Yay! :D

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Here's my story, finally, lol

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Kill The Pain

Characters; Tirion and Narin. Calypso, Amara, Molly (sisters best friend), and Molly's mother mentioned.

TWs; Swearing, Semi-detailed Description of a Suicide Attempt, Drug Overdose, Self-harm, Chronic Fatigue mentioned, Panic Attacks, Self-blaming, General angst, A Very Messy Ending, and probably more

Word Count; 3,337

Notes; This would be Narin's second attempt that Tirion knows of (definitely not only the second attempt, just the second one that Tirion actually knows about). He and Tirion have both recently turned 21, Calypso is 11, Amara is 10.

Read with caution :)

---

Ever since Tirion had woken up, he had felt that something was wrong. The feeling was unexplainable and unwarranted as far as he could tell. Narin had called him that morning to say the girls were staying with Molly for the night and he was planning to walk to the bar today so that Tirion didn't have to worry about anything before work that evening, protesting when he attempted to say he didn't mind picking him up.

‘It’s not that far, besides, I like the outdoors, and my body's been cooperating recently! Stop worrying so much.’

In hindsight, the call was reason enough to worry, and, hours later, Tirion would sit and wonder if he'd missed anything. A tone shift he hadn't caught, a slight drawl that would imply excessive drinking or drug usage, a sniffle that should have revealed that Narin was upset.

How much had he shoved aside in favor of continuing his day like normal? How much had he glossed over due to the sleep still clouding his brain?

The answer was, simply, too much. He had missed too much. That much became evident when, while sitting at his desk in work, another call came through. Approximately five hours after the first.

When Narin's name first flashed on screen, Tirion didn't think much of it, simply clicking accept and raising the phone to his ear. Part of him expected the usual cheery tone, maybe an invitation to stop by the bar after work and hang out for a bit. Perhaps a question about a sleepover that night or about the Amara's ballet recital later in the week.

Instead...

"R...io?"

Tirion's blood ran cold, body immediately tensing at the slurred speech implying an over-consumption of alcohol or drugs, something very unusual for the young bartender who was able to handle quite a bit to get anywhere near slurring. The slightly shaking tone that Tirion had only ever heard a few times, when his friend was breaking down. Only once had it been this bad.

Standing, Tirion threw a quick "Emergency!" to his coworkers before rushing toward his car, not bothering to gather his things as he did so.

"Narin, where are you right now?"

He attempted to keep his voice calm as he jumped in his car, only to pause without anywhere to go.

"S-orry... d... didn't wa- want Callie an' Mar ta... have ta... ta fin' me..."

Tirion's heart dropped at that, but he forced himself to concentrate. If he didn't keep himself calm right now, it could cost a life. He took a deep breath and stepped on the gas. If Narin was worried about his sisters finding him there were only limited options of places he could be. His appartment was the most obvious choice. Better start there.

"It's alright. Don't apologize to me. Listen, Rin, I need you to stay awake for me, okay? Answer me as best as you can. Did you take anything?"

Silence stretched for a little too long and Rio's breathing started to quicken again, only slowing slightly as a reply finally came through.

"D-unno... Rio?"

"Yes?"

"Ya can... take c-are of 'em... right?"

Tirion felt his eyes stinging but blinked past the tears, nodding even though he knew his friend couldn't see. "Yeah. Yeah, of course I will Rin. Always. And I'm going to take care of you too, you got that? You're gonna be fine, just... Stay awake. Stay awake, because if you don't I'll... I'll never forgive you. You understand me, you dumbass?"

The was a low hum on the other end of the line and what may have been an attempt at a chuckle. "Tha's fine..."

At this point, Rio was pressing down so hard on the gas the world outside was little more than a blur and it was an honest miracle that no one else seemed to be on the roads at the moment.

"Rio... 'm sorry... I jus'-" There was a sniffle and Tirion clenched his jaw, slamming on the break to slow down and turn into the appartment parking lot, grabbing his phone as he jumped out, barely managing to turn the car off before he did so. "I don'... I don' wanna die alone..."

