Thank you, I appreciate that! And, of course, the same always goes for you :)
Also, you should definitely try to get some sleep, I don't mind getting stories late at all, they'll still be just as amazing, lmao
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I love that so much!
And Ingall just watching with his anxiety constantly rising as Garvin let's the kids keep punching each other, even though it is moderated well, lmaooo
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Okay, here's the first (and, as of now, the most heavily angsty) song! Enjoy the little hint of how absolutely terrible Akira's first (official) relationship was :)
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Song: Vampire Empire by Big Thief
(With some adjustments to the lyrics to avoid as much repeating and better fit the characters)
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Characters: Akira, Howard, and Ava.
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Context: A little peak into Akira's past relationship and just how toxic it was on all ends. Akira and Howard were particularly bad toward each other, Ava tended to be a victim of Howard, and Akira was very protective of Ava.
Also, I wanted to note that, while Howard's initial power was basically useless against Akira, he was very good at manipulating Akira and their vulnerable state, often ending in Akira too drunk or high to function and do anything to fight Howard. (He also later developed another power that works decently against Aki, which you'll see some of when they meet later in the RP)
Also, also, Akira was not innocent in this relationship. While Howard was undoubtedly worse and Akira never actually intended to hurt anyone, their substance abuse and mental health (which was it's absolute worst at the time) caused a lot of problems, especially with Ava.
Also, Ava and Howard were together for about a month before Kira joined.
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Okay, now TWs, because this song definitely has some: Toxic relationships, substance abuse and forced usage of substances, mentions of sexual abuse, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of self-harm, and maybe some other stuff.
Enjoy the angst! :)
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*We start very quickly after Akira joined Ava and Howard, their mental health is absolutely shit after being in the streets for nearly two months and still trying to process Amie’s death, Kumi’s rejection, and the guilt that comes with it. When I say Akira was at an all time low, I mean it. They were seriously a broken mess, to the point where they couldn't even pretend to joke around or anything as they do in the current timeline*
Akira, shortly after the start of the relationship, sitting on the couch and fully disassociating with a cigarette in hand: “Watching TV tired…”
Ava, after another fight with Howard, laying in bed and crying quietly, bleeding from a cut on her cheek: “Bleeding on the bed…”
Howard, fully unbothered by what's happening with the others, shifting through their kitchen in frustration, annoyed at the lack of good food thanks to very little money, along with the fact it's steadily getting closer to winter and the groups small space is very poorly insulated: “The milk has just expired, all the leaves are dead!”
*Now we jump about a week ahead in one of the first big fights Akira was actually involved with*
Howard, angry and hostile, refusing to accept that things won't always go his way: “I'm won't be quiet!”
Akira, glancing at Ava worriedly and shifting to stand in front of her protectively: “You've been quiet…”
Ava, watching everything with anxiety, eyes carefully following Howard's hands, referencing the fact that Howard was utilizing the fact that she's trans as a weapon to say no one else could possibly love her as she is: “Just receiving what he said...”
*Slight jump to after the whole argument. Akira sits in the living room, reading to distract themself while Ava watches worriedly and Howard paces back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, still obviously seething*
Akira, only half-processing what they're actually reading, head spinning with the remains of the fight, referencing Howard's words: “Reeling feeding feeling filled by everything you fed…”
Ava, part grateful for Akira's protection, part worried as she sees them start to spiral into another panicked episode, which will undoubtedly be followed by a depressive episode: “I see you as you see yourself through all the books you read, overwhelmed with guilt.”
Howard, almost pleased by the fact that Akira's spiraling again: “Realizing you're the disease.”
*Now we shift to a broader image of the relationship through an interaction that was very common, though it was carried out differently almost every time.*
Ava, watching Akira and Howard absolutely destroy each other with both words and physical fighting: “You give me chills!”
Howard, fully asking for a real fight that would definitely end in serious injury: “I've had it with the drills!”
*Another interaction that was rather common, que the extreme self-deprecation and hatred, lol*
Akira, leaning over the sink, bleeding from cuts along their arms, sitting in a pool of self-loathing and guilt: “I am nothing.”
Howard, seeing Akira's state and taking full advantage of it and offering them a drink laced with drugs, and reinforcing their mindset to make sure they're fully broken down: “You are nothing, we are nothing with the pills!”
