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 arlo
10:58:14 fruck frontman
violet,
cool, my battle's up :)
 VioletEcho
10:58:12 Is a dinosaur rawr
Okay maybe not XD I need to stop neglecting my non boosts
 VioletEcho
10:57:42 Is a dinosaur rawr
Arlo I can
 arlo
10:57:18 fruck frontman
pvp anyone?
 Aziel
10:51:26 Az,Dio,Rosc
hi chat
 Eternity
10:51:05 ET
Khaos
My sister aged 6 was a cruel, cruel human </3
 Kháos
10:44:37 
VioletEcho-
My target is already locked <3
 VioletEcho
10:43:23 Is a dinosaur rawr
Khaos lmao you can attack me if you want XD

Lmao the amount of times I've accidentally hit my siblings with a soccer ball....they call me cannon😭
 Kháos
10:41:02 
How can someone sleep properly when they throw something so precious into snow???
 Kháos
10:40:44 
<.< 23 minutes until I can collect the rest of the mushies I need to attack someone. I'm so impatient.
 Eternity
10:37:39 ET
Beetle
LMAO that is, holy shit, I'm impressed.

</3 right. Right into the snow too </3
 distant-lands
10:35:59 katy | beetle
ET,
the bottle didn't break so i suppose it was a testament to tapatio's quality xD

but not the MLP disc:'D that's pure evil
 Kháos
10:34:09 
Your wolves played: Loona and Thumper decide to not give Bree a geode.

Smart wolves.
 Eternity
10:33:06 ET
Khaos
I haven't! It'd be a first LOL>.

Beetle
Tapatio.. That's so sad.
I can't even recall the amount of things my siblings have thrown at me.

Still haven't forgiven my sister for throwing my MLP disc out of the window either </3 LOL

Spirit
Oh... Oh god.. Ow 😭😭😭
 SpiritGuardian
10:31:31 Mr Palette Guy
ET,
Bro was like 4 feet taller than me and threw the ball at like- a bijillion miles per hour.
 distant-lands
10:31:30 katy | beetle
siblings and projectiles never mix well
 Kháos
10:31:10 
ET-
Wait, have you ever been called toothless? :0
 distant-lands
10:31:01 katy | beetle
my sister once threw a full bottle of tapatio hot sauce at my head :')

all because i told her the mac n' cheese wasn't hot enough
 Kháos
10:30:56 
Toothless is so cute
 Kháos
10:30:46 
Aw, well, can I have a donut anyways please? 🥺

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Chatbox
 arlo
10:58:14 fruck frontman
violet,
cool, my battle's up :)
 VioletEcho
10:58:12 Is a dinosaur rawr
Okay maybe not XD I need to stop neglecting my non boosts
 VioletEcho
10:57:42 Is a dinosaur rawr
Arlo I can
 arlo
10:57:18 fruck frontman
pvp anyone?
 Aziel
10:51:26 Az,Dio,Rosc
hi chat
 Eternity
10:51:05 ET
Khaos
My sister aged 6 was a cruel, cruel human </3
 Kháos
10:44:37 
VioletEcho-
My target is already locked <3
 VioletEcho
10:43:23 Is a dinosaur rawr
Khaos lmao you can attack me if you want XD

Lmao the amount of times I've accidentally hit my siblings with a soccer ball....they call me cannon😭
 Kháos
10:41:02 
How can someone sleep properly when they throw something so precious into snow???
 Kháos
10:40:44 
<.< 23 minutes until I can collect the rest of the mushies I need to attack someone. I'm so impatient.
 Eternity
10:37:39 ET
Beetle
LMAO that is, holy shit, I'm impressed.

</3 right. Right into the snow too </3
 distant-lands
10:35:59 katy | beetle
ET,
the bottle didn't break so i suppose it was a testament to tapatio's quality xD

but not the MLP disc:'D that's pure evil
 Kháos
10:34:09 
Your wolves played: Loona and Thumper decide to not give Bree a geode.

Smart wolves.
 Eternity
10:33:06 ET
Khaos
I haven't! It'd be a first LOL>.

Beetle
Tapatio.. That's so sad.
I can't even recall the amount of things my siblings have thrown at me.

Still haven't forgiven my sister for throwing my MLP disc out of the window either </3 LOL

Spirit
Oh... Oh god.. Ow 😭😭😭
 SpiritGuardian
10:31:31 Mr Palette Guy
ET,
Bro was like 4 feet taller than me and threw the ball at like- a bijillion miles per hour.
 distant-lands
10:31:30 katy | beetle
siblings and projectiles never mix well
 Kháos
10:31:10 
ET-
Wait, have you ever been called toothless? :0
 distant-lands
10:31:01 katy | beetle
my sister once threw a full bottle of tapatio hot sauce at my head :')

all because i told her the mac n' cheese wasn't hot enough
 Kháos
10:30:56 
Toothless is so cute
 Kháos
10:30:46 
Aw, well, can I have a donut anyways please? 🥺




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Forums > Socialize
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I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 22, 2022 08:42 PM


Firefox

Darkseeker
 
Posts: 3137
#2780784
Give Award
I crave validation, nah XD just kidding, although that is partly true. I am mostly looking for contrsuctive criticism on my writing, I see something wrong with it, I aim to get better.
So with that let me just link some examples and I would like it if y'all could comment some tips/criticism. (Compliments are okay also)
~~
Examples.
1. Raina's Story Wrote this today in my spare time-
3. took me four hours I need someone to proofread or something- help me out Raven's Story
~~
Let me know if The links don't work so I can fix them-
And note to the mods, I had no idea where to put this, if it's in the wrong sub forum please move for me, thank you.

Edited at June 23, 2022 01:19 AM by Firefox
I need opinions/tips on my writingJune 23, 2022 06:49 PM


Yuketa

Neutral
 
Posts: 1700
#2781080
Give Award
You could practice writing similes and integrating idioms into some places, if preferred.
There was an exercise we used to do in Creative Writing where the teacher would put up a picture on the projector screen of a location, like a cabin in the woods, or a marketplace, and we would write out a scene while incorporating the five senses into it.
"The woods were a little musty, and Aril observed particles of dust as they floated down the citrine sunbeams, like little boats cascading in slow motion down a titanic waterfall. It was just cold enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and dull whatever he could smell of the place, but there was still that faint scent of an unnatural... thing. Something ancient and rotting, and not quite chemical although he almost tasted ammonia in the assaulting concoction. It was a substance hidden within the magical pretense of the abandoned cottage. He felt the coin in his pocket, his good luck charm; it had been with him through the ages, and its faces were worn smooth by his fiddlings. With a couple circles of his thumb over its edge, he hoped it would see him through to the end of this situation, too."
I'd write more but I just woke up and am headed for work lol.
One other piece of advice I guess is, read literature that you like and would want to emulate in your own writing, dissect it, even. What makes this scene powerful/emotional/feel hazardous? Are the protag's goals being realistically hindered by this or that, and are the stakes high enough? Etcetera.
Good luck!

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