The words were barely above a whisper and Rio felt his own tears finally spill over as he pushed open the stairway doors and began climbing. "You're not going to die. Listen to me, Rin, you're not going to die. You fucking understand me?" He reached Narin's floor and went straight for his appartment, shoving the door open, only to freeze when his friend was nowhere in sight. The small appartment was a reck, even worse than normal, but the small bathroom had its door open, as did the closet, leaving nowhere for Narin to hide. "Shit. Goddamn it! Narin, where the hell are you?"

The other end of the line stayed silent and Tirion felt himself start to shake. "Narin? Fuck, Rin, answer me!"

The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming and it took everything for him not to collapse on the ground right then and there, the only thing keeping him on his feet being the desperate need for his friend to still be alive.

"Tirion?"

He swung around, finding a young woman he recognized as Narin's neighbor standing in her doorway, face scrunched in a worried frown.

"Is everything okay?"

"Have you seen Narin?"

Part of him registered how much of a mess he must have looked, but he honestly didn't really care.

The woman paused.

"Um, I thought I saw him heading toward the roof when I was coming back about half an hour ago. Why? Is everything okay?"

Tirion didn't bother responding, instead forcinghis legs to move again, pushing his way up another two flights of stairs to the roof of the building, only to once again freeze at the sight in front of him once he got there.

---

Narin wasn't quite sure when he'd made the decision that he wanted to die. He was inclined to say it had been a split-second thing, something that he decided only after breakfast when Amara and Calypso had requested a sleepover with their friend Molly, but in reality he knew it was something he'd wanted for a lot longer.

Honestly, he was a little impressed with how long it had taken to get back into this mindset. After Tirion had forced him to make that... promise... a year ago, the thought of death had always been a brief one. Something impulsive but never consistant. Never lasting long enough for anthing other than a slit wrist or leg.

And yet, this past week had been filled with the idea of deaths blissful release.

Perhaps it was a result of his worsening fatigue. The constant exhaustion, pain, sensitivity, brain fog, and near inability to do any simple tasks leaving him feeling even more useless than usual.

Or maybe it was the fact that everything seemed to be moving so much faster than he was prepared for. It was nearly half-way through the school year and Cal and Mar were growing quickly, which was great with the exception of Narin feeling like he was being left behind.

While the girls were making new friends and discussing career paths and Tirion was actively looking to get a promotion at his place of work, Narin was barely hanging onto the broken-down building he'd only just managed to claim and call a bar. A few regulars were starting to make themselves seen, but otherwise buisness was slow, leaving Narin with a lack of income, resulting in nearly constant financial help from Rio despite his best efforts.

He was failing at everything he tried and his optimistic face went from having only a few cracks to completely shattering in a matter of seconds.

While he wanted to believe his decision to commit suicide was a single moment of thoughtless desperation, the fact was the only reason he wasn't dead already was lack of better circumstances.

The length of time it took to gather everything needed for the attempt only proved this fact further.

A minute to unlock the liquor cabinet and grab a bottle of the strongest whiskey. Three minutes to dig through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and decide on a bottle of ibuprofen and a bottle of sleep pills. Five minutes to slowly and painfully climb the stairs, pausing to wave and smile at his neighbor who was returning home, carefully sheilding all the supplies as he did so.

Nine minutes to get everything ready, not once a shadow of doubt in his mind.

When he reached the roof, he walked to the middle, taking a deep breath of the outside air and closing his eyes for a moment, allowing the sun to energize him before making his way to the middle of the roof and sitting down.

He lined everything up, staring at what he'd brought before picking up the ibuprofen and taking a handul of the pills. Honestly, they were just chosen to mute some of the pain in his bones. Then, he grabbed the whiskey, and downed half the bottle, ignoring the burning in his throat. That should be enough to thin his blood at the very least.