*Shifting to Ava for a second as she falls into a pattern of learned helplessness and dependence, especially toward Howard since she kind of sees Akira as helpless and out of control at this point.*
Ava, fully accepting Howard's abuse and believing it's what she need: “I am empty 'til he fills, alive until she kills.”
Ava, halfway acknowledging that Howard is taking all her energy but also stating that she can't get out of it at this point: “In his vampire empire I am falling…”
Ava, shifting her attention to Akira with a mixture of pity and disdain, kind of blaming them for the fact that they are fully capable of defeating Howard and defending her, but they're so caught up in their own shit that, half of the time, they're just a bystander: “I see you there rejecting all your earthly power. Protecting and dissecting 'til you've emptied every hour.”
*Okay, more into the abuse and how Howard views it. Major TW for mentioned SA in this part, be careful.*
Howard, examining Ava explaining his fantasy to her in gruesome detail as she stands in a vulnerable position before him: “We’ll jump into the pond and then come under the shower…”
Howard, after watching Akira down a drink he laced, pulling them toward the bedroom, highly amused as Akira drunkenly protests the actions: “We lay upon my pillow and you open like a flower!”
Howard, watching Akira and Ava sleep beside him, fully thinking out his ideal fantasy: “I want to see you naked, I want to hear you scream, I want to kiss your skin and your everything…”
*Now to everyone reminiscing on what they wanted from the relationship, only for it to devolve into something horrific and painful*
Ava, regretful: “I wanted to be your woman…”
Howard, mostly just annoyed at everyone pulling away: “I wanted to be your man.”
Akira, distant and regretful: “I wanted to be the one that you could understand…”
Ava, frustrated and upset as Howard and Akira fight again: “You give me chills.”
Akira, fully in rage mode after Howard brought up Kumi, ready to fucking murder him: “I've had it with the drills!”
Howard, mocking Akira: “I am nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills!”
*Did someone ask for even more self-destruction? No? Well, too bad, lol*
Akira, coming to the realization that they're basically completely numb and depressed until Howard pokes at them and makes them angry… which must mean being around Howard is a good thing, right? Since they can actually feel around him?: “I am empty 'til he fills, alive until he kills…”
Akira, falling deeper into the cycle of abuse as they seek feeling emotion, good or bad, almost enthusiastic to fall into another argument, even at the cost of hurting Ava emotionally and placing her in a dangerous situation around Howard: “In his vampire empire I am falling, yeah!”
*Breakup time! Well, kind of… these three broke up, like, several times before going back to each other (you know, after Akira ended up on the streets again, Ava found herself being mocked and abused for being trans without any protection or way to defend herself… she was seriously struggling on her own, and Howard… ya know… owned a fucking apartment-)*
Ava, finally fed up with the constant fighting and abuse, deciding to walk out first, referring to Howard: “I walked into your dagger for the last time in a row.”
Akira, finding themself in a new wave of depression after Ava leaves and realizing that even the bug arguments with Howard don't do much anymore, they're too broken: “It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow…”
Howard, partly mocking, partly guilt tripping Akira to try to make them stay: “Well, you can't seem to hold me here, you can't seem to let me go.”
Ava, after about a week on her own, realizing that, despite everything, Howard might be the safest: “So I can't find surrender…”
Akira, making it about three weeks alone on the streets in the middle of winter before going back sick and broken down yet again: “Can't keep control…”
*Oh boy, manipulation, how fun! Surprise, surprise, after Ava and Akira return, Howard becomes even more cocky and full of himself, realizing the power he has over the other two. On the bright side, Akira and Ava get closer in this period… not that it lasts, but, ya know-*
Akira, about Howard, obviously drained: “You turn me inside out and then you want me outside in…”
Ava, on the verge of a breakdown herself: “You spin me all around and then you ask me not to spin!”
Akira: “You say you want to be alone!”
Ava: “Then you want children!”
Akira and Ava, referring to Howard cheating shortly after they both returned, calling it ‘payback’: “You wanna be with me, you wanna be with him?!”
Ava, finally breaking down: “You give me chills!”
Akira lashing out at Howard even worse than usual after seeing Ava falling apart: “I've had it with the drills!’
Howard, trying to regain his control with manipulation: “I am nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills!”
Ava, giving up on trying to stop Howard anytime he tries anything: “I am empty 'til he fills.”
Akira, witnessing this and struggling to deal with it, believing they failed yet another person they loved… which leads to yet another full breakdown: “Alive until I killed…”
Ava and Akira: “In his vampire empire I am falling, falling, falling…”