting back to a slightly more playful one with practiced ease. “Well, I’m certainly glad that you’ve forgiven your girlfriend for supporting your other girlfriend, Isabella.”

*~*~*~*

“Wait, really? I've always wanted to fly!”

--

Eni looked down at him, carefully keeping him in their grasp. “Well, of course. It wouldn’t be any trouble to take you on my weekly flights with me. In fact, I think I’d rather like the company.”

--

Eni found themself looking back to the campfire and at the still uncooked meal before looking back at Agnar. “I should probably actually get to cooking now, otherwise it’ll be dawn before we eat. How about I take you on a flight tomorrow? I haven’t had one this week yet, after all.”

--

Eni still didn’t move away from Agnar, despite their words about cooking, waiting to let their son decide. Besides, they could always keep a wing around him as they cooked. So it was mostly just up to Agni about how much contact he wanted at the moment.

*~*~*~*

“Sure.”

--

Illon heard as Ambrose began playing his guitar, immediately noting the fact that it was a calmer tune. Illon allowed it to play in the background, letting it turn into static noise as they focused on unpacking.

--

They tried to block out the thoughts swarming around, they couldn’t pay too much mind to them. Illon knew that, knew that their life was one that was going to be doomed to always avoiding and dodging their own thoughts. If they were being honest, Illon had known that for a while.

--

Not like it mattered much though. The worst that could happen had happened before already, and they had been fine. Just like they always were in the long run. Of course, if it were to happen again… Illon hoped it’d be after they got back to the city. Where they’d be in isolation again. Where they wouldn’t have someone there to keep them being fine.

--

Singing broke them out of their slight daze, and they went back to unpacking. Illon definitely needed to get a grip on things. Things were fine, everything would be fine. They just needed to stay focused on one thing at a time, one distraction at a time. At least their thoughts seemed to slow down enough for them to actually manage focusing on the task of unpacking. Illon assumed it was the singing, that it was Ambrose. They’d really have to either thank him or somehow convince him to stop since it was just wasting energy that could be for someone else and all… But probably just thank him, since Illon definitely didn’t have the confidence needed to confront him about how much of a waste it was.

“Well, I’m certainly glad that you’ve forgiven your girlfriend for supporting your other girlfriend, Isabella.”

Bella shrugged and tossed her hair playfully. "What can I say? I'm an attention seeker." She stated, grinning widely. Esta giggled a little, but she felt a little uneasy now, though she wasn't sure why. It wasn't like anything had happened. Everything was great, actually. She had two amazing girlfriends that she trusted with everything she had, and yet...

"Oh, hey, I should probably unpack before dinner, otherwise I'll be fumbling in the dark," Esta stated, carefully keeping her tone light and slightly playful. She didn't want Isa and Sal to know something was wrong, especially when she wasn't even sure what that thing was. "You guys probably should too, right?"

"Sure, Star, need help with anything?" Bella questioned, oblivious.

"No, no, I think I can handle unpacking." The healer replied, smirking. "Don't worry, love, you'll get attention later."

"Well, I should hope so!" Isabella replied, dropping a quick kiss on Esta's cheek before turning to Salen. "What about you, wise girl? Want help with anything?"

Esta smiled and waved to Salen and Bella one more time before disappearing into her tent and letting out a quiet sigh. Something was still off, and it bothered her that she couldn't put her finger on it. It was the type of feeling she got when someone was hurting nearby, a kind of gut instinct that told her someone needed help, but... Everyone was in camp now, right? She'd seen Agnar and Illon come back, and they seemed okay, maybe Agnar was a little upset, but Eni was there, and she'd seen Isabella and Salen, and the others were in their tents. That meant everyone had to be fine.

Taking a breath, Esta shook her head and started unpacking. She was just paranoid.

---

“Well, of course. It wouldn’t be any trouble to take you on my weekly flights with me. In fact, I think I’d rather like the company. I should probably actually get to cooking now, otherwise, it’ll be dawn before we eat. How about I take you on a flight tomorrow? I haven’t had one this week yet, after all."

"Yes, that would be amazing!" Agnar replied, face lighting up, he seemed calmer now, and happier. Some of the built-up tension in his body had faded. "Thank you! Oh, and, yeah, you're right. We should probably cook." The traveler smiled a little sheepishly and allowed his parent to pull away. "What's first, chef?"

---

Ambrose continued to sing softly, watching Illon with a careful, practiced gaze. He was very good at reading people, and, though Illon still seemed stressed out and maybe a little guilty, it didn't escape Ambrose's notice that they were the slightest bit calmer.