He smiled faintly and smashed the bottle, watching the alcohol pool around him for a moment before shifting through the shards and carefully picking out the sharpest one.

As he raised it to his wrist, he hesitated for the first time, eyes focusing on the semi-colon tattoo. He was breaking a promise. But... was it a promise worth breaking?

Closing his eyes, Narin sliced downward, carving a line of blood directly through the tattoo.

It was for everyone's benefit. That made it worth it.

After that, everything became kind of a blur. Narin faintly remembered shoving more pills down his throat before becoming too tired to continue and then, as he lay down, eyelids heavy, his mind supplied him with thoughts. Mostly memories of his sisters, some of his life back when his father was still alive, and then more of Tirion.

What he landed on, however, was the image of Callie and Amara coming home the next day to find the small apartment abandoned and Narin missing. Of them trying to call him, searching through the entire building before finally climbing to the roof. Their faces of horror when they saw him lying there, motionless in his own blood.

He was happy to die, but he didn't want them to find him. They didn't deserve that.

Shakily, fighting against the pill-induced sleep, Narin reached down to pull out his phone, squinting at the screen just long enough to click the top contact in his calling app before letting his hand fall down and rest beside his head, waiting for his only real friend to pick up.

—

"Rin- Shit."

The world spun as Tirion stumbled toward his friend, eyes drawn to the small puddle of blood around his wrist as well as a nearly empty bottle of sleep pills. God, no one could live after all taking all of those! It was honestly insane that Narin had stayed concious for as long as he did.

"You fucking idiot! You promised! You promised me you wouldn't do this! You absolute piece of shit!"

Through the spinning, Rio grabbed Narin's wrist, appying pressure to the wound as though that would help anything. As if stopping the only external wound would save Rin when the real problem was everything going on inside.

Irionic, given the whole situation.

Maybe Tirion had been bandaging only the surface wounds this whole time.

"I've called an ambulance, they're on their way! Is he breathing?"

He almost jumped when Narin's neighbor spoke, her voice shaking slightly as she clenched her phone tightly in her hand, still pressed to her ear as though someone was still on the line.

Rio swallowed hard and reached out to place a finger under Narin's nose. His breathing was shallow, very shallow, bu present. Tirion cursed himself for not thinking to check earlier. For not thinking to call for help. As though he could handle any of this by himself.

"Y-yes. Barely."

The young woman nodded and reported back to whoever was on the phone and then began giving Tirion instructions. He followed blindly, shaking violently and just trying to stay calm enough to do as he was told until help got here.

There was still a chance. A small one, but a chance.

He wasn't sure how long it was before sirens were heard and paramedics appeared, carefully loading Narin onto a stretcher. Tirion stood back, stumbling after them as they started back toward the ambulance. One of the paramedics gently grabbed his arm, steadying him as he stumbled trying to follow down the stairs.

"Easy. You look like you've just had a panic attack."

"I- He's my friend, I need-"

"We'll make sure you get to the hospital with him, I promise, but you need to take a minute and breathe. You're going to hurt yourself if you don't calm down first."

The paramedics voice was calm and Rio forced himself to listen, half aware that the first ambulance had already rushed off toward the hospital with Narin inside. He was getting in the way.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, there's nothing wrong with having this sort of reaction. This is a scary situation, especially if you know the person involved." The paramedic smiled gently and Tirion nodded gratefully toward them, allowing himself to lean against the wall for a moment as they continued to speak. "I'm actually very impressed with how you handled things overall, I heard you acted very quickly. you must be a wonderful friend."

Rio's eyes started stinging again at that and he shook his head slightly. "I should've done more, I-"

"Hey," The paramedic shook their head, eyes serious. "Nothing that happened is your fault. If your friend didn't want you to know what was going on, there was no way you could have. I know it's not easy, but you shouldn't blame yourself, alright?"

He hesitated, but then just nodded, too weak and tired to argue. Another few minutes passed and the paramedic nodded again, extending a hand.

"Do you think you're alright to walk?"

