Tory: What’s the status up here?
Garvin: Fucked up, about to die, Hikaru’s a nerd. The usual.
-
Garvin: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking ‘are we about to kiss?’
Garvin: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.
-
Garvin: Okay, two person huddle.
Hikaru: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug.
-
Hikaru, watching Maxi do something stupid: Garvin, you're officially only the second highest risk here.
Garvin: Hell yeah! I'm gonna—
Hikaru: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up.
-
Darla: You played me!
Garvin: Like the cheap kazoo you are!
-
Garvin: You’ve got to learn to love yourself.
Tory: But don't you hate yourself.
Garvin: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.
-
Garvin: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed.
Darla: But you do know better.
-
Garvin: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Darla: What's wrong with you??
Garvin: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.
Tory: No, they mean other than that.
Garvin: Ohhhhhh.
Garvin: I haven't slept in 4 days.
-
Hikaru: I need life advice.
Garvin, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.
-
Garvin: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.
Maxi: What?
Garvin: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?
-
Garvin: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Tory!
Tory: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.
-
Garvin: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
-
Garvin: I think it’s time I get my life in order.
Tory, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.
-
Hikaru: Look, Garvin, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.
-
Garvin, texting Tory: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…
Tory′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.
*Later*
Tory, texting back: Fuck you.
-
Garvin: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.
Darla: What changed your mind?
Garvin: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.
-
Tory: You know, Garvin, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.
Garvin: ...
Garvin: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.
-
Garvin, dramatically: They called me a fool.
Darla, sick of Garvin's shit: They weren’t wrong.
Winter 
Day 
