Yeahhhhhhh-

Oops? Lmao

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I love the incorrect quotes so much, they're amazing XD

No worries, I have two nicer ones planned for the end of July

I just have to get there first.

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Haha, glad you liked the incorrect quotes

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Ooo, fun little thing!

Garvins' baseline for adrenaline and cortisol and whatnot, like where he's at at any given time, is a lot higher than most people's. He has a lot of pent-up nerves. My guy constantly ready to react to anything.

That being said, when healing arc comes and with it, safety, yeahhhh, there's going to be quite the crash. He's going to start just, like, falling asleep anywhere. First time it happens, the polycule is eating and Garvin just starts to fall asleep halfway through eating. Probably worrying everyone but like, it's actually a good thing for once!

He's also going to start noticing a lot more, just, general pain and soreness than usual because adrenaline not be blocking it anymore but uhhhh, yeah.

Yayy, lmao

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Ah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense, actually

Everyone's definitely gonna be concerned at first, lmao

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Haha, what??? Why would they be concerned about Garvin falling asleep while eating?

It'll be so funny because Garvin's not concerned at all but not like that really helps the others feel better lmao

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Awww, poor Nico

Feel bad for them

Especially all of my future quotes are like- So less outright angsty.

You got Garvin dropping the bombshell of "Oh, 've dones lotta crazy shit fo' a nickel."

Which hints at a ton of stuff but like. Doesn't actually read as angst. Especially because Garvin be grinning and all amused as he says it.

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I mean, I don't have any for sure quotes just yet- But Giles showing up will definitely have plenty if angst eventually. He gonna show up and start making Garvin out to be this not so great guy and literally, Garvin isn't even going to try and refute any of it. Technically, Giles isn't telling any lies. He just leaving a lot out and using distance to make sure Garvin doesn't actually care enough to tell the rest of the story.

Fun little fact, if Andi's still alive at the time, Giles and Andi be working together, haha- Oops

Mhm, totally normal for Garvin. No need to worry at allll, lmao

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Yeahhhh

Briar is like, the only one who will ever come remotely close to knowing the extent of what Nico went through

I mean, probably half of the Nico lore that you get will be through conversations with Briar and the rest is internal monolouge and a few hints in polycule conversations-

Like, bestie knows everything.

Bestie knows more than the partners will probably ever know because a purely platonic friendship that's quite literally the only relationship Nico has ever had with someone (not counting Jade because Jade twisted into a very terrible role model eventually and he was also more of an older brother than friend, and not counting Neva because that was pure trauma bonding and talking about how fucked up the relationship they shared was) will always feel safer than any romantic relationship Nico could possibly have. Even after they feel secure with the polycule, there's always a chance for things to go south, and, when that happens, from Nico's experience, there's no going back.

Briar's not romantic, they're not trauma bonded, they're just there whenever Nico needs them. They listen, they sand up for her, they offer to be the one thing that Nico has quite literally never had before in his whole life. A good friend.

That's it. No strings attached, just a two-way street of caring about each other on a deep level without every even having the possibility of there being any sexual or romantic motivation.

Briar knows everything about Nico, Nico knows everything about Briar (though Briar will probably end up also being just as open with Aries as with Nico because of differing trauma types), and none of it will ever be told to anyone else without consent.

I don't know if you can tell, but I really love their friendship, even though it hasn't fully been shown to you yet, lmao

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Oh, I also feel like I should mention that, yes, Nico has consciously given up on relationships (at least, in the way they used to), but the idea and feeling of romance is still very much there, even if it's surpressed. Nico's initial "Hey, let's get together!" Is both kind of genuine and also... kinda fucked up?

Like, with Revan in particular, Nico's whole thing is that "this guy's hurting, I think he could be a good person. I kinda like him in a weird way. He's messed up. Let me help him... by letting him do literally whatever the fuck he wants to me, I'm sure it's fine!"

And Akira and Garvin were slightly different because they were friends before, but it's still the idea of "they're cool, I kinda like them, I want to help them. Fuck it, let me ruin this for myself for their sakes."

And Ingall was completely different because he came into the relationship through Garvin and the initial attachment actually, fun fact, is going to come through the idea that "Garvin likes this guy. I'm helping Garvin. To help Garvin, I need to like the people Garvin likes. Okay, I'll get close to this guy too, I'm sure he could also use my help somehow!"