"Yes, thank you." He still felt a little shaky, but he could make it, especially if it meant getting to Narin's side faster.

"Alright, I'll drive you to the hospital then. Let me know if you need anything else."

---

A few hours later, Tirion was sitting at Narin's bedside, watching the heart monitor to soothe himself.

He was stable, they had said. He would live.

Apparently, they'd had to pump his stomach and give him some fluids, but he was in surprisingly good condition for someone who had just taken upwards of 50 mg of Ambien (how he'd managed to take so much without being completely knocked out immediatly was still a question circulating the doctors who had come in to check on him). Most likely, he'd just be out cold for another day or two and then have to be monitored of a little while after he woke up.

He'd be fine.

The news should be a relief, it was a relief, but, for some stupid reason, Tirion simply couldn't allow himself to feel happy. At first, he'd tried to convince himself it was just the fact that Narin would definitely be pissed about waking up in the hospital, which was probably his least favorite place on earth, but the reality was Rio could deal with Rin having some anxiety. Anxiety was somewhat easy to handle, at least, in terms of Narin's mental health struggles. Strategies worked on anxiety.

And maybe that was the problem.

Tirion didn't have a solution for Narin's depression or suicidal thoughts. Hell, he didn't even have an equation!

He didn't know what triggered his friend, he didn't know why one thing worked sometimes and not others, he couldn't figure out what he was missing or why sometimes Narin would reach out and other times he would just smile like everything was fine. None of it made sense!

It wasn't fair!

Why was he able to solve every puzzle in the world, but so helpless when it came to understanding his best friend? The only one who was really there when Rio needed him?

Why couldn't he do something as simple as repay the favor with that same level of support? No amount of money could ever possibly be enough to thank Narin for everything he'd done for him, and yet, it was all he seemed to be able to really offer.

Sucking air between his teeth, Tirion pulled out his phone and dialed Molly's mother's number, coming to the conclusion that someone with direct contact to the girls' should probably know what was happening. Realistically, he wouldn't be able to pick the two up tomorrow, especially since it didn't sound like Narin would be awake by then.

The phone rang twice before someone picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mrs. Lola, this is Tirion."

"Oh yes, hello dear! I'm assuming Narin told you I have the girls then?"

He smiled faintly, eyes tracing the pale skin of his friend, eventually landing on his wrist, which was now wrapped in a bandage and nodded to himself. "Um, yes. Listen, I need to ask you a favor..." He took another breath, averting his eyes from his friend as they started stinging for what must have been the millionth time. "There was an accident and Narin's in the hospital right now."

He heard a small gasp on the other side and continued quickly. "He'll be okay! It's just... I was wondering if you'd be willing to keep Cal and Amy for another night? I'm not sure I'll be able to pick them up."

"Of course, sweetheart! Oh, that's awful! Please, don't worry about anything, I'll make sure the girls are well taken care of."

Tirion let out a soft sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, it's a huge help, really. Also, is it alright if you don't tell them about all this yet? I don't want them to worry about it. I'll tell them about everything when Narin's awake and they can visit, I just think it would be best to hold off for now."

"Yes, of course." Lola's voice was kind but serious and Tirion felt his shoulders relax a little. He would always be grateful that Calypso and Amara had picked up such good friends with equally amazing parents. It made everything so much easier. "Now then, how are you faring, darling? I know seeing your friend injured must be quite hard."

"I'm alright." It was a partial lie, but it didn't matter much. "I know he'll be okay, so I am too."

"Good. If you need anything, please let me know."

"I will. And I'll keep you updated."

"Thank you, take care, kiddo."

Tirion nodded as the line fell flat, sitting still for a moment before simply falling back into his seat and glaring at Narin in front of him, a mixture of exhaustion, pain, regret, relief, and mild anger all hitting him at once.

"God, Rin, you almost fucking killed me today." He smiled bitterly and reached out to take his friend's hand in his own. "I honestly wish you could've seen it. Maybe then you'd finally understand how much you mean to me."