Ambrose knew very well that he couldn't erase the bad thoughts and memories from Illon's head, at least not permanently (if he used his power, it was likely that everything would just come rushing back, and, as much as he might like to, Ambrose couldn't sing forever), though he wished he could. And, although Ambrose was aware of the fact that Illon probably believed his power was going to waste, nothing gave the traveler more satisfaction and happiness than seeing his friends calm and happy.

Nothing would ever be perfect, that was something he'd learned to accept long ago, but, even under flaws, he had also learned that there were nearly perfect people. Not perfect because they didn't make mistakes, nor because they looked and acted just as society might want them to, but because their hearts were good. These people, Ambrose had decided, were also the people who thought the least of themselves and who helped others despite their pain.

Illon, according to Ambrose's standards, was one of these people.

Of course, the traveler would never say this to them. That supposed expectation wasn't one that anyone should have on their shoulders, even if, in reality, it wasn't an expectation at all, but more of a point of view that could not be swayed. As Ambrose watched Illon now, eyes calculating every movement and posture, he wished that he could do something more to help them understand that they were valuable and deserving of love and kindness just the same as, and maybe more than, everyone else.

Alas, there was nothing the traveler could do at all, but continue to sing and slow the inventor's thoughts to help them calm down slightly, so that's what he did, imagining what might be possible if he could do more.

---

After what felt like hours of tossing and turning on the floor of their tent, Karma sat up with an agitated sigh. Nothing was working.

They couldn't sleep, they couldn't read or write, and, at this point, they weren't sure they could even breathe properly. Their vision was slightly broken, and they could feel, at the edge of their brain, what they had learned to be the beginnings of a PTSD flashback, usually beginning as a panic attack.

Gritting their teeth, the skeptic pulled their knees to their chest and grasped at their hair, trying to focus on breathing. Of course, they would have another breakdown. Why the hell not!

They started shaking and a strangled groan came from their lips as they squeezed their eyes shut and shifted their hands, clawing at their head.

Karma could already tell that this was going to be one of the worse breakdowns from the way their head was already pounding, and, of course, they'd go through it alone. Just like everyone else, because, as usual, no one cared.

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“What can I say? I'm an attention seeker.”

--

Salem let out a perfectly timed, soft and breathy laugh. The one that people expected when they heard something they knew to be true but still found slightly amusing.

--

“Oh, hey, I should probably unpack before dinner, otherwise I'll be fumbling in the dark.”

--

Salen's smile went soft, but she didn’t let it drop completely. The inflection there sounded wrong. Esta’s tone was soft and playful, but the words and pitch didn’t belong. They felt off. Lying or avoiding. But what? Of course, maybe Salen was overanalyzing, the differences were minor after all. But so many other politicians hadn’t taken as much time as she had to fix these minuscule differences that showed sincerity. It was usually completely subconscious too, even if one was focusing on how they wanted to sound. It just wasn’t very noticeable. But Salen had noticed it, because it’s how she made sure she had the upper hand.

--

“You guys probably should too, right?”

--

“Sure, Star, need help with anything?”

--

“No, no, I think I can handle unpacking. Don't worry, love, you'll get attention later.”

--

Salem’s soft smile stayed in place, eyebrows never once furrowing as her eyes tried to read into Esta’s body language too. It definitely wasn’t one that people wore when truly meaning everything they said. Though she definitely wasn’t lying either. So she was avoiding something then. But what?

--

“Well, I should hope so! What about you, wise girl? Want help with anything?”

--

Salen looked over at Isabella, soft smile still on her face, “Not particularly. What about you, do you want help with anything?”

--

Salen kept Esta in her peripheral as the doctor waved and went into her tent. She was certainly avoiding something. But if she asked, Esta would most likely feel worse about whatever it was. So, Salen would let the medic figure it out herself, for now.

*~*~*~*

“Yes, that would be amazing! Thank you! Oh, and, yeah, you're right. We should probably cook. What's first, chef?”

--

Eni smiled and nodded, “Right then, the first thing to do is to get the fire started and start seasoning the meat. You can handle the fire while I do the seasoning, that’ll make it go faster. The wood will also help with the seasoning, of course, but there’s still one or two things to do with the actual seasoning.”

--

They kept a wing around Agnar, and brought up the first portion of rabbit meat and some of the spices they had brought over. The rest of the spices would be put on as it was cooking, of course.

*~*~*~*

Illon couldn’t just keep unpacking forever, they knew that. Especially since they were already nearing the end of unpacking. Which meant soon they’d be stuck not having anything to do. Which was fine, they shouldn’t need something to do anyways.