Yeah, good intentions but very harmful, lol

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Ah, yep, can't wait for that angst XD

Yeahhh, all that makes sense.

Garvin won't be sharing everything with anyone, even Aries.

Honestly, the closest anyone would get is after Midas becomes a protector. But before that, it's literally just through hints, trauma happening in the present, or arguments where he ends up spiraling.

Devery knows the most out of everyone, but honestly- That's just because of how long he's known Garvin. He's had time to learn to read Garvin, to figure out ways to make him talk. But he still doesn't know everything. Nowhere near everything, even. Like, Garvin never even told him about Andi. Garvin went missing for almost two years and then never told him why or what happened or literally anything about it.

Garvin will keep things to himself until they show up in the worst of ways.

His mind going in circles because Akira preferred the streets to the home? Not a word until either Revan uses it in an argument or until Garvin is thinking himself into a suicide attempt. Literally the only two ways it'd ever be brought up.

Nightmares of the polycule hurting him? Not a word until he ends up waking up from one panicking and dissociating, not realizing he'd woken up. Or even until later than that too, if he manages to convince the polycule the nightmare was of something else. Which he would try to do.

Everything. Every problem. Big or small. Garvin won't mention them at all.

Did new trauma happen? Keeping itself to himself if he can. Unless it's sexual trauma and then he's trying to break up with the polycule because, in his mind, he cheated on them. Well, if he's already gotten the whole 'cheating is a thing that exists' talk. Otherwise he's just not mentioning it at all.

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Which, is probably another thing to mention- Garvin doesn't actually understand cheating. Or dating in general.

Really, especially earlier on in the relationship, he's going to be waiting for the catch, the metaphorical shoe to drop. His best understanding of why someone would date him boil down to- Sex and money. They want to fuck him and they just might also want to let other people fuck him for cash or for him to steal cash off of them. That's his best understanding of why people date him. So cheating is kind of a foreign idea, like something he hears other people talk about and assumes is either a joke or something he can't afford. Usually the first option, because he's pretty sure he's stolen wedding rings from people he slept with before. So. Yeah.

He's spending a good amount of time waiting for the polycule to be like that. And, like- Kind of part of why he makes at least surface level with Revan before Akira does. Nico brought Revan in, and Garvin, who'd just been getting used to the relationship, kind of backtracks by a lot. Because, aha, proof that he isn't wrong about why people would ever want to date him!

Will say, part of why Garvin ever pursues Ingall is because Ingall starts giving him food and Garvin knows only a few ways to repay that sort of thing. And then the second that Ingall shows any interest at all just narrows down how Garvin decides to repay it. Is he interested in Ingall? Yeah, he is. But, like, Ingall's also interested in him and giving him food, which obviously means that Ingall just wants to fuck him. So. Sure. Why not? Might as well.

Akira and Nico aren't as bad. But let's start with Akira.

Akira isn't so bad, isn't so difficult to think that maybe the relationship isn't because of those two reasons, solely because of the fact that Akira doesn't do anything whenever he's not 100% present. Literally, Akira being incredibly rigid on needing (actual, not just what Garvin thinks it is) consent is what makes Akira easier to think that maybe, just maybe, the relationship isn't just sex and money. Because otherwise, Akira wouldn't be dragging him out of bars and refusing to fuck him when he isn't completely present. The fact that they were friends first doesn't really mean much.

And then there's Nico- Nico is easier than Revan and Ingall but harder than Akira because Nico does bring in Revan. But, well, the fact that we've already figured that Nico and Garvin won't have been intimate like that for a long time is kind of what does it. For probably obvious reasons. The two being together for a long time and suddenly realizing that they've never actually done anything is kind of... Hard proof to ignore.

Taking a break from writing all the July short stories to instead write Garvin having a nightmare. Probably a good time to go over the nightmares he has about the polycule.

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Revan is probably the most common one to make an appearance in Garvin's nightmares where the polycule hurt him. Just because Revan has money, and usually whoever had money was the one, you know, hurting him in the past. So it's pretty easy for his mind to just pull a switcharoo while he's sleeping and make Revan the abuser.