--

Either way… What better way to truly get used to isolation again than to completely ruin everything that they have right now? Not like it wouldn’t happen eventually, given past examples and all. The bubble was still tight, but it wasn’t as if that had ever stopped them from ruining things. And thus, they spoke, forcing the bubble to open up just enough to sound just a bit stronger than they usually did. And as per usual, as soon as they did- The self-destructive ranting began.

--

“What are you doing here? Honestly, you could be with anyone else right now. Why are you here? Go be with Karma, or Salen, or whoever it was you hung out with before me. It’s not like anything interesting is happening. I’m sure that whoever you used to hang out with is confused as to why you’ve left them for me of all people. Truly, what are you getting out of this? Some type of pride over helping someone who you think needs help? Some kind of pity and pride mix over getting to say that you ‘were there for me’ if anyone asked? News flash, no one’s going to ask because no one cares. Go save a thousand puppies, that’ll be newsworthy. But sitting in here, doing literally nothing just so you can say that‚ ‘Oh yeah. I was there for them when things hit the fan’ isn’t doing anything. So, what are you getting out of this? I’ll tell you, if you don’t know. Absolutely nothing. Not a thank you, not a happy feeling, not a good job, not anything. You’ll leave feeling just as empty, sad, and guilty as you did walking in, don’t think I couldn’t tell. I may be terrible with people, but I can read them. So might as well cut to the chase, right? Leave and go back to hanging out with someone who’ll actually talk to you and make you feel better. Back to hanging out with whoever it was you were hanging out with before me. Just go ahead and leave already, before you start to feel worse than you did coming in here.”

--

The bubble had been slowly closing in as they’d spoken, though they’d kept their voice just as strong as it had started as. Self-destructive confidence held them in place, eyes narrowed as if that alone would keep anyone from reading their soul from their irises. They kept their mouth shut now though, keeping themself from going into another destructive rant. Mostly because their mouth was starting to get sore and they really didn’t want to bother Esta more than they already had today.

“Not particularly. What about you, do you want help with anything?”

"Hmmm, don't think so! If I do, I'll let ya know!"

Isa kissed Salen lightly on the cheek before casually trotting to her tent and disappearing inside.

---

“Right then, the first thing to do is to get the fire started and start seasoning the meat. You can handle the fire while I do the seasoning, that’ll make it go faster. The wood will also help with the seasoning, of course, but there’s still one or two things to do with the actual seasoning.”

"Ah, yes, fire, something I'm definitely completely trustworthy with," Agnar stated, smirking. He did manage to start the fire without burning anything... this time, though it wasn't unlikely that he'd burn at least one thing throughout this whole experience. Agnar was, as he'd hinted previously, a terrible cook.

"I did it! What next?"

---

“What are you doing here? Honestly, you could be with anyone else right now. Why are you here? Go be with Karma, or Salen, or whoever it was you hung out with before me. It’s not like anything interesting is happening. I’m sure that whoever you used to hang out with is confused as to why you’ve left them for me of all people. Truly, what are you getting out of this? Some type of pride over helping someone who you think needs help? Some kind of pity and pride mix over getting to say that you ‘were there for me’ if anyone asked? News flash, no one’s going to ask because no one cares. Go save a thousand puppies, that’ll be newsworthy. But sitting in here, doing literally nothing just so you can say that‚ ‘Oh yeah. I was there for them when things hit the fan’ isn’t doing anything. So, what are you getting out of this? I’ll tell you, if you don’t know. Absolutely nothing. Not a thank you, not a happy feeling, not a good job, not anything. You’ll leave feeling just as empty, sad, and guilty as you did walking in, don’t think I couldn’t tell. I may be terrible with people, but I can read them. So might as well cut to the chase, right? Leave and go back to hanging out with someone who’ll actually talk to you and make you feel better. Back to hanging out with whoever it was, you were hanging out with before me. Just go ahead and leave already, before you start to feel worse than you did coming in here.”

Ambrose listened to Illon, falling silent as his companion spoke. He paused his guitar playing as well, and there was a moment of complete silence as the traveler debated his answer. The words stung a little, honestly, because Illon assumed that he was doing this for attention. He never did anything for attention.

"I think you misjudge me, Illon," Ambrose murmured after a moment, his dark eyes holding onto Illon's steadily as he spoke. "First, I didn't hang out with anyone before you, at least, not consistently. And I'm not here because I want recognition, I do not do anything for recognition. I do not like being the center of attention unless I am performing vocally, and I do not like being judged. I am here because I want to be, and I enjoy your company. If I am not helping you, then I sincerely apologize. I'm doing the only thing I really know how to do when it comes to comfort, and I'm sorry I can't do more." There was the slightest bit of pain in Ambrose's tone here, but it quickly disappeared and the traveler steadied himself.

"I'm not going to deny my feelings of emptiness or brokenness." He said, his voice nearly a whisper now as his dark eyes dropped. "But I do hope you understand that they are not related to you, the thing that I am currently dealing with is the same thing I was dealing with years before this group was created. I did not come in here with the intention of feeling better. I am fully aware that my pain will never leave. I came to see you and help you for a small amount of time if possible. I'm sorry that I failed, but I would appreciate it if you didn't assume that I take what I consider to be friendship for granted, or that I only hold onto it out of pity. Perhaps I do pity you, Illon, though I know you don't need it. I, unfortunately, cannot control this."

Ambrose took a breath and looked up again. "If you want me to leave, I will, and I won't be offended. You have every right to your own space and alone time, I don't wish to intrude. If you want to be angry with me, do that. If you want to hate me, do that. If you fear me, tell me. I will not be offended by any of this, and I'm not going to judge you for it. If you want me to just leave you alone, I will, but I'm not going to leave for good. I hope you understand that traveling is never leaving forever, just for a small period of time. You never have to talk to me, Illon, and you never have to let me in, but I am always here if you want to. The only thing I ask of you is that you don't assume that I am selfish. That word is poison, and it is the worst a person can be. Call me anything else, but never that."

With all this said, Ambrose set down his guitar and slid over to Illon, hugging them for a short moment before rising, grabbing his instrument, and walking to the tent flap again, pausing for another moment and looking back.

"Oh, and just for future situations, you don't ever need to apologize for anything that's happened to you. And you never need to apologize to me for anything at all."

And then the traveler was gone.

---

'Karma sat on the ground next to their bed, staring up at the ceiling with wide eyes. He was five now, just turned two days ago. Mama had said that he could go to school now, next spring, and Karma was excited. Up until this point he hadn't interacted with other children, he hadn't even really seen them. Usually, mama and papa made him stay inside, they said it was dangerous outside, so he had to wait until he was a big boy to go out.

Karma was also excited because papa had said the two of them could play a game tonight, a new game. A big boy game! Papa never played with him, so this was a big deal.

As excited as he was though, Karma sat obediently on the floor of his room, fidgeting with a ring his mama had gotten him for his birthday. He didn't move, mama and papa said it was important that he was calm for the game, and that he didn't touch the bed yet. Even in the child's mind, these instructions were a bit odd, but he obeyed. He always did.

---

Up until fifth grade, when they (as Karma had finally discovered their identity in fifth grade) met Kostas, Karma believed that the treatment of their parents, though painful, was completely normal.

But now, on a warm spring morning late into the school year of fifth grade, Karma sat on the edge of the schoolyard and tensed up when a figure approached, ready to snap (assuming that this person was one of their many bullies), before relaxing as they recognized their one and only friend.

"Salutations, Karma," Kostas said, his tone, as always, warm and calm. "How are you?"

"Shit."

"I see."

The calm boy sat criss-cross next to his friend and peered into their eyes as they met his gaze with pained blue eyes.

"I don't want to be here."

Kostas hummed softly. "But you don't want to be home either."

Karma turned their face away again, burying it in their knees. "Home's worse."

"Your father?"

"Mhm."

A light hand was placed on Karma's shoulder and they shuddered slightly but didn't pull away.

"I will help make things better, Karma. You deserve better."

"I don't."

"You do. Karma, you do."

And then things were blurred, the scent of blood and alcohol mixed with the feelings of pain and fear. There was screaming and a gunshot. Smoke and a body.

Then being alone again.

So alone.'

Amel Wyther | 26 | Male | Demisexual | Leader | Mentions; All

Salen Frez | 25 | Female | Pansexual | Diplomat | Mentions; All, Joliqun!(Ind)

Eni Vizin | 27 | Non-Binary | Demisexual | Mentor | Mentions; All

Illon Elatos | 24 | Non-Binary | Asexual Demiromantic | Inventor | Mentions; All

--

“Hmmm, don't think so! If I do, I'll let ya know!”

--

Salen smiled lightly as Isabella gave her a soft kiss on the cheeks. She nodded and watched her disappear into her tent before walking over to her own.

--

She should perhaps explain to Esta about the fact that lawyers and politicians weren’t the same thing. Then again though, Salen doubted that it couldn’t sort itself out on its own. After all, the group would reach the city and then Esta would find out on her own that she wasn’t a lawyer.