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Up next is probably Ingall, because Gall is neat and clean and it's just a little triggering at times for Garvin, who has had abuse blamed on him for not listening to directions and/or living up to impossible standards. Many of which concerned being neat and/or clean. So nightmares concerning Ingall tend to follow a similar track.

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And because the next two are kind of weird- I'll go over Akira next.

So, Akira doesn't actually show up in nightmares very often. Honestly, Nico shows up in nightmares more but we'll get to that because it's definitely weird. Anyways. Akira doesn't show up in nightmares very often but the ones where they do can tend to be the worst ones. For a few reasons.

1) Akira just so happens to be the one Garvin's just generally pretty sure could actually beat him in a fight. The others, especially Revan and Nico, aren't much to really worry about. And, in Garvin's opinion, Ingall's one advantage would be his power. None of that is too important though. It just means that there isn't as much 'suspension of disbelief' going on in nightmares where Akira's beating him up as opposed to the others because, well, Akira probably could if they wanted to.

2) Garvin trusts Akira. More than the others in the polycule, honestly. Akira doing anything that the nightmares they're in makes them do- Doesn't make sense. The actions, even in the nightmares, don't make sense. Which actually makes it worse because- Surprise, surprise, abuse in general tends to be irrational and not make sense and when you thought someone wouldn't hurt you, them suddenly hurting you for no reason is a lot worse. And Garvin's been hurt for no reason, out of nowhere, by a lot of people in the past. People he thought were friends, like Giles and Fintan (whom he still considers a friend) and Ayaz (whom I haven't even spoken about at all but is an old ex of Garvin's), have hurt him more and so much worse than people he knew weren't. Like random strangers. Strangers or people like Rudy (chapter two of Garvin Oneshots) weren't ever people Garvin trusted. Weren't ever people that he thought were his friends. People he thought cared that it turned out they didn't were way worse. So nightmares where it's Akira hit that same box. Even more when the nightmare is sexual in nature because it really doesn't make sense. Because Akira wouldn't. Or, in the context of a nightmare, he at least thought they wouldn't. It just hits a bit different because suddenly, the one person he thought that he could say no to and always have them listen, isn't listening. Doesn't seem to care at all, in fact.

So, yeah- Akira nightmares. While they don't happen as often as other nightmares, they do tend to be the worst ones.

And after the hair dyeing, Akira nightmares actually get a lot more common because, well, it was their hair dye and all the unprocessed feelings and thoughts having to do with Akira being mad at him and snapping have to go somewhere.

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Now onto Nico though! Nico showing up in nightmares is more common than Akira but, the nightmares that Nico is in tend to be a lot less of Nico hurting him and more Nico letting someone hurt him or watching someone hurt him. People standing by and letting him get hurt was, unfortunately, very common. And Nico kind of gets thrown into that category because she doesn't have the money Revan has, isn't as neat/clean as Ingall, and doesn't check the same boxes Akira does. No, the one thing his mind can latch onto about Nico is that they were in a toxic relationship before and therefore probably stood by before so who's to say he won't again? Well, that and also just the idea that Nico wouldn't stand up to the other three should any of them decide to hurt him because obviously Nico loves them more than him because no one can actually care about him anyways and the only thing he's good for

is—

...

Anyways. So. Yeah. Nico gets to be a spectator whenever they show up in nightmares. At least most of the time. Of course, sometimes his mind will shoehorn her into directly hurting him too but it's a lot more rare.

That all makes sense

And will also cause so much worry for the others eventually, lmao

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Ah, yep, that makes sense too

I will say though, if Garvin ever suggests doing anything with Ingall he'll probably get a very confused, very apologetic answer. Something like- "Oh- Um... with me? I- uh... Sorry, I don't- I can't.... um... sorry, I'm really not good with... with physical contact... you know? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude... I- I mean, I know most couples do... that, but... I- I just can't... Sorry..."

So, not sure how that would go, but it'd be something like that XD

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Oooo, all the info is great, and I can't wait for the nightmare story!

Honestly, Garvin trusting Akira the most makes so much sense and is also adorable. Even if it does make the nightmares worse.