--

Salen would have to tell them both, introduce the two to the world of politics. Then again, it was almost amusing that Isabella hadn’t known, given she was part of the military and all- A profession that was so closely related to politics. She and her team were on the lesser known end of the spectrum though… Her team! Introductions! She’d have to introduce the two to Joliqun! She’d almost forgotten about him, given all the excitement in her life recently!

--

He’d probably love them, platonically, since he was a bit more on the gay side and they were already taken too anyways. Plus he was taken, though she wasn’t sure if he was monogamous or not… Either way, Joli would probably think the two are perfect for her. Salen grinned to herself and began unpacking. She certainly couldn’t wait for them to all meet.

*~*~*~*

“Ah, yes, fire, something I'm definitely completely trustworthy with.”

--

Eni gave a light chuckle before beginning to take care of the pre-fire spices. It wasn’t too much, simply some salt and pepper. So by the time the fire was started by Agnar, the slabs of meat were all ready to be thrown onto it.

--

“I did it! What next?”

--

They looked over at Agni and grinned, “Now, we take this,” They held up the metal slate that the group had been using as a stove for the trip, “And place it over the fire, then we take the first pieces of meat and place them on that.”

--

So, without burning themself, Eni placed the metal slate over the fire and grabbed the first slabs of meat. They placed them onto the slate and listened to the immediate sizzle sounds before looking at Agnar again. “And now, we wait a bit before flipping them and adding a few more spices if we decide it necessary.”

*~*~*~*

“I think you misjudge me, Illon. First, I didn't hang out with anyone before you, at least, not consistently. And I'm not here because I want recognition, I do not do anything for recognition. I do not like being the center of attention unless I am performing vocally, and I do not like being judged. I am here because I want to be, and I enjoy your company. If I am not helping you, then I sincerely apologize. I'm doing the only thing I really know how to do when it comes to comfort, and I'm sorry I can't do more. I'm not going to deny my feelings of emptiness or brokenness. But I do hope you understand that they are not related to you, the thing that I am currently dealing with is the same thing I was dealing with years before this group was created. I did not come in here with the intention of feeling better. I am fully aware that my pain will never leave. I came to see you and help you for a small amount of time if possible. I'm sorry that I failed, but I would appreciate it if you didn't assume that I take what I consider to be friendship for granted, or that I only hold onto it out of pity. Perhaps I do pity you, Illon, though I know you don't need it. I, unfortunately, cannot control this. If you want me to leave, I will, and I won't be offended. You have every right to your own space and alone time, I don't wish to intrude. If you want to be angry with me, do that. If you want to hate me, do that. If you fear me, tell me. I will not be offended by any of this, and I'm not going to judge you for it. If you want me to just leave you alone, I will, but I'm not going to leave for good. I hope you understand that traveling is never leaving forever, just for a small period of time. You never have to talk to me, Illon, and you never have to let me in, but I am always here if you want to. The only thing I ask of you is that you don't assume that I am selfish. That word is poison, and it is the worst a person can be. Call me anything else, but never that.”

--

That… Wasn’t exactly what Illon had been expecting, if they were being honest. The entire time that Ambrose had been speaking made their confidence in their words crumble slowly but surely until they couldn’t really keep looking at him. And yet Ambrose had kept speaking, and Illon had kept listening. Even as their mine screamed new sentences that would certainly work to push him away. Because Illon wasn’t really sure if they wanted him to leave. It was better in the long run, sure. But they’d never been good at saying goodbye to people.

--

And so, they had simply found themself staring at the ground. Until they felt arms wrap around them in a quick hug and they looked up at Ambrose. They tensed, because it didn’t make sense, just like every other situation that had ever gone like this. And then Ambrose had slipped away and back to his guitar, and it was as if a moment was broken. Again. This time, Illon didn’t cry though. This time, Illon didn’t scream out and yell and rant and self-destruct.

--

“Oh, and just for future situations, you don't ever need to apologize for anything that's happened to you. And you never need to apologize to me for anything at all.”

--

But just like last time, the person had left. It hadn’t mattered that Illon didn’t respond with desperation and self-sabotage. Because people still left either way. And Illon still didn’t cry, there was no reason to after all. People left all the time, except for when Illon was already alone, and this was just making sure that they would be alone again.

--

So, they simply went back to unpacking, their movements ever so slightly slower. With their mind so loud that it was almost quiet. A normal thing… Well, it had been, at one point. And it would be normal again, Illon assumed. Since there was no way Ambrose could’ve actually meant that he’d come back. And even if he did, Illon would just end up ruining things. Like they always did.