And, for the record, Garvin is probably the one Akira trusts the most too, despite his habits of running away and such. The two have a longer history than the others and, in Akira's eyes, that's honestly really important. Especially with their midnight talks and the fact that Garvin doesn't pressure Kira to talk about things they don't want to. And they just kinda get each other without really needing to do anything, I'd say more than any of the others (except maybe eventually Ingall and Revan when they get closer)

Not that the others aren't loved/don't love equally as much, but with the fact that Garvin and Akira can just, like, communicate with a look and understand that sometimes just sitting in silence with a bottle of beer or wine is what's best for the other, it's pretty hard not to see that bond, lmao

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God though, Nico being a bystander in Garvin's nightmares is so heartbreaking for multiple reasons

1) While Nico has undoubtedly been the weakest in literally all of her relationships, he has always been the last to stop standing up for the others. Even if they couldn't actually do anything physically, he always attempted to redirect the attention and abuse onto her and only ever stopped when they literally couldn't anymore or the other partner(s) basically ordered them not to (for very good reason, haha). The only exception was River.

2) The fact that the exception was River makes this fact worse. River stood up for Nico and Nico stood up for River, but because of how it ended, Nico fully blames herself. Because they "stood by" (not really, not remotely).

3) Do you happen to remember the fact that pinky-promises are still very important Nico and that he still takes them very seriously? Well, Aurora made a pinky-promise to little Nico that she would always protect and love him (considering they were in an abusive household, she meant physical and emotional potection). Rowan made a very similar promise, stating they wouldn't let anyone harm Nico when they were around.

Both these people died protecting Nico.

Nico then made a promise to himself that they would do their best to follow in Rora and Rowan's footsteps by protecting and loving his friends and future lovers in any way she could manage.

Thus kick-started (well, really just put into overdrive, but that's besides the point) the series of self-destructive behavior as seen in the future quote :)

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Anyway, yay, information! lol

Oh definitely going to cause so many problems. Mhm.

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Honestly- Probably the best reaction Ingall could have. Gall might would get some hints at stuff because of it because Garvin would totally be confused enough to let slip a, more or less, "Why're ya givin' me food then?"

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Yesss- Exactly. Garvin trusts Akira most because they both be street rats. And, more than that, Akira is so incredibly strict when it comes to (actual) consent. Which, not to the say the others aren't either, but I don't know how well any of the others would react to Garvin literally begging them to fuck him while he's 100% not present. I'm sure they'd definitely at least try saying no. But for some reason, I kind of doubt they'd be able to stay strong against the declaration of them not actually loving him if they don't (which is, like, a total Midas statement. If this is ever said, assume Midas is involved).

Revan's an interesting case for the above and shall not be counted because I do have things planned already, shhh

Anyways. Uh. The nightmare short story is an Akira one that takes place after the hair dyeing so... Yeah.

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Garvin's mind just literally has such a hard time even seeing Nico as a possible abuser that they have to be a bystander instead. Like. Nico being an abuser is so left-field that even when his brain does try and do a nightmare where Nico's outright hurting him, it's pretty easy for him to be like 'ah, okay, this is a nightmare'

Definitely still terrible for Nico though. Especially since even if Garvin knew all that, his mind would be trying to twist him into the exception because, again, nobody can actually care about him. So obviously even if Nico stands up for others, he's out of the question.

Going to post the nightmare short story relatively soon (sometime today)

In the meantime-

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My brain won't stop thinking about T8P but like- With the polycule. It'd be hilarious and undoubtedly terrible/angsty.

No idea what it'd look like other than that though lmao

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Anyways, also, have these three nekas.

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Felix, one of Garvin's exes that was mentioned in the Ghost by Confetti song thing.

Credits to lof@[email protected]

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Don't have a name for him just yet but this is the electrician Garvin once knew. Dude is dead now, but uh, yeah.

Credits to lof@[email protected]

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Anddd-

Garvin ran to try and process the whole 'looking exactly like his bio parents whom are alive' thing by himself before facing the polycule. Unfortunately for him, processing it turned into a whole major depressive downward spiral. Akira ended up finding him in an alleyway, just kind of... There. My guy literally ended up sitting down so he wouldn't collapse and just lost all energy to get up. He dissociated so very quickly and so very severely. Akira is very worried but also doesn't really know what to do because- Well, who would?

Anyways. Credits to [email protected]

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And that's all. Enjoy all of that.